Trust is an essential ingredient in healthy relationships. But building trust can be easier said than done. Especially if you or your partner have been betrayed or mistreated in the past, you may have lingering trust issues that make it hard to feel secure and connected. 

I created this podcast episode to help you learn how to build trust in relationships. I'm discussing the benefits of trust, what happens when trust is missing, and how you can overcome "trust issues" and build solid, trusting relationships. 

Join me!

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you would like expert support with building or repairing trust in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Do you long for closer, more connected relationships? The key is emotional intimacy. But there are barriers to emotional intimacy that can keep you from forming the loving connections you crave. Learn how to address "intimacy issues," increate your capacity for intimacy within yourself, and build emotional intimacy in your most important relationships with others. 

All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you want expert support for improving the emotional intimacy in your relationships, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/  

Are communication issues making your relationship feel hard? Most couples who arrive in couples counseling tell me that they want to improve communication in their relationships. The tricky part is knowing what's at the root of "communication issues," which can have so many causes, from people pleasing, to emotional reactivity, to defensiveness. Usually the answer is a combination. 

If you would like a new perspective on communication challenges, this episode is for you. I hope you find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you would like support from a good couples counselor to improve communciation in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Is your partner pulling away? It can be an unnerving experience, especially when you don't know why your partner seems checked out lately. But you can use this as an opportunity to gain clarity about how your partner is feeling in your relationship and start a conversation that brings you closer today. 

Join me for a discussion all about what to do when your partner pulls away. You'll learn about some of the common reasons that people grow emotionally distant in their relationships, how to start the conversation, and how to address some of the root issues before they pose a threat to your relationship. 

I hope you'll find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you are ready to get support from a really good marriage counselor, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self couples therapist: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Having a secure attachment style allows you to feel close and connected to others, while keeping your emotional independence and sense of self firmly intact. But if you weren't lucky enough to develop a secure attachment style as a child, how can you become securely attached as an adult? 

Luckily, there are some effective strategies for "earning" secure attachment, and this episode will show you the way. I am discussing the qualities of a securely attached person and the steps you can take to address your attachment patterns and gain connection and freedom. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — If you would like support in becoming more securely attached, schedule a free consultation with an attachment-informed clinician on my team: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Do you have habitual ways of showing up in your relationships that feel hard to change? We all do! Old relationship patterns are at the root of so many struggles, from dating emotionally unavailable partners, to feeling mistreated again and again. Getting clear about what your relationship patterns are is the first step in shifting them, so you can have a better experience and create the love and connection you deserve. 

If you want to learn how to break free from old relationship patterns, this episode is for you! I hope you'll find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you are interested in doing this work with a Growing Self clinician, start by scheduling a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

There are few things worse than wishing you could stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, and not knowing how. Rumination happens when our minds aren’t at peace with not having all the answers. You’ll chew on a painful memory, a lost relationship, or an uncertain future, trying to find solve the problem or find “the answer” that will make it all make sense. 

Unfortunately, there is no benefit to rumination. It's not productive problem solving. All rumination does is add to your anxiety, drain your energy, and often, make you feel bad about yourself. 

So, how can you put an end to the obsessive, repetitive thoughts? This on "How to Stop Ruminating" will help! My guest is Dr. John Delony, a mental health expert, author, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He’s sharing some of his top tips from his own research and life experience on how to stop ruminating, once and for all. 

I hope you’ll join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

Start your journey of growth today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

What’s standing in between you and your most important goals? It might not be what you think. 

In this episode you'll learn about the hidden, inner obstacles that most of us face, and that can become barriers to our self actualization unless we know how to handle them. Today, you'll get insight into yourself, learn how to get out of your own way, and how to make the shifts that will help you create the love, happiness, and success that you deserve — with special guest, Dr. Sophie Mort. 

I hope you’ll join us! 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

PS: I have SO much more support for your growth and personal evolution: tons of free resources, articles, and podcast playlists, all for you, on the blog at GrowingSelf.com

Is low sex drive ruining your relationship? All long term couples experience sexual dry spells, whether it's due to stress, hormonal changes, emotional disconnection, or simply being too tired to get frisky at the end of a long day (pro tip: sex does not have to happen at bed time!). 

Luckily, it doesn't matter how often you're "doing it" — what matters is that you and your partner know how to navigate periods of low sex drive while keeping your relationship healthy and strong. 

It's totally possible, and this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast will show you the way! My guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, authors of "Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations that Will Transform Your Love Life." Vanessa is a sex therapist, and along with her partner Xander, she's sharing her top tips for keeping low sex drive from ruining your relationship — and for reigniting your sexual spark.

I hope you'll join us!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

https://www.growingself.com/ 

Ps: Ready to transform your relationship? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

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Is it time to have “The Talk?” Getting into couples counseling may be the best choice you ever make for your relationship… but first, you have to talk to your partner about going to couples counseling, and that can be tricky. 

This podcast is about how you can approach this conversation in a way that gives you the best shot at getting your relationship the help it needs. I hope you’ll join me!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon. After traumatic things happen to us, we don’t stay broken forever. We learn and grow from our most difficult experiences and use them to live more meaningful lives. 

But all of that can feel out of reach when you’re in the depths of a traumatic loss. This episode will help you begin to move in the direction of growth and healing, so you can reap the benefits of post traumatic growth. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

You know that infidelity is survivable… but it doesn’t always feel that way when it’s happening to you. Being cheated on by someone you love and trust is a profoundly painful experience. You need some practical tools to process what happened, heal your heart, and begin moving forward again. 

This episode is about the tools that will help you survive infidelity and come out the other side stronger than before. I hope you’ll join me. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

When you feel like you can’t connect deeply with someone you love, it’s painful. It’s common for people in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners to blame themselves, and believe that if they could just be perfect enough, then their emotionally unavailable partner would magically become responsive and available for the kind of relationship that they want to have. 

This mindset makes you feel bad about yourself, and unfortunately, it can push your emotionally unavailable partner even further away. So what should you do? That’s what we’re exploring on this episode of the podcast. I hope it helps you see where your relationship’s growth opportunities are, and make choices that are right for you. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

When you struggle to set boundaries at work, it doesn’t just intrude on your personal life, it makes it harder for you to achieve your vision of career success. Learn how to set healthy limits with coworkers, achieve work-life balance, and deal with a boss that doesn’t respect your boundaries. 

All of that and more on this episode of the podcast. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Do you feel haunted by the past? Whether you’re struggling with regret, anger, or grief, having unfinished business with the past can keep you feeling stuck. But you can let go of the past and begin moving forward, and this episode will show you how. 

I hope you join me for this one, all about how to let go of the past and start looking forward. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. 

I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Smart couples recognize that pregnancy is more than a growing-a-baby waiting game. It is a prime opportunity to work through important relationship issues and strengthen your relationship.

Having a baby can feel like it’s the Pregnant Lady Show, rather than an experience that you and your partner are working through together. But the journey of pregnancy, and the challenges it offers, are opportunities for growth — for both of you. 

Using these moments during pregnancy will help you know how to work as a team, improve your communication, increase your emotional intimacy, support your emotional wellbeing, and lay the foundation for the happy, healthy family life you want for yourselves and your child... but only if you know how.

This episode is going to teach you how to turn the pregnancy into a positive relationship growth experience, by navigating the pregnancy experience as a team. My guests D’Anthony and Rachel Ward are experts on this subject, and today they're sharing their wisdom with you.

Join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: I have so much more to support you and your family in my "Happy Families" content collection. Tap in to find expert advice from the marriage and family therapists and parenting coaches on my team, as well as curated podcast playlists just for you. 

There’s a sneaky relationship killer lurking in your communication… but you’ve probably never heard of it. 

Negative sentiment override happens when you get into the habit of reacting negatively to your partner because of bad past experiences, even when it’s not really called for in the present. It makes it hard to let go of the past and make positive changes for the future, and it can keep you feeling bogged down in unsatisfying relationship patterns. 

In this episode, I’m teaching you what negative sentiment override is, why it happens, and how you can break the cycle for a stronger relationship. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

You know that coworker who drives you nuts? Whether you’re dealing with a controlling coworker, a deadweight, or a bully, difficult people in the workplace can drag down your job satisfaction and performance. 

So what can you do? This episode is all about how you can deal with the difficult coworker in your life and continue to succeed at work, no matter what. 

I hope you’ll tune in!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

If you’re going through a breakup, you know that missing your Ex is one of the toughest parts of the heartbreak experience. Even if you know the relationship is ultimately not right for you, it’s normal to look back on the happy memories and feel sad that your Ex can no longer be in your life. You might even question whether breaking up was the right choice, or if you should reach out and try to be friends.

This episode will help you understand why you miss your Ex, what it means, and how you can transform those difficult moments into something that moves you forward. I hope you’ll find it helpful and healing. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

We've all been there: Your partner says something that just inflames you, and you say something you regret later. Or you instinctively defend yourself and withdraw when things get tense, rather than leaning into a healthy and productive courageous conversation.

We all know that being able to react vs. respond is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships. But that can be easier said than done in the middle of a heated conflict. 

When you’re frustrated, hurt, or stressed, you might raise your voice, say something you don’t mean, or make an impulsive decision with long-lasting consequences. All of this is bad news for you and for your relationships.

But learning the art of being responsive versus reactive leads to deeper, healthier connections, and a life that’s directed by your true values. 

That's what we're talking about on today's show. I hope you'll tune in!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, or work WAY harder than you should to make sure they're comfy (often at the expense of your own needs), my friend, you may be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship. 

In fact, over many years of experience as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I've often found that the true underlying issue behind many relationship conflicts is due to emotional enmeshment and it's sister, codependence. This creates resentment, reactivity, pursuit/withdrawal dynamics and more.

Good relationships require individuation, and a healthy self awareness of personal responsibility and healthy boundaries.

So how can you create a healthier connection? That’s what this episode is all about! I’m talking about what enmeshed relationships look like, why they’re problematic, and how you can bring your relationship back into balance if emotional enmeshment is creeping in. 

I hope you’ll join me!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Do you feel like you and your partner get stuck in a power struggle where you feel one way, they feel another, and you just cannot compromise? 

Today's episode brings real-world relationship advice to help you communicate differently, so that you can break through the gridlock and get back on the same page.

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

When someone we love, trust, and rely on betrays us, it creates a deep, painful wound that doesn’t always heal on its own.

As a couples therapist who often works with people around heartbreak recovery after a bad breakup or divorce, and helping couples heal after infidelity, and even in my work as a dating coach, I know that betrayal trauma, or “relationship trauma,” is real, and it can linger on for months or even years without the right care, just like other kinds of trauma. 

Even though relationship trauma is very common, it isn’t always recognized by our culture, or even by the people who are suffering from it. I hope this episode helps shift that for you. When you acknowledge the betrayal and how it impacted you, the door to healing and growth cracks open. 

If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, I hope listening to this episode helps you gain newfound compassion for what you’ve been through, as well as guidance and direction for how to heal and move forward.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more help around repairing trust and healing after wounding relationship experiences, check out my Heartbreak Recovery and Affair Recovery”collections of articles and podcasts.

Making a career transition can be a daunting task, especially if you’ve spent years building your expertise in a particular field only to discover you don’t love your work. 

How can you know what career would actually feel more satisfying? If you already know where you'd like to go, how can you begin getting there?

If you are ready for a career change, this episode will give you some pointers on where to begin. It’s a conversation between myself and my colleague Susan H., M.A., LPCC, a career counselor, coach, and professional development expert on our team at Growing Self. Susan’s point of view on career change is refreshing and insightful — I hope you’ll tune in! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on changing careers with confidence, check out my “Career Clarity” collection of articles and podcasts.

Getting into couples counseling is a fantastic idea... but you have to know how to engage with the process in order to have a good experience. Unfortunately, it's very easy to make one or more of the super common mistakes that can sabotage couples counseling. 

I hope this episode helps you avoid that outcome, and get the help for your relationship you need and deserve. My guest is Jenna P., a marriage counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her perspective on the seven things that can sabotage couples counseling, and how to have an experience in counseling that truly benefits you and your relationship. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on improving your relationship, check out our “Relationship Repair” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Wondering how you can help someone get help? You have the power to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, and this episode will show you how.

We all will be a concerned friend or family member at some point in our lives. And while none of us has the power to rescue others, fight their battles, or override their choices, we do have an important role to play in the lives of the people we care about: holding up a mirror that reflects what we see, with compassion and honesty. That is how you help someone get help, and today, I’m talking about the best way to do that. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — You can find more advice like this in our “personal growth” and “healthy relationships” collections of articles and podcasts. I hope you’ll check them out — they’re there for you.

Many people who are unhappy with their working lives are looking for answers. They see other people getting ahead and loving their work, and they wonder why they feel so stuck and unsatisfied. I can tell you that the missing ingredient is never some mysterious quality that makes some people shinier and more successful than others — although I know it can look that way from the outside. More often, the difference is pretty basic: Some people are skilled at professional development planning, and others aren’t yet. 

In general, most of us don’t spend enough time planning our lives. We’re too frazzled by the endless to-do list they need to get through to ever zoom out and consider the big picture: Where do I want to be in ten years, and how exactly do I plan to get there? And, most important, how do the things I’m spending my time on every day fit into that plan?

If you don’t have an answer to those questions yet, this episode is for you. I hope it inspires you to begin thinking about your own career vision and how you’ll bring it to fruition. My guest is Ronni M., a career coach and counselor on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her own career story, as well as the framework she uses to help people like you plan and create professional lives they love. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcasts on building your career, check out my “professional growth” collection of articles and podcasts.

Knowing how to deal with regret helps you build a life that is authentic, ethical, and meaningful. Without regret, you wouldn’t have good information about who you are, what you need, and where you have opportunities to grow. 

But if you don’t know how to deal with regret in a healthy way, it’s easy to become trapped in a vortex of guilt and shame that makes you feel hopeless, defeated, or irredeemably flawed. But it’s possible to create something positive out of regret, by transforming it into an opportunity to grow and evolve.

This episode of the podcast is all about how you can do that. I hope it helps you find the opportunities in your regrets, and move forward with self-compassion and new wisdom. 

Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on making friends with dark emotions like regret, check our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing? 

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know that it can be hard to spot the difference. Some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial for relationships, while others are a signal that your emotional bond is on the rocks. You can prevent a breakup or divorce and keep your connection healthy and strong by learning what a failing relationship really looks like — and what you should be doing right now if your relationship is in trouble. 

I hope this episode arms you with all the info you need to make important decisions for your relationship. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

We all hear “you have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself? 

This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.

You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.

With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU, 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.

Any kind of loss hurts, but the pain is prolonged when you don't know how to get closure and move forward.

Unfortunately, closure isn’t something that anyone else can give to you. It’s also not something that just happens. It's an active process that creates healing, and restores your wellbeing.

On this episode of the podcast, I’m talking about how you can do that. No matter what kind of loss you're currently dealing with, I hope the ideas I'm sharing today help you take the next step on your journey of healing. You deserve that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcast playlists on this and related topics I invite you to browse my “Healing After Heartbreak”,  or "Emotional Wellness" collections. 

There are few things more frustrating than trying to figure out how to deal with a defensive partner. You just want them to understand how you feel and what you need, but they’re too busy defending themselves to truly listen. 

Unfortunately, defensive reactions can make it difficult to have constructive conversations. Without good communication, the systems for resolving problems in relationships begin to break down — and that’s when your relationship gets in serious trouble.

The good news: There are so many actionable strategies that work to create positive change in this dynamic. With new skills and a different perspective, you can overcome defensiveness and restore healthy communication. That's what you'll learn in today's episode!

I hope you’ll join me. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on helping each other feel seen, heard, and understood, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

If you’re like most people, you're so often in your head that you feel disconnected from your life. When our minds are racing, or we're constantly distracted by, well, everything, we miss out on the best parts of our life, and our relationships.

But: you can learn how to be more present, and it doesn't involve an hour a day on a meditation pillow. In fact, your senses are powerful tools for returning to the present moment and appreciating it fully, and this episode is all about how to use them.

My guest is Gretchen Rubin, the author of several New York Times bestselling books on happiness and human nature and host of the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast. She is here to teach your what she learned about how to be more present, so you can learn how to get out of your head, and back into your life. I hope you’ll join us!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just stop caring what people think? 

Imagine how confident you would feel if criticism bounced off your psyche like pebbles off a suit of armor. Imagine all the mental and emotional energy you could free up if other people’s opinions stopped taking up space in your head. The fear of judgment or rejection would no longer be a concern for you. You’d be an unstoppable force, ready to conquer the world! 

Of course, not caring at all about other people’s thoughts isn’t a goal you’re likely to achieve. And you wouldn’t really want to — having some sensitivity to how other people think and feel is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships. But we all need to strike a balance between concerning ourselves with what other people think, and using our own internal wisdom to tell us who we are, what’s important to us, and how we want to spend our limited time on Earth. 

To strike this balance, you need to learn how to rely less on external validation. You must know how to validate yourself, so you can feel good about who you are and confident living your life based on your own values and priorities, no matter what’s going on in other people’s minds. If you struggle to validate yourself, learning how to do so may be the most important step you ever take along your journey of personal growth. 

This is the kind of work that can take months or even years of therapy, but this podcast will give you some ideas about where to begin. I hope it helps you think about some areas where you might be relying a little too much on external validation, and how you can begin to shift that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — I’ve created a library of related content, all about how you can become the best version of you. For more podcast episodes and articles, check out our “personal growth” collection. 

Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying?

Yes, they can. But the key is through your understanding of yourself, and of your partner. When you develop true understanding and empathy for your differences, you can create profound connection, and a genuinely secure and healing relationship for both of you. 

 This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or have been in one before, I hope it helps you understand these dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For more free  advice about how to develop secure relationships (with yourself and others), check out my “healthy relationships” collection.

Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience.

Today, you'll learn about the nature of resilience, and how you can build the “protective factors” into your life that will help you manage stress, recover from difficult experiences, and adapt to change — so you can thrive no matter what life throws at you.

Here's to growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — I have a library of free content available for you on becoming more resilient. Check out my “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Many people find meaning, comfort, and connection through religion or a spiritual practice. But it’s also not uncommon to have negative religious experiences that can complicate your relationship with spirituality. 

As kids, we all need to be encouraged and affirmed as we explore our identities and develop into our true selves. Unfortunately, many of us are subjected to guilt, shame, and pressure to conform with belief systems that aren’t authentically ours. Some children receive the message that if they think or act in ways that don’t match up with these belief systems, they’re bad people, unworthy of love within their families and communities. Some even experience physical or sexual abuse at the hands of religious leaders, which is a profoundly traumatic betrayal that leaves a painful and enduring scar. 

If you’re interested in cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality in your life, especially after a negative religious experience, this episode is for you. I’m joined by my colleague Jennifer C., a therapist and life coach on our team at Growing Self. One of Jennifer’s many specialties is helping clients explore big, existential inquiries — and arrive at their own answers through a process of meaningful self-discovery. 

I hope you’ll tune in. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more information on building an emotionally healthy life, check out our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Do you feel like your partner shuts you down or tells you whatever you want to hear in order to stop a conversation that makes them feel [anxious / tense / criticized / fill in the blank] even though that is not your intention?

Or do you get emotionally flooded even *thinking* about having an honest conversation about something that is really bothering you because you worry will lead to upset feelings? 

My friend: No matter what side of this you're on, this episode is for you! 

If you or your partner have a tendency to  avoid conflict in your relationship, this episode will help you explore why that is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it.

This one is important: unresolved conflict can be very damaging to relationships in the long term, and learning how to have those courageous conversations is the answer to keeping your relationship healthy and strong. 

 Join me!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS — You can find more advice on building the skills to keep your relationship healthy and strong in my “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Having a child is one of the coolest, most meaningful experiences a human being can have. It’s also a mind-blowingly huge responsibility. How can you decide if you want to become a parent? And if that is your heart’s desire, how can you know when you’re ready for a baby? 

As a longtime marriage and family therapist, I know that many individuals and couples can remain stuck at this particular crossroads for years. It’s one thing to want a baby, but getting all of the pieces in order to make that dream a reality can be complicated. Not to mention all of the uncertainty and anxiety you may feel about this decision if you’re not sure whether you want kids (but you hear the ticking of the biological clock regardless). 

If you are contemplating parenthood in the near future, this episode of the podcast will help you find clarity about your next steps. It’s a conversation between myself and my fellow Growing Self marriage counselor Brittany S., M.A., LMFT. Brittany has coached and counseled many parents and prospective parents along the journey of building a family, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

P.S. — I’ve created dozens of free resources that you may find helpful. You can find them in our “Happy Family” collection of articles and podcasts.

“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”

“I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.” 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong here. Something about the way we communicate, especially during important conversations with the people we love, leaves one partner feeling unheard and the other feeling confused and defensive. When you can’t get through to your partner, it can feel like there’s no path forward, leaving you both feeling stuck and dissatisfied. 

But there are some little-known principles of communication that will help you get through to your partner and overcome communication blocks in any relationship. In today’s episode, we’re sharing them with you. 

My guest is Jennifer C., a marriage and family therapist on our team at Growing Self who has helped so many couples overcome this frustrating issue. We’re discussing the reasons you don’t feel listened to in your relationship, and some tips that will help you both feel heard (spoiler: Getting progressively louder is not the solution!). 

I hope you’ll check it out. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — If you’d like more content on strengthening your relationship through effective communication, check out our “communication that connects” collection of podcast episodes and articles.

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.” 

If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarital counselors even expect. When thoughtful, responsible people prepare to make the biggest commitment of their lives, they’re bound to feel some uncertainty and apprehension. The good news is, these thoughts and feelings probably don’t mean that you’re making a big mistake. But they’re also not something that you should ignore.

This episode of the podcast will help you get to the bottom of cold feet before your wedding, so you can gain the tools to walk forward into marriage with joy and confidence. My guest is my Growing Self colleague Brenda F., a marriage and family therapist, premarital counselor, and teacher of our “Lifetime of Love” premarital counseling class. Brenda has helped countless engaged couples address their cold feet and lay the foundation for a strong, happy marriage together. I hope our conversation will help you too. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction. 

During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing. 

Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeymoon periods that feel even more blissful because of all the terrible things that are happening the rest of the time. Unlike the calm waters of a healthy relationship, the choppy waves of a toxic relationship leave you off balance, and often deeply hooked. 

If you are addicted to a toxic relationship, I hope this episode of the podcast sheds some light on the dynamics at play. I’m sharing the true story of a client I worked with years ago (after changing the identifying details, of course) who was in the grips of a toxic relationship he could not seem to end, no matter how much pain it caused him and his family. Eventually he found his way out, back to true love and grace. I wish the same for you. 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible? 

I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship. 

Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships through services like counseling, dating coaching, and more. 

But I also know that there are many people who are searching for a partner while living with a deep anxiety about their status as a single person. Many single people tell me they’re kept up at night by worries about the possibility of never finding love. Ironically, this kind of desperation can undermine your chances of building the kind of life that would make you authentically happy — and that would invite healthy love into your life in a sustainable way. 

If you are single and worried about never finding a partner, I hope this episode of the podcast helps you find greater meaning and happiness. My guest is John Kim, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything, Find Yourself First.” He’s sharing tips on being single and happy, while also making room for real love in your life. You won’t want to miss this conversation!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life? 

It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.

Your mindset is like the lens you look through to view the world. While it’s invisible to you, it has a big impact on what you expect from life, how you respond to stress, and the goals that you set for yourself. If your mindset is unsupportive, self-critical, or disempowered, everything you do will be more difficult than it needs to be. You’ll have to work harder to create change, because you’ll expend a lot of your energy battling an internal gatekeeper who wants you to stay right where you are. 

By changing your mindset, you can break through plateaus, get unstuck, and begin to move forward on the path to your goals. But how can you change your mindset? This episode of the podcast will show you the way!

My guest is Megan Hyatt Miller, the president and CEO of Full Focus, host of the popular business podcast “Lead to Win,” and the co-author of “Mind Your Mindset: The Science that Shows Success Starts with Your Thinking.” Megan has helped countless people achieve their definition of success by changing their mindsets, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.

I hope you’ll join us!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity? 

Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultivate with intention by building our self-awareness, empathy, and understanding. It’s not always easy work (in fact, our most difficult experiences are the ones that spur the greatest emotional growth), but the benefits are endless. Best of all, this work is never finished — you always have room to become more emotionally mature, and this episode of the podcast will show you how. 

My guest is Dr. Harold P., D.Min., M.A., CCC, CPC, a marriage counselor, life coach, and therapist on our team at Growing Self. Harold not only helps clients build their emotional maturity (often through emotional intelligence coaching), he’s also someone who exudes emotional maturity himself, and today he’s sharing his secret with you. 

I hope you’ll join us for this episode, all about becoming emotionally mature. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?” 

As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself. 

In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all constantly communicating through subtle cues that we give off unintentionally, running each other’s messages through the filter of our own experiences and beliefs, then forming judgments about each other that we rarely voice out loud. 

This is what’s happening when someone gives you a “bad vibe” that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s also why two people can walk away from the same conversation with completely different interpretations of what was said. To communicate effectively and avoid the kind of miscommunication that can damage relationships, you have to consider not only the words you’re using, but the spirit behind your message and the way you’re conveying that spirit. 

The skills we’re discussing in this episode are components of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence coaching is one of the core services we offer at Growing Self. Emotional intelligence is the key to satisfying personal relationships, and emotional intelligence in the workplace is the foundation of professional success. We also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

While I know that many of the topics we’re discussing in this episode are of particular interest to career coaching clients, we also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

I hope you’ll join me for this episode, all about “How do People See You?”

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship.

Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to help you feel heard, valued, and understood.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

What goals do you have for your relationship? If an answer immediately sprang to your mind, that’s fantastic. You already know what you’d like to work on with your partner, and doing that work together will help you create a stronger, happier, and more sustainable relationship. 

But if you’re like most people, you might not have clear “couple goals” that you’re working toward. Even if you’re someone who sets goals for your career, your finances, and even your hobbies, you may not yet think about your relationship as an area where you can build skills, develop yourself, and work toward mastery. 

That’s because even the most responsible, conscientious, and goal-oriented among us tend to be more reactive than proactive when it comes to our relationships. Much to the chagrin of every marriage counselor I know, many people believe that relationship growth work is only for couples who have significant problems. In reality, proactively working on your relationship a little bit every day is how you prevent significant problems from taking root in the first place. 

Setting couple goals is a way to challenge yourselves and each other, and intentionally grow together into the best possible partners you can be. I hope this episode of the podcast gives you some insight into the kind of proactive, positive, growth-oriented relationship work that you and your partner can begin doing right now — while you’re still happy and in love and having a fabulous time together. 

Joining me for this conversation is my Growing Self colleague Sara B., a couples counselor and a relationship coach on our team. Sara has helped many people create their ideal relationships, and on today’s podcast, she’s serving up some actionable advice you won’t want to miss. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Wouldn't it be amazing if you just felt genuinely happy with yourself, and your life, and like things were just the way they should be?

Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra it would be this: All is well in my world and I am so grateful to be exactly where I am. 

While that is truly what we all want, it can also feel anxiety provoking to embrace contentment, especially for high achievers who worry if they stop striving, they stop moving forward.

Today’s episode of the podcast is all about cultivating contentment. We’re talking about how you can take greater joy in your life exactly the way it is, while still growing, evolving, and yes, even striving for more.  

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

You know that it's important to stay in touch with your self by tuning into your feelings, but how? And, which ones?

Knowing how to tap into your emotions in healthy ways puts you in touch with your values, it provides empathy for others, and it helps you know who you are, what you want, and how to show up for others.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t receive much help building these skills and the result is often that we feel overwhelmed by confusing feelings... or don't feel much at all.

I hope this episode of the podcast helps you think about feeling your feelings in a new light, and gives you some fresh ideas about how you can use your emotional guidance system to create the life you want. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

GrowingSelf.com

How can you make a hard decision when you have no idea what the future holds? 

Should you quit your job? Cut off contact with your difficult friend? Buy the condo, or the house? Marry your partner? Dump your partner?

These are all complex questions with many variables, and it can feel incredibly confusing to weigh the pros and cons of each — particularly when you know that the decision may have a big impact on your life trajectory.

Help is here. This episode of the podcast will teach you how to make hard decisions using your internal wisdom, and the incomplete information you have about the future.

Joining me are two of my Growing Self colleagues with a lot of experience with this topic. Alejandra P. is a marriage counselor on our team who helps people find clarity about their relationships, and Kristi H. is an experienced career coach and counselor who helps people navigate big, bold career changes. 

If you’re facing a hard decision, listen to this episode, and get clarity and confidence about how to move forward.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement. 

But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, your talents for writing code, or planning weddings, or stamping out widgets at the widget factory become insignificant overnight, and your career success begins to depend instead on how well you communicate, motivate, and connect with the hearts and minds of others. 

Most people find this shift harder than they expected. They often end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and less sure of themselves than they felt before becoming a boss. Many seek out career counseling or leadership coaching to learn not only how to be a boss, but how to be a good boss, capable of leading a team of talented people to accomplish great things. They begin a process of personal growth that makes them more aware, more influential, and more courageous, at work and in every other area of their lives. 

This episode of the podcast is for anyone who leads other people, or who hopes to someday. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that being a good boss is not a destination, but an ongoing journey that will challenge you in unexpected ways. I hope this episode gives you some fresh ideas for where to begin. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com  

What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids? 

Do you want them to do well in school? Have good friends who love and support them? Build a successful career doing what they love? Find a healthy, loving relationship some day and start a family of their own?

As both a marriage and family therapist and a parent myself, I can tell you that these are the dreams that most parents, including myself, have for their children. And that there’s one skill that’s essential for making all of these dreams and many others a reality: empathy. 

Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotional experience, and to connect with it from a compassionate place. Empathetic people have healthier relationships, a wider circle of support, stronger self-esteem, and greater success in every area of life. Fortunately, we all have the power to help our kids hone their empathy, and this episode of the podcast will help you do that. 

My guest is Georgi B., a marriage counselor and parent coach on our team at Growing Self. Georgi is sharing some valuable parenting tips on teaching empathy to kids. You won’t want to miss this conversation — this topic is so important, and it goes so much deeper than you think!

I hope you’ll join us. 

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

We have all been there… witnessing our Ex move on without us. As both a therapist and breakup recovery coach who has walked with many people through the breakup recovery process, as well as a fellow human, I know that if you’re in the early stages of getting over a breakup or recovering after divorce, it can feel like a flaming knife is stabbing you in the gut when your Ex moves on with someone else. What’s worse, it can feel impossible to think about anything else. 

How are you supposed to focus on your own life and your own recovery when you can’t stop imagining your Ex cuddling up with a new partner? How can you let go and move forward when you’re stuck in a painful obsession? 

I created this episode about “How to Deal when Your Ex Moves On” to answer these questions and others. You’ll learn why you can’t stop thinking about your Ex’s new relationship, and the powerful cognitive skills that will help you shift your focus.  

I hope you’ll join me, and that you’ll find this episode helpful in your healing process. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

“I want a divorce.”
 
It’s one of the most alarming sentences a married person can hear. And — in one way or another — it means that your marriage is about to change. 

But it doesn’t always mean that your marriage is about to end.

When your spouse asks you for a divorce, it breaks one of two ways: it either leads to a “transformational crisis” where couples make positive and often long-overdue changes to their relationship, or it’s the beginning of the end.

I want you and your husband or wife to have the first outcome. That’s why I created this episode of the podcast for you. I wanted to give you some guidance for navigating this incredibly scary situation, based on my work with countless couples over the years who pulled their marriages back from the brink of divorce. I know from experience that it is often possible to stop a divorce and save your marriage, but only if you manage this relationship crisis effectively. My hope is that this episode of the podcast will help you do that. 

Later on, I’m joined by Rich Harris, a family law attorney in the Denver area who knows a lot about the other side of this issue. Rich is offering advice about where to begin if you aren’t able to save your marriage (although his team at the Harris Law Firm has seen many couples reconcile, even after their divorce cases were well underway). 

I hope this episode helps you find clarity, direction, and peace of mind. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Is untreated ADHD causing trouble in your relationship?

“My partner doesn’t listen to me. He agrees to do something, and then he ‘forgets.’ I feel like he just doesn’t care. He didn’t even bother to get me a card for our anniversary…” 

Sound familiar? Many couples arrive in counseling with a list of issues like these, and no awareness of one likely culprit: ADHD. The condition not only creates setbacks at work and in school, it can cause all kinds of misunderstandings in relationships, particularly when ADHD is undiagnosed and unmanaged.

That’s why I created this episode of the podcast for you. I wanted to talk about the under-discussed impact of ADHD in relationships, so you can get the support you need if it’s becoming an issue for you and your partner. 

My Guest is Dori, a couples counselor, sex therapist, and ADHD coach on our team here at Growing Self. Funny enough, this topic hits close to home for both Dori and myself…like, extremely close. Tune in for more on that!

I hope our conversation gives you a new perspective on ADHD, and how you can manage it while keeping your relationship healthy and strong.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Are there emotional vampires lurking all around you? 

Unfortunately, this isn’t a problem you can solve with a garlic necklace or some holy water. An “emotional vampire” (or “energy vampire”) is a very unscientific term for a person who stirs up strong emotional reactions in others — like anger, pity, discomfort, or annoyance. Not only do they not take accountability for this, they seem to feed off of it. They drain your time, energy, and emotional wherewithal, and give you little in exchange. 

If a relationship is feeling bad, it could be that you’re dealing with one of these exhausting personality types. But sometimes, it’s more about the ingredients that you’re bringing to the table (or not bringing to the table). Many people need some help telling the difference, and I created this episode about “warding off emotional vampires” to make it a little easier. You’ll learn why certain people trigger you (while other people get along with them just fine), and how you can prevent emotional vampires from bleeding you dry. 

Happy Halloween, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com 

Learning how to face your fears productively can give you clarity, direction, and — ironically — peace of mind.

No one likes to feel afraid, but fear can be a powerful tool for living the life you want to live. Fear will alert you when you’re not living in alignment with your goals and your values. If you can face your fear and take wisdom from it, you can open doors that you wouldn’t otherwise have the clarity or the motivation to open. 

Today’s podcast is all about facing your fears. I’m talking about why we feel fear, how fear can illuminate what’s most important to us, and how you can take guidance from your fear to live more fully and more in alignment with your values. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Red flags in relationships aren’t always easy to spot. Even when we do pick up on them, they can be easy to dismiss. If you’re a hopeful, optimistic, generous person, you’re probably pretty good at making excuses for questionable behavior from others, and at thinking of opportunities to improve difficult situations when it would really be in your best interest to walk away. 

Furthermore, you may have a hard time spotting red flags in relationships because of your own personal history. Sometimes, our past experiences can distort our natural sense of what’s good for us and what’s not, which is a problem that working with a good therapist or a qualified life coach can help you resolve. By learning to trust your own instincts and recognize red flags, you can choose healthy relationships that add joy and love to your life. 

Tune into this episode to hear actionable advice on red flags in relationships, and how you can navigate them when they do arise. My guest is Dr. Paige M., a couples counselor and individual therapist on the team at Growing Self. Dr. Paige is sharing some insightful tips that can save you a lot of stress and heartache — you don’t want to miss this one. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com 

Over the past few decades, we’ve made some huge strides toward building equality in our relationships. It’s no longer rare for a woman to be her family’s primary breadwinner, or to see a dad perusing the produce aisle with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest. 

Yet, for many couples who arrive in couples counseling or relationship coaching, the division of household labor is still a perennial source of conflict and resentment. Many couples still fall into traditional gender roles when it comes to who’s doing the cleaning, the cooking, and the shopping, even though it’s now the norm for both partners to work full-time. 

Furthermore, tasks or roles associated with “women’s work” are often viewed as being less valuable and important than activities associated with traditional male roles. Even relationships between career-focused women and stay-at-home dads can have issues with power imbalances and inequality because we value these types of work differently based on our attitudes about gender.

Relationships that feel imbalanced and unfair are not only bad for the partner who’s doing most of the daily household tasks. They’re bad for the relationship itself, and for both partners inside of it. Becoming truly equal partners is often the path to creating a happier, more connected, and more fulfilling relationship (and, interestingly, a better sex life), and that’s what we’re discussing on today’s episode of the podcast. 

My guest is Kate Mangino, a gender expert, speaker, and the author of “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.” Kate is sharing wisdom from her extensive social science research, her two decades of work within the international development sector, as well her own life and relationship, to help you find more balance and create a truly equal partnership that feels fair and fulfilling. 

I hope you’ll tune in to this important conversation on equality in relationships, which not only applies to heterosexual couples, but to anyone who has some internalized gender scripts to interrogate (in other words, everyone!)

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly.

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know blended family problems like these are common, and incredibly challenging to overcome. It’s one of the reasons I advise couples to seek blended family counseling as a preventative measure, before problems arise. I also advise taking a very thoughtful approach to blending your families, and examining your expectations for what the role of step-parent will look and feel like. 

Listen to “the dos and don’ts of step-parenting” to get real-deal advice on how to avoid the most common step parenting mistakes, and learn an approach to step-parenting that helps you release unhelpful expectations so you can create a happy, harmonious blended family.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

What is your apology language? And, more importantly… what’s your partner’s? 

As an experienced marriage counselor and couples therapist, I know that apologizing is an essential skill for healthy relationships. 

But not all apologies are created equal. Just as partners must learn to speak each other’s love languages to help each other feel cared for, they must also learn to apologize in ways that feel meaningful to their partner and pave the way to genuine forgiveness.

Tune in to learn all about apology languages, the anatomy of a good apology, and how you can repair “relationship injuries” and get things back on track with the people you love the most. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong. 

If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, always meddling on the edges of your relationship… and sometimes high-jacking it completely. No matter how in love with each other you are, or how committed to your partnership you feel, it’s hard to be moved from place to place because of distant orders that you had little or no say in. It’s hard to have a career that takes you away from your partner and your children for extended periods of time. It’s hard to take care of everything on the home front by yourself, especially if you’re stationed far away from family and friends. 

And it can be especially hard to find a marriage counselor or a long-distance relationship counselor who understands these unique challenges, and how to help military couples overcome them. Luckily, we have just such an expert joining us on this episode of the podcast. Jesse S., M.S, LMFT, is a marriage counselor and relationship coach here at Growing Self. He’s also a member of the military with over two decades of service, currently serving in the Connecticut National Guard as a First Sergeant in the 141st Ground Ambulance Unit. In addition to treating bodily wounds, he’s passionate about helping other service members heal and grow as individuals, and within their relationships. Today, he’s sharing his insight and guidance with you. I hope you’ll join us!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Discovering that your partner has cheated is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. It’s a form of relational trauma that leaves you hurting and mistrustful, long after the affair has ended. Healing from this form of betrayal is a difficult process that takes many months or even years. But the partner who cheated has their own healing to do, and that very real need is often overlooked in conversations about infidelity. 

So you’ve cheated, now what? If you’ve cheated on someone you love and care about, you may be questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. You may feel confused about how you got here, and conflicted about the future you want. You are likely filled with a complex mix of painful feelings, like regret, shame, guilt, and ambivalence. Addressing those feelings and understanding your experience is the path to repair, both for you, and for your relationship. 

That’s why I created this episode of the podcast. I hope this helps you find space for your own healing and growth, so you can move forward from this experience stronger than before. 

With love, 
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

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Episode Highlights

[01:50] Help! I Cheated

[7:01] Why Did I Cheat?

[15:03] Moving Forward After Cheating

[31:21] Forgiving Yourself

[39:20] A Healthy Healing Process After Cheating

When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell. 

That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their personalities (insofar as we can know someone’s personality within a few months of dating).

This isn’t because we’re all shallow jerks — it’s just that we’re biologically primed to hone in on the qualities that make for an excellent short-term mate (short-term as in, long enough to make a baby and keep it alive until it can walk), rather than the deep personal qualities that actually make for a good life partner. 

Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, it’s to your benefit to learn about these deeper qualities, so that you can recognize them in others and cultivate them in yourself. If you can focus on character over chemistry in your relationships, you can create a partnership that’s healthy, strong, and truly built to last. 

On this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. Using insight I’ve gained through working with countless couples over the years in marriage counseling and relationship coaching, I’m going to tell you what actually makes a good life partner — and how you can develop your own “good partner” skills to create better relationships. 

With Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

It’s no secret that good communication is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship. But, as we all know, couples communication can be challenging — especially when you're under stress.

When you and your partner are under stress, communication gets hard. It’s so easy to forget everything you know about active listening and “I-statements” when you’re feeling emotionally elevated, and to slip into a communication style that’s heavy on criticism, blame, and defensiveness. This tendency is totally human — but it’s also a bad habit that we all must overcome for our relationships to truly thrive. 

On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing couples communication strategies that will not only help you manage feelings of stress without damaging your relationship, but that will tap into the power of your deep love and support for each other so you can get through stressful times while strengthening your connection. 

My guest is Silas H., M.S., MFTC, a couples counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. Silas has helped many couples improve their communication patterns and overcome adversity as a team, and he’s sharing his original and highly actionable advice with you today. 

All of this and more is here for you. I hope you’ll join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie bobby

GrowingSelf.com

All couples have differences, and having “spirited conversations” (aka, “conflict”) as you work towards resolving them is a normal part of every healthy relationship.

That said, there are certain types of relationship conflict and emotional experiences that you should never minimize, or underestimate the importance of.

These are the warning signs your relationship may be in real trouble, and when those are happening it's vital to deal with them. Understanding what they are can help you take positive action to repair your relationship so that you can heal your bond.

Learn about the six signs your relationship is in trouble, and what to do if they’re present, on this episode of the podcast. 

Your partner in growth, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Is it hard for you to trust your partner, or feel secure with them? If you've ever caught yourself double checking them (and then wondering to yourself, "Do I have trust issues?") this podcast is for you.

We're talking about what trust issues are (and what they are not), signs of trust issues, what causes trust issues, how unresolved trust issues damage relationships, and what you can do to overcome them — so you can feel confident and secure.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: Access all the resources I mention in this podcast on the blog at GrowingSelf.com!

Are you in a codependent relationship? If so you're probably feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted from trying to create positive change in your relationship single-handedly. (Or feeling like you're never quite good enough to meet the standards of your partner). Not fun for anyone!

On today's episode, we're taking a deep dive into codependent relationships. Listen, and learn:

- What codependent relationships are

- Why they happen

- The stages of codependency recovery

- How you can get un-fused from each other so that you can both grow and flourish.

How to stop being codependent: All for you!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Managing Up for Career Success

Have you ever worked in a truly terrible environment? Think back to that job now. What made it so bad? 

If you’re like most people, the difference between a great job and a horrible job doesn’t have all that much to do with the work itself. Instead, it usually comes down to your relationships with your coworkers — and especially your relationship with your boss. 

Having a positive, healthy relationship with your boss, based on genuine trust and respect, makes your working life so much easier, and ultimately helps you both reach your career goals. 

So how can you build that kind of relationship? And how can you repair your relationship with your boss if it’s not off to a great start? 

On today's episode, we are talking about “managing up,” a professional development strategy that will help you build better working relationships, find more satisfaction on the job and remove the trickiest obstacles between you and your ultimate career goals. 

In this episode, we discuss…

[00:58] What Is Managing Up?

[14:19] What Managing Up Is Not

[24:15] Why Managing Up Matters

[34:53] How to Manage Up at Work 

My guest is Dr. Lisa S., PhD, LPC, CCC. She is a career coach and counselor at Growing Self, as well as the past president of both the National Career Development Association and the Colorado Career Development Association. Today, she shares her insight and wisdom with you. 

I hope you’ll join the “Doctors Lisa” for this lively and useful conversation about building an empowered, satisfying career by learning how to manage up.

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

No matter how secure your relationship is otherwise, it hurts when you feel sexually rejected by your partner. That’s because sexuality is vulnerable and often bound up with our feelings of love, and worthiness — particularly if one of your top love languages is physical touch.

Every long-term relationship involves some ebbs and flows in sexual desire, but how you manage those fluctuations matters — especially if you're feeling hurt, or resentful. To help you approach these conversations with vulnerability, empathy, courage, and grace, I’ve invited my colleague Dori B. to join me on this podcast episode. 

Dori is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor here at Growing Self, and she’s helped countless couples navigate differences in sexual desire, while building even better relationships in the process. Today, she’s sharing her wisdom and guidance with you. 

I hope you’ll join us for her warm, actionable advice about handling hurt feelings related to sex, and getting back in synch with your partner.

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 
www.GrowingSelf.com

People often wonder, “Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?” 

Here’s the short answer: It depends. Jealousy can be healthy when it signals that it’s time to draw your partner close in response to a real or imagined threat. This is a good thing that helps preserve and strengthen your relationship — but only if you’re able to handle jealousy in a self-aware, intentional way.

When jealousy gets out of control (particularly if it’s due to past relational trauma, rather than a current relational threat), it can be a destructive force that harms your relationship, your partner, and you. 

In this episode, we’re talking about jealousy’s ancient roots, when it’s healthy and when it’s a problem, and how you can use feelings of jealousy to start important conversations, establish healthy boundaries, and strengthen your relationship. 

Tune in for a discussion about:

[03:23] What is Romantic Jealousy?

[09:49] What Causes Jealousy in a Relationship?

[17:49] When Jealousy is Healthy 

[23:56] What to Do When You’re Feeling Jealous

[41:56] When Jealousy Turns Abusive

[46:01] Learning from Your Jealousy

And more! 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

“Believe in yourself” is more than a soundbite. It’s a necessary ingredient in a happy, self-directed life. 

It’s also easier said than done. If you (like basically everyone) have internal narratives about the things you can’t do or changes you can’t make, you’re going to need more than a pep talk or some positive affirmations to shake those narratives loose. You’re going to need a self-belief-building plan. 

On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing how to believe in yourself, and the real steps you can take to build self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-esteem, so you can start living life by your own design.

Our guest is Elise R., M.Ed., NCC, CCC, LPCC. Elise is a therapist, life coach, and “holistic life design” expert here at Growing Self. After helping countless people build their self-belief and reach their most ambitious goals, she’s sharing her sage wisdom and actionable advice with you. 

We are discussing:

- Self-efficacy
- Shifting internally
- Raising kids that believe in themselves
- Mastering experiences
- Building an empowered career
- and more! 

I hope you enjoy this episode and find the power of believing in yourself! You deserve it. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Eating is one of the most basic ways we care for ourselves every day. But having an unhealthy relationship with food can leave you feeling stressed, emotionally drained, and bad about yourself, rather than nourished, energized and empowered. 

Unfortunately, many of us have a fraught relationship with food. Emotional eating, shame, and anxiety around food or body image, and negative cultural messages about what we “should” be doing or how we “should” look, can get in the way of mindful, compassionate, and self-aware eating practices. 

Intuitive eating is all about listening to yourself, trusting yourself, and having a positive relationship with the food that nourishes your body and brings you pleasure. 

Today we're talking about how to shift from emotional to intuitive eating with an intuitive eating counselor who’s sharing some radical wisdom for making peace with food and your body. Tune in to learn all about: 

[03:53] Emotional eating

[07:32] Unhealthy relationships with food

[17:06] Changing your relationship with food

[23:29] Adopting healthier coping mechanisms

And much more.  

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Are we a good fit? Do we have enough in common? Is my partner really “The One?” 

Personality type compatibility in relationships isn’t about being alike or agreeing on everything — it’s about learning to understand your differences and use them for the benefit of each other and the relationship. 

In today's episode, you’ll learn all about what really makes a couple compatible, and how you can harness your differences for a stronger relationship.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

We all dream of having a close, connected relationship that fulfills us on every level. If you're feeling lonely in a relationship, it hurts. It can be hard to know how to reconnect, especially if the distance has been growing for a while — or if negativity has crept in.

Deep connection is created through the intentional cultivation of emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re exploring how to do that, so you can create the loving, satisfying relationship you want and deserve.

With love to you both, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

In this episode, you'll learn all about the psychology of the control freak: What drives their behavior, and how you can maintain a relationship with the control freak(s) in your life while still being authentically yourself.

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Our relationships are priceless. They can’t be bought, they can only be built. Without them, our lives would be empty.  But all of that is easy to forget when you’re in the midst of a furious argument with your partner, or anyone you love. When we’re emotionally elevated, we say and do things that damage our connections with others. But it doesn’t have to be that way — conflict can be an opportunity for deeper connection and better relationships. 

On today’s episode, internationally recognized marriage counselor and author Terry Real shares how to get past "you and me" to build your "we." Tune in for advice on shedding the individualist mindset and bringing more love into your life.

Made with love, for you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

On today’s episode we’re discussing the unwelcome territory we all have to navigate eventually: life after loss. 

Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a dream, a job, or a relationship, adjusting to your new reality requires a grieving process. Giving yourself permission to fully mourn heals you, and fosters new growth too.

In this episode, I'm speaking with two expert grief counselors about coping with grief and loss, finding peace, and moving forward when it feels like you can’t.

If you've experienced a loss, I'm sorry... and this one is for you.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

After a divorce or breakup, being friends with an ex can seem appealing, especially if you're co-parenting. Making the transition from partners to pals is possible. But without radical self-honesty and clear intentions, it can be challenging — and may even create new problems.

Can you be friends with your ex? If so, how do you go about this transition in a healthy way? That's what we're exploring, in this episode.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Every committed couple begins with the best of intentions, believing they’ll love each other forever.

But we all know it doesn’t always work out that way. The truth is that people often accidentally damage their relationships beyond the point of repair... without even realizing it. 

Today, we’re talking about the real, hidden reasons why relationships fail, so you can take positive action now to keep yours healthy and strong. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Why do we react the way we do? Attachment styles in relationships are a powerful force. Understanding your attachment style, as well as that of your partner, can help you create a more compassionate partnership.

In this episode, you'll learn about attachment patterns, identify yours and your partner's, and how to develop healthy and secure relationship systems.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Confidence is sexy. But when you're dating —and dealing with the rejection modern dating involves — it takes a toll on your confidence. Oh the irony.

Fortunately, building confidence in dating is possible, if you know how. On this episode, we’re discussing how to build your self-confidence, bounce back from rejection, and continue to put yourself out there until you find the love you want and deserve.

All for you, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

When you change your story, you change your life. In this episode, you'll learn how to tap into your unconscious narratives, challenge them, and then rewrite your story to create the life you want.

Here's to your empowerment!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

A happy, loving, healthy relationship is the most valuable thing you can have. But so many people struggle in this area, and without understanding the signs of a healthy relationship, it’s hard to know how to begin making it better.

This podcast will teach you all about the fundamentals of healthy relationships.

FYI, this comes in two parts: First, listen to the podcast. Then, take the "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz, to discover the strengths and growth opportunities in yours.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Commitment: I know the word alone is enough to send a shiver up the spine of many a listener. And for the partners of the commitment-adverse, it’s not any easier. If commitment issues are present in your relationship, it’s likely to become a sore subject. You’re probably feeling a bit rejected, and you may be wondering if there’s any way forward. On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re going to be exploring the path of dealing with commitment issues, so you can get unstuck!

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa

GrowingSelf.com

We all know that procrastination is a recipe for disaster leading to stress, rushing around, and disappointing people (including yourself.) Yet the little voice that says “let’s do it later” can be hard to resist. 

On today’s show I’m sharing new ideas and a fresh perspective that will help you use your natural strengths to focus on (and do!) the most important things… and stop beating yourself up about the rest. 

Stop procrastinating! Listen now! ;) 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

If you find yourself with partners who mistreat you again and again, it’s time to explore that pattern, so you can find a healthy relationship. On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re talking about why you keep dating jerks, and the steps you can take to break free from bad relationships and find real, healthy love.

You deserve it!

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Wonderful, healthy and fun relationships can seem magical. But the truth is that awesome relationships don't happen "magically." Not at all. Long-term couples who love their relationships are simply reaping the rewards of the intentional effort they've put in to their partnerships.

Sounds easy, right?

In theory, it is. But here's the issue: No one teaches you how to have a fantastic relationship. So even though many people would love to have a stronger, more satisfying connection with their partner and would be very happy to do the working of making their good relationship great... they literally do not know what, exactly, to do differently.

The intention is there, but the knowledge is not.

To fill this knowledge gap, award-winning documentary film director Roger Nygard spent over seven years sitting down with the thought leaders in the fields of marriage counseling and couples therapy to get ALL THE ANSWERS. 

The result is his film, The Truth About Marriage. And he's here on the podcast with me today to share all his insights and discoveries with YOU.

For love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Recognizing that the life you’ve created is not the one you actually want is an uncomfortable experience. But, believe it or not — it’s good. Why? It allows you to reflect, and recalibrate.

Whether you're in your 20s or your 30s having a “quarter-life crisis” is your chance to reconnect with who you are now, reimagine your future, and pivot in the direction of the life you want.

On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how you can use a quarter-life crisis as a launchpad for a new chapter of growth and success.

Here's to you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Was that a compliment, or a jab? Did they really “not see” your text, or are they punishing you? On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how to deal with passive-aggressive people, so you can stand up for yourself with compassion and confidence. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

All for you! 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Secret spending or hidden debts are a unique type of infidelity that is not often discussed. This kind of financial betrayal creates major relationship issues, and takes a special healing process to mend.

Fortunately, it is possible to save your marriage after financial infidelity, and to come through it together, stronger and more solvent than ever before. In this episode of the podcast, I’m discussing how to heal after financial infidelity, with an expert in financial counseling for couples.

I hope you listen, or share this episode with someone in your life who should! 

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

We all carry around at least a little emotional baggage from past relationships. But by seeking out new, healthy experiences with safe people, we have the power to help ourselves heal and grow.

Today, we’re talking about healing relationships, and how you can create positive experiences with others that help you become a happier, healthier version of you.

Join me! 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you feel guilty when you can’t do what others want? If so, you may struggle with people pleasing, a habit that can add a lot of stress to your life and resentment to your relationships.

Never fear — this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast is full of tips for how to stop saying yes to everything, and start prioritizing your own authentic wellbeing.

xo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

George Floyd’s murder in 2020 sparked an outpouring of grief, and a renewed motivation to change the world for the better. But to truly fight racism we first have to look inside ourselves.

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I'm re-releasing this episode about antiracism, and the steps you can take to create a more just, peaceful world.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Worried about how divorce will affect your kids? On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast, we’re talking about divorce with kids, and the best way to support your children if you're navigating the end of your marriage (or thinking about it).

I hope this episode helps you find clarity and confidence about the next best steps for you and your family.

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com