Mon, 26 December 2022
We all want to feel happier, but pursuing happiness directly can be a self-defeating paradox. The more you chase happiness, the more it recedes over the horizon, never fully materializing. At least not for long.
And why do we find happiness so elusive? Because it’s a mood state like any other; it comes and then it goes, like water through your fingers. You may feel a temporary spike in happiness when something wonderful happens, like landing your dream job or falling in love, but before long the feeling will subside and you will return to your baseline. Soon you’ll start chasing the next thing that you hope will make you happy. And then the next.
I’m convinced that when high-functioning, growth-oriented people come to therapy or coaching in search of happiness, what they really need is something else: contentment.
Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra it would be this: All is well in my world and I am so grateful to be exactly where I am.
Today’s episode of the podcast is all about cultivating contentment. We’re talking about how you can take greater joy in your life exactly the way it is, while still growing, evolving, and yes, even striving for more.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: Cultivating_Contentment.mp3
Category:Self-Improvement, How To, Mental Health, Relationships -- posted at: 4:00pm MDT
Mon, 19 December 2022
“Allow yourself to feel.”
“All emotions are valid.”
“Get in touch with your feelings.”
If you swim in personal growth circles, you’ve probably gotten used to hearing phrases like these. Our culture is becoming more aware that feelings are to be felt — not denied, suppressed, or judged as “right” or “wrong.” This growing awareness is a sign of progress, but most of us still have questions about how exactly we’re supposed to be “feeling our feelings.”
Many people relate to their emotions with a sense of helplessness, believing they could be swept away by a negative mood state if they allow their feelings to come and go. Others may struggle to access their emotions at all, as well as the reservoir of wisdom they have to offer.
To feel your feelings in a healthy way, you need to be tuned into your emotions. You need to be able to take guidance from your feelings, just like you take guidance from the sensory information coming from your eyes and ears. You also need to develop some emotional intelligence skills so that you can stay regulated and balanced, within yourself and within your relationships.
Unfortunately, most of us don’t receive much help building these skills at crucial points in our development. Many people seek out therapy or emotional intelligence coaching in adulthood to learn how to relate to their emotions in a healthier way. I hope this episode of the podcast helps you think about feeling your feelings in a new light, and gives you some fresh ideas about how you can use your emotional guidance system to create the life you want.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: How_to_Feel_Your_Feelings.mp3
Category:Relationships, How To, Self Help, Self Improvement, Marriage, Mental Health -- posted at: 4:00pm MDT
Mon, 12 December 2022
How can you make a hard decision when you have no idea what the future holds?
Should you quit your job? Cut off contact with your difficult friend? Buy the condo, or the house? Marry your partner? Dump your partner?
Some people swear by using a cost-benefit analysis, or a decision tree, or a patented Six-Step Decision Making Model for Tough Choices™. While tools like these may have their place in decision making, I think a lot of them miss the larger point…
Decisions are about feelings.
Does that surprise you to read? Maybe you’ve absorbed the popular idea that emotions are the enemy of sound, rational, goal-oriented decision making. In reality, having a good connection with your feelings is the only way to set meaningful goals in the first place, from which wise decisions can flow. Your feelings are a source of information, pointing the way toward the life you want to live. When you can tune into them, the right decisions become clear.
This episode of the podcast will teach you how to make hard decisions using your internal wisdom, and the incomplete information you have about the future.
Joining me are two of my Growing Self colleagues with a lot of experience with this topic. Alejandra P. is a marriage counselor on our team who helps people find clarity about their relationships, and Kristi H. is an experienced career coach and counselor who helps people navigate big, bold career changes.
If you’re facing a hard decision, I hope you’ll find our conversation helpful.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: Embracing_Uncertainty___Hard_Decisions.mp3
Category:How-To, Self Help, Mental Health, Relationships, Life Coaching, Changing Habits -- posted at: 4:00pm MDT
Mon, 5 December 2022
If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement.
But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, your talents for writing code, or planning weddings, or stamping out widgets at the widget factory become insignificant overnight, and your career success begins to depend instead on how well you communicate, motivate, and connect with the hearts and minds of others.
Most people find this shift harder than they expected. They often end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and less sure of themselves than they felt before becoming a boss. Many seek out career counseling or leadership coaching to learn not only how to be a boss, but how to be a good boss, capable of leading a team of talented people to accomplish great things. They begin a process of personal growth that makes them more aware, more influential, and more courageous, at work and in every other area of their lives.
This episode of the podcast is for anyone who leads other people, or who hopes to someday. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that being a good boss is not a destination, but an ongoing journey that will challenge you in unexpected ways. I hope this episode gives you some fresh ideas for where to begin.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: How_to_Be_a_Good_Boss.mp3
Category:How To, Mental Health, Career Change, Career Advice, Job Change, Career Change -- posted at: 4:00pm MDT