Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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January 2016
S M T W T F S
     
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Syndication

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces

Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.

Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.

People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.

As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.

Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.

And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.

Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis

Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

  • Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.
  • Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.

Happy New Year!

-- Lisa

Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"

Direct download: January_Relationship_Crisis_2016.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 8:06pm MDT

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