“Why doesn’t my partner want me?” — If that question has ever kept you up at night, this one’s for you. 

Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many of you that this topic — what to do when your partner rejects you sexually — is really on your hearts and minds. And I get it. It’s such a vulnerable, tender pain point that touches on self-worth, connection, and love. 

Whether it’s happened once or it’s become a painful pattern, feeling sexually rejected can stir up everything from shame and anxiety to resentment and loneliness. That’s why I wanted to bring back this powerful episode — because the guidance here is so helpful, and it’s something I want you to have access to when you need it most. 

In this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast, I’m joined by my brilliant colleague and sex therapist Dori to talk openly (and compassionately!) about what’s really going on behind those “not tonight” moments — and what you can do to heal the hurt, reconnect with your partner, and bring intimacy back into your relationship in a way that feels good for both of you.

We’ll walk you through the emotional impact of rejection, common myths about sex and desire, how to communicate with love and honesty, and actionable strategies to reconnect both emotionally and physically. You’ll leave this episode with insight and tools  to navigate sexual rejection with grace, strength, and clarity.

Timestamps:
01:13 – Why Rejection Feels So Personal
02:29 – Understanding the Emotional Fallout
05:57 – Gender, Expectations, and Sexual Scripts
13:16 – The Body Image Trap
18:09 – When It’s Not Really Rejection
21:33 – Why Planning for Intimacy Matters
24:21 – Nonsexual Touch: A Game-Changer
24:53 – Talking About Sex Without Shame
25:18 – What “Responsive Desire” Means
25:45 – Designing a Sex-Positive Life Together
30:12 – Hug Me, Don’t Just Want Me
32:24 – Loving Boundaries & Body Autonomy
35:40 – The Avoidance Spiral
38:25 – Intimacy Beyond Intercourse
44:54 – When It’s Time to Get Help

If you're feeling disconnected, uncertain, or hurt in your relationship — especially around intimacy, I totally get it. It’s hard to talk about these things, and even harder to know what’s really going on beneath the surface. 

I created a free research-backed tool to help you get some clarity: How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It’s a thoughtful, science-backed assessment designed to give you clarity on your strengths, your growth areas, and what to focus on for a more connected, satisfying partnership. I hope you check it out!

Let’s stay connected! You can find me here on Instagram and YouTube for more free resources and updates on new episodes of Love, Happiness & Success. Together, we’re creating healthier, happier relationships — one conversation at a time.

Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com

Discovering that your partner has cheated is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. It’s a form of relational trauma that leaves you hurting and mistrustful, long after the affair has ended. Healing from this form of betrayal is a difficult process that takes many months or even years. But the partner who cheated has their own healing to do, and that very real need is often overlooked in conversations about infidelity. 

So you’ve cheated, now what? If you’ve cheated on someone you love and care about, you may be questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. You may feel confused about how you got here, and conflicted about the future you want. You are likely filled with a complex mix of painful feelings, like regret, shame, guilt, and ambivalence. Addressing those feelings and understanding your experience is the path to repair, both for you, and for your relationship. 

That’s why I created this episode of the podcast. I hope this helps you find space for your own healing and growth, so you can move forward from this experience stronger than before. 

With love, 
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

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Episode Highlights

[01:50] Help! I Cheated

[7:01] Why Did I Cheat?

[15:03] Moving Forward After Cheating

[31:21] Forgiving Yourself

[39:20] A Healthy Healing Process After Cheating

Chemistry in relationships: it’s that spark, that zing that draws you to someone and makes you crave their touch. When it’s missing, we worry that something’s wrong. (And sometimes, it is). But did you know that intense chemistry can also sometimes be a relationship red flag? And that healthy, strong relationships may not always have as much sizzle?

AND it’s also possible to cultivate the chemistry you crave. Ready for more? On today’s episode, you’ll learn: 

• What chemistry really is (and what it isn’t)

• How to avoid the relationship problems chemistry can create

• How to cultivate chemistry in your relationships

• And more!

Understanding chemistry and learning how to work with it can transform your relationships, and that’s why I’m so excited to share this with you. Join me, and get a fresh perspective that will open your eyes, and change the way you feel about your relationships (for the better!)

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — Ready to transform your relationships? Get in touch: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

When you're hurt or angry with your partner, it's like the love in your heart is dimmed. You can't be open with your feelings when you're nursing emotional wounds. And it's hard to receive love until you're able to forgive your partner.

But, emotional pain is always a component of long-term relationships. Part of giving your heart to someone is opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt. This can happen in big ways — like infidelity, rejection, or abandonment.

But it can also happen in small ways, like moments that left you feeling uncared for, unappreciated, or unloved. We all experience moments like these, and if we don't know how to process them, forgive, and move forward, they can damage the love we have for our partners. 

So how can you forgive your partner? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the podcast. You'll learn about how forgiveness works, what's holding you back from finding forgiveness, and how to not only "let it go," but how to use the repair process to build a deeper, more meaningful connection. 

I hope you'll join me!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — If you are struggling to forgive your partner, that's a sign that you could really benefit from working with a good couples counselor. Schedule a free consultation with an expert on my team at Growing Self: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. 

The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic.

Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift.

On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. 

I hope you'll join me! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team. 

If you've been going through a rough patch in your marriage for awhile now, it's understandable if you're questioning whether you should continue fighting. But many couples get discouraged before they've had a chance to engage in the process that makes transformation possible in relationships. 

If you're interested in fighting for your marriage, this episode is for you. Our relationships are the most precious things we have, and your marriage probably has more potential for growth and renewal than you realize. On this episode, I'm telling you why your marriage is worth saving, and what you can do to turn a rough patch into a new beginning. I hope you'll join me. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you are living through a marriage crisis, it's important to get help from a true relationship expert. Schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Smart couples recognize that pregnancy is more than a growing-a-baby waiting game. It is a prime opportunity to work through important relationship issues and strengthen your relationship.

Having a baby can feel like it’s the Pregnant Lady Show, rather than an experience that you and your partner are working through together. But the journey of pregnancy, and the challenges it offers, are opportunities for growth — for both of you. 

Using these moments during pregnancy will help you know how to work as a team, improve your communication, increase your emotional intimacy, support your emotional wellbeing, and lay the foundation for the happy, healthy family life you want for yourselves and your child... but only if you know how.

This episode is going to teach you how to turn the pregnancy into a positive relationship growth experience, by navigating the pregnancy experience as a team. My guests D’Anthony and Rachel Ward are experts on this subject, and today they're sharing their wisdom with you.

Join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: I have so much more to support you and your family in my "Happy Families" content collection. Tap in to find expert advice from the marriage and family therapists and parenting coaches on my team, as well as curated podcast playlists just for you. 

Getting into couples counseling is a fantastic idea... but you have to know how to engage with the process in order to have a good experience. Unfortunately, it's very easy to make one or more of the super common mistakes that can sabotage couples counseling. 

I hope this episode helps you avoid that outcome, and get the help for your relationship you need and deserve. My guest is Jenna P., a marriage counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her perspective on the seven things that can sabotage couples counseling, and how to have an experience in counseling that truly benefits you and your relationship. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on improving your relationship, check out our “Relationship Repair” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing? 

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know that it can be hard to spot the difference. Some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial for relationships, while others are a signal that your emotional bond is on the rocks. You can prevent a breakup or divorce and keep your connection healthy and strong by learning what a failing relationship really looks like — and what you should be doing right now if your relationship is in trouble. 

I hope this episode arms you with all the info you need to make important decisions for your relationship. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Over the past few decades, we’ve made some huge strides toward building equality in our relationships. It’s no longer rare for a woman to be her family’s primary breadwinner, or to see a dad perusing the produce aisle with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest. 

Yet, for many couples who arrive in couples counseling or relationship coaching, the division of household labor is still a perennial source of conflict and resentment. Many couples still fall into traditional gender roles when it comes to who’s doing the cleaning, the cooking, and the shopping, even though it’s now the norm for both partners to work full-time. 

Furthermore, tasks or roles associated with “women’s work” are often viewed as being less valuable and important than activities associated with traditional male roles. Even relationships between career-focused women and stay-at-home dads can have issues with power imbalances and inequality because we value these types of work differently based on our attitudes about gender.

Relationships that feel imbalanced and unfair are not only bad for the partner who’s doing most of the daily household tasks. They’re bad for the relationship itself, and for both partners inside of it. Becoming truly equal partners is often the path to creating a happier, more connected, and more fulfilling relationship (and, interestingly, a better sex life), and that’s what we’re discussing on today’s episode of the podcast. 

My guest is Kate Mangino, a gender expert, speaker, and the author of “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.” Kate is sharing wisdom from her extensive social science research, her two decades of work within the international development sector, as well her own life and relationship, to help you find more balance and create a truly equal partnership that feels fair and fulfilling. 

I hope you’ll tune in to this important conversation on equality in relationships, which not only applies to heterosexual couples, but to anyone who has some internalized gender scripts to interrogate (in other words, everyone!)

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

What is your apology language? And, more importantly… what’s your partner’s? 

As an experienced marriage counselor and couples therapist, I know that apologizing is an essential skill for healthy relationships. 

But not all apologies are created equal. Just as partners must learn to speak each other’s love languages to help each other feel cared for, they must also learn to apologize in ways that feel meaningful to their partner and pave the way to genuine forgiveness.

Tune in to learn all about apology languages, the anatomy of a good apology, and how you can repair “relationship injuries” and get things back on track with the people you love the most. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong. 

If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, always meddling on the edges of your relationship… and sometimes high-jacking it completely. No matter how in love with each other you are, or how committed to your partnership you feel, it’s hard to be moved from place to place because of distant orders that you had little or no say in. It’s hard to have a career that takes you away from your partner and your children for extended periods of time. It’s hard to take care of everything on the home front by yourself, especially if you’re stationed far away from family and friends. 

And it can be especially hard to find a marriage counselor or a long-distance relationship counselor who understands these unique challenges, and how to help military couples overcome them. Luckily, we have just such an expert joining us on this episode of the podcast. Jesse S., M.S, LMFT, is a marriage counselor and relationship coach here at Growing Self. He’s also a member of the military with over two decades of service, currently serving in the Connecticut National Guard as a First Sergeant in the 141st Ground Ambulance Unit. In addition to treating bodily wounds, he’s passionate about helping other service members heal and grow as individuals, and within their relationships. Today, he’s sharing his insight and guidance with you. I hope you’ll join us!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

We all dream of having a close, connected relationship that fulfills us on every level. If you're feeling lonely in a relationship, it hurts. It can be hard to know how to reconnect, especially if the distance has been growing for a while — or if negativity has crept in.

Deep connection is created through the intentional cultivation of emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re exploring how to do that, so you can create the loving, satisfying relationship you want and deserve.

With love to you both, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Was that a compliment, or a jab? Did they really “not see” your text, or are they punishing you? On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how to deal with passive-aggressive people, so you can stand up for yourself with compassion and confidence. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Secret spending or hidden debts are a unique type of infidelity that is not often discussed. This kind of financial betrayal creates major relationship issues, and takes a special healing process to mend.

Fortunately, it is possible to save your marriage after financial infidelity, and to come through it together, stronger and more solvent than ever before. In this episode of the podcast, I’m discussing how to heal after financial infidelity, with an expert in financial counseling for couples.

I hope you listen, or share this episode with someone in your life who should! 

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Friend, this topic is SO important I'm putting it back in front of you again. Here's the deal: Even people in strong, satisfying relationships can develop feelings of attraction for another person. It's part of the human experience. These feelings can be transient and meaningless... OR they could destroy your life, if you follow them. 

Are crushes innocent, or on-ramps to an affair? Can you be "friends" with someone you have a crush on, without risking your relationship? What should you do when you're married, but have a crush on someone else? Oh, the questions!

It happens: people in happy, healthy, committed relationships can still develop crushes on others. However, smart, self-aware people in committed relationships that they care about need to handle these maturely and with wisdom. That's what you'll learn how to do on today's show.

What To Do (And Not Do) When You Are Married And Have a Crush

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking all about how to handle yourself and your relationship when you have a crush on someone else. We'll be discussing:

• The mechanics of a crush; how and why crushes develop
• The difference between a crush and a platonic friendship
• Why happy, committed married people can have crushes on others
• How crushes can turn into something more serious
• How to use self awareness, integrity, and honesty to protect your marriage
• How to use your crush experience in order to add energy and intimacy into your relationship
• Warning signs that your crush is developing into something else
• Why extramarital affairs are always a bad idea, and rarely end well
• How to stop having a crush on someone else
• How to avoid embarrassment and professional ruin if you have a crush on a coworker
• How to protect your relationship and stay true to your values even when you're having feelings for another.

All this and more on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Ps: As we discussed in this episode, part of your action plan needs to be leaning towards your partner in an authentic and emotionally intimate way, and that calls for excellent communication skills. To support you in this, please help yourself to my free two part communication skills training, "Commucation That Connects." I made this for you!  ... LMB