Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?” 

As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself. 

In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all constantly communicating through subtle cues that we give off unintentionally, running each other’s messages through the filter of our own experiences and beliefs, then forming judgments about each other that we rarely voice out loud. 

This is what’s happening when someone gives you a “bad vibe” that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s also why two people can walk away from the same conversation with completely different interpretations of what was said. To communicate effectively and avoid the kind of miscommunication that can damage relationships, you have to consider not only the words you’re using, but the spirit behind your message and the way you’re conveying that spirit. 

The skills we’re discussing in this episode are components of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence coaching is one of the core services we offer at Growing Self. Emotional intelligence is the key to satisfying personal relationships, and emotional intelligence in the workplace is the foundation of professional success. We also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

While I know that many of the topics we’re discussing in this episode are of particular interest to career coaching clients, we also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

I hope you’ll join me for this episode, all about “How do People See You?”

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Feeling connected to other people is one of the most important factors in how happy people feel. Humans are social animals, and that’s true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We need each other.

And social media relationships don’t count, from a happiness perspective. While actual, real world lets-hang-out relationships are strongly associated with happiness and perceived wellbeing, the opposite is true for Facebook relationships. People who spend more time on Facebook tend to be less happy, more lonely, and generally sadder than people who spent less time on it. A phone call will do much more for your mood than a scroll through your news-feed.

But the truth is that connecting with others can feel challenging sometimes, especially in adulthood. Even for people who made friends effortlessly as kids or young adults can struggle to find new relationships as life evolves. I talk to people all the time who are attractive, smart and interesting — and who still feel really lonely and isolated sometimes.

So on this edition of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast we're going to tackle this problem (and lick it's face until it giggles): How to make more (real) friends.