These days, travel is more than just taking a trip. Where you go, who you go with, and what you do when you're in complete control of your time says a lot about you. Your personality, your interests, and even your identity becomes intertwined with what you do during your leisure time.

More importantly, traveling with intention can lead to personal growth. Having new experiences, getting a fresh perspective, and putting yourself in challenging situations can help you expand: Becoming wiser, more worldly, and more resilient. Traveling well can also provide you with benefits that linger long after you get back home.

Because traveling well is such an important aspect of personal growth, I've invited travel writer Aditi Shrikant of Vox to discuss the psychological impact of travel on people, and things to consider as you're planning your summer adventure. She shares her insight into making travel meaningful, and as well as some tips to get the most personal impact from your vacation.

Your partner in adventure!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

We think of the process of changing your life as a positive thing — one that is hopeful, and infused with joy. However, here's the dirt: While the results are absolutely positive, no-one ever, ever, changes because they're just so happy with their life as it currently is. No. People actually change because they are frustrated, annoyed, hurt, embarrassed, experiencing negative consequences, or just completely worn out and exhausted from living the way they have been.

It takes a brave soul to raise their hand and say, "This is what changing my life actually was like — tell my story."

It's such a treasure when that happens though. We all learn from each other, and hearing how people just like us learned, changed, grew, and evolved, creates an inspirational path that we can then follow ourselves.

Today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast that is exactly what we are doing. My dear colleague, fellow Denver therapist and online life coach Polly Drew has an inspiring story of personal transformation to share. She talks about the change process: From her first awareness that she had a problem, to how she got the motivation to start making changes, to the support and systems she needed to put into place in order to be successful in changing her life.

We're talking all about what it takes to really change your life on this episode of the podcast.

With love,

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT& Polly Drew, M.Ed., LMFT

www.growingself.com

In my role as a therapist, life coach and breakup recovery coach here at Growing Self, I have had the honor and privilege to walk along side many people as they make agonizing decisions about whether or not to stay in a relationship.

They often have deep ambivalence about the relationship: They love their person, and they acknowledge that the relationship has many good aspects, and yet they simply feel in their heart that it is not the right relationship for them.

So they stay. Sometimes, for years. 

If this is familiar to you (or someone you know) this podcast is for you. In this episode I'm addressing:

• Why people get stuck in an unhappy relationship
• What goes on inside of someone in the weeks and months leading up to a breakup
• Why (and when) breaking up can be the most compassionate thing for all parties
• How to break up with someone you care about (especially if they argue with you about it)
• Underlying factors that can contribute to people having "commitment issues"
• What relationship patterns need to be addressed, lest they follow you into your next relationship
• What to discuss in couple' counseling if you want to give it one more shot

I hope this perspective helps!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self is devoted to helping you feel happier, and get better results in your relationships and your career. Over the years of being a therapist and coach I've learned that there are a couple of specific skills that, when learned, can change everything for you; you'll feel happier, less stressed, more confident, and empowered. I teach these skills to my private therapy and coaching clients, I teach them in my online Happiness Class, and I'm here today to teach them to you, too.

These strategies work for me, they work for my clients, and they'll work for you too.

Listen now, and let's get started!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your financial success is vital to creating the life you want.

Learning how to be better with money is not just a matter of making a budget and stopping your $5 latte habit. Genuine financial success requires self-awareness, clarity about your core values, and intention -- as well as a plan. Financial management is a vital life-skill that is learned, and once you have a tool-box of strategies to manage your money you can flourish in every way.

That's why, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Profit Boss Hilary Hendershott.Hilary is a Certified Financial Planner, financial advisor and a wealth coach. She has helped many people learn how to not just manage their finances, but create genuine abundance in their lives.

She's here with actionable advice to help you:

• Gain self awareness about your patterns with money
• Stop sabotaging your financial success
• Use your core values guide your financial decisions
• Develop an intentional relationship with your money
• Guide your money, easily and effortlessly
• Create long-term financial peace

Listen to our discussion and get actionable advice from Hilary about how to start changing your relationship with money for the better, starting today.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: Have a follow up question about financial success or any other Love, Happiness or Success topic? Cruise over to www.growingself.com and share it in the comments!

Adult ADHD: A Blessing and a Curse

Wondering if you have Adult ADHD, or suspicious you do? Want to take an "Adult ADHD Test?"

Here's the first test: Does the fact that this is a podcast about ADHD rather than a written article make you feel relieved? (Because you can run / clean / drive / keep futzing around with whatever you want to instead of having to sit still for a REALLY LONG TIME (like 8 minutes) and laboriously read through an article and take a quiz?)

Ding ding!

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to tell the difference between garden-variety disorganization and real-deal ADHD. I'll give you an "Adult ADHD Quiz" to help you determine if you might have it, or if someone you love may struggle with it. I'll also be sharing some strategies you can use to conquer Adult ADHD, and rise to your magnificent potential. 

Check out the video and book resources I mentioned on the podcast at www.growingself.com/adult-adhd-test.

Learn more about Dr. Bobby, her coaching practice, and her online "Happiness Class" at www.growingself.com

(Music Credits: "Networking" by The Knife)

Generational differences in the workplace aren't something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with a team, your expectations about your career path, and even the way you relate to authority figures can all be connected to the point in time that your personality and professional identity were being developed.

Understanding your generational differences, particularly how they show up on-the-job, can help you not just understand yourself more deeply, but help you work more effectively with your colleagues. 

Join career and leadership coaches Teena E and Markie K on this episode to gain understanding of why you are the way you are on the job, and how you can use awareness of yourself and others to create collaborative connections with your colleagues.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

It's so, so hard to let go...

In the aftermath of a breakup or even divorce, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship "situationships." Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being hang-out buddies with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.

While this is understandable, it's also destructive. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces and breakup recovery situations. I've spoken to the broken hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my perspective on:

• Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex
• Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you)
• The power dynamics at work in every breakup
• How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you
• What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what it does to your self esteem
• The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to
• How to cut the cord and set yourself free

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:

• The Stages of Healing From a Breakup
• Our Online Breakup Recovery and Support Group
• Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program
• Our Facebook group

How do you know if you're with the right person? If your relationship is good but not perfect, is that okay? How do you know if you're settling? When do you invest in a relationship, and when should you bail?

So. Many. Questions.

This angst was captured perfectly by a recent question that someone asked on our Growing Self Facebook page:

"How do you know if you should marry the guy? I’m in my mid twenties and loads of my friends are facing this question, as am I. You’ve been with them a couple years, it’s good but not perfect ... Do you break up and look for more or is he the one?"

On this episode, we're discussing how to figure out if you're compatible, how good is good enough, what things in a relationship can change (and what can't) and the surprising shift in thinking that will help you see the potential of your relationship a different way — for better or for worse.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Have you been daydreaming about quitting your day job and becoming self-employed? Lots of people share the fantasy of starting a business or doing their own thing, but many hit a wall when they think about how to actualize their goal of supporting themselves without a job. 

If you want to get the real-deal on what it takes to become successfully self-employed, you're in for a treat. I asked an experienced freelancer, NY-based journalist Michael Stahl, how he cut the cord and started doing what he loved for a living — and found success in following his passion.

He shares his advice for how to make the transition from employee to "free" (as well as how to deal with the ensuing anxiety) on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen to his inspiring story and get insight on how to generate a plan, manage the anxiety, and cultivate the grit that will sustain you as you make your own way.

 Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Love is not enough, actually. You can have an over-all great relationship with someone you love very much, and still feel like you're not really getting what you need in order to feel truly connected and cared for.

This can lead to frustrations, especially if your efforts to ask (or hint, or nag, or beg, or control, or get angry repeatedly — no judgment) never lead to real and lasting change in your relationship.

Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking to a true expert on this subject: Dr. Robert Navarra. Dr. Navarra has decades of experience as a marriage counselor, couples therapist, and addictions counselor. He trains other therapists on The Gottman Method of couples therapy— the gold standard in evidence-based couples counseling. He has also pioneered a new, evidence based method for helping couples reconnect in the aftermath of addiction.

He's here to share his insight and relationship advice with you, so that you can finally get your needs met in your relationship. Listen now, to start making positive changes today. (You might even consider listening to this episode with your partner, just in case they have some things to share too.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Has your relationship been feeling hard lately? Arguing, bickering, sullen silences, critical comments, and rampant invalidation? If so, you're not alone. Virtually every couple has gone through rough patches like these.

Relationship problems are exhausting, but mentally and emotionally draining too. Your relationship should be a source of comfort and support, not one of stress and anxiety.

If you're normal, at a certain point, it starts to feel unsustainable to keep going as you have been, and start searching for solutions. You may even start entertaining the "final solution" of breaking up or getting divorced.

There is a path forward that can bring you two back together again. It's actually fairly simple (but not easy). Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for advice from a marriage counselor for how YOU can get your relationship back on track.

Happy Valentine's Day!

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Although many people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn't really change a relationship," as a premarital counselor (and long married person) I often smile to myself when I hear this.

What I've found to be true is that becoming engaged to marry most definitely does change a relationship, often in positive ways. Engagement also affords thoughtful couples opportunities to build their relationship's strengths, as well as take proactive action to prevent possible relationship problems in the future.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert premarital counselor Rachel Harder about the changes that happen in a relationship once couples get engaged, plus the skills and strategies that she teaches her premarital couples to help set them up for success.

If you're recently engaged, want to be, or know someone who is, listen to our interview to hear about the most important domains of your relationship to focus on in order to build the foundation for a happy, successful and satisfying marriage.

And, CONGRATULATIONS!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT and Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFT-C

www.growingself.com

Foundational Relationship Skills

• Self awareness -How understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and your personal values can help you build better relationships with others.
• Emotional regulation -How being able to manage your feelings can help you communicate more effectively in relationships.
• Self respect -How having healthy self-esteem and self-love helps you have stronger and more authentic relationships.
• Assertiveness -How to develop your voice and your truth in order to communicate your needs, rights and feelings to others.

Intermediate Relationship Skills

• How to improve your communication skillsby cultivating both self-expression skills as well as listening skills.
• Setting boundaries -How to set appropriate and healthy limits with others.
• How to manage conflict.

Advanced Communication Skills and Relationship Skills

• Identifying our triggers -How to use our self-awareness, self-respect, and communication skills to avoid situations that would be bad for us and bad for our relationships.
• Empathy -Learning how to understand the needs, rights, feelings and perspectives of others, and how to use that awareness to improve communication and build better relationships.
• How to cope with relationship challengesincluding dealing with toxic people, how to deal with criticism, and what to do with bullies.

We sincerely hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps to give you some direction for building better relationships in your life!

xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Kathleen Carroll Stutts, M. Ed., LPC

www.growingself.com

Advice From a Life Coach: Here we are, just a week into the new year. If you're like many people, your track record on those resolutions may already be spotty. Or perhaps you've tossed the whole plan out the window already.

Fear not: Making changes is not about doing the thing perfectly every time. You don't just hop in a car, point the steering wheel in the general direction of the grocery store, and then expect to get there do you? Of course not. From the moment you pull out of the driveway you're turning, speeding up, slowing down, taking detours, stopping for gas — you adjust and flex the whole way there.

BUT. That's not to say that it isn't helpful to have tools and strategies to help you along the way. Just like you use your handy Google Map App to get you from A-Z, there are many useful tricks and life-hacks to make doing what you want to do easier than it would be if you just wandered out without a map.

Particularly if your goals for the new year involve creating a new keystone habit, and making it stick, there's an easy way and a hard way. Here at Growing Self, we're all about making growth and success as simple and painless as possible. So, here's a bonus episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to support you on your journey.

I'll be discussing:

• Useful apps and practical strategies to keep you on track
• Psychological strategies to keep you motivated.
• The mindsets that will lead you towards success... and the ones that will send you skidding off the rails
  •  

You can do this!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

I want you to be successful at creating the change you desire in this new year. So for that reason, today's episode is all about how to find and lovingly cultivate one solid keystone habit.

This surprisingly simple technique launches a chain of successes that will carry you forward. Join me and learn how to make great things happen — the easy way!

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

When you get married or commit yourself to a long-term relationship, you're signing on to support each other through thick and thin. If you're fortunate, most of the time things are okay: the sun shines and you live in the benevolence of the universe. But not always.

Unexpected job loss, a death in the family, serious illness or infertility— these are only some of the common issues that many (most? all?) couples are going to face together at some point or another. These can be particularly challenging to cope with during the holiday season.

So, today on the show, we're going there and talking about how to negotiate these hard times successfully, as a couple.

Master marriage counselor, couples therapist, and relationship coach Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT will be sharing her best relationship advice to help you both have greater empathy and compassion for each other when the chips are down. She'll be discussing communication strategies you can use to stay connected through hard times, and also some tips for how to support each other as individuals around things like illness, grief, and death, and infertility.

A master career coach is also sharing her best tips for how to cope with the stress of a layoff or job loss and stay connected with your partner as you go through it. 

We hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this hard time together.

Yours sincerely,

Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are.

In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us.

The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members.

In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries.

The Usual Suspects:

• Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility.
• Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why.
• Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all.

Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year. 

I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer.

From me to you,

Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Music Credits: Ty Segall, "Ceasar"

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands... For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness... This podcast is for you.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by expert career and executive coach. She's sharing her best career advice for how to tell if your workplace is toxic, and if so, how to survive... and ultimately move on victoriously.

Links to the resources we discussed here: https://www.growingself.com/toxic-workplace-career-advice

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within.

Attaining Empowerment

On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including:

• Mindful self-awareness
• Building self-loveand self-compassion
• Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation
• How stress can impact your empowerment
• The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings
• How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible
• Trusting yourself
• How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love
• Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation
• How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships
• How to not fear your own power

I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment

Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you're going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal.

What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they've started seeing regularly. That's when all the questions come up.

Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We'll discuss:

• How to manage new relationship anxiety
• The stages of a new relationship
• New relationship questions
• When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel
• Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility
• When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold 'em).
• What to do when someone you like hasn't called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you
• How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships
• How to move a new relationship forward without "scaring someone off"

All that, and more, on the podcast.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love

PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! :)

I get so many breakup questions on our GrowingSelf.com blog and through Facebook from broken-hearted people looking for breakup recovery advice. More than anything, they want to know how to get over a breakup. They have questions like:

"How long does it take to get over a breakup?"

"How do you get over a breakup when you live together"

"How to stop thinking about your Ex?"

"How to get over a bad breakup?"

As you know if you've ever listened to my podcast, I have a special place in my heart for people who are in the midst of a bad breakup, and I really want to help. (You can read my own horrible breakup story here.)

I thought that, instead of trying to answer so many specific breakup questions, it might be more helpful to everyone to learn more about the stages of a breakup. My hope is that in learning about the stages of a breakup, you can identify where you are in this process and get some direction for how to move past your breakup.

I also hope that learning about the stages of a breakup will provide you with guidance about how to move forward after a breakup, no matter what stage of breakup you're currently in. I'll be sharing tips on how to move through each stage of a breakup on today's show.

I hope that this breakup advice, and the breakup success stories I share help you find your way forward too.

Yours in healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Break up or stay together? Who hasn't wondered the same, during a seriously difficult time in their relationship? Or, entertained an even bigger question: Should you try to save a relationship? How hard should you work? Especially a relationship that has been feeling really hard and unsatisfying for a long time? How do you know when it's time to call it quits?

Because deciding whether to break up or stay together is such a hard decision, we have many questions come through from clients, listeners of our podcast, and readers of our blog wanting help in deciding if their relationship can be saved, or if it's time to throw in the towel.

They want to know things like:

• "How long should it take to see improvement in my relationship?"
• "In my heart, I don't want to be married to this person anymore. Will it ever come back?"
• "Is what I'm seeing solvable, or is this a sign we should break up?"
• "Once a cheater, always a cheater? Or can you have a good relationship after infidelity?"
• "I'm not being treated well by my boyfriend. Can this change?"
• "How do I know if I've tried hard enough to save my relationship?"

If you've been going through a hard time in your relationship that has led you to have doubts, I hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast can help shed some light on signs that it's time to break up, or whether your relationship can be saved.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. We discussed a number of resources on this show. Here's where to find the links to all of them: https://bit.ly/2Pga85B

How to Create The Career and Life You Want

The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you're like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching, career coaching or therapy right now, it's because this is the time of year to let go of the old, get re-aquainted with yourself, and design new goals for the next chapter of your life.

To support you in your quest for personal evolution, life coach and career coach will be sharing her advice for how to move forward fearlessly in your career, your life and your relationships.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about:

• How to organize your life around what brings you the most energy and fulfillment
• Identifying the self limiting beliefs that may be holding you back
• Avoiding the common, self-sabotaging traps of perfectionism and negative self-talk
• Resources to help you to get clear about your values and your goals
• Key skills to making good decisions about where to go next with your life
• How to transform your personal and professional relationships

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Miscarriage or infertility can be very hard to talk about, and the lack of support for women and couples going through it can make it even harder to know where to go for help. For this reason, I've invited Growing Self marriage counselor, therapist, women's health and fertility expert Sonya J to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. We're talking about:

• What women who are grieving after pregnancy loss need from their partners, family and friends.

• How the healthcare system fails to support the emotional needs of women and couples going through the experience of miscarriage or infertility.

• How couples are impacted by infertility and pregnancy loss, and how they can support each other through it.
• How couples can protect their sexual relationship as they are dealing with infertility.
• The difference between simple and complex grief, and how to heal emotionally after a loss.

If you've been dealing with this extremely difficult life experience, we hope that you join us and listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Sincerely,

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

www.growingself.com

Any good marriage counselor or couples therapist will tell you that sex isn't the ONLY thing in a great relationship. Friendship, teamwork, communication, emotional safety, respect, and appreciation are all fundamentally important too. And yet, even when all those strengths are present, if you're not connecting sexually over a long period of time... eventually lack of physical intimacy can erode even the best relationship.

To help us understand the most common sexual problems that couples encounter, and how to resolve them, I've invited expert sex therapist Dori Bagi to speak with us on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

We'll be discussing:

• Why couples often have differences in sexual desire (meaning one person wants to have sex more than the other) and what you can do about it.
• The role that pornography can play in a relationship —  both positive, and negative.
• Why body image and self-esteem issues are so often at the root of sexual problems, and how you can work together as a couple to resolve them.
• Differences in the sexual response cycle between men and women, and how understanding arousal can help you both develop a stronger sexual connection.
• How to talk about your sexual relationship in a healthy and constructive way.

Hope this conversation helps you find your way back together again...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Anger Management Help

"Anger issues" are a common problem for many people, and in many relationships. So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I've enlisted the support of my colleague Dr. Georgiana, to share her expertise about anger. Dr. Georgiana is, among other things, an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Life Coach too. She specializes in helping angry people learn how to get to a better place, helps couples communicate and reduce the anger and frustration in their relationships, and I'm so pleased to have her share her "anger advice" with you today too.

We'll be talking about:

• What anger really is
• The different ways that "anger issues" can show up
• "Anger Styles:" The differences in the ways that people perceive and express anger
• Anger management strategies, and anger management techniques
• How to control anger in relationships
• How to manage your anger personally and in different situations
• How to deal with anger in other people

I hope that listening to this podcast helps you learn how to manage anger, and find inner peace — both for yourself, and in your relationship.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Everyone has the right to growth, and to feel safe, comfortable, welcome, and understood in what should be the most healing environment of all: Therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling.

However, for African Americans, people of color, and other minority groups in the U.S., that has not always been the case. Particularly for black people, getting involved in meaningful growth work can be fraught with obstacles. The time to change that is now.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I've invited my colleagues Anastacia Sams, Teresa Thomas, and Zachary Gaiter to talk about their perspective as black therapists and black marriage counselors. We're discussing:

• The historical influences that have created feelings of stigma or unease for black people to get involved in therapy.
• How the idea of using personal growth for self improvement has not been part of black culture... And why that needs to change.
• How the legacy of racism has led to a culture of concealment about vulnerable topics among African Americans, and how this impacts both individuals and couples.
• "Black Love," the "Superwoman Syndrome," and the impact of prejudice on self-esteem, intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment.
• How affirming and healing it can be for black people to connect with a supportive black therapist, black life coach, or black marriage counselor who really understands them, where they come from, and how to help them grow.

We hope you join us today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Zachary Gaiter, M.A., LPCC, Teresa Thomas, M.A., Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT

www.growingself.com

Have you been considering a career change? Sometimes, the first, hardest step is getting clear about what it is that you want to do. But even with that clarity, there can be other obstacles that need to be worked through before you can find a career that you love. Questions like:

• Should I go back to school?
• How will changing careers impact my family?
• What career is congruent with who I really am?
• What am I really good at? (And can I get paid for that?)
• Should I take a leap, or should I make an incremental change?
• Should I just focus on improving the career I'm currently in?

How — Or If — To Change Careers

Today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have the great pleasure of speaking with a master career coach, an executive coach, and a life coach. She's sharing her wisdom and experience to help you figure out if it's time to make a career change, and if so, find your ideal career and transition into a job you love.

Today, we're talking about:

• How to figure out if you're having "escape fantasies" and if so, how to avoid making mistakes in your career.
• The myth of the perfect career, vs what a realistic "career experience" should be.
• Escape fantasies vs making slight shifts
• Differences around career changes between men and women
• The utility of taking a career assessment test, or career placement test
• How to use your dark emotions to illuminate your career truth
• How to manage career challenges unique to different stages of life

No matter if you're a recent graduate looking to get clarity about what you want to do with your life, if you're in an established career that you're feeling dissatisfied and discouraged with, or if you're getting back into the workforce after taking a break, you'll definitely want to hear this great career advice.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Do you know what's standing between you and the life you want? Really?

As a life coach and therapist I regularly meet with clients who show up for counseling or coaching, certain that they know what their problem is, and what needs to be done to fix it.

Aaannnddd.... the next phase of the work in counseling or coaching is often helping people go further, and dig deeper to understand what the true source of "the problem" really is. (Hint: It is almost never what you think it is). Once that is revealed, we can then move to creating action-oriented strategies that will create meaningful and lasting change.

They go from feeling stuck, and like they're just spinning their wheels as they ineffectively chasing after what they think is the solution to the problem, to feeling like they are actually making progress.

But the first step is truly self-awareness. If you don't know what's really getting in your way, you can't possibly fix it.

Can you relate? If so, you're in luck: Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm walking you through an activity that will raise your self-awareness, and help you "get under the hood" of your inner experience.

You'll learn some new things about yourself AND get direction for how to start making changes. 

Here's to growth!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

Today, we're answering your relationship questions in order to give you real help for your relationship. Here are some of the relationship questions I'm answering today:

Ms M asks, "How do I know whether my relationship is worth saving, or if I should let this go and move on?"

Lisa asks: "Should I stay friends with my Ex?"

Mr. T asks: "I'm shutting down with my partner. How do I stop?"

Ms. K asks: "I'm afraid that my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to his own issues. What do I do?"

I mentioned many resources and links in this episode. Get access to all of them on the post for this show: https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-dmt

Do you have relationship advice for these questioners or personal experiences that you can relate? Perhaps you have your own relationship questions, self-improvement questions, breakup questions, or career questions for an upcoming episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please leave them in the comments!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

How To Improve Self Esteem

How do you feel about yourself?

Are you confident in your power to make good things happen in your life?
Do you believe that you are just as good as anyone else?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you feel like you are a good person, who is worthy of love and respect?

Too many people go through periods in their lives where self-confidence feels elusive. They doubt themselves. They may feel "less than" others around them. Perhaps they don't ask for what they deserve or don't feel able to take the risks that will move them forward.

And as a result, they may settle for less in their relationships, their careers, and their lives. Self-esteem matters.

Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-Worth

Feeling good about yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but rather in a healthy, self-accepting way) is key to having a good life. Yet many people struggle with this, and it is something that we routinely address with our therapy and life coaching clients.

So, to help you cultivate healthy confidence in your own life, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm joined by two of my colleagues, Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPCC, both of whom are experts in helping people heal, grow, and restore their optimism about themselves.

We're talking about how to improve your self-esteem, how to create self-confidence, how to cultivate healthy self-worth, and most importantly, how to use the healing power of self-acceptance to (paradoxically) create real and lasting change in your life.

We hope this exploration helps YOU on your path of growth and healing, too.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Dating Coaches Get Real.

Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who's a good match for you. Whether you've been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting.

And... I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love. 

But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what's the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results?

So Why Am I Still Single?

To get to the bottom of this, I've asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate.

All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection.

Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship.... or lead them into the arms of "the one."

Listen to his expert advice, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

Oh yes. In fact, long-distance relationships can have strengths over in-person relationships, and be a wonderful experience for everyone involved. However, to have a successful long-distance relationship, you need to be mindful of a few key factors in order to help you both feel loved, secure and connected although the miles keep you apart.

To talk all about how to make long distance relationships work, I've enlisted the support of long-distance relationship expert Brogan Crosby, M.S., LMFTC.

We're talking about:

• Why long-distance couples can actually have strengths and advantages over other couples, especially when one or both partners are ambitious and career-focused.
• Some of the unique challenges that long-distance couples face and how to overcome them.
• What the most important factors in making long distance relationships work are, and how you can mindfully incorporate certain strategies to keep your connection strong.
• Strategies to use during the transitional period when you shift from a long-distance relationship to living together (or nearby).

Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and learn how to make your long-distance relationship thrive.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

There are false myths about men that are unhelpful to everyone; themselves, the people who love them, and their relationships. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, our mission is to understand men and "the male experience," especially when it comes to self-development. To this end, I've enlisted the support of my fellow couples counselors, therapists and life coaches, Zachary Gaiter, and Seth Bender

Here are just some of the questions about men we're discussing:

• Why can it be so hard to get men to open up?
• Is it true that men are less likely to get involved in personal growth work, or want to pursue couples counseling?
• How can women help the men in their lives get help if they're worried about them?
• What are some things that men need to figure out, that women never even think about?
• What are some of the things that men really need their partners to know, but might not know how to say?
• What is the difference between a "guy" and a "man," in terms of male identity development?
• And what are some of the unique situations that men may be struggling with, but that never even get discussed?

All here for you, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com 

Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs, Oh My!

If you've been on the modern dating scene for any time at all, you've probably become aware that the way people connect with each other is changing. Old "rules of dating" that we could once take for granted are no longer the norm. In fact, dating advice from just a few years ago might now steer you in the wrong direction if you're looking for love.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by Match.com's lead researcher and scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, as well as Denver dating coach Markie Keelan, to talk about their latest dating advice and how you can make it work for you.

Here are just some of the dating questions we're discussing:

• What does it mean when someone you like disappears, only to show up again weeks or months later?
• How do a significant percentage of long-term relationships start these days? (Hint: Not  with a first date!)
• How can you tell if you're in a "situationship" that's going to turn into a real relationship? (Or not).
• Why does keeping your options open sometimes reduce the chance of finding authentic intimacy?
• How is the evolving political landscape impacting the way people behave when they're dating?
• Why are some parts of the country notorious for "Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs" - and what you can do to avoid this trap?

All for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

How Do You Get Over An Affair?

I know it sounds hard to believe, but you can heal after infidelity, and stay together. You may not ever "get over" an affair, but you can certainly heal your relationship. It is also possible to rebuild the trust after infidelity.

However.... getting past infidelity is an active process, for both partners. Time alone does not heal an affair. You cannot just "get over" infidelity. After you've been betrayed, you can't just flip a switch and put the past in the past, and trust your partner again. But you can heal, and you can trust again... when you're both doing the work of recovery, together.

Real Advice For Rebuilding Trust and Security, After An Affair

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing the ten crucial steps that every couple must take in order to repair their relationship after infidelity. I hope that this discussion creates a road-map for you to follow, as you work to reclaim your relationship, your trust, and your sense of security after an affair.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Getting Over Heartbreak

For years now, it's been a personal passion of mine to help people recover from heartbreak. I know that when you're going through a bad breakup or divorce, it can be absolutely overwhelming emotionally. Most people describe feeling "obsessed" with matters related to their breakup: Thinking about their Ex, or plagued with incessant thoughts about what went wrong in their relationship, why the breakup happened, what it means about them, and — most importantly — when they'll ever feel better.

For many people dealing with heartbreak, the unanswered questions, or confusion about what to do in different situations, are on their minds constantly. I get many questions from people in the process of trying to get over heartbreak, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some of them today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

We'll be talking through the following breakup questions:

1. "I was blindsided by my breakup, and feel totally confused about what happened. Should I try to have a 'closure talk' with my Ex?"
2. "I was getting past my breakup, but then learned my Ex started dating someone else. Now I feel devastated all over again. Why do I feel so upset by my Ex's new relationship, and how do I move on?"
3. "My Ex moved on quickly. Now I'm struggling with low self esteem after my breakup, and I can't stop thinking about my Ex. How do I move past this?"
4. "I have to work with my Ex, and see him flirting with his new love interest who is also a co-worker. I have been feeling anxious and depressed as a result. How do I cope with this terrible breakup situation?"

Listen now to get some advice for how to cope with a breakup, get your confidence and self esteem back, start feeling like yourself again. If YOU have a question for an upcoming episode of the podcast, you can leave it in the comments section of this post, or call 720-433-1110 to leave me a voicemail that I may use on an upcoming episode.

In the meantime, take care...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Did you know that I host a free, online breakup support group on Facebook? This is not a therapy group, but simply a space for you to connect with other people going through a painful breakup. Breakups can be so isolating, but you don't have to go through this alone. This group is a secret, private group, so no one can see that you're a member except other members, and your posts will only be viewable to the group. If you'd like to join, please message me via Facebook, and we'll add you to the group.

How to Stop Self-Sabotage From Derailing Your Goals.

Do you ever feel like your own worst enemy? Or feel frustrated that, despite having the best of intentions, you can't seem to actualize your goals? 

What I've learned from many years as a life coach and therapist is that when people fail it is NOT because of lack of motivation, or determination, or willpower. Most of the time it is because people are unintentionally sabotaging their own success... from day one.The worst part is that they usually have no idea that they're even doing it.

The antidote is having awareness about the subtle forces that will pull you off track every time, and the practices that will help you stay on course. 

Using the six strategies I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast will help you stop unintentionally sabotaging your success, and set you up to achieve your most important goals in 2018.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

It's Time To Stretch Your Soul

This is a sacred time of year, no matter what your beliefs. Spiritual traditions of every flavor honor this special season. Even if you have no spiritual belief system it's still a time for reflection, generosity and new resolutions. It's a time of year for gratitude, showing others how much you love them, and thinking about who you want to grow into as the next year spins into focus -- for everyone.

It's also the perfect time to cultivate the practice of unconditional love.

In the near future, you will likely have fork-in-the-road moments with friends, family, your kids, siblings, and your partner, in all their disappointing, annoying, frustrating, and hurtful humanity. At these moments you can choose judgment or empathy; contempt or compassion; anger or acceptance; grudge-holding or forgiveness.

Its easy to love when your ego is stroked, when you feel gratified, and when you're awash in pleasurable "loving" feelings. But the heart of every religion teaches us that our purpose here is something else: To love when it’s hard.

It can be challenging to stay compassionate and understanding with people who behave badly. The grand, beautiful paradox of this time of year is that -- with all it's unique stressors -- you will have many opportunities to practice staying soft and loving in the face of challenging relational moments.

Accept the Challenge of Unconditional Love

Choosing love even when it's hard feels selfless, but truthfully, you're the one who wins. Choosing love expands your soul, softens your spirit, and makes you a happier person. In giving love, you receive it -- whether or not anyone else participates.

Learning how to do this will not only help others, make you feel good, improve your relationships, and contribute to world peace... it will help you grow into the self-actualized, "best self" that you were meant to be.

With love to you, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

The Season For Unconditional Love: Listen Now

Music Credits: The Kronos Quartet, Black Angels: "Spem in Alium"

P.S. Are you on the Love, Happiness and Success Express? Sign up on my website and I'll send you a monthly roundup with the latest from the blog. 

What to Do, When The Dark Season Brings Dark Emotions

In the months leading up to the holidays, and in the months after, many people struggle with "dark emotions" such as depression, grief, and sadness. There are many reasons for this, including the reality of Seasonal Affective Disorder, changes to many people's health and nutrition habits in the wintertime, and the fact that for many people the holiday season often brings with it unique stressors and emotional triggers. Many people dealing with hard life transitions like a breakup or divorce struggle during their first holiday alone. For others, bittersweet memories of years past and lost loved ones infuse the season with feelings of grief and loss.

All these experiences are normal, and natural. Many, many people are dealing with these feelings privately as they go through the motions of making merry. However, because these extremely common feelings are not often discussed publicly, many people experiencing them can feel isolated as a result.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're breaking the silence and talking openly about this common experience, and how to move past it. We'll be discussing how to deal with dark emotions in a healthy way: when to lean into painful feelings, and how to work through them productively. We'll talk about the difference between situational depression and the symptoms of major depressive disorder, how to get a handle on seasonal affective disorder, how to work through the stages of grief, and the natural remedies for depression that can help you feel healthier and happier.

Wishing you all the best on your journey of growth and healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Start the New Year Strong, and Inspired

As a life coach who specializes in helping people grow and make positive changes in their lives, I'm well aware that every new year brings with it a wonderful opportunity to take stock of your life, get connected with your core values, get re-focused on your goals, and craft a plan to achieve them. Most people have a renewed sense of hope and motivation around their New Year's resolutions, which — when given the right tools — increases their chances of being successful in achieving big, positive changes.

But it can be hard to set (much less achieve) your New Year's goals. Many times people make New Year's resolution lists that are not tied to their deepest values, meaning they list the things they think they should want — or that other people want them to do. These are never successful, because they're not tied to your authentic wants and needs. Other times, people do have clarity about what they want to achieve, but their "grand plans" fall apart because their aspirations are not tied to a concrete, doable action plan.

But neither of those sad fates will happen to you.

Because today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about supporting you in your New Year's resolutions success. I'll be walking you through my "Start Your New Year Strong" free mini life coaching session so that YOU can get clarity about what you want for yourself over this next year, and also make a concrete plan for how to create it.

Note: This is an "active" podcast meaning that I'll be walking you through some exercises to gain self awareness and make specific plans. Before you start listening, please click on this link to download the free pdf worksheet so that you can do these exercises with me today. 

You Have The Power to Make Amazing Things Happen in Your Life

I'm excited to share this activity with you. My hope is that you'll leave our time together feeling inspired, energized, and with some tools and concrete new strategies to help you make great things happen for yourself in 2018.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

How To Handle Challenging Relationships Over the Holidays

Ahoy there! As I'm sure you're well aware, the holidays are fast approaching. If you're like many (most?) of our life coaching, therapy, and marriage counseling clients, over the past few weeks you've probably had lots of questions on your mind about how to handle this time of year - especially when it comes to managing your most important family relationships.

While family holidays have the potential to be fun and meaningful opportunities for connection, they can also be fraught with delicate and/or infuriating interpersonal dilemmas for many people. You want to have close relationships with your family or in-laws, and at the same time, it can feel very challenging to navigate the high-intensity holiday season without your family pushing your buttons, and firing off your emotional triggers.

Because of having had bad experiences in holidays past, many people can spend weeks, if not months, leading up to the holidays in a state of "holiday anxiety." We have had a number of thoughtful and heartfelt questions come in recently from our listeners, readers, and clients about how to handle various relationship situations over the holidays.

As a little holiday "care package" for them and for you, I'll be putting on my family therapist hat and addressing them on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Here are some of the questions our listeners (and clients) have been asking lately. I chose these questions in particular because I think that so many people can relate to them...

Grandparents Not Respecting Parents

"Dr. Lisa, I love my husband's family. They are so kind, and generous with us. At the same time, I feel that they do not respect our (especially my) authority as parents. In our home we have expectations for our kid's behavior, and also set limits around things like junk food. I feel that my husband's parents disregard these completely, even when we directly ask them to. The grandparents are overstepping boundaries. In particular, my mother in law is controlling and overbearing. It doesn't matter what I say or how I feel. My husband tells me that it's just the way she is and to go along with it. But I am so frustrated when I'm around her. I need him to set boundaries with his family and he won't. I need to be setting boundaries for grandparents. We are going to be staying with them for a week. Help!"

How Do I Deal With My Judgmental Family

"How do I deal with nosy questions? Even if they are well-meaning, I feel like my family does not get me at all, and like they're always judging me and my choices."

Spending Christmas Alone After Divorce

"This is my first holiday after my divorce, and I feel really sad. All I can think about are holidays I had with my Ex. My friends are busy with their families. I feel lonely. I think I am starting to get "holiday depression" over it. What do I do?"

Toxic Parents: Do I Avoid My Family Over the Holidays?

"I want to have a good relationship with my family, but over the years I have become aware that I have toxic parents. I believe they may even be narcissistic parents. Both of my parents are critical and judgmental of me. My mother can literally be abusive towards me. She is also completely codependent. I have dealt with it in the past by avoiding family gatherings, and avoiding my family during the holidays. My friends have told me I should cut off family entirely, and honestly I have considered cutting family out of my life. I don't want to do that, but I don't know what else to do to protect myself from my toxic family."

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

"My parents are the nicest people ever but they drive me crazy. My mom is constantly complaining about her health, and then I watch her sit on her butt all day and eat junk food. She is seriously overweight, has high blood pressure, is pre-diabetic, and will not do anything about it. My father constantly interrupts people. He drinks too much. He talks with his mouth full. My parents are not in a great place financially, and spend way too much money on our kids during the holidays and they make bad financial choices in general. I am literally embarassed by my parents. I want to help them but when I say anything they shut me down. All my "holiday stress" is tied to my frustrating family. How do I deal with this?"

I answer all these questions on today's podcast. Listen, and get some advice for how to manage all of these challenging family situations with love, compassion, tolerance and strength. Do you have follow up questions for me? Or comments? Please share them on the blog!

All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Here's a link if you want to check out one of the resources discussed on today's show. Crucial Conversations; Tools For Talking When the Stakes Are High, by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler

Single During the Holidays?

As a breakup expert and dating coach, I know all too well that many single people — particularly newly single people — often dread the holiday season, envisioning themselves enduring the upcoming string of holiday celebrations without a +1. But truly, there is no need to worry about feeling lonely during the holidays. If you're single, and want to be in a new relationship, the holiday season is actually a fantastic, highly advantageous time for you to connect with a new love.

Why is dating during the holidays such a great time to launch a beautiful new relationship? Three main reasons:

1. You have the opportunity to meet more people in person, because of all the holiday gatherings and events happening at this time of year.

2. Many, many other singles (fun, beautiful, desirable, successful singles just like you) are also feeling motivated to connect right now and are putting themselves out there too. But there's more: Match.com consistently finds that the Sunday after New Year's is the single most popular day for people to create new online dating profiles. They see a 30-40% increase in their membership on that one day alone. If you get your act together now, you'll have the pick of the litter come January.

3. Possibly most importantly, you have a legitimate reason to wear sequins, sparkles, and / or hilariously ugly holiday sweaters. (All of which are fantastic conversation starters, making it extremely easy for anyone to start up a conversation with you.)

You could totally walk up to this guy and talk to him about his bells and puff-balls. Or maybe just give him a hug.

In short: If you've been sitting on the sidelines, feeling discouraged about the dating game, now's the time to get off the bench and take another swing at finding love. And today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is going to help you do just that.

Free Advice From a Dating Coach

There are just a few keys to successful dating: Clarity, Chemistry, Connection, and Evaluation. We're going to be talking about each of these today to get you prepared to be your best self as you head into this sparkling season, ripe with potential for new love.

I'll be putting on my "dating coach" hat to give you some advice on how to get clear about who you want to meet, and how to attract them. We'll also be discussing the all-important "chemistry factor" and what YOU need to be thinking about and doing to wow all the attractive new people you're about to meet, and leave them wanting more of you.

Additionally, we'll be talking about how to make the most of all your opportunities for connection. You'll have natural "IRL" opportunties this season, in the form of parties and holiday events, as well as the chance to freshen up your online dating profile. Because your photos will make-or-break your success with online dating, I've invited professional portrait photographer Kelly Weaver (who specializes in online dating profile photos) to give you her top tips for getting some fantastic new photos for your profile.

After that, we'll also be discussing the downsides of being so gorgeous and irresistible, which is how to competently handle all the attention you're getting — not to mention the sheer volume of messages and invitations you might be flooded with. No really, having a solid plan in place to manage all the back-and-forth without acquiring a bunch of pen-pals, and quickly figure out who's a good fit for you and who's not will help you focus your energy on the people who are a match for you.

Lot's to learn about dating during the holidays, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen now...

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Ps: Do you have a follow up question or comment related to this podcast? Join the conversation! 

How to Cope, in a World Where Bad Things Happen

Like so many of you, I too was shocked and horrified by the events of last week when so many innocent lives were taken in the Las Vegas shooting. Among other things, it led me to scrap last Monday's podcast plans and create this one for you instead: Some advice for how to deal mentally and emotionally when terrible things happen.

I hate it that we live in a world where this even needs to be addressed, but it does. Together, over the past years, we've been through so much. Shootings. Natural disasters. Terrorist Attacks. War. Human Suffering. In our day-to-day lives we're all under assault; choking down an endless barrage of information about all the latest horrors ... but with no guidance for how to cope with it all, emotionally.

Death is the only wise advisor that we have. -- Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

Our counseling and coaching clients here at Growing Self have the luxury of being able to process all of it, and get actionable advice for how to manage the grief, the fear, and the anger. And most importantly, our clients have support in channeling all those dark feelings into something positive and empowering.

I believe that you deserve the same. So today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I thought I'd offer you some of the same ideas we've been teaching our private clients lately about how to cope, during these dark times.

Listen now, and learn:

• Strategies for dealing with grief and horror in the days after a tragedy
• Ways to regain your sense of empowerment, safety, and control
• How to use difficult times to get clarity about your core values
• Anxiety management tips to ground yourself
• Inspiration for how to be a force of good in the world

Theses ideas help me personally, they help our clients, and I sincerely hope that they help you, too.

With love and respect,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you attract the wrong people? Do you keep having toxic relationships?

If so, you're not alone.

You'd be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual therapy, or dating coaching hoping to achieve one goal: Having a healthy relationship. (And how to stop getting involved in unhealthy ones).

They show up to therapy or life coaching because they have, over time (or after the latest heartbreaking breakup) become aware that they are engaging in "non-ideal relationship patterns," over and over again. They keep getting involved with narcissists, or people who treat them badly. They keep choosing emotionally unavailable men, or aggressive / controlling women. Whatever the sad pattern is, they want it to stop.

Above all else, they want to work on themselves to heal, grow, and ensure that NEXT time they get involved with someone they can love and be loved in a healthy relationship with a good person. And so we dig in.

Identifying Your Blind Spots

The first stop in figuring out why you keep choosing the wrong man or wrong woman is uncovering what unconscious motivations are driving your choices. Getting outside help in understanding your toxic relationship patterns can be a wise move, because of the entirely subconscious nature of the problem.  You don't consciously choose bad relationships -- no one does. You choose what feel  in the moment, are good relationships.... and then wind up having bad experiences. (That are often mysteriously, eerily similar to the past experiences you thought you were trying to avoid).

Unhealthy relationship patterns can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it's old, unfinished emotional business from the past. Other times, your self-esteem or feelings of self-worth can get in the way. Yet other times, the root of the problem is imbedded in way you communicate or set boundaries with others. Because you are a complex, unique, individual, your truth will not be exactly the same as everyone else's.

Avoiding Toxic Relationships

However, there is one very common thing that most people have done at least once, and which will almost always lead to heartbreak: Falling victim to "Black Hat Love." Learning how to spot the one fatal factor that makes you most vulnerable to getting involved in toxic relationships can help you stop the madness, and finally create the happy, healthy relationship you're longing for.

And that's what I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Have follow up questions for me? Leave them in the comments @ https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-92A

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

"And the greatest of these is love."

Did you know that opposites really do attract - but only sometimes? Do you know what love has in common with addiction? Or how anti-depressants can interfere with your relationships? Or the difference between love and attachment? How about the kinds of personality combinations that create lasting love, versus lots of conflict?

I didn't either, until I discovered the research of Dr. Helen Fisher.

Through decades of research as a biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has uncovered the ancient secrets of love. Her groundbreaking work has revealed just how old, powerful, and biologically-based romantic love is through brain-image scanning.

For example, the drive for love lives in the same part of your brain as the drive for water and warmth. You know how, when you've been in love, it's totally consumed you? You're not imagining it: She's shown that your brain is actually wired that way.

There's more: Through her work with Match.com and Chemistry.com Dr. Fisher has collected data from literally millions of people, and shown how your biologically based personality style determines your ideal lover. She has also helped us understand the biological basis of sex and love addiction, and the mechanisms at work in love, lust, and attachment.

She's given TED talks, written books, published articles in peer-reviewed journals: And now she's here talking to you, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Listen now, and learn the truth about love from the expert: Dr. Helen Fisher.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

It's Time to Grow. 

Many people think that the most natural time to make big changes to their lives is around the New Year. Many people flock to life coaching around then, to help them actualize their resolutions. But, as a life coach, I'm going to let you in on a little-known secret: While the turn of the year is certainly a poetic time for transitions, there's actually one that's more powerful and effective if you really want to make change in your life.

And that time is now.

Why? Think about it: For all of your formative years, your life had a natural rhythm built around the school year. Summer was a time of self discovery and expansion. You got to step out of the daily grind for a little while, have new experiences, focus on relationships, and generally relax.

Then as every new school year began, you had a new opportunity, and a new beginning. Your clothing and school supplies were freshened. Plans were made. Intentions were set. And you got clean slate on which to reinvent yourself, define your new identity, and create a different reality with each passing year.

And most years, you succeeded, didn't you? You moved forward. You grew and changed. You were able to manifest a new incarnation of yourself. Every year was a chapter in the ever-evolving story of you.

This cycle was repeated over and over and over from the time you were a small child, until well into your twenties and beyond. Our work and vacation seasons still follow this natural order. If you're a parent, you're reliving something similar with your children now. This natural cycle of growth and regeneration is now pretty much hard-wired into your system -- even if you're not in school anymore.

However, many adults are no longer consciously aware of the ebb and flow of this seasonal growth energy in their lives. They just move from season to season without thinking too much about it. Sadly, they miss the opportunity for reflection transformation that this time of year affords.

But today I'm here to help you learn how to through fully and intentionally harness the power of this special time, and take advantage of it. By deliberately using the psychological and emotional forces that become available to you during this unique time of year, you can make important and lasting change in your life.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be walking you through some new ideas and activities that will help you give your entire life a makeover. To start, you'll learn how to begin the process of shedding the old, and embracing the new. We'll cover how to de-clutter and re-organize your relationships, your habits, the way you're managing your time, your energy, and yourself.

You'll learn how to take stock of different areas of your life to figure out what's working for you, what's worth building on, and what it's time to release. I'll give you some strategies to help you reflect and gain self awareness around the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that need to be released.

Then we'll talk about how to craft a plan for this chapter of your life, that includes setting the goals and making the daily changes that will help you create the life you want.

You deserve all the love, happiness and success in the world, and I sincerely hope that these ideas help you create it.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Looking for free relationship advice from a marriage counselor? Here it is...

Everyone needs relationship advice sometimes, and it can be hard to know where to go for trustworthy advice that will help you repair your relationship. (Sadly, much of what you find online is not evidence-based). One of the most meaningful things I do in my role here as a marriage counselor and relationship coach is putting lots of free information out into the world, in hopes that it connects with you at your time of need. Today, I'm making a show of it. Literally.

I have people from all over the world get in touch with me, asking fantastic (and heartfelt) relationship questions. I want you to know and I get all these questions. I've been listening to you, and hearing what you're looking for help with.

Today, I'm here with answers. I've picked a handful of a few of the most frequent types of relationship questions I commonly hear, and am addressing them personally on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

On today's show I'm dishing out some real relationship advice that answers listener questions, like:

• "How to I manage my own 'baggage' in such a way as to not negatively impact my relationship?"
• "Should I let a relationship go, or give it another try?"
• "My husband is totally withdrawing and won't talk to me -- what do I do?"
• "We are fighting about everything: Kids, communication, finances, and more. How do we even start repairing this?"

I bet you can relate to some of these, and if so I hope that my perspective finds the two of you help you find your way back together again.

Do you have a question for an upcoming episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? Leave it in the comments of this episode -- I might use them on a "Relationship Questions, Round 2" podcast soon! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people?

In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision.

Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.)

But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth.

What Happens When You Lose Yourself

Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems.

For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy.

Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.)

Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast:

"Dear Dr. Lisa,

Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.]

[Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it.

Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.)

Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times.

I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier.

I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic."

Sincerely,
- H

How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself

Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually.

In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives.

No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression.

Not fun.

So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead.

We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you.

Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free...

Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck.

If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now.

Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward.

Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.)

As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise.

Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing.

This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself.

Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free.

How to Cultivate Self Awareness:

Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you!

Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life.

Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action.

Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first).

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

http://www.growingself.com

Do you have issues with your parents?

If so, you're normal. As a therapist, family therapist, and life coach I know that many, if not most, people in their twenties, thirties, and forties are still working through different aspects of their relationships with their parents. This doesn't mean rehashing the past, but rather letting go of old baggage so that you can move forward into the life you design.

Though this work can be challenging, it can also be absolutely necessary for you to re-define your relationships with your family of origin as you grow into your happiest, healthiest, "best self." Understanding how you relate/d to your family can also be profoundly important to understanding how you relate to your spouse and children.

Sometimes, this work involves healing, and forgiving your parents for things that happened in the past. You may need to learn how to establish healthy adult relationships with your parents, as you create your own family. Or, you might need to set new boundaries with your parents, and release the responsibility and guilt your're carrying.

It's a lot, and for many this type of work can feel very "big" and overwhelming. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be talking you through some really common "parent problems" that adults face, and give you some tips for how to resolve them successfully. This episode might be helpful to you if you have:

1. Critical parents, judgmental parents or (shiver) narcissistic parents.
2. Intrusive parents, controlling parents, or generous parents who give gifts with strings attached.
3. Parents who are a mess, and emotionally or financially dependent on you.
4. Unfinished emotional business with parents who have disappointed you, or hurt you.

Yes, these are deep topics, but ones I know that so many of you can relate to. I hope that the advice I share here can help you to not just create healthier and happier relationships with your parents, but can launch you on your own empowering journey of healing and growth.

May peace be with you,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Because You Don't Just Want to Get Married. You Want an Amazing Marriage.

As I've written about (passionately!) in previous posts, there are specific things that smart couples do -- right from the start of their relationship -- to set themselves up for a happy, healthy, successful marriages.

Step one? Relationship education. Regrettably, no one explicitly teaches you how to have good relationships. We all muddle through, learning from our mistakes, and breaking some things in the process. But your marriage is much to important to wander blindly through. The quality of your marriage is the center of the life you'll build. Don't take chances. Do it right. Believe it or not, there is actually an instruction manual!

What we know from research is that couples who engage in high-quality marriage education programs either before they get married or in the first few years of marriage have much better outcomes than couples who don't: Lower divorce rates, higher marital satisfaction, and a stronger partnership.

You can achieve this too, by investing in your relationship, and educating yourself.

Why does this help? Because proactive couples on a positive trajectory who learn ahead of time how to handle inevitable issues, how to communicate, and how to keep their love alive prevent relationship problems from happening in the first place.

Our Wedding Present to You

If you are getting married this year (or even if you jumped the broom a few years ago) I am here today, to support YOU in creating an amazing, strong, enduring marriage by providing you with loads of free information. I want you to have everything you need to be happy and successful in your relationship for years to come!

Specifically, today, I have two "marriage education" presents for you.

Free Premarital Counseling Advice

The first: I have enlisted the support of one of our resident premarital counseling experts, Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT. Meagan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an emotional intelligence and communication coach, trained by the federal reserve to do financial counseling with couples, AND she teaches our Lifetime of Love Premarital and Relationship Class.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Meagan will be SPILLING THE BEANS about the kinds of skills and strategies couples need to learn to create a lifetime of love together.

Listen to our interview and learn the kinds of things you and your sweetie can start doing now to ensure that your relationship stays strong. You'll also get some insight in to the skills and strategies she teaches her premarital couples to help them get on the same page around finances, sexuality, priorities, and more.

Ask a Wedding Expert

The second wedding present I have for you: We are co-hosting a super-fun happy hour event at our Denver office on Wednesday May the 10th called "Ask The Wedding Experts."

If you are planning a wedding, this is your big chance to mix and mingle in a casual setting with wedding professionals (like master wedding planner Laura Peterson of L Elizabeth Events) who are ready to share their wisdom around things like:

• How to pull off amazing wedding without breaking the bank, and stretch your wedding-budget dollars.
• "DIY dazzler or disaster?" - The projects that are worth (or not) the effort.
• Wedding day Do's & Don'ts to keep your special day running smoothly.
• Styling tips to help your day (and your photos) to reflect what is most authentic an beautiful about your love.
• And of course, Growing Self premarital counselors will be on hand to help with tricky family situations, communication tips, boundary setting, and more.

This event is FREE. If you'd like to attend in person, register now so we know to save some champagne for you.

And, because so many of our online premarital counseling clients are outside of Denver, you can still get the scoop. Email me with your questions, OR leave your questions as comments in this post.

I will ask our panel of wedding experts your questions on your behalf, and I will post their answers for you in an upcoming blog post. Get your questions to me by 5/9, and then stay tuned for the answers!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Breakup Advice For The Most Common Breakup Questions

The only thing worse than going through a breakup or a divorce, in my opinion, is the mental and emotional fallout that comes after. Most people dealing with a split are consumed by unanswerable questions, replaying events in their minds, and trying to make sense of what happened. They also often worry about how they'll ever get over it... and when they'll stop feeling so terrible.

Since I do so much work around breakup recovery I often have people get in touch with me with questions, and for help in dealing with a bad breakup. But I recently had a listener of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast get in touch with me in the most unique way. She had read my book, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love" but had some additional questions about how to get over some of the most common (and frankly, hardest) aspects of breakup recovery. But instead of just emailing she recorded her questions into the sweetest video, and shared it with me.

As I watched her ask her heartfelt questions it I thought of all the other people who were probably going through the exact same things. I got back in touch with her to see if it was okay to use her recording in an upcoming episode of the podcast so that my listeners (and YOU) could also benefit from hearing the answers. She was kind enough to let me share them, and today's podcast is the result.

So if you're also going through a breakup and also wondering...

• How do I let go of the guilt and regrets I have about this relationship?
• How do I repair my self esteem after being rejected?
• How do I deal with seeing my Ex's friends out?
• How do I cope with being "blindsided" by a break up?
• Will I ever feel hopeful and excited about finding a new love?

... you'll definitely want to tune into this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

I hope our conversation helps you find your way towards growth and recovery too.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

What's the only thing better than free dating advice??

Evidence-Based Free Dating Advice

Valentine's Day is once again upon us. If you're single and ready to meet your soul mate, I have a special present for you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Some fantastic evidence-based dating advice from relationship researcher, and Match.com scientific advisor Dr. Justin Garcia.

Dr. Garcia, along with evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher, have just released their latest batch of research from their ongoing "Singles in America" research study. They have some fascinating new data about what singles are really looking for, what's most important to them, and what some of their biggest turn-off's are. His dating advice can help you seriously "up your game" when it comes to dating.

No doubt modern dating can be challenging, but as with all things knowledge is power. If you educate yourself about the realities of the dating game, learn how to play up your most attractive qualities, and are mindful of the common dating mistakes that can turn people off you've already got a huge advantage.

Random dating research tidbits that can make or break a first date:

Did you know that 66% of all singles surveyed reported that having their date send a text while they were together was a major turn off? That number gets bumped up to 75% if you answer a call while you're out! And you won't even believe what your dates really think about your cracked phone screen...

Listen to my interview with Dr. Garcia to learn:

• What do men really think about women who are go-getters?
• What are modern singles really looking for in a partner?
• What people really think about first-date s-e-x?
• And so much more...

You'll get great love advice and learn the easy things you can do (or even more importantly -- avoid doing!) to increase the odds that next Valentine's Day you'll be snuggling with your sweetie. If you'd like even more specific advice to help you master the art of modern dating, get instant access to our new "Find The One" online dating coaching program. 

xoxo, LMB
www.growingself.com

Free advice from a Life Coach:

Did you know that making New Year's resolutions can actually get in the way of your making real and lasting change in your life?

Today on the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast I'm putting on my Life Coach hat: I'm going to teach you a totally different way of thinking about "success" that will help you clarify your values, focus your energy on what's really important, and help you make massive progress towards the things you want most in life.

Sounds bold, I know, but this is a system I use all the time with great results -- both with my clients, and myself. Today I'm going to be teaching it to you, too. (Psst. Have you subscribed to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast yet? Subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed, and while you're there leave a review!)

New Year's Resolutions Don't Work

I felt compelled to share this to you because I know that you -- like all of us -- probably have high hopes for the coming year. And there's nothing worse than making big plans for change... only to feel like a "failure" before February even rears it's heart-spangled self.

What we know from research (click here to review the Stanford study on New Year's resolutions) is that only 8% of Americans achieve their New Years resolutions. Pretty grim. That's 92% of people feeling like they missed the mark.

So What Will Actually Help You Achieve Your Goals?

In order to understand what will work, we have to first understand what traditional New Years resolutions are lacking, and why they fizzle fast.

It's because even the most heartfelt resolutions are often disconnected from the things that will get you real results: Your values, your time, and your energy. It's one thing to set a goal. Goals are great, and give us a direction to move towards. But making things happen in your life is altogether different than "achieving goals." To hike up the tallest mountain, you have to stay on the path. The right path. If your only focus is the mountain peak, it's pretty easy to wander off into the bushes that are right in front of you.

Here's A Simple System That Will Move You Forward, Meaningfully.

This podcast is a New Year's gift to you. I'll be teaching you the system I use, and that I use with many of my clients to help them refocus, recenter, and kindle a motivational fire under them. It will help you not just start the New Year off on the right foot, but help you get on the right path for the long haul.

And - FYI - If you happen to be reading this AFTER the New Year, that is great too. This approach is a life-skill that you can use any time of the year to get re-focused, re-centered, and re-energized. Walk through the activities any time you're feeling like you need to get back on track.

Because I'm all about making things easy and effective I even made you a worksheet so that you can work along with me during the podcast, and do the activities I'll be walking you through. Get it through this link: www.growingself.com/start-strong.

Learn more about any of the other tools, free information, online classes and programs I referenced on my website: www.growingself.com.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

It's not "The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" when your heart is broken.

Even if the holiday season usually delights you, it's hard to be cheerful when you're consumed by painful memories of holidays past. The first year post-breakup, or post-divorce, can be especially traumatic. Everything reminds you of your Ex, and the fact that you are not together anymore. Thinking about the ice skating rink that you held hands at last year, how you're going to explain this to your anxious Grandma, or even the sight of sparkling lights is enough to throw you into a heavy state of sadness.

The holiday season can also feel particularly lonely if you're nursing a broken heart. Emotional pain feels isolating and difficult to share when it seems like everyone else is happy and having a good time. And of course the last thing you want to do is go to a party when 1) you need to fake cheerful "okay-ness" and / or 2) you're worried about running into your Ex or their friends. That's not even taking into consideration how challenging it is for the newly single to to negotiate high impact social situations without their usual "plus 1."

In short: this time of year makes a hard situation feel even harder. 

If you're like most people in this position you probably have lots of questions: "How should I handle myself in certain situations?" "Should I even try to go to parties this year, or should I lay low?" "How do I take care of myself?" and "Will this loneliness and pain ever end?"

Truthfully, the answers to those questions are not always easy or simple. The answers really depend on where you are in the breakup recovery process. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup, and show you how to actually use the opportunity of this challenging time of year to move your "heartbreak healing process" forward more quickly.

Not only will your "what to do" questions be answered, but you'll also get a good roadmap for the recovery process ahead. I hope that this information will help you invest in yourself, and make the coming year a fresh, positive new chapter of your life.

All the best to you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

How to Cope With Disappointment

Having your dream crushed can leave you sitting in emotional rubble, feeling disempowered and confused.

Our disappointments have many faces: Causes, or candidates, you believe in get creamed. The most interesting first date you've had in a long time ghosts out. You realize that your partner is never actually going to change. The pink lines of the pregnancy test fade away, and the bleeding begins. Bad things happen to good people. People fail you.

If you get in the ring of life, sooner or later, you're going to take a gut punch.

So how do you keep going? We know that grit — the ability to get back up and continue plodding forward despite adversity —  is the ultimate key to success. But It’s hard to maintain your hope and motivation when reality slams the door in your face.

If you've suffered with disappointment lately, here are three ideas that can help, plus the one thing you should definitely avoid doing. 

I hope it helps you find peace, strengthen your resolve, and turn your face towards future. 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Overthinking: The Curse of the Most Creative and Intelligent

Really smart, creative, and thoughtful people have many strengths. They can plan things in advance, avoid potential pitfalls, and envision their future reality. Vividly. However one thing I have learned from my years of experience as a therapist and life coach is that all these positive attributes, when left unsupervised, can also create boatloads of anxiety.

Overthinking and Indecision = Disempowerment

When you anticipate possible problems you feel constricted. When you plan every step you often encounter roadblocks. When you want to make the "right" decision before taking action, you invest more time and energy in to thinking than into doing. At these times it's easy to become riddled with uncertainty, and decide before you even try that things aren't even worth doing.

Slam! Analysis paralysis has clamped down on your life, and stopped you from living courageously.

The result? A safe life... But a smaller life.

Authentic Happiness Requires Risk

One of the core skills of authentically happy people that I discuss at length in my online Happiness Class is the ability to take measured risks. Why is the ability to try new things related to happiness? Because when you take action to bring your life into alignment with your core values, it gets better. Another component of fearless living is being able to handle uncertainty or adversity with confidence and competence. That means your happiness is still intact, even when things go differently than you'd hoped. That's true resilience.

Being resilient and trusting yourself means that it's safe to take chances. When you're able to fearlessly try new things, your world expands. When you give yourself permission to take action, you get to learn and grow no matter what. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next adds sparkle and excitement to your life. When your life gets bigger and more interesting, so do you.

Fearless Living Nourishes Your Relationship

Furthermore, novelty and learning new things are core ingredients to having a fresh, fun long term relationship. When your life atrophies, so does your partnership. If you want to have an interesting relationship, you need to have an interesting life. Plus, there is nothing sexier than a passionate person who is enthusiastic and confident. When you set aside anxieties and allow yourself to live fearlessly, you nourish both yourself and your relationship.

5 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living Fearlessly

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm giving you the scoop on how to release worry from your life, feel more confident in your decisions, strengthen your sense of competence and resilience, and cultivate fearlessness in your own life. Listen now, and learn all about the care and feeding of your inner tiger.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean you are depressed.

"Dark emotions" are not just normal and healthy parts of life, they are also essential to personal growth. Feeling unhappy is often the catalyst for making positive changes in your life. There is light and dark in all things. Experiencing grief, sadness, disappointment, hurt, and regret - unpleasant though they may be - are part of being a whole person.

Furthermore, listening to those hard feelings and taking guidance from them can help you understand yourself, your core needs, and your values more clearly. Even though they don't feel good in the moment, dark emotions are not just healthy... they are valuable. When you listen to those feelings instead of dismissing them as "bad," you have the chance to heal and grow.

What is Depression?

Depression is different from the pain of a "growth moment." Depression is not motivating, instructive or valuable. It's an illness.

Depression is a mood state that impacts the way you think, feel, and behave. Unlike the dark emotions that are connected to growth opportunities, depression is not productive or constructive. In fact, depression can be a serious illness that needs to be treated and relieved before meaningful personal growth is possible.

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking you inside depression, so you can understand what it is -- and what it is not. I'll help you identify the symptoms of depression in yourself or your loved one.

Depression Management Strategies

We'll also talk about what to do if you think you have depression so that you can create a practical strategy for conquering it. We'll talk about natural remedies for depression, cognitive behavioral therapy, and when medication for depression is the best idea. I'll also discuss what to do if you suspect that your partner or loved one is depressed, and how you can help them recover.

Depression exists on a spectrum from mild to serious. One thing I discuss on the podcast is that when depression becomes very serious, it can become life threatening. Here are links to get emergency help if you or your loved one are in real trouble and need help immediately:

Colorado Crisis Hotline: 1-844-493-8255

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

I hope this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps you identify what's going on in your life, and whether you're dealing with depression or a "growth opportunity." If you do believe that depression is gaining power in your life, I hope this discussion provides you with both hope (as depression is very treatable) as well as actionable steps you can start taking today.

Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you have hundreds of "friends," yet still feel disconnected?

As a therapist, people share their deepest feelings and fears with me. What I've been hearing a lot lately is about is how disconnected and alone many of my clients feel, even though they may have contact with dozens upon dozens of people a day. Ironic, right?

But there is such a difference between knowing people, and truly being known. Having contacts is not the same as having authentic connection. Many people with dozens of "friends" are still craving actual friendships where they feel known, valued, and understood.

I'm a marriage counselor first, so my podcast and blog often does skew on the side of discussing your relationship with your "primary attachment" (that's shrink-speak for "significant other."). However having meaningful friendships and close connections in your life is just as important to your over all happiness and well being as the state of your marriage. In fact, having close friends that you trust and who you can be emotionally intimate with can buffer you from the rest of life's ups and downs.

But, creating and maintaining authentic connection and friendship can be challenging. This is especially true as people move out of their twenties, and into their thirties and beyond. For one thing, it's harder to meet people when you're not going out all the time. Secondly, it's challenging to spend time with the friends you have when everyone is stretched so thin between their careers, their families, making time for their spouse, and just keeping their lives in order. It's about the best we can do to comment on each other's posts once in a while.

How to Have More Friendship in Your Life

To discuss this issue that affects so many people, and get some practical tips on how to cultivate authentic friendship in your life, I have enlisted the support of an expert: one of MY oldest and dearest friends, Amy Rocen. Amy is not a therapist or a life coach, but of all the people I have ever met - personally or professionally - she is truly an authority on making and keeping good friends.

She's graciously agreed to discuss her "friendship super power with me" on this edition of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast. We're going to be talking about the things that she and I have done to keep our friendship strong and emotionally intimate for over twenty years.

Amy is also going to be sharing her tips for how to connect with new people, as well as her perspective on how to keep a rich and full life of meaningful relationships through the ups and downs of time.

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible?

Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it).

I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else.

And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates?

The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats.

Relationship Compatibility in Marriage

First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." 

Finding Your Soulmate

Next I'm putting on my dating coach  wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry.

For Premarital Couples

Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down.

Relationship Compatibility Test

One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her."

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Healing From Infidelity, Emotional Affairs, and Betrayal

As a Denver marriage counselor for over a decade, I've had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of infidelity. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through.

When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone's core values, commitment and good judgment, families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, and with unanswered questions blaring in their heads.

This podcast is my attempt to answer some of them:

• Why do affairs happen?
• Why does infidelity happen in even happy marriages?
• Why is everyone in a love triangle profoundly damaged by the experience?
• What are the early signs that an affair is simmering?
• Most importantly: How do you even begin to recover, not just your relationship, but yourself in the aftermath of an affair?

Protecting Your Marriage From an Affair

Affairs, like any other type of cancer or addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for you can check yourself, and / or protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I'll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life.

Rebuilding a Marriage After the Affair

If you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible. An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor many couples are able to not just heal from infidelity, but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. I'll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again.

Healing After Betrayal

Being cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again -- both other people, and often yourself. I'll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals.

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Furthermore, hope and recovery is also possible for The Other and The Occupied -- the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. When betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you've allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself -- not to mention your trust in others. The silver lining: We'll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it.

Recovering From Infidelity

On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together, so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience.

I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing.

With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Music Credits of this episode: PJ Harvey: Dry and To Bring You My Love (Albums)

Restore Your Sexual Connection

Feeling disconnected sexually is one of the first signs that a relationship may be heading for trouble. But it can be a difficult topic for couples to address openly, even in marriage counseling. Despite feeling sadness, rejection, pressure, or frustration around sexuality, many couples feel inhibited from discussing it with each other: It just feels too vulnerable.

So they avoid the conversation. Over time, unfortunately, they often become increasingly disconnected -- both sexually and emotionally -- as a result. Don't let this happen to your relationship. It's time to fearlessly face your sexual relationship, and start having the open conversations that will help not just restore your sex life, but restore the emotional intimacy and positivity to your relationship again.

Be honest: Is your sex life withering? Has it been weeks, months or even years since you and your partner had a meaningful, let alone erotic, sexual experience together? Does sex feel more like another obligation as opposed to a pleasurable point of connection? Are you starting to feel more like room-mates or buddies than lovers?

If so, you're not alone. Many busy, high achieving couples start to lose their sexual connection over time as the "stuff of life" starts taking priority over sexual intimacy. Keeping eroticism and passion alive in long term relationships requires effort and intention, but unfortunately it's one of the easiest things to put off. Many couples let it go for too long, and over time start to experience negative consequences in many different areas of their relationship as a result.

The good news is that intimacy and desire can be restored.

You can have a vibrant, enjoyable sexual connection again. The first step on this journey is educating yourself and learning new ideas that will help you address the core issues affecting most dissatisfying sexual relationships.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm offering my best advice on how to:

• Stop neglecting your sexual relationship
• Have time and energy to invest in your erotic connection
• Increase your (and / or your partner's) sexual desire
• Use your sexual relationship as a vehicle for personal growth

Listen, and learn how to banish "sexual apathy" from taking over your marriage, and what new research on sexuality and desire shows about how to bring sexual energy back to life -- both in yourself, and in your partnership.

I hope this information helps you start to find your way back together again.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Getting Married is a Big Deal. Do it Right.

Are you ready for fancy dresses, impromptu family reunions, teary toasts, and inebriated aunts doing embarrassing things on the dance floor? Yes, it's wedding season, y'all. While most of the time on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we talk about how to have a great relationship, today, in honor of wedding season, we're talking about the art and craft of weddings themselves.

Why? For the last few months we've had droves of young couples at Growing Self preparing themselves to have fantastic marriages, through either our "I Do!" premarital counseling program, or our Denver premarital counseling class, "A Lifetime of Love." It's inspiring to see so many smart couples who are heading off potential problems by doing premarital counseling so I decided to make you all a little wedding present.

If you're not getting married yourself this year, it's highly likely that you'll be a guest at a wedding. And that comes with it's own set of challenges. Anytime far-flung extended family and friends come together for an alcohol infused weekend, drama can ensue. How do you support your loved one who is getting married while setting healthy boundaries, and still have a good time in the process?

Whether you are gearing up for a large scale traditional wedding, an intimate gathering to formalize your partnership, weddings are a big deal. A marriage is an incredibly meaningful and important day, and it can be uniquely stressful to plan and prepare for. On this episode of the podcast I've invited Laura Pearson, founder of L Elizabeth Events, to share some of the things she's learned from her 10 years of experience as a Denver wedding planner. Some of the questions I've asked her on your behalf:

• What are some of the biggest mistakes engaged couples make?
• What's the secret to enjoying your wedding, instead of being a stress-case?
• How do you handle intrusive parents?
• What can you do to make your wedding more enjoyable and meaningful for your guests?
• As a guest, what do you need to do to support your friend or family member on their big day?

Listen Now!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Becoming a Family: The Greatest Adventure of All

Nothing can quite prepare you for the realities of parenthood. Life with babies and small children is, for most couples, a total shock to the system. As joyful and meaningful as this stage of life is, it can be very difficult. If you aren't thoughtful and intentional about what you're doing, parenthood can quickly become a chaotic, frustrating experience -- and take a huge toll on your marriage.

As a marriage counselor, I'm always thrilled when smart, proactive couples show up for premarital counseling. My only wish is that more would show up for "pre-baby counseling." Because having a baby is a much bigger deal, emotionally and relationally, than getting hitched. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. Do a quick google search and about the only thing you find about "preparing for a baby" has to do with fitness, nutrition, and the ocean of baby-gear that you could acquire. 

Having kids changes everything, but it's hard to imagine what those changes will be until you actually do it. Most couples experience challenges that never occurred to them were even possible, while they were spending leisurely days shopping for baby furniture and talking about how much fun family fishing trips will be. (Or were consumed with riding the rollercoaster of protracted infertility). 

From the first day that little bundle is home, they are both faced with needing to make major changes around everything from they way they communicate, to expectations about what should be happening, to a higher need for teamwork, to establishing new systems so everything runs smoothly, to what role they each take with each other and as parents. Sprinkle in some anxiety, post part depression, sleep deprivation, no game plan, and a screaming baby and it can get tense pretty fast.

It's a major life transition, and a lot to deal with. And if you just let it go, and hope for the best it's quite possible to become a statistical average and not enjoy the experience that that much. Research on marital satisfaction over the family life cycle has shown that there is a trend towards lower enjoyment of married life after having kids. 

Here's the depressing graph: www.growingself.com/parenting-without-losing-your-mind-yourself-or-your-marriage 

Parenting Together CAN Be Joyful

That graph does not have to be YOUR reality. You are not a statistical average. You are a person with free will, choices, and you're already taking control over the situation by educating yourself. You get to be in charge of your life, and your family experience. 

I'm here as a wife, mom, and marriage and family therapist to tell you that life with kids doesn't have to be difficult, and it does not need to negatively impact your marriage. In fact, if you put even half as much time into figuring out your post-baby game plan (and your own personal growth opportunities) as you do into childbirth preparation classes you can avoid many of the most common pitfalls of new parents. 

Embracing the opportunities to grow that this phase of life offers will expand you. Parenthood is truly a vehicle to personal evolution. Even more importantly, when you intentionally grow skills in a few key areas you can cultivate a stronger marriage than you had pre-baby: You can have better communication, stronger agreement, more teamwork, and more fun than ever before. Except that it can be even more meaningful, important, and love drenched -- and probably messier -- that you ever imagined.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing some tips about where to where to start if you want to have a peaceful home, a strong marriage, great communication, easy kids, be on the same page with your partner, and have a shared vision for your family that is rooted in your core values.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Sometimes Leaping ForwardRequires Letting Go...

As a Life Coach and Executive Coach I talk to a lot of drivengo-getters. My clients often have an insatiable appetite forconstant-and-never-ending growth, achievement, andself-improvement. They are truly amazing, talented, and incrediblysuccessful people with an unquenchable thirst for forward progressand success. Does this sound like you, too? First of all: Thankyou. The world as we know it exists because of peoplelike you. Your motivation, your drive, your vision, and youroptimism are the psychic fuel that runs the engines of ourcivilization. Thank you for being you.

And... If you are like most strong,naturally driven and forward-focused people there are also not-funtimes when your motivation leaves the building, your energyflags, your focus becomes diffuse, and your wheels spin. And spin.And spin. And for naturally focused, driven, achievement orientedpeople that "down time" can be a very anxiety provoking experience.In fact, many of my Life Coaching and Executive Coaching clients show up for help when theyhave this experience, because they feel like something is wrong.They've lost their sparkle, and their clear sense ofpurpose. 

There is a novel solution torecharge your passion, restore your creativity, and usher in a newphase of productivity and purpose. But the paradoxical remedy mightsurprise you.

What to Do When YourGet-Up-And-Go Has Got-Up-And-Went:Listen now...

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Music Credits: I Live inThe Springtime, by The Lemon Drops

Breakup Advice: Your Questions, Answered

I've been a marriage counselor for a long time. My experience has taught me that when both people in a relationship are committed to doing what it takes to improve it, relationships can nearly always be made whole. Even better, most couples can use their troubles as a launching pad for amazing new growth. At the end of the process, believe it or not, they often describe feeling grateful for the problems that brought them into marriage counseling because their transformation would not have been possible without them. That's the happy ending.

And. Not all relationships can be saved. Not all relationships should be saved. When one or both partners have simply stopped believing that the other person can be who they want or need them to be, and the costs of staying outweigh the benefits, relationships end. Often, in the aftermath, one partner will be left alone on my therapy-couch. Then we do the work of recovery together.

That's how I accidentally became a break up expert. (And a dating coach, incidentally).

What I learned through this work is that people can suffer for a very long time; stuck on an Ex who will never love them the way they need to be loved. I also learned that attachments don't just turn off like a switch. Breaking your bond to another person is very hard work, and it must be intentional. Time does not heal. Time + intentional effort + self awareness sure can though.

When I realized how many people are suffering, and feeling so helpless to extract themselves from unhealthy emotional attachments, I became a passionate advocate for people on the path of recovery from failed relationships. So much so that I wrote a book on the subject, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love," and I developed my online breakup recovery program, "Heal Your Broken Heart." Since then I've been getting lots of questions from readers and listeners. Today, I decided to devote a podcast to answering them.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking all about breakups -- particularly how to deal with the hardest parts, and serious dilemmas like:

• How do you know when a relationship is really over, or whether it's worth trying again?
• How to handle  friends and family who may be getting frustrated with you in an on-again, off-again type situation? Or how to set boundaries with well-meaning people who have very definite ideas about how you should handle things, when you feel differently?
• How to deal with the enormous emotional pain of a breakup?
• How to cope with regret over the mistakes you made that may have led to the ending of your relationship?

So if you've been stuck on your Ex for too long, and wondering how to let go, listen to this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to get some new ideas and guidance for how to let go and move on --- for good.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Lonely Valentine's Days aren't just for singles...

Valentine's Day can be a fun, romantic day. But it can also leave people feeling exquisitely lonely -- especially, believe it or not, if they are in long-term relationships. We've all heard the arguments that Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday, designed to manipulate people into spending their money. But what I have found to be more true is that people love to love. They love to celebrate their love. They love to feel cherished and appreciated. And they really want to feel loved, celebrated, cherished, and appreciated on Valentine's Day -- by the person who means more to them than anyone else in the world.

Particularly when relationships have been feeling challenging, many people hope that Valentine's Day can be a day for recognition, reconnection, and reunion. That the love that launched their life together can be breathed back into a cozy fire by a little effort and specialness. (And it certainly can).

And... many married people have hopes that do not come to fruition on Valentine's Day. Instead of feeling like they day was a celebration of their love for each other:

They don't feel loved and cherished.

Or

They don't feel valued and respected.

Or

They don't feel known, or understood.

Or

They are frustrated by radically different ideas of what would be fun / meaningful to do on Valentine's Day.

Or

They try to have a good time, but old friction points, conflicts, and resentments bubble up to spoil it.

Ick.

When these things happen couples can feel very, very lonely on THE DAY that it seems like everyone else in the world is celebrating their love. Even if things are "good-enough" most of the time, and longing for connection is lost in the day-to-day flurry of must-do activities and chores, a lonely Valentine's Day can still feel like a real blow.

It's hard to live through this, but here is the good news: Being dissatisfied with the way things are is the definition of motivation. All couples have ups and downs. Being more aware of your feelings is the first step towards making positive changes in your life, and in your relationship.

Are YOU feeling ready to make changes? Do you want to feel connected, and in-love again? Help is here: On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my top 10 tips to help you re-establish your romantic connection.

Feeling Lonely In Your Marriage? 10 Tips To Reconnect. Listen Now.

Music Credits: "Valentine," by The Losers

Are "money issues" a problem in your relationship?

If so, you're not alone. Fights about money -- how to spend it, how to save it, and how to make it -- are common battlegrounds in a marriage. Why so much drama? Money is emotionally laden for most people. Money is ultimately a symbol that can mean security, freedom, pleasure, power, love, and more. When it means different things to two people in a relationship -- look out. The sparks fly when couples have different values around money.

"He's a cheapskate." (Translation: I don't feel loved.)
"She spends every dime." (Translation: Doesn't she care about our security? Or how hard I work?)
"All he/she does is work." (Translation: I don't feel important.)
"I can't believe you spent so much on _____." (Translation: I don't understand you.)
"Where did it all go??" (Translation: This is scary. I feel alone in this.)

When left unchecked, "money issues" can bloom into very ugly emotional dynamics: Power struggles. Hiding spending, or debt. Negative beliefs about each other's character. Increasing hostility and emotional distance. Money problems must be resolved.

Get on The Same Page About Finances

The good news is that creating agreement and teamwork around finances is a solvable problem. All couples have to work through differences around money as part of growing together. This doesn't have to be stressful or conflictual. It's just a matter of learning new skills -- together.

In fact, the most successful couples have developed a set of skills about how to manage money together. (Just like they have learned about other critical relationship skills). Learning how to talk about money, make a plan for money, and support each other's financial hopes and dreams is one of the cornerstones of a happy healthy marriage.

Financial Counseling For Couples

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm so pleased to be speaking with expert couples financial counselor Jeff Motske on this subject. Jeff is the author of Couples Guide to Financial Compatibility, and the host of the "Declare Your Financial Freedom" radio show. Listen to our interview to learn how to:

• How to use Jeff's free online quiz: War of the Wallets to learn more about each other's "money personality"
• Have productive conversations about money
• How to create a workable budget
• How to develop a "solid financial house" together
• And how to set yourself financially free, as a couple.

Financial Counseling For Couples: Listen Now

It's Not Just You: Online Dating Can Be Brutal

Profiles that don't get any attention.
Endless texting that doesn't go anywhere.
First dates that fizzle.

It's hard to avoid all the potential pitfalls on your own. It's anxiety provoking to put yourself out there and either hear chirping crickets, or endure a series disappointing experiences. There is a reason why dating coaching has become a multi-million dollar industry in the last few years -- NOBODY knows what they are doing when it comes to online dating. That's why so many people are turning to dating coaching experts to help them figure it out.

As we've discussed on previous podcasts, for successful online dating you need to have CLARITY, INTENTION, and a darn good STRATEGY. There's no better person to take online dating advice from my guest on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: The world-famous online dating coach Julie Spira.

For over 20 years, Julie Spira has been helping singles find love online. She teaches singles how to shorten their search, so they can ride into the digital sunset together. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie is a frequent guest in the media for online and mobile dating advice. She’s appeared in over 650 stories including ABC, BBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, NPR, Good Morning America, Elle, Glamour, Men’s Health, New York Times, Washington Post, and USAToday. Follow her on Twitter, @JulieSpira, where she tweets about dating and love.

She’s here as our guest today to talk about the hot topic of online dating and mobile dating apps and the new audio book version of her bestseller.

Listen to our interview and hear Julie's top tips about how to make your online profile irresistible, convert first texts into first dates, and connect with the love you're looking for. Want more of Julie's tips? Links to her website are in our show notes for this episode: www.growingself.com/the-secret-to-finding-love-online-with-julie-spira

The Secret to Finding Love Online, with Julie Spira: Listen Now

Harness The Power of Your Mind

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself for not doing the things you know you should do? Of course! We all know how incredibly hard it can be to stay motivated, and stay on track for the long haul.

You only need to look at what a huge industry Life Coaching has become to see how many hundreds of thousands of people are enlisting the support of a coach to help them stay motivated, stay accountable, and make things happen. There is a reason why people reach out to life coaches: It can be tough to stay on track and follow through when you're going it alone.

However, there are things that you can do on your own to take charge of your life, and achieve your goals. In particular, when you get in control of your mind you can transcend limitations and overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable before.

Your Mind + Body connection is undeniably powerful. Research consistently shows the impact that your physical health, diet, exercise and sleep habits has on your mood and on the way you think. But it works the other way too -- cognitive approaches to therapy have been found by research to be the most consistently effective way of improving your mood, feeling better, sleeping better, and getting better results.

[Tweet "When you get in control of your thoughts, you get in control of your life. "]

Learn How to Get In Control Of Your Mind

Being able to harness the power of your mind isn't about luck or magic. Just like happiness is learned you can also learn how to use simple skills and strategies to build your motivation, resist the temptations that will lure you off track, and achieve your goals.

My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Sir John Hargrave, is here to teach you how. Sir John is the author of Mindhacking: How to Change Your Mind For Good in 21 Days. I spoke with Sir John a few months ago before he released his book. In our "Mindhacking: Reprogram Your Brain" podcast he discussed tools and tips you can use to "debug" your brain and straighten out your thinking process.

Today, he's back to share his latest adventures and advice with us. To prove how powerful his mind control techniques are, Sir John just undertook a 21 day fast. He's here today to speak with us about the mental ju-jitsu he used on himself to accomplish this goal. He's sharing his insights with you, so YOU can use similar strategies to make things happen in your own life.

Listen to Sir John's great, specific advice and learn how to increase your motivation, your focus, and your sense of control. Learn more about Sir John and his book, his program, and his latest adventures in mind control at www.mindhacki.ng

Take Control of Your Life: Listen Now

(Was this helpful? If so please be sure to review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast on iTunes. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on upcoming episodes!)

Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?

Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.

One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).

If you're like most people, it's a challenge to stay motivated for the long term. Even though we logically know what needs to happen, it's like there's this imp that pulls us off track. "The Imp" loves being comfy. It wants to do whatever feels good right now. It whispers excuses in your ears like, "Just watch one more episode" when you know you need to go to bed. It promises, "We'll exercise tomorrow!" when know you need to get your butt to the gym instead of tapping-to-snooze nine more times.

And -- as you know -- it is very, very powerful.

If you're like most people you started the new year with some firm plans in place. You were ready for a fresh start. You were hopeful about making positive changes this year. And, if you're like most people, since then you've had time to notice the war inside of you that happens when you are trying to stay motivated: Your head pulling you in one direction, and "The Imp" pulling you in another. If you're like most people, "The Imp" has had a few wins since New Year's Eve... and may even be well on it's way to throttling your motivation back into apathetic acceptance of the status quo.

In other words: You're already in the danger zone.

Developing a new kind of relationship with the forces inside of you and learning how to keep your motivation strong (and your "Imp" in it's place) is absolutely crucial if you want to make things happen in your life. It's the core of the work you do in Love, Life or Career Coaching. (Read: What's the difference between Life Coaching and Therapy?)

We started this year off by reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments, connecting with your core values, and thinking about what kinds of positive action would actually move the needle for you this year. (Missed it? Listen to the "Start 2016 Strong" podcast, and don't forget to sign up for your self-study worksheet.)

Now it's time to work on building the motivation that will actually get you there. On episode 64 of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm discussing how to get a handle on instant gratification, and how to keep your motivation firmly in charge.

How to Stay Motivated: Listen Now

While you're on iTunes listening, don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. Also, if you like the it would mean the world to me if you left a review saying so -- YOUR support is what helps this show grow!

Now, let's talk: Self awareness is key to mastering motivation. What's your first clue that Instant Gratification is taking over? How do YOU get motivation back in charge? Discussion time is in the comments! www.growingself.com/how-to-stay-motivated

(Music Credits: Ray Rude, "Transform")

Is social media giving you social anxiety?

You're not alone. Many people feel worse about themselves and their lives after logging into Facebook or Instagram.

Engagement rings, new babies, new houses, envious vacations, and tales of spouses doing eye-mistingly touching things scroll up endlessly. You should be happy for your friends, right? That their lives are so wonderful and amazing is a glorious thing, right? But it still makes your stomach tighten into a fist as you think of your own diamond-less, baby-less life. You can't help but comparing your house to theirs, your vacation to theirs, and... worst of all... your partner to theirs.

• Like how he surprised her with five hundred cheerios arranged on the table to say, "I love you!" and a serenade of "You Are My Sunshine" by their three young children when she walked in for breakfast -- just because!
• Like how she orchestrated a multi-day treasure hunt involving GPS, clues handed by anonymous "strangers" and a midnight trip on a crosstown bus cumulating in the discovery of front row concert tickets for him to see his idol live on stage, only to be met there by the two best friends she'd arranged to fly in from each coast for the event.
• Like how your partner can't even be bothered to pick up a cheerio off the floor and couldn't pick your best friend out of a line up -- even if you could tear him away from the Xbox.

In short: More people than you'd expect feel like taking a Xanax and / or fire-bombing their lives after a ten minute Facebook session.

How do I know this? Because I am a therapist and life coach, and people tell me their secrets. My clients are some of the most poised, socially savvy, outwardly successful, wealthy, and gorgeous people you'll ever meet. But they don't feel that way when they are looking at Facebook. They feel like they are failing at life, and it makes them anxious as hell. (And that's not just my opinion: Research links the use of Facebook to increased feelings of depression).

Even worse, their social media and the assumptions they make about others because of it can actually create more distance and separation in their lives. Feeling anxious and self-conscious about their own life and achievements pressures people into image management. Increasingly careful about what they share they start to feel more isolated instead of more connected.

The net result? They feel anxious, dissatisfied with their lives, and lonely. (And like there is something terribly wrong with them because of this). As Brene Brown so beautifully outlined for the world in her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability" shame leads us to hide, and disconnect in efforts to protect ourselves. The anxiety generating machine of Facebook then, ironically, becomes the antitheses of the connection it was intended to create.

How to Feel More Connected, and Less Anxious About Social Media

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing some insights with you that will help ease your anxiety over social media and restore the connection in your life. We'll be talking about a marvelous theory posed by Tim Urban in his blog "Wait But Why" about why social media makes people unhappy, as well as how the culture of curation is eroding authenticity and vulnerability. 

I'll be sharing a cautionary tale from my own life about the potential for tragedy from taking Facebook at face value. Lastly, I'll be sharing some actionable ideas that will help you stop judging your own life, and restore your bond to the people you care about.

Ready to change your relationship with social media? You might also enjoy this article from the Huffington Post : 7 Types Of People You Should Unfriend On Facebook ASAP

Listen now: Is Social Media Making You Sad? (Episode 64 of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast)

Music Credits: Public Image, LTD, "Public Image"

(And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review -- your support means the world to me!)

 
Now, let's get real. In the podcast, in the spirit of "radical authenticity" I shared a story about how a close friend and I became disconnected from each other during a time that we really needed each other because of the pitfalls of social media. Has there been a time in your life that social media got in the way of your connection, or made you feel "less than?" If so please share in the comments at this link: http://www.growingself.com/is-social-media-making-you-sad/

It will help others feel less alone. xo, Lisa

http://www.growingself.com

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces

Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.

Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.

People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.

As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.

Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.

And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.

Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis

Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

• Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.

• Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively.

• Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

• Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!)
• Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month).

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.

Happy New Year!

-- Lisa

Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"

Is "Be in a fantastic relationship" your #1 resolution for 2016?

You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life.

Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like:

1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?

2) What are things you can do to make it a great first date... that leaves them wanting more of you?

3) How can putting a priority on "chemistry" distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?

4) What's going on with people who just "disappear" after the first date?

Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.

Learn more about Jessica on our website: www.growingself.com. Interested in Jessica's dating coaching class? Learn more about "Let Love In" -- it starts on January 11th!

How to "Find the One" in 2016: Listen Now

Music Credits: Shocking Blue, "Send Me a Postcard"

Is Your Relationship Just... Off?

Have you been feeling worried about your relationship? Are you feeling resentful, or angry with your partner? Are you feeling hurt, or shut out? Do you feel like the person who should be your number one fan has recently turned into a source of pain and frustration?

If so, you're not alone. All couples go through ups and downs, and drifting apart (and then coming back together again) is what it means to be in a long term relationship. But it still feels yucky when it's happening. And if disconnection and negativity has been going on for awhile, it can begin to make you feel worried that there may be more serious problems under the surface.

Furthermore, it's hard to know how to reconnect when negativity has taken hold of your relationship. Every time you try to reach out and patch things up, it seems like a new hurt or disappointment is always bubbling up to the surface. It's enough to make you start to feel helpless.

I'm here to help, and give you advice for how to get back on track with each other.

And listen -- I don't want to scare you -- but the time to act is now. January is the most common time of year for breakups and divorces. People can grit their teeth and endure things to "get through the holidays" and then fueled by hopeful resolutions for a happier new year sweep a relationship out right along with the tinsel lint and brown pine needles.

My very first piece of advice? If you're really worried about your relationship, pay attention to your intuition. Do things now to help show your partner that it can get better. Your putting effort and energy into your relationship NOW gives you the opportunity to turn things around before one of you starts to lose hope.

Let's Talk About How To Fix Your Relationship

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm putting on my Marriage Counselor hat, and will be giving you some advice that will help you figure out whether this "rough patch" is an indication of something serious (or not) and what you can do to get things back on track.

We're discussing the most common types of relationship disconnections, and some actionable advice that you can use in each situation to begin establishing open lines of communication, repairing hurt feelings, and solving problems together.

I'll also be following up over the next few weeks with two "Communication 101" guides that will help you handle a partner who tends to withdraw and avoid talking about things, plus a tutorial on what to do with a partner who seems angry or critical.

Don't miss them: Sign up for the Love, Happiness and Success Express to get a round-up from the blog once a month! Sign up at www.growingself.com

What To Do When You're Worried About Your Relationship: Listen Now

Next week: Unconditional love -- what it means, and how to cultivate it in your life.

Are You Thinking of Getting Help?

Deciding to reach out for professional help is a big decision, and I know it's not one you take lightly. In fact, if you're like most people you've probably  been working for a long time to NOT get involved in Marriage Counseling, Therapy or Life Coaching, and instead been doing everything you can think of to help yourself: Reading books, trying different things, seeking advice from friends.

But there comes a point where you've done everything that you know how to do on your own and you just feel stuck. The things you're trying to do just aren't working (or, not for long anyway). Or maybe you've had people encouraging you to "talk to someone." Maybe you've been inspired by someone else's successful work in counseling or coaching, and are hopeful that you could get good results too. But where to even start finding the right person? The sheer volume of options you have can be overwhelming.

So now you're cruising around therapist's websites and self-help blogs, looking for direction. Welcome. I'm glad you've found this post. I'm glad you're doing your research. Because, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone like you to be so brave, muster up your resolve, and finally reach out for help... only to connect with the wrong person.

What's Worse Than Not Getting Help? Reaching Out To The Wrong Person.

It happens. Too often, actually. And the outcomes can be worse than not getting help at all. When people muster up their courage, and finally reach out, only to have an (at best) unhelpful or (at worst) bad experience, it has negative consequences. Not just because they didn't get the help they were looking for, but because it may lead them to believe that there is no help for them. Even more tragically, many couples seek counseling from a person who isn't qualified, and then when couples counseling isn't successful think that their relationship can't be repaired (and subsequently get divorced.) Yet another reason why finding the right kind of help is extremely important.

You Don't Go To a Cardiologist For a Broken Leg, Either.

I think one reason for this is that there is a big gap between the kind of help people really need, and the kind that they think they need. I have people from all over reach out to me asking questions, and advice. (Do you have a question for me to answer on my blog or podcast? I'd love to hear from you: email me). Recently I've had several people get in touch with me asking for help in how to manage pretty major issues -- major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems. Many of these questions would end with something along the lines of, "Yeah, so I was thinking it might be time for me to see a life coach..." Life Coach! Really??

It's becoming increasingly clear to me that many people don't understand the difference between a life coach and a therapist, what kind of help is appropriate for certain issues, or how to get connected with the right person to solve a particular problem.

Knowledge Is Power

So on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm here to help you understand what your options for help are, when NOT to go to a life coach, when life coaching is a great choice, what kind of therapist can help you fix your relationship (and who can't), where to go for medication, and how to get connected with a good, caring (and qualified!) therapist in your area. I'm throwing in some emergency resources too, just for good measure.

All the best, 

Lisa Marie Bobby

Is It Time To Get Help? Do It Right. Listen Now.

More questions about counseling, coaching or marriage counseling? Visit www.growingself.com, and read more on the "questions about___" pages.

Heal Your Broken Heart

It's a bit embarrassing for me to say this, as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to help you recover after your breakup. In fact, I've worked with many people as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I've walked alongside countless clients as they manage the anxiety, the depression and the obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I've even written a book on the subject of how to recover after a breakup.

I know what you're thinking: "She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever."

The truth is that many, if not most relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try. But the fact is that if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor in the world can't put it back together. In these situations the best we can often do is provide comfort, support and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy-couch, alone.

And that is exactly what I've done for many, many people over the years. Now, I'm something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be sharing with you what I've learned about why it's so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup.

Because I have a book coming out on this subject in November called, "EXaholic: Breaking Your Addiction to Your EX Love" I'll be discussing this topic over the next month or so. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter, "The Love, Happiness & Success Express" if you want to get a round-up of all the articles send to you. Sign up on my website: www.growingself.com.

All the best to you on your journey, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC

www.growingself.com

How To Recover From Your Breakup: Listen Now

Help For Your Relationship

I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast.

Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

"How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)"

"What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?"

"How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?"

"How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?"

"What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?"

"What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?"

I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast!

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen Now.

(Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")

Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

(Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)

How to Make Your Blended Family Work

Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families."

Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out.

In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be. 

Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it.

So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality.

Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes.

I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change:

• How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones
• How essential mindfulness skills are to feeling happy and well
• And how learning how to shift your thoughts allows you to create healthy new feelings AND behaviors.

So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs!

Learn more about Sir John Hargrave and Mindhacking on his website: www.mindhacki.ng
Click here to pre-order your copy of Mindhacking (Due out in January)

Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.

SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people. 

Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too. 

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road. 

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Why Is It So Hard To Change... For Long?

People start coaching or counseling eager to jump in and make new things happen. That is admirable, and enthusiasm is certainly the catalyst for great things. We must have hope in order to even try to change. 

We all start out with grand plans and make sweeping, dramatic gestures to mark our transition into a better life: Buying personal productivity solutions, new workout clothes, cutting up all the credit cards, throwing away the half eaten bags of Ruffles, making solemn promises to be nicer to your partner, or flushing the cigarettes down the toilet.  Things are going to be different now. These rituals of change feel like the door to a new life, and we feel very pleased with ourselves for several days.

But then.... it gets frustrating. Things get hard, get annoying, get boring, or we get upset and sure enough -- snap right back into our old patterns. It's easy to feel discouraged and get tricked into believing that you can't do it.

But you can, my friend. You most certainly can.

You can have it all. You can have better relationships, loose weight, save money, achieve your goals, be healthier, sleep better and feel happer. 

Your ability to change your life is the same as everyone else's. What is the key to making lasting change? Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and find out.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

The Secret To Changing Anything. (And Everything.) Listen Now.

Music Credits: Echo and the Bunnymen

Like this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes!

Have you ever wondered what mistakes you might be making in your relationship? Or why new relationships seem to fizzle before they get off the ground? Relationship Expert and Dating Coach Stephan Lebossier is not afraid to tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm asking Stephan all your burning questions: What are some of the biggest mistakes men and women make in relationships? How can you become more attractive? What do you need to do to establish trust in a relationship? How can you open yourself up to love again, when you've been hurt in the past?

His answers might surprise you!

Get Ready For Love: Listen Now

Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next show? Get in touch! www.growingself.com

Perfectionism is Paralyzing

The pressure to be perfect infuses every aspect of our lives: From our homes to our jobs to our appearance to our kids we can feel driven to perform perfectly. Trying to do your best and excel is not a bad thing in itself. The problem arises when anything LESS than perfection is unacceptable.

Of course we understand intellectually that being perfect all the time is impossible. But that doesn't change the grinding feelings of anxiety, failure and fear of judgment that rear up when we don't live up to our own expectations.

If you are vulnerable to perfectionism you run yourself absolutely ragged attempting to live up to some impossible standard. But then messy, freewheeling life inevitably sideswipes your efforts. Your dinner party fails to meet your Pinterest-worthy standards, your garden is a weedy mess, your kids are grubby, or you're late again... and a black hole of guilt and shame rises up inside you, making it difficult to enjoy the beauty and goodness that also exists in your imperfect world.

Many people who struggle perfectionism are incredibly competent, thoughtful, and thorough in everything that they do. However they can put SO much time and energy over-focusing on small details, it can make even the simplest projects seem overwhelming. The result, ironically, is procrastination, which leads to not having enough time to do a good job, which leads to more imperfection and feelings of shame and failure.

If perfectionism gets too powerful it can lead to total avoidance of tasks: Piles of unfolded laundry, tons of clutter, unfinished household projects, and even serious problems at work or school are the hallmarks of a severe case of perfectionism.

3 Keys to Overcoming Perfectionism

The good news? Perfectionism CAN be overcome. I know this, because in addition to working with many people who have struggled with and conquered perfectionism, I'm a perfectionist (in recovery) myself.

This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about how to help you overcome the anxiety and self-judgment that leads to perfectionism, and start enjoying you're life again. (And being more successful, productive and effective in the process). Listen and learn the three new ideas that will help you overcome perfectionism:

Can you relate to perfectionism? Is it something that you're currently struggling with, or something that you've already overcome? Either way, I hope you share your story in the comment section of this post!

 http://www.growingself.com/overcoming-perfectionism/

-- xo, Lisa Marie

Any Life Coach or Career Coach worth their salt will tell you that part of making great things happen in your life depends on your ability to be organized, at least to a degree. You may be blazingly talented and creative but if you can't manage your self, your possessions, your tasks and your time well enough, you are going to flounder. 

Learning how to get organized and stay that way is a foundational life skill: Your ability to keep your self together is the platform from which you build great things -- occupationally, creatively, and relationally. (Don't even ask me how many marriage counseling sessions I've sat in where the focus of the entire conversation was around one person's inability to get places on time). 

Furthermore, when you're disorganized it makes you feel anxious and out of control. Small tasks that should be easy start to feel hard because you can't find basic tools to accomplish them. (Like a stamp ...Or your shoes.) Little things become big things, procrastination carries you away, and all of a sudden you feel overwhelmed.

Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert professional organizer Lisa Woodruff of Organize 365. She has lots of practical tools and tips to help you get your life back together again, plus a great plan for helping you stay in a good place long term. 

Hope it helps!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

More from the blog: www.drlisamariebobby.com

How to Get Organized: Listen Now. (Music Credits: James Kibbie)

We toss around the phrases like "I'm stressed out" so easily, glibly, like it's a little thing of small consequence. But, as you know if you've been living with chronic stress for a long time, or if you've ever been through serious-for-real burn-out, it's kind of a big deal.

“Burning out” is the layperson’s term for the physical, emotional, and cognitive consequences of chronic stress. Understanding what it does to you, and why it's important to change, can help motivate you to reclaim your life.

Chronic stress can affect everything in your life, from the way you think, to the way you feel physically and emotionally, to your relationships. 

This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is devoted to helping you learn what chronic stress and burnout is, whether you might be suffering with it, and most importantly -- what to do to help yourself recover. 

You'll learn not just stress management techniques, but a new way of thinking and taking care of yourself that will help you become  more resilient... and effective. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How to Deal With Stress and Burnout: Listen Now 

Feeling kind of "meh" lately? Feeling unmotivated and kind of negative about everything? You're not alone. As winter drags on (and on) it's the most normal thing in the world to be feeling kind of blah... and even for the dark tendrils of depression to snake their way around you. 

Help is here! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about natural remedies for depression.

If you're like lots of people, you're hopeful that there could be natural or home remedies that can help you fight back against depression. And you're right. While sometimes therapy and medication are necessary to recover from Major Depressive Disorder, there are also fast, cheap, and relatively easy things that you can start doing today to start recovering from depression (and protect yourself from having it come back in the future). 

Natural Remedies For Depression: Listen Now!

Feeling happy is what it's all about. But sometimes, it can be hard to muster up good feelings. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing some simple tips that you can start using today to help you feel happier and more satisfied with your life -- as is. #Mindfulness #Gratitude #Happiness

Valentine's Day is a troublemaker. Yes, it can be fun and sweet and sexy, but it can also be a pain in the ass. Frankly, Valentine's Day can create drama coming and going -- people are anxious about how things are going to be received ahead of it, and then if someone's Valentine's Day dreams are dashed relationships need to recover in the aftermath.

So I decided to make a podcast talking about the potential pitfalls of Valentine's Day: Anxiety and Expectations, and how to negotiate them in order to have a genuinely happy day with each other this year.

Listen, and learn how to take your power back from V-Day, how to manage anxiety around gift-giving, how to create a Valentine's Experience for your honey that WILL be successful, and how to manage any hurt feelings you might harbor if your day didn't live up to your hopes.

With lots of love to you this Valentine's Day -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Life, Love, and Comedy, With Denver's Empty Girlfriend

On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the most delightful time talking with Denver comedians Hayley Driscoll and Christie Bucle about their take on life, love, and how they keep things real with their podcast Empty Girlfriend. 

Listen now and get fresh insights on how to use humor to take your power back in challenging situations, how to use your voice to shine a light on subjects that might otherwise stay hidden in darkness, and how to use transparency and authenticity to create connection with others.

Is your marriage still recovering from the holidays? Have your conflicts felt especially nasty lately? Are you feeling particularly anxious or grim about the state of your marriage right now?

If so you are not alone. Right now marriage counselors everywhere are being flooded by couples in crisis. Why is there such a big uptick in who reach out for marriage counseling after the holidays?

1) We think of the holidays as being happy times for a family, but in truth they can put an enormous strain on a relationship. There are just SO many things to fight about!

2) Negative memory priming.

3) New Year's Resolutions. "I'm not living like this for one more year."

4) January is the most common month for people to file for divorce.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm talking about why this time of year is so darn hard for couples, and what you can do to put your marriage back together again and make 2015 a year of Love, Happiness and Success for both of you. .

--- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Happy New Year! This is a wonderful, introspective time and a beautful opportunity for reflecting on what you've learned from the last year. Just like you clean your house and clear out old stuff at the end of the year in order to have a fresh start, now is a great time for doing a little mental and emotional house-cleaning too. 

So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing a strategy that I teach my private Life Coaching clients about how to uncover the things that they learned from this past year.

This simple exercise will help you gain awareness on what it is that you need to say goodbye to, in order to say hello to the Love, Happiness and Success you're resolving for in 2015. 

Listen now.

Mindfulness: The ability to stay grounded in the current moment, and simply be present with whatever is happening.  So simple, yet so hard. What's easy? Getting swept away by distractions, thoughts, feelings, daydreams, and worries about things that might happen.  When we live in our heads, which most of us do most of the time, we're not really here. And that's too bad, because the world is a beautiful place.

Our ambient stress and future-focus is even more pronounced in the weeks leading up to the holiday season, so I thought that this would be a good time to revisit some simple mindfulness skills that will help you be able to slow down, breathe, and enjoy this special time of year.

My guest on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast today is Dr. Peggy Sheehan. She's a Denver-based physician who teaches John Kabat Zinn's Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program through Kaiser Permanente, as well as a spiritual director of the Zen Center of Denver. She knows a lot about mindfulness: The benefits of the practice, and everyday practices that will help you to slow down, and be more peaceful and present with your life. Today, she's sharing her wisdom with you.

The holidays are upon us! Time for turkey, presents, and LOTS of time with your family. The counseling and coaching sessions I'm having with my Denver clients recently have focused on how to handle "family time." 

The truth is that everyone wants to have a happy holiday with their family. It's also true that many people look forward to time with their parents with a mixture of excitement... and apprehension. Particularly during the holidays, with all the forced together-time, it's easy for tensions to flare and wreck a nice day pretty fast.

So today I'm re-issuing the "How to Deal With Difficult Parents" edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, in order to remind you of the mindset to cultivate in order to genuinely appreciate your parents for who they are, and have a good time together.

I hope these ideas help you have a happy holiday. And Happy Thanksgiving! xo, Lisa

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Do your parents make you crazy? You're not alone! Even as adults, our parents can have a unique ability to trigger familiar old frustrations, hurts and resentments. Or maybe they're just annoying. Maybe, as in my own case, you're still a little upset with your mother for not being Hillary Clinton.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I talk about how to deal with your parents, as an adult. Listen, and learn why you get so triggered by your parents, and the steps to create a healthy, peaceful and reality-based relationship with the parents you have.

We'll talk about the stages that we all move through on the path of "individuation" including disillusionment, distance, healing / growing, and reclaiming. You'll learn how to shift from being a child in relation to your parents, to an adult. Finally, you'll learn how to appreciate your parents for who they are, forgive past mistakes, set healthy boundaries, and start actually enjoying your relationship with them. Listen now....

"Follow your feelings" is the punchline of countless self-help books, and the focus of many therapy sessions. We can spend years in therapy or counseling learning how to respect and obey our emotional guidance system, which will often lead you in the right direction. But the truth is that not all feelings are the same. Sometimes, listening to your emotions will absolutely wreck your life. How do you tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings?

Healthy emotions are like your sense of smell. They provide you with information about the world, about yourselves, and other peoeple. Your feelings help you make decisions, and know when to move closer to something (or protect yourself). 

At the same time, we're all vulnerable to unhealthy feelings: Feelings that are rooted in depression, anxiety, low self esteem, trauma or impulsivity. And if we listen to those feelings we will almost invariably experience negative consequences. 

But the big problem is that our feelings always feel true, no matter if they are "healthy" or "unhealthy." It's therefore very difficult to differentiate between feelings that we should respect and obey, or feelings that we should over-ride. 

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking all about feelings - and how you can determine which ones to listen to and which ones to let go of. 

It is 1:19am. You have to be up and at ‘em at 5:30am. I don’t have to remind you of this. I’m sure you are very, very well aware that you are awake, as the minutes drip by.  As a matter of fact, I’m sure it’s all you can think about.

And this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you, my dear insomniac.

Sleep. It’s so important. It is quite literally a foundational building block for a healthy and happy life. And yet when we need it most is when it is most rebellious and oppositional. When we're lying awake at night we're like anxious parents of teenagers waiting up in a dark living room, thinking "Where the hell is Sleep? It needs to get it's butt home so we can both get some rest."

I don’t know exactly where your Sleep has run off to. It might be careening around with a carload friends playing mailbox baseball in the middle of the night, or hanging out in someone’s smokey rec room listening to ancient Black Sabbath records in the dark, but figuring out where it’s gone is not why we’re here today.

What we're here to talk about how to create the ideal conditions in both your body and mind to make it want to come back home again. And turn out the lights. And carry you both into dreamland. Listen now, to this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast -- and get some rest.

Can you have a passionate marriage? Or is it the eventual fate of all couples to be as bored and put off by each other as they are attached? Many couples arrive in marriage counseling really worried that the fact they’re feeling “meh” about each other is a sign that something is very wrong in their relationship. They think that they’ve "Fallen Out of Love," and that this is a reason to end their relationship.

In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: This moment is when real growth, passion and intimacy can begin.

And my purpose for making this particular podcast today is to help you understand what’s going on in the "falling out of love" phenomena.  I'll also give you some strategies about how to bring the sparkle back that may surprise you. (I can promise you that the punchline of this podcast is not going to be to have a date night and buy some lingerie.) We go deeper than that on the love, happiness and success podcast. I’m going to talk to you about what you need to do, and really, who you need to become, in order to wantto have a date night and go buy some lingerie.

Listen now, to "How To Rekindle The Passion" on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.