Happy New Year! This is a wonderful, introspective time and a beautful opportunity for reflecting on what you've learned from the last year. Just like you clean your house and clear out old stuff at the end of the year in order to have a fresh start, now is a great time for doing a little mental and emotional house-cleaning too. 

So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing a strategy that I teach my private Life Coaching clients about how to uncover the things that they learned from this past year.

This simple exercise will help you gain awareness on what it is that you need to say goodbye to, in order to say hello to the Love, Happiness and Success you're resolving for in 2015. 

Listen now.

Mindfulness: The ability to stay grounded in the current moment, and simply be present with whatever is happening.  So simple, yet so hard. What's easy? Getting swept away by distractions, thoughts, feelings, daydreams, and worries about things that might happen.  When we live in our heads, which most of us do most of the time, we're not really here. And that's too bad, because the world is a beautiful place.

Our ambient stress and future-focus is even more pronounced in the weeks leading up to the holiday season, so I thought that this would be a good time to revisit some simple mindfulness skills that will help you be able to slow down, breathe, and enjoy this special time of year.

My guest on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast today is Dr. Peggy Sheehan. She's a Denver-based physician who teaches John Kabat Zinn's Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program through Kaiser Permanente, as well as a spiritual director of the Zen Center of Denver. She knows a lot about mindfulness: The benefits of the practice, and everyday practices that will help you to slow down, and be more peaceful and present with your life. Today, she's sharing her wisdom with you.

The holidays are upon us! Time for turkey, presents, and LOTS of time with your family. The counseling and coaching sessions I'm having with my Denver clients recently have focused on how to handle "family time." 

The truth is that everyone wants to have a happy holiday with their family. It's also true that many people look forward to time with their parents with a mixture of excitement... and apprehension. Particularly during the holidays, with all the forced together-time, it's easy for tensions to flare and wreck a nice day pretty fast.

So today I'm re-issuing the "How to Deal With Difficult Parents" edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, in order to remind you of the mindset to cultivate in order to genuinely appreciate your parents for who they are, and have a good time together.

I hope these ideas help you have a happy holiday. And Happy Thanksgiving! xo, Lisa

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Do your parents make you crazy? You're not alone! Even as adults, our parents can have a unique ability to trigger familiar old frustrations, hurts and resentments. Or maybe they're just annoying. Maybe, as in my own case, you're still a little upset with your mother for not being Hillary Clinton.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I talk about how to deal with your parents, as an adult. Listen, and learn why you get so triggered by your parents, and the steps to create a healthy, peaceful and reality-based relationship with the parents you have.

We'll talk about the stages that we all move through on the path of "individuation" including disillusionment, distance, healing / growing, and reclaiming. You'll learn how to shift from being a child in relation to your parents, to an adult. Finally, you'll learn how to appreciate your parents for who they are, forgive past mistakes, set healthy boundaries, and start actually enjoying your relationship with them. Listen now....

"Follow your feelings" is the punchline of countless self-help books, and the focus of many therapy sessions. We can spend years in therapy or counseling learning how to respect and obey our emotional guidance system, which will often lead you in the right direction. But the truth is that not all feelings are the same. Sometimes, listening to your emotions will absolutely wreck your life. How do you tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings?

Healthy emotions are like your sense of smell. They provide you with information about the world, about yourselves, and other peoeple. Your feelings help you make decisions, and know when to move closer to something (or protect yourself). 

At the same time, we're all vulnerable to unhealthy feelings: Feelings that are rooted in depression, anxiety, low self esteem, trauma or impulsivity. And if we listen to those feelings we will almost invariably experience negative consequences. 

But the big problem is that our feelings always feel true, no matter if they are "healthy" or "unhealthy." It's therefore very difficult to differentiate between feelings that we should respect and obey, or feelings that we should over-ride. 

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking all about feelings - and how you can determine which ones to listen to and which ones to let go of. 

It is 1:19am. You have to be up and at ‘em at 5:30am. I don’t have to remind you of this. I’m sure you are very, very well aware that you are awake, as the minutes drip by.  As a matter of fact, I’m sure it’s all you can think about.

And this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you, my dear insomniac.

Sleep. It’s so important. It is quite literally a foundational building block for a healthy and happy life. And yet when we need it most is when it is most rebellious and oppositional. When we're lying awake at night we're like anxious parents of teenagers waiting up in a dark living room, thinking "Where the hell is Sleep? It needs to get it's butt home so we can both get some rest."

I don’t know exactly where your Sleep has run off to. It might be careening around with a carload friends playing mailbox baseball in the middle of the night, or hanging out in someone’s smokey rec room listening to ancient Black Sabbath records in the dark, but figuring out where it’s gone is not why we’re here today.

What we're here to talk about how to create the ideal conditions in both your body and mind to make it want to come back home again. And turn out the lights. And carry you both into dreamland. Listen now, to this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast -- and get some rest.

Can you have a passionate marriage? Or is it the eventual fate of all couples to be as bored and put off by each other as they are attached? Many couples arrive in marriage counseling really worried that the fact they’re feeling “meh” about each other is a sign that something is very wrong in their relationship. They think that they’ve "Fallen Out of Love," and that this is a reason to end their relationship.

In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: This moment is when real growth, passion and intimacy can begin.

And my purpose for making this particular podcast today is to help you understand what’s going on in the "falling out of love" phenomena.  I'll also give you some strategies about how to bring the sparkle back that may surprise you. (I can promise you that the punchline of this podcast is not going to be to have a date night and buy some lingerie.) We go deeper than that on the love, happiness and success podcast. I’m going to talk to you about what you need to do, and really, who you need to become, in order to wantto have a date night and go buy some lingerie.

Listen now, to "How To Rekindle The Passion" on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Is there hope for your relationship, or is it time to cut your losses?

To have some ambivalence about a relationship can be normal, depending on what's going on. If you've been going through a rough patch (as all couples sometimes do) it can be easy to ruminate about all the aspects of your partner that you don’t like, and fantasize about what your life would be like without them. And then when you two repair the wound caused by the fight and you can let it go and start appreciating them again, and feel just as sure about things as ever.

But when you have repeated negative interactions over a period of time it starts to chip away at your commitment, and your trust. If problems keep coming up it can be easy to feel hopeless that things will ever improve. You may start to wonder if what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a solvable problem, or if it’s just the way that things are. (And if it's the latter, that it's a long-term reality you may unwilling to accept).

That pushes you into a space of indecision: Do you break up, or do you stay together?

Not knowing whether to stay or to go is absolutely agonizing. On the one hand you can look at your relationship and see all the positive aspects of it. You look at your partner sometime and still see how attractive they are to you, or you have a few good days or weeks together it feels like things are getting better again. But then something crappy happens again and you wonder if the negative aspects of your relationship are deal breakers. It's exhausting -- for both of you.

On todays episode of the love, happiness and success podcast I’ll be talking about different common relationship situations and whether they are "solvable problems" or not. I'll share with you what I see, as a marriage counselor, as being deal breakers for a couple versus "growth moments" for a couple -- plus some direction about what to do with each.

Listen Now:

Every one likes to toss around the phrase, "Get Over It." If you've been going through the pain of a loss you may desperately want to "Get Over It." But how does one actually accomplish such a thing?

I've been a therapist in Denver for a long time, and have done my share of grief counseling. I know that wishing and praying to feel better, or anesthetizing yourself with booze or busy-ness does not work -- for long, anyway. Unfortunately the only way to the other side is through the process of grieving.

I also know from my years as a therapist that there are many different kinds of losses that deserve the respect of grieving. Whether you are dealing with the a death, or a more subtle, hidden loss like the of a cherished relationship, a miscarriage, a pet’s death, a move, the loss of a dream, or the end of an era in your life: You need to grieve. It’s necessary in order to heal and move on.

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to teach you about the step-by-step process of grieving. Listen, and learn how to help yourself "Get Over It" in a healthy, and authentic way.

The only way out is through. Listen now to learn how to "Get Over It," and move on to the next chapter of your life.

Could there be a "magic bullet" to creating the positive outcomes you desire? Well, kind of... 

We all want the good stuff: Health, happiness, secure relationships, a meaningful career and money in the bank. The billion-dollar self help industry is evidence enough that we’re seeking solutions to make things happen. But — what if we’ve been wasting our energy chasing after "tools?" What if by focusing our efforts on only one or two core skills: Grit and Self Control, we can create the life we want? 

That’s what new research is suggesting. About ten years ago, Dr. Angela Duckworth started with one simple question: Why do some kids do better than others in school? Her subsequent research blew the top off our traditional understanding about why some kids succeed while others fail. To sum up the findings, it’s not about intelligence, socio-economic status, or environment. Kids who did well academically did so because they persevered through adversity, and were able to control short term impulses in favor of long term goals. 

In recent years, Dr. Duckworth and her fellow researchers have been extending her original research, and seeking to understand the relationships between Grit, Self-Control, and a host of positive outcomes. It seems that everything from stable marriages, to feeling happy to financial security can be mediated by these variables. 

Kind of a big deal.

So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m so honored to be speaking with David Meketon a former teacher and school administrator who works with Dr. Duckworth. He’s going to be talking more about the research behind Grit and Self Control, and also provide us with some practical strategies that we can use to develop these qualities in ourselves.

Believe it or not, most relationships are actually pretty resilient -- as long as we're getting a few very basic emotional needs met. If not... look out. And what it takes to have a great relationship may surprise you: It's almost certainly not what you've been fighting about. At least, not on the surface anyway.

The strength of your marriage isn't measured by whether or not you have conflict or even big noisy fights. The health of your relationship isn't determined by "communication skills" or whether or not you say please and thank you, or use a pleasant "tone." It doesn't matter how similar you are, whether you want the same things out of life, have sex often enough, or have an equitable household chore plan worked out.

The health, strength and sustainability depend on whether or not you are making The 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes:

1) Empathic Failure

2) Not asking for authentic needs to be met in a way that your partner can hear them

3) Not being responsive

4) Being self-focused

5) Not getting help if any of the above are missing

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll walk you through each of these "Big 5" relationship mistakes and give you some real world examples of how to do things differently. If you can shift your behaviors in these five areas, you'll be well on your way to repairing your love and bringing peace back to your home.

Are you really worried about someone in your life? Are you being negatively impacted by the consequences of someone else's behavior? Few things are more frustrating than seeing someone you love suffering, spinning out of control, and unable or unwilling to get help. What to do?

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to avoid the biggest mistake you can make in this situation, and the surprising way to not just help-- but get your inner peace back.

We'll talk about what it really means to "help" someone versus accidentally enable them to persist in their problems. You'll learn about how to avoid damaging your relationship with your loved one, and how to avoid the power struggle of co-dependency.

By shifting your definition of what it means to help, you'll learn how to regain control of the situation. Getting clear about your boundaries, your values, and the one thing you really have power over (you) you'll start helping your loved one develop the authentic, inner motivation they need to make lasting change.

The road to recovery is hard, but when you learn how to stop controlling, stop being upset, and start giving people the kind of help they really need you can change from being an accidental obstacle to recovery, to a catalyst for their growth.

Lastly, I'll be giving you some practical steps for how to help yourself during your loved one's change process. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

The songs that Kurt taught us: You have more power than you know to help others, heal yourself, and generally make the world a better place. Everything you need to do this is inside of you right now: Peace, Love & Empathy. 

Your personal experience of the world is the doorway to connecting with others. Through understanding yourself, you can understand others. And that kind of compassion has the power to change everything. Compassion is the force that can bring connection to conflict, bring peace to pain, and bring meaning to suffering.

This is not a new idea. Teachers, Civil Activists, Saints and Prophets have been pointing their flashlights in this direction since the beginning of time. But today I'd like to share with you some personal insight into the life of a person who some people consider a modern-day prophet -- Kurt Cobain -- in order to teach you how to apply these ideas in your own life. 

Listen, and learn how the power of empathy and compassion creates connection and meaning that transcends even a life... and the simple ideas you can practice that will help you shine your own light of love out into the world.

If you are looking for love, you have a better chance of finding the right person through an app on your iPhone than you do loitering around local watering holes. There are tens of thousands of eligible singles in Denver alone, and they have thoughtfully curated themselves to show you who they are before you even talk. You can flip through possibilities like you were flipping radio channels, until you find the perfect one. So easy, right?

Well, theoretically. But the truth is that even the process of setting up a profile can be anxiety provoking. What picture do you use? What do you say? How do you set yourself apart without being weird? What if no-one gets in touch? What if they do but you don't like them? Agh! It's enough to make you scrap it all and just go back to standing around bars on Saturday nights.

Help has arrived. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with the wonderful Bela Ghandi -- dating coach and online image consultant, and founder of Smart Dating Academy. You may have caught snippets of her dating wisdom from her appearances on the Steve Harvey Show. But if you missed it, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and learn how to WIN online dating!

We all want to have good relationships -- our connections with others are central to authentic happiness.

But the dark side of having a vibrant life with lots of people in it is that sometimes we feel imposed upon, hassled, crowded and disappointed by the people we’re trying to have relationships with. And thats where boundaries come in.

As important as it is to be generous, and empathic, and loving towards others, if we aren’t mindful of our own boundaries and healthy limits we can give too much. The truth is that not everyone is a safe person for us to be emotionally close to, and to sacrifice for. But how to you figure out where to draw that line?

Setting and maintaining boundaries is a complex process, with many aspects to it. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm teaching you the first step in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries: Getting to know who you're dealing with. Only then can you figure out what boundaries are appropriate.

This is a technique I teach my private clients all the time. It will help you figure out what stage of relationship you are in, when you should keep your guard up, and when to feel okay about relaxing your boundaries.

I'm a big fan of feelings. Feelings carry important information. Feelings help us understand ourselves and other people, and feelings can help guide our lives. However, some kinds of feelings are more complicated than others. Sometimes we need to figure out if our feelings are worth listening to and taking guidance from, or if we need to override them order to be our best selves.

Guilt is one of those potentially confusing feelings. Some "flavors" of guilt are good; they help us be better people. Some flavors of guilt can trap us in bad situations; stealing our voices and our power. How can you tell which guilt you should listen to, and which you should push away?

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast you'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, as well as a practical, powerful strategy you can use to say goodbye to unhealthy guilt for good.

Feeling connected to other people is one of the most important factors in how happy people feel. Humans are social animals, and that’s true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We need each other.

And social media relationships don’t count, from a happiness perspective. While actual, real world lets-hang-out relationships are strongly associated with happiness and perceived wellbeing, the opposite is true for Facebook relationships. People who spend more time on Facebook tend to be less happy, more lonely, and generally sadder than people who spent less time on it. A phone call will do much more for your mood than a scroll through your news-feed.

But the truth is that connecting with others can feel challenging sometimes, especially in adulthood. Even for people who made friends effortlessly as kids or young adults can struggle to find new relationships as life evolves. I talk to people all the time who are attractive, smart and interesting — and who still feel really lonely and isolated sometimes.

So on this edition of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast we're going to tackle this problem (and lick it's face until it giggles): How to make more (real) friends.

As a marriage counselor, I've learned through the years that there are fundamental differences between relationships that end, and ones that are reparable. And as sad as it is to work with couples who ultimately decide to split, in many cases it's really a good thing for both partners. 

Of course break-ups are sad, and hard. There is loss, and grieving to do when your heart is broken. It's especially difficult if you're not the one who called things off. You have the right to be sad and hurt. And, I'd also like to offer you some perspective on why this break up may actually have been a good thing.

Key points:

1) There was an unsolvable problem.

2) Your break-up saved you from a life of misery.

3) Your failed relationship changed your life for the better.

Do you enjoy the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please say so in the reviews and subscribe! Also, don't forget to check out my website, www.drlisabobby.com for more Love, Happiness and Success articles and advice, and to take my free online "Happiness Class." -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ahhh Anxiety. The sleepless nights. The pit in your stomach. The worries, ever swirling. Anxiety is the experience of being traumatized by bad things happening… before they actually happen.On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to teach you how to stop mentally time traveling into DOOM, and restore your sense of inner peace.

First, I'll help you understand what anxiety is, and the mind-body connection that keeps you trapped in it's clutches. Then, I'll be teaching you my four favorite techniques for stopping it. They're all mindfulness based, and in my experience very effective. They work for my clients, and they work for me. I have every confidence that they'll help you, too.

Key Points:

1) Anxiety = A Time Traveling Mind

2) The Mind-Body Connection, and Cycle of Fear

3) Anchor Yourself in The Present

4) Define the Explosion

5) Solve Solvable Problems

6) Relax Your Body, to Relax Your Mind

Getting married is not about the ring or the clothes or the party. All that fades away. I can barely remember my own wedding. But the connection, love, and friendship I have with my husband is priceless beyond measure. My marriage is the foundation of my entire life. You deserve to have this too.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll be sharing the three essential ingredients you need to create a lifetime of happiness together. 

Listen now...

Call it a funk, a rut, a rough-patch — there are just times when you just don’t feel like yourself. We all go through it.

Maybe you’re more tired than usual, or crankier. Maybe you’re buzzing through your days with a low-grade ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, or feeling more negative and down on yourself than usual. Maybe you’re feeling more sensitive to slights, or feeling lonely — even when you're around people.

You're not "Depressed with a capital D" but you just don't feel great. 

What to do? How do you start to shake off the “Yuck” and reconnect with your sense of wellbeing?

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to "Loose the Blues."

Listen Now: 

Having ambivalence about your relationship sometimes is completely normal. 

You have a fight. Maybe a few fights. You go through a period where you both feel disconnected. Kids, jobs, cleaning bathrooms, the dandelions in the front lawn -- virtually everything seems like it's more of a priority than your marriage. 

All relationships have ebbs and flows. Disconnection and reconnection is simply the experience of being in a long term relationship. But sometimes ... it is hard to reconnect. Particularly if toxic negativity begins to color your interactions.

When attachment stretches thin and you can't remember the last time you laughed together, it's normal to wonder if you ever will again. When negative experiences with your partner start to outnumber the good ones, it's normal to wonder if you've arrived at the "end of the line." 

Is Divorce the Solution? 

Not necessarily. Feeling upset and scared about your marriage are exactly the feelings that prompt couples to start marriage counseling. Being unhappy with the situation creates the motivation that you need to do the difficult work of growing back together again. And in my experience, when couples have a will to repair the relationship there is always a way.

But sometimes, people begin to fantasize about divorce. They don't know how to resolve their relationship problems, and divorcing feels like the only solution. When divorce starts to feel like the glowing, open door to freedom and happiness -- your relationship is in trouble.

And of course, I understand there are situations where you may not have a choice: Your partner unilaterally moves towards the door, or perhaps there are such unhealthy and toxic things going on in a marriage that divorcing is genuinely the only reasonable option. 

Let's Get Real.

If you are toeing up to the edge of this precipice, or perhaps already starting to go through the searing process of taking a marriage apart: This podcast is for you. 

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Pro Divorce Mediator Denisa Tova about things to think about if you're on the fence about divorcing, and also practical strategies for creating the best possible outcomes if you decide to move forward with divorce.

Main Points:

1) How to tell the difference between "solvable problems" between you and your partner, and situations where divorce is really the best choice.

2) The mindset you need to foster to create a healthy divorce experience.

3) Practical strategies for how to have a civilized, collaborative divorce instead of an ugly, angry one. 

Listen Now: 

Are you a superstar in the eyes of others? Do you work hard, do amazing things, and seem to have it all? 

And yet.... walk daily with this gnawing sense that you are failing? 

You just want to be happy. You hope that the "next thing" will bring happiness. But it always feels like you’re not doing enough, you’ve missed an opportunity, or that you're not achieving your goals. All your successes are not enough to prop up your self-esteem. You may even worry that these "failures" are due to your own short comings. 

Here's the deal: Ambition is widely regarded as being a positive force in our lives. But ambition becomes a problem when it is rooted in fear, and a belief that links happiness to achievement.

On today's edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll help you understand how to get off the never-ending treadmill of "More" -- and start appreciating how amazing you actually are.

Listen Now.

(Music Credits: “The Gummi Bears of Failure," by Paneye.)

Do you hate to meditate? Does the idea of sitting on a little pillow with your eyes shut, sweeping stray thoughts out of your head over and over again, make you feel antsy? 

Me too. 

And yet, Mindfulness - the art of being present -- is the key to a happy and healthy life. 

You don't have to meditate in order to practice mindfulness. 

In fact, you can be more connected with the present moment all of the time. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm teaching you how!

You'll learn easy, concrete tools to be more mindful. You'll also learn how to use the skill of mindfulness to feel more calm, happier, more productive, and have better relationships with others.

And if your busy mind is keeping you awake, be sure to download the Free Bonus Sleeping Meditations I mentioned on the show, at www.drlisabobby.com/sleep.

----

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Psychologist. Learn more about her private practice at www.growingself.com, and follow her blog at www.drlisabobby.com.

Few things are more frustrating than being exhausted, but unable to sleep. And it's hard to be happy when sleep is a stranger. Not getting enough sleep makes it hard to  think straight. It makes us irritable and more prone to anxiety and depression. Sleep is kind of a big deal.

So on this this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going to tackle insomnia and wrestle it into unconsciousness. You'll learn everything you need to know about how to get more sleep and better sleep. I'll teach you easy Cognitive-Behavioral tricks you can use to fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go. 

I've even created some special bonus items for you. Once you're done learning about how to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep, you can go to my website: www.drlisabobby.com/sleep to download some free relaxation recordings I made just for you. Think of them as an "auditory sleeping pill." Just don't listen while operating heavy machinery! :) -- Lisa

Have you ever worried that you and your partner are just too different? 

If so, you're not alone. In fact, all couples need to find common ground around their differences. It's simply the relationship experience: We're not married to ourselves. We're with someone who is a unique individual with their own needs, feelings, hopes and dreams -- many of which may be different from our own. 

That's not just okay, it's completely normal. Where couples run into trouble is when they get "polarized," or entrenched in extreme positions on an issue. Things become black and white, and power struggles or arguments ensue. 

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be showing you the way back to connection.

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you a sequence of three simple steps that will help you fight Depression and lift your mood.

If you've been feeling down, stressed or worried lately this podcast will help you shift your perspective, and start feeling better fast. But even if you are in a good place today I hope you still listen. Learning these key skills – particularly when you're already feeling solid – will help you stay even keeled no matter what life throws at you. 

Do you have too much on your plate? Are you struggling to figure out how in the world you're going to get everything done? On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby addresses the common experience of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed by life. Dr. Bobby will teach you five practical, real-world strategies that you can start using today to feel more peaceful and productive. 

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Therapist, will teach you an easy formula to turn any conflict with your partner into a "bonding moment" that will strengthen your marriage. You can stop fighting, improve your communication skills, and start understanding each other. Improve your relationship today. Listen now!