Mon, 19 September 2016
Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible?
Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it).
I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else.
And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates?
The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats.
Relationship Compatibility in Marriage
First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor
Finding Your Soulmate
Next I'm putting on my dating coach
For Premarital Couples
Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down.
Relationship Compatibility Test
One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her."
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: Relationship_Compatibility-__Finding_Your_Soulmate.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 4:15pm MDT
Mon, 5 September 2016
Healing From Infidelity, Emotional Affairs, and Betrayal
As a Denver marriage counselor for over a decade, I've had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of infidelity. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through.
When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone's core values, commitment and good judgment, families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, and with unanswered questions blaring in their heads.
This podcast is my attempt to answer some of them:
Protecting Your Marriage From an Affair
Affairs, like any other type of cancer or addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for you can check yourself, and / or protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I'll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life.
Rebuilding a Marriage After the Affair
If you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible. An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor many couples are able to not just heal from infidelity, but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. I'll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again.
Healing After Betrayal
Being cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again -- both other people, and often yourself. I'll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals.
Forgiving the Unforgivable
Furthermore, hope and recovery is also possible for The Other and The Occupied -- the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. When betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you've allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself -- not to mention your trust in others. The silver lining: We'll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it.
Recovering From Infidelity
On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together, so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience.
I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing.
Music Credits of this episode: PJ Harvey: Dry and To Bring You My Love (Albums)
Direct download: recovering_from_infidelity_denver_marriage_counseling_online_broomfield_-_9516_9.48_AM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 10:32am MDT