“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”

“I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.” 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong here. Something about the way we communicate, especially during important conversations with the people we love, leaves one partner feeling unheard and the other feeling confused and defensive. When you can’t get through to your partner, it can feel like there’s no path forward, leaving you both feeling stuck and dissatisfied. 

But there are some little-known principles of communication that will help you get through to your partner and overcome communication blocks in any relationship. In today’s episode, we’re sharing them with you. 

My guest is Jennifer C., a marriage and family therapist on our team at Growing Self who has helped so many couples overcome this frustrating issue. We’re discussing the reasons you don’t feel listened to in your relationship, and some tips that will help you both feel heard (spoiler: Getting progressively louder is not the solution!). 

I hope you’ll check it out. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — If you’d like more content on strengthening your relationship through effective communication, check out our “communication that connects” collection of podcast episodes and articles.

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.” 

If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarital counselors even expect. When thoughtful, responsible people prepare to make the biggest commitment of their lives, they’re bound to feel some uncertainty and apprehension. The good news is, these thoughts and feelings probably don’t mean that you’re making a big mistake. But they’re also not something that you should ignore.

This episode of the podcast will help you get to the bottom of cold feet before your wedding, so you can gain the tools to walk forward into marriage with joy and confidence. My guest is my Growing Self colleague Brenda F., a marriage and family therapist, premarital counselor, and teacher of our “Lifetime of Love” premarital counseling class. Brenda has helped countless engaged couples address their cold feet and lay the foundation for a strong, happy marriage together. I hope our conversation will help you too. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction. 

During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing. 

Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeymoon periods that feel even more blissful because of all the terrible things that are happening the rest of the time. Unlike the calm waters of a healthy relationship, the choppy waves of a toxic relationship leave you off balance, and often deeply hooked. 

If you are addicted to a toxic relationship, I hope this episode of the podcast sheds some light on the dynamics at play. I’m sharing the true story of a client I worked with years ago (after changing the identifying details, of course) who was in the grips of a toxic relationship he could not seem to end, no matter how much pain it caused him and his family. Eventually he found his way out, back to true love and grace. I wish the same for you. 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible? 

I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship. 

Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships through services like counseling, dating coaching, and more. 

But I also know that there are many people who are searching for a partner while living with a deep anxiety about their status as a single person. Many single people tell me they’re kept up at night by worries about the possibility of never finding love. Ironically, this kind of desperation can undermine your chances of building the kind of life that would make you authentically happy — and that would invite healthy love into your life in a sustainable way. 

If you are single and worried about never finding a partner, I hope this episode of the podcast helps you find greater meaning and happiness. My guest is John Kim, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything, Find Yourself First.” He’s sharing tips on being single and happy, while also making room for real love in your life. You won’t want to miss this conversation!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com