Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. 

I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

We've all been there: Your partner says something that just inflames you, and you say something you regret later. Or you instinctively defend yourself and withdraw when things get tense, rather than leaning into a healthy and productive courageous conversation.

We all know that being able to react vs. respond is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships. But that can be easier said than done in the middle of a heated conflict. 

When you’re frustrated, hurt, or stressed, you might raise your voice, say something you don’t mean, or make an impulsive decision with long-lasting consequences. All of this is bad news for you and for your relationships.

But learning the art of being responsive versus reactive leads to deeper, healthier connections, and a life that’s directed by your true values. 

That's what we're talking about on today's show. I hope you'll tune in!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, or work WAY harder than you should to make sure they're comfy (often at the expense of your own needs), my friend, you may be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship. 

In fact, over many years of experience as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I've often found that the true underlying issue behind many relationship conflicts is due to emotional enmeshment and it's sister, codependence. This creates resentment, reactivity, pursuit/withdrawal dynamics and more.

Good relationships require individuation, and a healthy self awareness of personal responsibility and healthy boundaries.

So how can you create a healthier connection? That’s what this episode is all about! I’m talking about what enmeshed relationships look like, why they’re problematic, and how you can bring your relationship back into balance if emotional enmeshment is creeping in. 

I hope you’ll join me!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

When someone we love, trust, and rely on betrays us, it creates a deep, painful wound that doesn’t always heal on its own.

As a couples therapist who often works with people around heartbreak recovery after a bad breakup or divorce, and helping couples heal after infidelity, and even in my work as a dating coach, I know that betrayal trauma, or “relationship trauma,” is real, and it can linger on for months or even years without the right care, just like other kinds of trauma. 

Even though relationship trauma is very common, it isn’t always recognized by our culture, or even by the people who are suffering from it. I hope this episode helps shift that for you. When you acknowledge the betrayal and how it impacted you, the door to healing and growth cracks open. 

If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, I hope listening to this episode helps you gain newfound compassion for what you’ve been through, as well as guidance and direction for how to heal and move forward.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more help around repairing trust and healing after wounding relationship experiences, check out my Heartbreak Recovery and Affair Recovery”collections of articles and podcasts.

Wondering how you can help someone get help? You have the power to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, and this episode will show you how.

We all will be a concerned friend or family member at some point in our lives. And while none of us has the power to rescue others, fight their battles, or override their choices, we do have an important role to play in the lives of the people we care about: holding up a mirror that reflects what we see, with compassion and honesty. That is how you help someone get help, and today, I’m talking about the best way to do that. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — You can find more advice like this in our “personal growth” and “healthy relationships” collections of articles and podcasts. I hope you’ll check them out — they’re there for you.

There are few things more frustrating than trying to figure out how to deal with a defensive partner. You just want them to understand how you feel and what you need, but they’re too busy defending themselves to truly listen. 

Unfortunately, defensive reactions can make it difficult to have constructive conversations. Without good communication, the systems for resolving problems in relationships begin to break down — and that’s when your relationship gets in serious trouble.

The good news: There are so many actionable strategies that work to create positive change in this dynamic. With new skills and a different perspective, you can overcome defensiveness and restore healthy communication. That's what you'll learn in today's episode!

I hope you’ll join me. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on helping each other feel seen, heard, and understood, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

Are there emotional vampires lurking all around you? 

Unfortunately, this isn’t a problem you can solve with a garlic necklace or some holy water. An “emotional vampire” (or “energy vampire”) is a very unscientific term for a person who stirs up strong emotional reactions in others — like anger, pity, discomfort, or annoyance. Not only do they not take accountability for this, they seem to feed off of it. They drain your time, energy, and emotional wherewithal, and give you little in exchange. 

If a relationship is feeling bad, it could be that you’re dealing with one of these exhausting personality types. But sometimes, it’s more about the ingredients that you’re bringing to the table (or not bringing to the table). Many people need some help telling the difference, and I created this episode about “warding off emotional vampires” to make it a little easier. You’ll learn why certain people trigger you (while other people get along with them just fine), and how you can prevent emotional vampires from bleeding you dry. 

Happy Halloween, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com 

When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly.

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know blended family problems like these are common, and incredibly challenging to overcome. It’s one of the reasons I advise couples to seek blended family counseling as a preventative measure, before problems arise. I also advise taking a very thoughtful approach to blending your families, and examining your expectations for what the role of step-parent will look and feel like. 

Listen to “the dos and don’ts of step-parenting” to get real-deal advice on how to avoid the most common step parenting mistakes, and learn an approach to step-parenting that helps you release unhelpful expectations so you can create a happy, harmonious blended family.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell. 

That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their personalities (insofar as we can know someone’s personality within a few months of dating).

This isn’t because we’re all shallow jerks — it’s just that we’re biologically primed to hone in on the qualities that make for an excellent short-term mate (short-term as in, long enough to make a baby and keep it alive until it can walk), rather than the deep personal qualities that actually make for a good life partner. 

Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, it’s to your benefit to learn about these deeper qualities, so that you can recognize them in others and cultivate them in yourself. If you can focus on character over chemistry in your relationships, you can create a partnership that’s healthy, strong, and truly built to last. 

On this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. Using insight I’ve gained through working with countless couples over the years in marriage counseling and relationship coaching, I’m going to tell you what actually makes a good life partner — and how you can develop your own “good partner” skills to create better relationships. 

With Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

It’s no secret that good communication is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship. But, as we all know, couples communication can be challenging — especially when you're under stress.

When you and your partner are under stress, communication gets hard. It’s so easy to forget everything you know about active listening and “I-statements” when you’re feeling emotionally elevated, and to slip into a communication style that’s heavy on criticism, blame, and defensiveness. This tendency is totally human — but it’s also a bad habit that we all must overcome for our relationships to truly thrive. 

On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing couples communication strategies that will not only help you manage feelings of stress without damaging your relationship, but that will tap into the power of your deep love and support for each other so you can get through stressful times while strengthening your connection. 

My guest is Silas H., M.S., MFTC, a couples counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. Silas has helped many couples improve their communication patterns and overcome adversity as a team, and he’s sharing his original and highly actionable advice with you today. 

All of this and more is here for you. I hope you’ll join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie bobby

GrowingSelf.com

All couples have differences, and having “spirited conversations” (aka, “conflict”) as you work towards resolving them is a normal part of every healthy relationship.

That said, there are certain types of relationship conflict and emotional experiences that you should never minimize, or underestimate the importance of.

These are the warning signs your relationship may be in real trouble, and when those are happening it's vital to deal with them. Understanding what they are can help you take positive action to repair your relationship so that you can heal your bond.

Learn about the six signs your relationship is in trouble, and what to do if they’re present, on this episode of the podcast. 

Your partner in growth, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Is it hard for you to trust your partner, or feel secure with them? If you've ever caught yourself double checking them (and then wondering to yourself, "Do I have trust issues?") this podcast is for you.

We're talking about what trust issues are (and what they are not), signs of trust issues, what causes trust issues, how unresolved trust issues damage relationships, and what you can do to overcome them — so you can feel confident and secure.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: Access all the resources I mention in this podcast on the blog at GrowingSelf.com!

Are you in a codependent relationship? If so you're probably feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted from trying to create positive change in your relationship single-handedly. (Or feeling like you're never quite good enough to meet the standards of your partner). Not fun for anyone!

On today's episode, we're taking a deep dive into codependent relationships. Listen, and learn:

- What codependent relationships are

- Why they happen

- The stages of codependency recovery

- How you can get un-fused from each other so that you can both grow and flourish.

How to stop being codependent: All for you!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

People often wonder, “Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?” 

Here’s the short answer: It depends. Jealousy can be healthy when it signals that it’s time to draw your partner close in response to a real or imagined threat. This is a good thing that helps preserve and strengthen your relationship — but only if you’re able to handle jealousy in a self-aware, intentional way.

When jealousy gets out of control (particularly if it’s due to past relational trauma, rather than a current relational threat), it can be a destructive force that harms your relationship, your partner, and you. 

In this episode, we’re talking about jealousy’s ancient roots, when it’s healthy and when it’s a problem, and how you can use feelings of jealousy to start important conversations, establish healthy boundaries, and strengthen your relationship. 

Tune in for a discussion about:

[03:23] What is Romantic Jealousy?

[09:49] What Causes Jealousy in a Relationship?

[17:49] When Jealousy is Healthy 

[23:56] What to Do When You’re Feeling Jealous

[41:56] When Jealousy Turns Abusive

[46:01] Learning from Your Jealousy

And more! 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Are we a good fit? Do we have enough in common? Is my partner really “The One?” 

Personality type compatibility in relationships isn’t about being alike or agreeing on everything — it’s about learning to understand your differences and use them for the benefit of each other and the relationship. 

In today's episode, you’ll learn all about what really makes a couple compatible, and how you can harness your differences for a stronger relationship.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

On today’s episode we’re discussing the unwelcome territory we all have to navigate eventually: life after loss. 

Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a dream, a job, or a relationship, adjusting to your new reality requires a grieving process. Giving yourself permission to fully mourn heals you, and fosters new growth too.

In this episode, I'm speaking with two expert grief counselors about coping with grief and loss, finding peace, and moving forward when it feels like you can’t.

If you've experienced a loss, I'm sorry... and this one is for you.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Every committed couple begins with the best of intentions, believing they’ll love each other forever.

But we all know it doesn’t always work out that way. The truth is that people often accidentally damage their relationships beyond the point of repair... without even realizing it. 

Today, we’re talking about the real, hidden reasons why relationships fail, so you can take positive action now to keep yours healthy and strong. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Why do we react the way we do? Attachment styles in relationships are a powerful force. Understanding your attachment style, as well as that of your partner, can help you create a more compassionate partnership.

In this episode, you'll learn about attachment patterns, identify yours and your partner's, and how to develop healthy and secure relationship systems.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Confidence is sexy. But when you're dating —and dealing with the rejection modern dating involves — it takes a toll on your confidence. Oh the irony.

Fortunately, building confidence in dating is possible, if you know how. On this episode, we’re discussing how to build your self-confidence, bounce back from rejection, and continue to put yourself out there until you find the love you want and deserve.

All for you, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

We all carry around at least a little emotional baggage from past relationships. But by seeking out new, healthy experiences with safe people, we have the power to help ourselves heal and grow.

Today, we’re talking about healing relationships, and how you can create positive experiences with others that help you become a happier, healthier version of you.

Join me! 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you feel guilty when you can’t do what others want? If so, you may struggle with people pleasing, a habit that can add a lot of stress to your life and resentment to your relationships.

Never fear — this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast is full of tips for how to stop saying yes to everything, and start prioritizing your own authentic wellbeing.

Having issues with each other's family of origin is one of the most common things that couples fight about, particularly around the holidays. It’s challenging to set healthy boundaries while also maintaining relationships with each other's "first family” — particularly if your in-laws are controlling or intrusive. (Or just very different from your family).

On this episode of the podcast I’m sharing tips for how to deal with in-laws to help you navigate sticky situations with diplomacy and grace, so you can enjoy your time together.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Who you work with really matters when it comes to outcomes in therapy. How do you tell a good therapist from a bad one? What are the subtle signs that your therapist might be nice, but ineffective or even unqualified? What are the red flags that your therapist is behaving unethically? Spilling *all* the beans on this episode, so you can make informed and empowered choices.

Warmly,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Are your subconscious "thinking traps" getting in the way of your finding the right person? On today's episode of the podcast, NPR's dating expert Damona Hoffman is here to help you get out of your own way and find the love you're looking for. Join us!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

We can all agree that the world needs more kindness right now. But the practice of meaningful, deep kindness is more challenging than you'd think. It requires empathy, intention, mindfulness and commitment. 

Yet the rewards of cultivating a kindness practice are enormous. Kindness mends stressed relationships, boosts self esteem, protects against depression and anxiety, and strengthens supportive friendships. Practicing kindness helps you as much as it helps others.

In this episode, my guest Houston Kraft, author of "Deep Kindness," shares how to have courage and be kind, and cultivate a transformational kindness practice that will lift everyone up, including you.

Tune in, and unleash the power of kindness in your life!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com