Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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Syndication

Are you in a relationship with someone who has issues they're not getting help for? It is painful to watch someone you love struggle, and it's also frustrating when you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. How do you help someone who won't help themselves? How long do you wait? When does being "supportive" slide into being "codependent?" When do you call it quits and move on? All that and more, on this episode.

Wishing you all the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 


Are you seeking to increase your social circle with true-blue friends who have your back? (And weed out the selfish people who take more than they give?) On today's episode of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast, Val Walker is here to share expert advice for how to cultivate relationships with friends you can count on.

In this emotionally intimate interview, Val talks about the moment she realized she had "400 Friends & No One To Call" (the title of her latest book), and how it launched her intentional, successful creation of a supportive community of meaningful friendships. 

Val has so much fantastic advice to share with you for how to build up a community of support for yourself. I hope you listen!

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


Most busy professionals feel they don't have the luxury to "just hang out." Yet investing in healthy friendships is one of the single most impactful things you can do to improve your mental, emotional, and even physical health.

To support YOU in your understanding of the importance of healthy friendships, and to deepen you understanding of what it really takes to build supportive relationships in your life, I’ve invited science journalist and author Lydia Denworth to speak with me about her new book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.”  

She shares what her painstaking research has uncovered about why friendships are so important to us, the risks of neglecting your friendships, the impact of friendships on children and adolescents, and — perhaps most importantly — concrete strategies for how to build and nurture your friendships during social distancing.

Listen, and learn about the importance of healthy friendship and how to build strong friendship connections in your own life.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


How to Deal With Cultural Differences in a Relationship

As a marriage counselor and couples therapist l know that all relationships bring a variety of challenges and opportunities for growth. At the same time, some couples  — particularly those in cross-cultural relationships — feel that they have further to go in bridging the gap.

It’s very easy for couples to get entrenched in conflict rooted in a core belief of “right and wrong” when it comes to how to approach various aspects of their shared life. This can be especially true around hot-button issues such as:

To tackle these questions, and provide some direction for how to begin building bridges to the center, I’ve asked some multicultural relationship experts to join me for this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Growing Self relationship coaches Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT, Tania Chikhani, M.A, and Teresa Thomas, M.A. often work with cross-cultural couples and interracial couples, and have great relationship advice for how to create peace and harmony in your gloriously diverse family.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


We are living in historic times. In the midst of a global pandemic, our country is also fighting another battle: One that seeks to shine a light on injustice and systemic racism, end abuse and discrimination of Black Americans and other people of color, and begin the hard work of healing.

This reality brings up questions that need to be answered:

  • How can a person of color cope with feelings of anger and pain due to being directly impacted by (or bearing witness to) racial injustice in our society?
  • What are some strategies that Black Americans can use to stay empowered in their relationships, and to make informed, affirming decisions that honor their needs and rights?
  • Where do you turn for safety, support and understanding in a divided and uncertain world?
  • How can people of color honor the reality of the past and present, and also remain hopeful about the future?

Growing Self therapists Teresa Thomas, M.S., and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC tackle these questions and more, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Join us!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

 

 

 


 

If you're still thinking about your Ex, and wishing you could heal, let go, and move on, today's Episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you.

We're discussing:

  • Why you can't stop thinking about your Ex
  • Why understanding your biology can set you free
  • What to do when you're obsessing about your Ex's new relationship
  • Why anger and guilt can keep you trapped in the past
  • How to let go of insecurities and jealousy about your Ex's new relationship
  • How to get closure after a relationship has ended
  • How to let go of a toxic relationship
  • How to (authentically and honestly) work through the feelings in a healthy way
  • How to use this experience as a launchpad for growth

Your partner in growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


We all hear “You have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself

This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.

You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.

With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU, 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.

 

 


Feeling Trapped?

When you're in a situation you're unhappy in but feel that the exits are blocked and that you have no good options, it's easy to feel trapped. Perhaps you're in an unhappy relationship, but can't leave. Or you feel forced to stay in a job you hate. Or your circumstances are limiting your empowerment and growth.

When change feels futile, or impossible, it's easy to feel helpless, disempowered, and trapped.

Does this sound familiar at all? If so, you're not alone. We all hit a wall sometimes. The good news is that there is a way out. Through using your creativity and giving yourself permission to entertain new thoughts, you'll either find new solutions... or inner peace.

Listen, and learn about how to get unstuck when you're feeling trapped on this episode of the podcast. 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Direct download: How_to_Get_Unstuck_.mp3
Category:Mental Health, Self Improvement, Career, Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Is your partner threatening divorce? Are you? If so this is certainly a relationship crisis... but not necessarily the end. In fact, when couples are on the brink of divorce, it can be a turning point for a marriage.

On this episode, I'm sharing some from-the-heart advice learned from my years as a marriage counselor about things you can do to stop this runaway train, and have new conversations with your partner to start the process of healing.

I am also aware that there are situations where you cannot stop a divorce if your partner has made up their mind. I also have some advice for how to handle this, and offer some concrete strategies for having the healthiest and most collaborative parting as possible.

I hope that all the advice helps you find your way through this confusing, and scary time, and that the path forward is one of growth for you -- no matter how things unfold.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Intentional Living: Without and Within

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast (as well as other episodes to come), I'm providing you with new ideas and growth activities that will help you move yourself forward on a deep level, while the world around us stops.

To begin, I'm speaking with my dear Olivia, the mastermind behind Decluttered Intentions, about simple things you can do to:

  • Create organization and order in your personal space
  • Cultivate spaciousness and peace inside of yourself
  • Release the opportunity to bury yourself in busyness
  • Understand your patterns and ways of relating to the world
  • Create order in your routines
  • Curate your thinking patterns in a way to create gratitude, appreciation, and contentment.
  • Connect with your dreams so that you can design a sanctuary within your home that nourishes you from the inside out.

I hope that these ideas and activities help YOU use this special, quiet time to move forward on your journey of growth.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: One of the resources I mentioned in this episode is my "What's Holding You Back" assessment, that gives you insight into your personal strengths and growth opportunities in a variety of domains. Text "GROW" to 55444 if you'd like to take it. xoxo, LMB


FINDING BALANCE: We want to have everything. We want and need to have rules and structure to protect us and guide our lives. Yet we also crave freedom and independence. We long to have empathy and compassion in our relationships,but we also want to be challenged so that we can grow.

Finding Balance In All Things

Tight vs. Loose. Protective vs. Forgiving. Planning vs. Being Present. Everything we do exists on a continuum, a spectrum of finding balance between extremes so that we can create a healthy path on every level.

Dr. Michele Gelfand is the author of "Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our World," she's been on the stage of TedEx, she's been featured on The Hidden Brain podcast, and now she's here with me to share her wisdom with YOU.

I hope her fascinating insights help you find a healthy balance in your life.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Direct download: Finding_blalance_3_-_4820_9.06_AM.mp3
Category:How to, Self Improvement, Mental Health -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Let's face it: Couples and money is a hot-button issue for many relationships. Sooner or later, all successful long-term couples need to work together to figure out how to communicate productively about money so that they can get on the same page and create a shared financial future. This is not always easy under the best of circumstances. 

Now, many couples are facing financial uncertainty or even a financial crisis (thanks coronavirus). It's more important than ever to be working as a united team around finances so that your relationship stays strong and healthy... even if your bank account takes a hit.

To help you have constructive, drama free conversations about money with your partner, I've invited my colleague Meagan Terry to give us the scoop on exactly what to do (and what NOT to do) in order to have loving, respectful, and effective conversations about finances that create unity and connection. 

Meagan is a highly experienced marriage counselor who has helped countless couples stop financial conflict and get on the same page around money. Now she's here for YOU. Listen, and get  her actionable tips you can start using today!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


ADVICE FROM A CAREER COACH | In addition to everything else in your life being upended by the coronavirus pandemic, you probably have a slew of new "coronavirus career anxieties" in addition to the usual coronavirus anxiety that's buzzing inside everyone right now.

Many people are very worried about their career future right now. Many jobs have been lost to coronavirus, and with the threat of recession, there may be more layoffs to come. (Read: Coping With a Layoff) For those among us lucky enough to have stable employment, we now figure out how to maintain our professionalism via online video meetings, work from home while balancing childcare, homeschooling and more.

In times like these it's absolutely normal to be worried about work, and help is here.

Advice From a Career Coach

Today I've tapped a couple of my career coaching colleagues to discuss important questions like: 

  • What to do if you lost your job
  • How to get a bridge job right now if you need one
  • How to use this time to develop yourself professionally and make long term career plans
  • How to protect your long-term career goals from coronavirus, if they're getting derailed right now
  • Managing anxiety about your career
  • Best practices when working from home for online video meetings
  • Balancing work and life when you're working from home
  • And more!

 

Join us for some timely coronavirus career advice on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


Coronavirus anxiety? Struggling with the new reality of "Corona Life?" You're not alone. I recently polled some of my tribe on Instagram to see how they were doing mentally and emotionally during the Coronavirus crisis we are all experiencing together.

In efforts to help you manage Coronavirus anxiety and cultivate emotional resilience, I am devoting this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to addressing your questions about coping with "Coronavirus Life" in order to provide new ideas and direction.

Specifically:

  • "I am freaking out about Coronavirus. How do I stop worrying about getting sick? Or being worried that people I love will get Coronavirus?"
  • "I'm having anxiety about separation during the Coronavirus quarantine, and I am so sad about being cut off from everyone. What do I do?"
  • "What are some of the best self-care strategies for dealing with Coronavirus stress?"
  • "Being cooped up at home with my spouse is taking a toll on my relationship. How do we handle the stress of this situation without damaging our relationship?"
  • "I'm so worried about my financial future thanks to Coronavirus. What do I do?"
  • "Coronavirus has destroyed my life. I can't deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what is happening."

I'm answering these listener questions and sharing some special, free resources for my listeners (You!!) on this episode. I hope this discussion and the resources I'm sharing helps you find new coping skills, and practices that help build a firm foundation of emotional resilience inside yourself right now.

Wishing you all the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


Knowing how to handle inevitable issues that creep into every relationship makes all the difference in whether your relationship becomes stronger over time... or strained.

The truth is that all couples need to learn "how" to do relationships, and there are a few core skills that are essential. My guests today are expert premarital counselors who are sharing their best advice for the things every couple must do to keep their relationship strong and healthy for the long haul.

Whether you're in a newly committed relationship or have been married for years, I hope you listen to this episode!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


Do you feel like it's hard to manage the stress of it all? If you're like so many of our high-achieving type-A life coaching and therapy clients here at Growing Self, you probably have days when you're feeling spread thin.

How do you create a sustainable way of being that allows you to not just do the things that you need to do but manage your life in such a way that you don't constantly feel like a frantic stress-ball?

My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Marilyn Paul, PhD, is here to show us how. Listen to get insights and tips, and compassionate, empowering ideas that you can use ASAP to cultivate calm and order in your life, so that you can feel genuinely stress free from the inside out.

Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: Stay_Stress_Free_GB_-_3220_4.05_PM.mp3
Category:How to, Self Improvement, Mental Health -- posted at: 4:37pm MDT

Super quick announcement to let you know that, due to some unforeseen technical issues, the "How Healthy is Your Relationship" Quiz I've mentioned on a number of podcasts is now available by texting RELQUIZ to 33777. The old number (345345) is no longer operational as of 2/28/20. 

You can also access the quiz on the GrowingSelf.com website.

I hope this change did not create any confusion or inconvenience for you.

Okay, that's all -- I'll be back in touch with a new *actual* podcast for you on Monday! xoxo, LMB

Direct download: Quiz_Update_-_22820_4.33_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:42pm MDT

LEAVING a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP? Or thinking about it? If so, my heart goes out to you: You've already been through the wringer. As a therapist who specializes in toxic relationship addiction, and having researched and written a breakup recovery book, I know from years of experience that when you're addicted to a toxic relationship, it messes with your mind. Toxic relationships trash your self esteem. They damage your ability to trust. But even worse, after tolerating months or even years in a toxic relationship it can make you feel like you can't even trust your own judgement anymore.

In order to provide you with the empowering support and perspective that can support YOUR growth and recovery, I've invited writer Shannon Ashley to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. 

Shannon is not the type of "official" relationship expert that I often have on the show — she's so much more. She's a fellow traveler who has walked through the fire, and come out the other side. She has been able to give a voice to the experience that you're going through, and she has a unique perspective on what it really takes to heal from a toxic relationship. I'm so pleased that she's here to share her hard won wisdom with YOU today.

Wishing you all the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

 


There's a unique type of existential anxiety brewing in younger professionals lately who consider their career future and wonder, "Are robots coming for my job?" 

To help you move forward fearlessly into a bright professional future, I've invited future-focused career coach Nicolle Merrill to speak with us. She's here today to share her best future career advice with you, including:

All that and more, as we discuss YOUR career future on the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: Career_Future_Final.mp3
Category:Mental Health, Self Improvement, Career, Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

If you want to create a fantastic relationship, there's one irreplaceable ingredient that you must have: Emotional safety.

If you have emotional safety everything from communication to intimacy feels so much easier. But without it, everything feels like a battle.

Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to share the secrets behind how to create emotional safety in your relationship. We'll be discussing:

  • What emotional safety is, and why it's important
  • How to determine if your relationship is emotionally safe or not
  • How to begin increasing the emotional safety in your relationship
  • Understanding what behaviors will damage emotional safety
  • How to use the principles of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to improve your relationship

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

PS: If you want to take the free "How Healthy is Your Relationship" assessment I mention in this episode, text RELQUIZ to 345345 to get the link.


If you started the new year with ambitious goals and aspirations that are already on life-support, or have been abandoned altogether: CONGRATULATIONS. Only now do you have the real-world information you need to reassess your situation, gain more clarity, and tweak your approach.

To help you figure out how to achieve your most ambitious goals for real, I've invited master life coach Laurie Gerber of The Handel Group to share her tips for how to use setbacks to understand yourself more deeply, and shine a spotlight on the mental, emotional and practical strategies that will help you achieve your most ambitious goals.

Listen and learn:

  • How creating multidimensional, holistic self-awareness can help you uncover blindspots that could otherwise become obstacles.
  • Why the obvious path to change is often not effective (and what often unseen things actually are)
  • How to get your thoughts, feelings and behavior into alignment
  • Different ways of thinking that will help you stay motivated over the long haul

I hope that this conversation helps YOU dig deeper, get into alignment, and get clarity about where to refocus your energy.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. One of them is our free Ten Year Plan exercise. If you haven't done this yet, here's the link to get the pdf or access to the online version.

 


The path to wellness can be a long and challenging one if you're dealing with a chronic health condition... particularly one that does not have an obvious cause or simple solution. Dealing with these kinds of health issues requires an enormous amount of strength, courage, and persistence — all of which can be hard to come by when you're at a low point, physically.

If you or someone you love is going through this, help is here. My colleague at Growing Self, Amy-Noelle Shih, M.A., LPC is a holistic, empowering therapist and life coach who specializes in supporting people on their journey back to health, and is sharing her empowering advice with you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

All for you...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Direct download: Path_To_Wellness_Final_-_1720_1.15_PM.mp3
Category:Self Improvement, Health, Mental Health -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

How would you describe your relationship... with money? Secure? Anxious? Toxic? Neglected? Or... Easy?

We all carry subconscious thoughts, feelings and values around money that impact our way of relating to it. Financial therapy helps you uncover these powerful inner forces, so that you can create a healthy money mindset so that you can feel empowered and in control of your finances. Financial therapy for couples helps you stop the "money fights" and get on the same page with your partner around money.

Today's guest, financial therapist Jennifer Dunkle, is here to explain how YOU can develop a healthy money mindset — both individually, and as a couple — so that you can achieve your financial goals. 


Human beings are built to bond — but we can also develop powerful bonds to unhelpful behaviors, toxic people, and even substances of abuse.  Understanding the power of connection can help you break unhealthy attachments, and cultivate empowering, energizing new ones.  Here's how...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have a special gift for both premarital couples AND couples on the brink of divorce: A special interview with Jim Sexton, author of "How to Stay in Love." Jim has a unique perspective — he has spent years working as a divorce lawyer and has sat with countless couples who are in the process of ending their marriage. Through these experiences he gained insight into the biggest mistakes couples can make,the most important things you can do to prevent a divorce, and key things that couples can do to keep their relationship healthy and strong.

I hope this episode helps you understand your marriage in a new way, and provides some direction for how to repair your bond if things have been feeling hard lately.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

 


It's a brand new DECADE! To celebrate, we're doing something special in this episode: I'm going to walk you, step by step, through a "growth experience" that will help you create your very own Ten Year Plan so that you have clarity about where you want to be (and how to get there!) over the next ten years.

To help you get the most out of this, I've created some free resources to assist you: Text 10YPlan to 33777 OR visit GrowingSelf.com/My-Ten-Year-Plan to get access to my (totally free) Online 10 Year Planning Tool and / or printable pdf. 

Then, together, we'll walk through this powerful activity together. By the end you'll have new self-awareness, clarity about what you want, but, most importantly, knowledge about specifically what you need to do (and not do!) to achieve your ideal reality 10 years from now.

Let's do this! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Your partner in growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


It's so easy — especially for smart, determined, proactive and successful people — to spend a lot (a LOT) of time and energy pursuing goals that, at the end of the day, are not actually the most important or meaningful ones to them. Sounds crazy, but it's true: We're all vulnerable to absorbing messages from our families, social media, our culture, and certainly the combined efforts of many savvy marketers about what we should want. About who we should be. About what we should do with our lives.

You Are The Author of Your Own Life Story

At the end of the day, buying in to someone else's hopes and dreams for your life can lead you down the wrong path. Even if you — by virtue of your intelligence, determination, and hard work — are successful in creating all of it and achieving the ideals that you were handed, they will still feel hollow to you. Because they were never genuinely meaningful and important to YOU. And you will have spent so much of your precious time, energy, love, and devotion to achieving goals that — at the end of the day — could have been spent creating the life and reality that was your heart's desire.

You deserve better. You deserve to own your own goals and create a destiny that will lead to your heart overflowing with authentic happiness and gratitude. You deserve, at the very end of your precious life, to have zero regrets.You deserve to feel pride and appreciation for what you have created, and what will last long after your time on this earth has passed.

How to Design Your Life Around What Matters Most

To help you create this reality — the clear-eyed pursuit and attainment of the goals that are actually the most important and precious to YOU — I have a very special gift for you. On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the honor and pleasure of interviewing a very wise and insightful man, author Chris Meyer.

Chris has a fascinating story: He spent many years as the director of a funeral home. (Stay with me here!) Over the years, he sat with many families as they planned their final goodbyes. He sat with people who were dying, and grieving families, and heard their stories — their gratitude, and their regrets, and the profound insights into what really mattered.... from the perspective of looking back on their lives.

Today, he is here to share these insights directly with YOU. He is bringing you the messages from people at the end, so that YOU can design your life with intention, clarity and love, and maintain you focus on what really matters most to you.

It's a heartfelt gift for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. I sincerely hope that it helps you get clarity and self-awareness for how you'd like to design YOUR life as we enter into a new decade, together.

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 


Let's face it: We all have moments. Moments when we feel (justifiably!) angry or frustrated with other people, and moments when we lose our cool.

While everyone is in agreement that there is a time and place for healthy anger, sometimes the lines can get blurred around when you're setting appropriate limits.... and when you're probably being unnecessarily aggressive about making your feelings known.

How do we find that balance? The balance between not being a pushover and having a right to your feelings, but also having compassion for other people? Especially (here's the hard part) other people who may not be behaving well themselves. It's challenging for all of us. (#lifegoals!)

The easy thing to do in the face of conflict is to lash out in anger, push people away,  or freeze people out. It's much harder to stay in the ring and find a path of mutual understanding and repair.

On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I had the great pleasure of speaking with NYC-based psychoanalyst Dr. Mark Borg about this subject, and his insights into how to lead a more compassionate life. Dr. Borg is the author of the book, "Don't Be a Dick: Change Yourself, Change Your World" and he shared thoughtful strategies for how to:

  • Gain the authentic self-awareness necessary to catch yourself when you're slipping into unnecessary "dickishness"
  • How to handle challenging interpersonal situations with grace and tact
  • The mindset that will help you stay compassionate with people who are not behaving well
  • Strategies to handle extremely triggering situations with your family around the holidays (without getting sucked into conflict)
  • How to use the power of empathy for yourself, and others, in order to make the world a better place

I hope this perspective and advice helps you and the people you love.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

 

Direct download: How_to_Not_Be_a_Dick_Final.mp3
Category:Self Improvement, Relationships, Mental Health -- posted at: 4:12pm MDT

Do you have relationship questions, dating questions, breakup questions, communication questions, therapy questions, or need to know how to handle a totally awkward family situation? 

Today on the podcast we're talking about all of it: The entire show is devoted to you. Your life, your relationships, and your questions. 

Specifically, we discussed:

  • What if you're having an argument with your partner and need to take a break to calm down, but they keep pursuing you?
  • How to handle it when you're married and have a crush on someone else? What if you have a crush on an EMPLOYEE?
  • Are you dating and hearing, "I like you but just as friends" a lot? We're talking about what that might mean!
  • What are some tips to handle a hard breakup or divorce when you coparent with your Ex and have to see your Ex?
  • What should you do if your family members are fighting with each other and you keep getting dragged into it?
  • Can you do couples therapy by video if you're in a long-distance relationship? Why might that be a good idea?
  • How should you approach your partner if you think they would really benefit from individual therapy or couples counseling, but they won't go?
  • And so. Much. More.

Tune in!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com


Holidays: NOT The Happiest Time Of Year For Heartbreak

Divorces and breakups are difficult any time of year, but most people find that the period between Thanksgiving and Valentine's day adds an extra layer of angst and anxiety to the recovery process.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be giving you actionable advice to cope with a breakup or divorce during the holiday season. You'll learn how to take care of yourself, ways to manage your feelings, and most importantly -- how to use this time to heal, grow, and move on to a brighter future.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps. Don't forget to download your free "action plan" for how to stop obsessing about your Ex: www.growingself.com/holiday-breakups


Feeling judged is difficult at any time, but as we lead up to the holidays, I begin to hear from many therapy and life coaching clients that feeling judged or criticized during family gatherings creates a ton of anxiety.

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm diving deeply into this topic, in order to help you find strategies to stop feeling judged (while you're staying true to yourself and your values). 

We'll discuss:

  • Why it's so important to get clear about your values before heading into emotionally fraught situations with family and in-laws
  • How to decide where to be flexible and where to hold firm in your interactions with others
  • How to let go of your need for approval from others
  • What to prioritize in order to help yourself make decisions and be less reactive
  • The secret strategy to help yourself be okay… even when others are not
  • How to practice compassion for self and others

All this, and more, on this episode of the podcast.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


I often share relationship advice geared towards helping you proactively solve problems, practice good communication, and tackle tough issues before they become explosive... but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, couples just have a terrible fight where they both say mean things to each other and feel like they damaged their relationship in the process.

Has this just happened in your relationship? Have you just had a nasty fight, and now you're looking for help to get your relationship back on track?

You're in the right place: Today I'm sharing my top tips for how to calm down, get back on track, and not just repair your relationship after a fight — but USE this experience to help your relationship grow and improve. PLUS, your questions about what to do when they're frequent fighting.

All for you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com


Do you have a running commentary in your head about all your mistakes, faults and shortcomings?

 

It's so painful. It's so exhausting. It's also so common — especially in high-achieving, successful types. (Ironically). Yes, the people who seem pretty darn close to perfect in the eyes of others are often the ones struggling the most to feel peaceful and self-accepting.

Can you relate? Do you feel like you're never doing enough? Or like you have to be perfect (but even when you are, it could still be better?

If so, the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you. We're going to be talking about how to stop beating yourself up, even if (and especially if) you're going through life circumstances that make you more vulnerable to beating yourself up.

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Specifically, we're discussing:

  • Why You Beat Yourself Up
  • How to stop beating yourself up for mistakes
  • How to stop beating yourself up for past mistakes (that feel big)
  • How to stop beating yourself up over mistakes at work
  • How to stop beating yourself up after a breakup
  • How to stop beating yourself up for not being perfect

Listen to this episode to learn how to start pushing back against this "inner bully"  so that you can cultivate self-compassion, feel less insecure, feel good about yourself, and take pride in your many accomplishments so that you can own your awesome.

You are worth it! 

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

PS: What's on YOUR mind these days? Have a question or a suggestion for an upcoming blog or podcast? I'm listening! Feel free to drop anything in the comments of this episode (here) or via this secure form.


Without understanding your subconscious self, it's very difficult to create real and lasting change in your life and in your relationships. You can try to make changes, but if your subconscious mind has other motivations.... it's going to win every time.

Today, we're discussing:

 

  • Why high level "solutions" will not be effective unless you understand your subconscious self
  • Why your subconscious brain can sabotage you

  •  

    How to get insight into your subconscious mind

  •  

    How to use self-awareness to gain control over your subconscious

  •  

    Ways of strengthening your intuition, creativity and inner wisdom

All that, and more, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

 

 


BECOMING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY: Feelings. They happen to everyone, all the time. And yet, we don't always acknowledge them or talk about our feelings, much less take guidance from our emotions.

Particularly in our culture, individuals and couples on a quest of "Happiness" can come to believe that being happy means being relatively free of dark emotions, like anger, sadness or fear. In fact, the opposite is true: Research shows that the happiest, most emotionally healthy people are actually the ones who are most comfortable with the full range of their emotions.

Emotionally healthy people tend to be both self-accepting and self-aware: They know how they feel, and they have a great deal of tolerance and self-compassion when they're not feeling so great emotionally. They don't try to avoid bad feelings, and they also know how to (gently, appropriately) support themselves through challenging times. 

Emotional Health: Finding a Balance

Emotionally healthy people tend to be attuned to their emotions (and those of others). They know how to "lean in" to hard feelings with acceptance and without judgment. However, even though they're fully connected with their feelings they may not always react or take action from their emotions. A core component of authentic emotional health is knowing which feelings to listen to and which feelings to leave alone.

It can be hard to develop emotional health and learn how to stay in balance between taking wisdom from your emotions, but not always "obeying them. Learning how to tell the difference between helpful and unhelpful feelings, helps you develop self-compassion, self-understanding, and self-control. 

Becoming Emotionally Healthy is a Personal Growth Process

A key aspect of holistic personal growth is learning how to have an authentic, self-aware, and sensitive relationship with your own emotions. This kind of powerful personal growth work often addresses: 

  • The life experiences that shaped your emotional reality and core beliefs
  • Acknowledging any unfinished business with the past
  • Identifying and understanding your unique emotional triggers
  • Figuring out which feelings are guiding you helpfully
  • Using your emotions to connect with your hopes, dreams and values
  • Pinpointing the emotions that are getting in your way
  • Developing self-compassionand acceptance of feelings without judgment
  • Learning how to cope with big, dark emotions in a healthy way
  • Learning how to stay in balance emotionally, no matter what's going on

It's a lot! While this type of personal growth work often takes months (if not years) of focused attention in therapy or life coaching,it's so worth it. Becoming emotionally healthy is a foundational life skill for anyone on the path of self-actualization. 

The Benefits of Cultivating Emotional Health

Learning how to manage your emotions skillfully allows you to have better relationships with others, feel happier, improve your self-esteem, and also create a meaningful, values-based life for yourself. It's worth talking about, and that's where we're going together today on The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

In addition to talking through all of the above, I'm answering some specific listener questions like:

  • "How do I get my emotions under control and stop being so reactive?"
  • "How do I stop allowing my anxiety to get in the way of my relationships?"
  • "How do I feel less numb and 'blah' and more engaged with my life?"”

All for YOU, on this episode of the podcast. 

See you there!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: Resources I mentioned on today's show include the "Happy Heart" unit of my online Happiness Class, as well as a self-soothing breathing technique I shared on IGTV.

 

PPS: Once again, I recorded this episode LIVE on Instagram so that I could answer some real-time listener questions. If you'd like to join next time, follow me @drlisamariebobbyand you'll see me LIVE in your stories (almost) every Monday at 12pm MT. Hope to see you there! LMB

 

 


Modern dating is complex and challenging. I've had so many listener questions about dating coming in lately, that I just had to address them on a podcast! In particular, we're diving deep and talking through some of the more complicated aspects of "dating life" that many people struggle with, like:

What to do when you're terribly sad about being single?

How do you know if you're ready to date after a bad breakup or divorce?

If you're a single parent, when should you tell the kids about your new relationship?

How do you trust a new person if you've been betrayed in the past?

All that, and more, on this episode...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

 

PS: Do YOU have questions? Ask away!


Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your life? Like you have so much to do and you're always busy, but also like you're not actually getting things done? Or, worse, are you SO busy that things are actually starting to fall through the cracks? Eek!

This is incredibly stressful, and yet so many people are struggling with it: Especially conscientious, hardworking and responsible types.

If this is a "pain point" for you, too, I hope you join me on this episode, to learn about:

  • What types of core belief and approaches to life lead to feelings of overwhelm
  • How perfectionism and over achievement is correlated with being LESS successful
  • How stress leads to anxiety (and too much anxiety leads to paralysis)
  • The type of mindset that helps you do more (and feel happier at the same time)
  • How to recognize when you're spiraling into burnout and how to stop it
  • How to do a "hard reset" on overwhelm and start getting things done
  • How to get reconnected to your true values, goals and priorities
  • What to focus on first if you're spiraling
  • Strategies to help you identify and focus on what is truly important (and say buh-bye to the rest)
  • Surprising tips and tricks to relax your body and mind, and enter a state of focused productivity

All for YOU, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: How well do you understand other people? How well do you understand yourself? Do you know how to handle emotionally sensitive moments? 

 

Because emotional intelligence skills really are so important, I decided to devote an entire episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to helping you understand emotional intelligence and how to improve emotional intelligence. 

Listen, and learn:

  • Signs of low emotional intelligence
  • Consequences of low emotional intelligence
  • Why some people have higher emotional intelligence than others
  • Emotional intelligence and empathy
  • Why self-awareness is the key first step to developing emotional intelligence
  • How to improve emotional intelligence
  • How to tell if you're emotionally intelligent or not
  • Different emotional intelligence quizzes and assessment strategies
  • Specific exercises to improve emotional intelligence.

 

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: Get access to the resources we discussed in this episode on the post for this episode here. 

 

Direct download: Cultivating_Emotional_Intelligence_-_92319_4.02_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:48pm MDT

Do you ruminate? Think about things that happened in the past? Worry about what could happen in the future? Feel irritated with other people? Or struggle with the anxiety of comparing yourself with others? 

 

There is an alternative to being at the mercy of your mercurial mind. Learning how to mindfully and with intention get in control of your inner experience can help you break free from anxiety and worry, rise above stress, attain profound levels of empathy and connection with others, and feel happier and more joyful in the process.

But how? How do we rise above the churning of our minds and our egos, to enter into a state of compassion and connection? Well, my guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is Preethaji, a philosopher, mystic, the author of The Four Sacred Secrets and the co-founder of the international school of self-development, the O & O Academy based in India.

Listen to this episode as Preethaji and I discuss:

  • How to liberate yourself from a state of suffering
  • How to find clarity and purpose within
  • How to intentionally shift into a state of love, peace and calm
  • How to feel more connected to others, to the universe, and to yourself
  • How to transform your most important relationships through love and compassion

We're digging deep, discussing how to mindfully heal old wounds, release self-limiting old beliefs, and taking responsibility for the way you show up in the world. I posed a couple of YOUR questions to her too, and her perspective was refreshing.

I really enjoyed speaking with Preethaji, and I hope you get as much out of listening to this episode as I did in making it for you.

Your fellow traveler,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

 


YOUR RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS, ANSWERED | Lately, I've had quite a few listeners and readers get in touch with their relationship questions. I thought I'd devote an entire episode of the podcast to answering them! Specifically, I'm offering free relationship advice around these common questions on today's episode:

  • What to do when you're feeling bored in your relationship, and are concerned because you're married but have a crush on someone else.
  • What to do when you and your partner have different love languages
  • Whether to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen to you
  • How to get your partner to take more initiative for household tasks
  • What to do when your partner has a substance abuse problem but won't get help
  • What to do when your boyfriend keeps putting off getting engaged
  • How to handle it when your partner is acting like a child in the relationship

Your burning relationship questions answered, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

PS: One of the resources I mentioned to a listener's question was our "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz. Click the link if you'd like to take it too.

PSS: Do YOU have a question? You're welcome to ask it here on the comments section for this post: https://www.growingself.com/free-relationship-advice-from-a-marriage-counselor, or via my Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby I just might answer it on an upcoming episode! :)

Direct download: Free_Relationship_Advice_-_82619_4.51_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 5:07pm MDT

THE POWER OF DECLUTTERING: Do you ever feel oppressed by all the stuff you're hanging on to? Is it hard to get organized, and stay organized? Do you feel like your life is crammed full of obligations, relationships, things — even a career — that no longer fits the person you've grown into?

Intentionally getting clear about who you are NOW, and where you want to go with your life can help you cut through all the clutter and develop an environment and a lifestyle that feels satisfying and congruent with the best parts ofyou.

 

True, meaningful decluttering goes much deeper than just cleaning out a closet. Decluttering and maintaining a values-based, intentional lifestyle is an exercise in personal clarity and evolution. To help YOU along your journey of renewal and growth I've invited decluttering expert Olivia Heine to join me on the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

If you're looking for some decluttering inspiration, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. We're discussing:

  • How decluttering your life can lead to emotional growth and healing
  • How to get clarity about your self and your life goals, so that you know what to keep and what to let go of
  • How to use the process of decluttering as a vehicle that can actually help you process unfinished emotional business from the past
  • Why releasing physical possessions is often the first step in making positive changes in other parts of your life
  • How to deal with tricky emotions (like guilt) that make it hard to let go of things
  • How to declutter your life, your relationships, your career, and your time
  • How the practice of decluttering helps you feel more confident and empowered
  • How holding space in your life for the things that ARE important to you helps you create the life you want
  • How to maintain an organized, intentional lifestyle long-term
  • And more!

So much good stuff to share with you. Olivia and I hope this discussion helps YOU get clear about who you are, what you want.... and what it's time to release!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Ps: Questions? Comments? Join the conversation! www.growingself.com/the-power-of-decluttering


On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm talking all about how to not JUST find your purpose and highest calling, but how to start living your life with self-awareness and intention so that you can design the reality you want. Specifically, we're discussing:

  • Why your ultimate purpose in life is bigger than your career
  • How to fully embrace the amount of power you already have to design the life you want
  • How to uncover the unconscious beliefs and messages that have been leading to life circumstances you don't want
  • Targeted questions to help you get clear about what your truth is
  • The importance of deliberately living in congruence with your highest and best
  • How to develop self-awareness and mindfulness strategies that will allow you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors
  • How living intentionally and in congruence with your values leads to authentic happiness

If you have been feeling stuck lately and are struggling to find clarity and direction in life, I hope you listen to this episode.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: One of the strategies I offered on this episode involves thinking about times that you experience "flow" and writing about it. You are invited to share your "flow moments" in the comments on the blog at www.GrowingSelf.com!


The Transformational Season

Did you know that right now is possibly the best time you'll have all year to make real and lasting change in your life? That's not hyperbole. In my experience as a therapistlife coachmarriage counselor, and fellow traveler on this journey of life, I have noticed that this season -- the annual transition from summer to fall -- is often when people are feeling most intrinsically motivated, and most able to make real and lasting change in their lives.

Perhaps it's a natural itch to get back to work after the languid summer season, particularly if you've done a good job of relaxing well. Perhaps it's a lifetime of major life transitions in the form of back to school experiences. For whatever reason, now is the time when you're ready to cultivate fresh new energy in your life and plant the seeds of a new chapter. Whether it's your career, your clutter, your personal habits, or your how you spend your time that is begging for re-evaluation, the time is ripe to sweep out the old and usher in the new.

On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be teaching you four crucial steps to practice as you harness the natural, transformational power of this season and use it to affect real and lasting change in your life. You'll learn how to access your self awareness, create intentional change, get deeper access to your core values, and make changes that last.

Here's to your liberation!

Lisa Marie Bobby
 


Many people get involved with therapy or life coachinghere at Growing Self in order to improve all their relationships — not just their romantic partnerships or marriages. Let's face it: Friendships can present their own unique challenges.

 

If this is an area of growth for you, too, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. I'll be discussing:

  • Why friendships end
  • How the dynamics of friendships are similar to and different from romantic relationships
  • How to mend a friendship that has been feeling strained
  • What to do about toxic friendships
  • How to cope if you've been ghosted by a friend
  • The path of healing after an unexpected friendship loss
  • How to end a friendship compassionately
  • How to change a friendship if you need different boundaries with a friend

I hope these ideas help you strengthen your friendships and keep healthy people in your life!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, LP, BCC

Ps: Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Here's the link to join the discussion at GrowingSelf.com

 

Direct download: Why_Friendships_End_-_72219_3.01_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Relationships -- posted at: 4:48pm MDT

The Art of Vacationing Well

It is vacation season, and you probably have some getaways planned. (I hope.) But if you are of the "rest is for mortals" mindset, you are not alone.

So today I'm bringing you ten tips that will help you make the most of your hard earned vacation time -- whether you travel to exotic lands or just stick around town. 

We'll be discussing how to:

1) Take time off without feeling guilty about it
2) Use your vacation time intentionally and mindfully
3) Prepare to step out in such a way as to minimize "re-entry stress" upon your return
4) Set boundaries with others (and yourself) so you can relax and be present
5) Learn how to make them positive benefits of your vacation experience last, even after you're back

And much, much more -- all on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: The_Art_of_Vacationing_Well_.mp3
Category:Self Help, Mindfulness, Relaxation -- posted at: 3:00am MDT

Saving a Relationship, Single-Handedly

It can feel really discouraging when you are eager to work on your relationship, and your partner is less than enthused about going to marriage counseling or relationship coaching. But know this: Every couple who gets to marriage counseling does so because one of the partners initiates it. In your relationship, that person might need to be you. And that is okay.

 

This episode will give you insight into what might be going on inside your partner when they say things like:  

I'm sharing some tips and ideas that can help you you ease their concerns. I hope this advice helps you help YOUR partner take the first step forward with you, and start growing back together again.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: When_Your_Wife_or_Husband_Refuses_To_Go_To_Marriage_Counseling.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Welcoming a new baby into the world can be one of the most exciting and joyful times for a couple... and also one of the hardest. It's unfortunately very common to have marriage problems after baby. As marriage counselors and family therapists we often see that most couples spend so much time and energy preparing for the birth, and how to take care of their newborn, they neglect to think about how they'll keep their relationship strong after baby.

Because this transition to parenthood can feel so challenging for many couples, we're devoting a whole episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to supporting you through it. Marriage and family therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small will be sharing her tips for how to not just keep your relationship strong after baby, but set yourself up for success in the years to come.

Listen now to get Jessica's advice for how to:

  • Prepare your relationship for a baby
  • Have crucial conversations that will help you work through issues as they come up
  • How to support each other emotionally after having a baby
  • Practice practical strategies to make things easier for both of you
  • Keep a compassionate mindset
  • Create a happy new chapter for your marriage

We hope that this information helps you successfully transition from being a happy couple to a happy family!

Sincerely,

Jessica Small, M.A., LMFTand Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT

www.GrowingSelf.com


Do you feel frustrated with your current job? Perhaps you generally feel good about your line of work, but want to take it to the next level. Maybe, like so many people, you're feeling a vague sense of dissatisfaction with your job: You know you want more, you know you can do more, but aren't sure which direction you should go in — much less how to make it happen.

Today, you're in for a treat. I've invited Denver career coachand leadership coach Nicholas Manning to speak with me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and share his best advice for how to move past paralysis and stagnation, and start taking control of your career in a new way.

We're talking about many things to support your professional development, including:

  • How to know it's time for a career change (and where to start)
  • How to make a values-based plan for your career
  • Why you're not getting promoted
  • The importance of emotional intelligence at work
  • Learning how to be a leader
  • Coping with a bad boss
  • And much more! 

We help this career advice helps you make positive changes, and develop a more fulfilling and rewarding career!

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD & Nicholas Manning, MBA

 

www.growingself.com


 

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm putting on my dating coach hat to give you some free dating advice for how to date with confidence, and hopefully find your true love this summer. I'll be discussing:

  • How to date with intention, and save yourself time, energy and frustration
  • How to get interesting people interested in YOU
  • New relationship warning signs
  • What to look for in a potential partner
  • How to establish a healthy long-term relationship

If you're single and hoping to find true love this summer, you'll definitely want to listen.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 www.GrowingSelf.com

Direct download: Finding_True_Love_Dating_Advice_-_52819_1.28_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 1:59pm MDT

 

These days, travel is more than just taking a trip. Where you go, who you go with, and what you do when you're in complete control of your time says a lot about you. Your personality, your interests, and even your identity becomes intertwined with what you do during your leisure time.

More importantly, traveling with intention can lead to personal growth. Having new experiences, getting a fresh perspective, and putting yourself in challenging situations can help you expand: Becoming wiser, more worldly, and more resilient. Traveling well can also provide you with benefits that linger long after you get back home.

Because traveling well is such an important aspect of personal growth, I've invited travel writer Aditi Shrikant of Vox to discuss the psychological impact of travel on people, and things to consider as you're planning your summer adventure. She shares her insight into making travel meaningful, and as well as some tips to get the most personal impact from your vacation.

Your partner in adventure!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Direct download: How_Travel_Helps_You_Grow_-_52119_1.04_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Personal Growth -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

We think of the process of changing your life as a positive thing — one that is hopeful, and infused with joy. However, here's the dirt: While the results are absolutely positive, no-one ever, ever, changes because they're just so happy with their life as it currently is. No. People actually change because they are frustrated, annoyed, hurt, embarrassed, experiencing negative consequences, or just completely worn out and exhausted from living the way they have been.

It takes a brave soul to raise their hand and say, "This is what changing my life actually was like — tell my story."

It's such a treasure when that happens though. We all learn from each other, and hearing how people just like us learned, changed, grew, and evolved, creates an inspirational path that we can then follow ourselves.

Today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast that is exactly what we are doing. My dear colleague, fellow Denver therapist and online life coach Polly Drew has an inspiring story of personal transformation to share. She talks about the change process: From her first awareness that she had a problem, to how she got the motivation to start making changes, to the support and systems she needed to put into place in order to be successful in changing her life.

We're talking all about what it takes to really change your life on this episode of the podcast.

With love,

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT& Polly Drew, M.Ed., LMFT

www.growingself.com

Direct download: POLLY_-Final-_MAKING_POSITIVE_CHANGES_-_42919_3.05_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 4:05pm MDT

In my role as a therapist, life coach and breakup recovery coach here at Growing Self, I have had the honor and privilege to walk along side many people as they make agonizing decisions about whether or not to stay in a relationship.

They often have deep ambivalence about the relationship: They love their person, and they acknowledge that the relationship has many good aspects, and yet they simply feel in their heart that it is not the right relationship for them.

So they stay. Sometimes, for years. 

If this is familiar to you (or someone you know) this podcast is for you. In this episode I'm addressing:

  • Why people get stuck in an unhappy relationship
  • What goes on inside of someone in the weeks and months leading up to a breakup
  • Why (and when) breaking up can be the most compassionate thing for all parties
  • How to break up with someone you care about (especially if they argue with you about it)
  • Underlying factors that can contribute to people having "commitment issues"
  • What relationship patterns need to be addressed, lest they follow you into your next relationship
  • What to discuss in couple' counseling if you want to give it one more shot

I hope this perspective helps!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

Direct download: How_to_Break_Up_With_Someone_You_Love_-_5619_3.41_PM.mp3
Category:relationships, self help -- posted at: 4:28pm MDT

Growing Self is devoted to helping you feel happier, and get better results in your relationships and your career. Over the years of being a therapist and coach I've learned that there are a couple of specific skills that, when learned, can change everything for you; you'll feel happier, less stressed, more confident, and empowered. I teach these skills to my private therapy and coaching clients, I teach them in my online Happiness Class, and I'm here today to teach them to you, too.

These strategies work for me, they work for my clients, and they'll work for you too.

Listen now, and let's get started!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your financial success is vital to creating the life you want.

 

Learning how to be better with money is not just a matter of making a budget and stopping your $5 latte habit. Genuine financial success requires self-awareness, clarity about your core values, and intention -- as well as a plan. Financial management is a vital life-skill that is learned, and once you have a tool-box of strategies to manage your money you can flourish in every way.

That's why, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Profit Boss Hilary Hendershott.Hilary is a Certified Financial Planner, financial advisor and a wealth coach. She has helped many people learn how to not just manage their finances, but create genuine abundance in their lives.

She's here with actionable advice to help you:

  • Gain self awareness about your patterns with money
  • Stop sabotaging your financial success
  • Use your core values guide your financial decisions
  • Develop an intentional relationship with your money
  • Guide your money, easily and effortlessly
  • Create long-term financial peace

Listen to our discussion and get actionable advice from Hilary about how to start changing your relationship with money for the better, starting today.

 

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: Have a follow up question about financial success or any other Love, Happiness or Success topic? Cruise over to www.growingself.com and share it in the comments!

Direct download: Financial_Success_-_42219_1.50_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Relationships, Finances -- posted at: 3:37pm MDT

Adult ADHD: A Blessing and a Curse

Wondering if you have Adult ADHD, or suspicious you do? Want to take an "Adult ADHD Test?"

Here's the first test: Does the fact that this is a podcast about ADHD rather than a written article make you feel relieved? (Because you can run / clean / drive / keep futzing around with whatever you want to instead of having to sit still for a REALLY LONG TIME (like 8 minutes) and laboriously read through an article and take a quiz?)

Ding ding!

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to tell the difference between garden-variety disorganization and real-deal ADHD. I'll give you an "Adult ADHD Quiz" to help you determine if you might have it, or if someone you love may struggle with it. I'll also be sharing some strategies you can use to conquer Adult ADHD, and rise to your magnificent potential. 

Check out the video and book resources I mentioned on the podcast at www.growingself.com/adult-adhd-test.

Learn more about Dr. Bobby, her coaching practice, and her online "Happiness Class" at www.growingself.com

(Music Credits: "Networking" by The Knife)

Direct download: Adult_ADHD_Test.m4a
Category:Self Help, Personal Growth -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Generational differences in the workplace aren't something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with a team, your expectations about your career path, and even the way you relate to authority figures can all be connected to the point in time that your personality and professional identity were being developed.

Understanding your generational differences, particularly how they show up on-the-job, can help you not just understand yourself more deeply, but help you work more effectively with your colleagues. 

Join career and leadership coaches Teena E and Markie K on this episode to gain understanding of why you are the way you are on the job, and how you can use awareness of yourself and others to create collaborative connections with your colleagues.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

 


It's so, so hard to let go...

 

In the aftermath of a breakup or even divorce, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship "situationships." Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being hang-out buddies with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.

While this is understandable, it's also destructive. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces and breakup recovery situations. I've spoken to the broken hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my perspective on:

  • Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex
  • Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you)
  • The power dynamics at work in every breakup
  • How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you
  • What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what it does to your self esteem
  • The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to
  • How to cut the cord and set yourself free

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:

 

Direct download: Sex_With_Your_Ex_-_32519_3.25_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Breakups, Divorce -- posted at: 4:20pm MDT

How do you know if you're with the right person? If your relationship is good but not perfect, is that okay? How do you know if you're settling? When do you invest in a relationship, and when should you bail?

So. Many. Questions.

This angst was captured perfectly by a recent question that someone asked on our Growing Self Facebook page:

"How do you know if you should marry the guy? I’m in my mid twenties and loads of my friends are facing this question, as am I. You’ve been with them a couple years, it’s good but not perfect ... Do you break up and look for more or is he the one?"

On this episode, we're discussing how to figure out if you're compatible, how good is good enough, what things in a relationship can change (and what can't) and the surprising shift in thinking that will help you see the potential of your relationship a different way — for better or for worse.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Are_You_Compatible_-_31819_3.55_PM.mp3
Category:relationships, self help -- posted at: 4:07pm MDT

Have you been daydreaming about quitting your day job and becoming self-employed? Lots of people share the fantasy of starting a business or doing their own thing, but many hit a wall when they think about how to actualize their goal of supporting themselves without a job. 

 

If you want to get the real-deal on what it takes to become successfully self-employed, you're in for a treat. I asked an experienced freelancer, NY-based journalist Michael Stahl, how he cut the cord and started doing what he loved for a living — and found success in following his passion.

He shares his advice for how to make the transition from employee to "free" (as well as how to deal with the ensuing anxiety) on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen to his inspiring story and get insight on how to generate a plan, manage the anxiety, and cultivate the grit that will sustain you as you make your own way.

 Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Doing_Your_Own_Thing_-_22519_1.26_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Entrepreneur -- posted at: 1:46pm MDT

Love is not enough, actually. You can have an over-all great relationship with someone you love very much, and still feel like you're not really getting what you need in order to feel truly connected and cared for.

This can lead to frustrations, especially if your efforts to ask (or hint, or nag, or beg, or control, or get angry repeatedly — no judgment) never lead to real and lasting change in your relationship.

Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking to a true expert on this subject: Dr. Robert Navarra. Dr. Navarra has decades of experience as a marriage counselor, couples therapist, and addictions counselor. He trains other therapists on The Gottman Method of couples therapy— the gold standard in evidence-based couples counseling. He has also pioneered a new, evidence based method for helping couples reconnect in the aftermath of addiction.

He's here to share his insight and relationship advice with you, so that you can finally get your needs met in your relationship. Listen now, to start making positive changes today. (You might even consider listening to this episode with your partner, just in case they have some things to share too.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Direct download: How_to_Get_Your_Needs_Met_in_a_Relationship_-_21319_2.31_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:28pm MDT

 

 

Has your relationship been feeling hard lately? Arguing, bickering, sullen silences, critical comments, and rampant invalidation? If so, you're not alone. Virtually every couple has gone through rough patches like these.

Relationship problems are exhausting, but mentally and emotionally draining too. Your relationship should be a source of comfort and support, not one of stress and anxiety.

If you're normal, at a certain point, it starts to feel unsustainable to keep going as you have been, and start searching for solutions. You may even start entertaining the "final solution" of breaking up or getting divorced.

There is a path forward that can bring you two back together again. It's actually fairly simple (but not easy). Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for advice from a marriage counselor for how YOU can get your relationship back on track.

Happy Valentine's Day!

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

 

Direct download: How_to_Save_Your_Relationship_Without_Breaking_Up.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 3:48pm MDT

Although many people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn't really change a relationship," as a premarital counselor (and long married person) I often smile to myself when I hear this.

What I've found to be true is that becoming engaged to marry most definitely does change a relationship, often in positive ways. Engagement also affords thoughtful couples opportunities to build their relationship's strengths, as well as take proactive action to prevent possible relationship problems in the future.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert premarital counselor Rachel Harder about the changes that happen in a relationship once couples get engaged, plus the skills and strategies that she teaches her premarital couples to help set them up for success.

If you're recently engaged, want to be, or know someone who is, listen to our interview to hear about the most important domains of your relationship to focus on in order to build the foundation for a happy, successful and satisfying marriage.

And, CONGRATULATIONS!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT and Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFT-C

www.growingself.com

 

 


Building Better Relationships: Have you ever left relationship books laying around, or put a relationship podcast on hoping that a certain someone may reflect on their own behavior and be a better partner or friend for you? Have you ever dropped a hint (or SEVEN) to a coworker, boss, or friend about how you feel in your relationship with them, and how you hope they might change?
 
So often, we feel helpless around how to improve our relationships, because we feel like the quality of our relationships depends on what other people are doing or not doing.
 
 
It may sound counter-intuitive, but by focusing on your own "soft skills" you can transform your relationships single-handedly. 
 
Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking to my colleague (and relationship expert) Kathleen Carroll-Stutts about how to do that. Kathleen is a life coach, individual therapistand couples counselor here on the team at Growing Self. She is the facilitator of our Relationship Skills Group, and is here today to share her system for how to develop yourself so that you can build better relationships with the most important people in your life.
 
Listen to our interview to learn how to develop the communication skills and relationship skills that can help you build better relationships. Specifically:
 

Foundational Relationship Skills

  • Self awareness -How understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and your personal values can help you build better relationships with others.
  • Emotional regulation -How being able to manage your feelings can help you communicate more effectively in relationships.
  • Self respect -How having healthy self-esteem and self-love helps you have stronger and more authentic relationships.
  • Assertiveness -How to develop your voice and your truth in order to communicate your needs, rights and feelings to others.

Intermediate Relationship Skills

  • How to improve your communication skillsby cultivating both self-expression skills as well as listening skills.
  • Setting boundaries -How to set appropriate and healthy limits with others.
  • How to manage conflict.

Advanced Communication Skills and Relationship Skills

  • Identifying our triggers -How to use our self-awareness, self-respect, and communication skills to avoid situations that would be bad for us and bad for our relationships.
  • Empathy -Learning how to understand the needs, rights, feelings and perspectives of others, and how to use that awareness to improve communication and build better relationships.
  • How to cope with relationship challengesincluding dealing with toxic people, how to deal with criticism, and what to do with bullies.

 

We sincerely hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps to give you some direction for building better relationships in your life!

xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Kathleen Carroll Stutts, M. Ed., LPC

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Building_Better_Relationships_-_11419_2.33_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 4:12pm MDT

Advice From a Life Coach: Here we are, just a week into the new year. If you're like many people, your track record on those resolutions may already be spotty. Or perhaps you've tossed the whole plan out the window already.

Fear not: Making changes is not about doing the thing perfectly every time. You don't just hop in a car, point the steering wheel in the general direction of the grocery store, and then expect to get there do you? Of course not. From the moment you pull out of the driveway you're turning, speeding up, slowing down, taking detours, stopping for gas — you adjust and flex the whole way there.

BUT. That's not to say that it isn't helpful to have tools and strategies to help you along the way. Just like you use your handy Google Map App to get you from A-Z, there are many useful tricks and life-hacks to make doing what you want to do easier than it would be if you just wandered out without a map.

Particularly if your goals for the new year involve creating a new keystone habit, and making it stick, there's an easy way and a hard way. Here at Growing Self, we're all about making growth and success as simple and painless as possible. So, here's a bonus episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to support you on your journey.

I'll be discussing:

  • Useful apps and practical strategies to keep you on track
  • Psychological strategies to keep you motivated.
  • The mindsets that will lead you towards success... and the ones that will send you skidding off the rails
    •  

You can do this!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 


I want you to be successful at creating the change you desire in this new year. So for that reason, today's episode is all about how to find and lovingly cultivate one solid keystone habit.

This surprisingly simple technique launches a chain of successes that will carry you forward. Join me and learn how to make great things happen — the easy way!

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

 

Direct download: The_Power_of_a_Keystone_Habit.mp3
Category:How to, Self Improvement, Mental Health -- posted at: 10:48am MDT

When you get married or commit yourself to a long-term relationship, you're signing on to support each other through thick and thin. If you're fortunate, most of the time things are okay: the sun shines and you live in the benevolence of the universe. But not always.

Unexpected job loss, a death in the family, serious illness or infertility— these are only some of the common issues that many (most? all?) couples are going to face together at some point or another. These can be particularly challenging to cope with during the holiday season.

So, today on the show, we're going there and talking about how to negotiate these hard times successfully, as a couple.

Master marriage counselor, couples therapist, and relationship coach Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT will be sharing her best relationship advice to help you both have greater empathy and compassion for each other when the chips are down. She'll be discussing communication strategies you can use to stay connected through hard times, and also some tips for how to support each other as individuals around things like illness, grief, and death, and infertility.

A master career coach is also sharing her best tips for how to cope with the stress of a layoff or job loss and stay connected with your partner as you go through it. 

We hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this hard time together.

Yours sincerely,

Lisa Marie Bobby

 

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Getting_Through_Hard_Times_Together_-_12418_1.08_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are.

In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us.

The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members.

In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries.

The Usual Suspects:

  • Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility.
  • Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why.
  • Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all.

Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year. 

I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer.

From me to you,

Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Music Credits: Ty Segall, "Ceasar"

Direct download: Boundaries-_The_Holiday_Edition_.m4a
Category:relationships, self help -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands... For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness... This podcast is for you.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by expert career and executive coach. She's sharing her best career advice for how to tell if your workplace is toxic, and if so, how to survive... and ultimately move on victoriously.

Links to the resources we discussed here: https://www.growingself.com/toxic-workplace-career-advice

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within.

 

Attaining Empowerment

On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including:

  • Mindful self-awareness
  • Building self-loveand self-compassion
  • Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation
  • How stress can impact your empowerment
  • The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings
  • How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible
  • Trusting yourself
  • How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love
  • Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation
  • How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships
  • How to not fear your own power

I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment


Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you're going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal.

What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they've started seeing regularly. That's when all the questions come up.

Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We'll discuss:

  • How to manage new relationship anxiety
  • The stages of a new relationship
  • New relationship questions
  • When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel
  • Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility
  • When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold 'em).
  • What to do when someone you like hasn't called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you
  • How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships
  • How to move a new relationship forward without "scaring someone off"

All that, and more, on the podcast.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love

PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! :)



I get so many breakup questions on our GrowingSelf.com blog and through Facebook from broken-hearted people looking for breakup recovery advice. More than anything, they want to know how to get over a breakup. They have questions like:

"How long does it take to get over a breakup?"

"How do you get over a breakup when you live together"

"How to stop thinking about your Ex?"

"How to get over a bad breakup?"

As you know if you've ever listened to my podcast, I have a special place in my heart for people who are in the midst of a bad breakup, and I really want to help. (You can read my own horrible breakup story here.)

I thought that, instead of trying to answer so many specific breakup questions, it might be more helpful to everyone to learn more about the stages of a breakup. My hope is that in learning about the stages of a breakup, you can identify where you are in this process and get some direction for how to move past your breakup.

I also hope that learning about the stages of a breakup will provide you with guidance about how to move forward after a breakup, no matter what stage of breakup you're currently in. I'll be sharing tips on how to move through each stage of a breakup on today's show.

I hope that this breakup advice, and the breakup success stories I share help you find your way forward too.

Yours in healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Break up or stay together? Who hasn't wondered the same, during a seriously difficult time in their relationship? Or, entertained an even bigger question: Should you try to save a relationship? How hard should you work? Especially a relationship that has been feeling really hard and unsatisfying for a long time? How do you know when it's time to call it quits?

 

Because deciding whether to break up or stay together is such a hard decision, we have many questions come through from clients, listeners of our podcast, and readers of our blog wanting help in deciding if their relationship can be saved, or if it's time to throw in the towel.

They want to know things like:

  • "How long should it take to see improvement in my relationship?"
  • "In my heart, I don't want to be married to this person anymore. Will it ever come back?"
  • "Is what I'm seeing solvable, or is this a sign we should break up?"
  • "Once a cheater, always a cheater? Or can you have a good relationship after infidelity?"
  • "I'm not being treated well by my boyfriend. Can this change?"
  • "How do I know if I've tried hard enough to save my relationship?"

If you've been going through a hard time in your relationship that has led you to have doubts, I hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast can help shed some light on signs that it's time to break up, or whether your relationship can be saved.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. We discussed a number of resources on this show. Here's where to find the links to all of them: https://bit.ly/2Pga85B

Direct download: Break_UP_or_Stay_Together_-_82818_1.37_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

How to Create The Career and Life You Want

The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you're like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching, career coaching or therapy right now, it's because this is the time of year to let go of the old, get re-aquainted with yourself, and design new goals for the next chapter of your life.

To support you in your quest for personal evolution, life coach and career coach will be sharing her advice for how to move forward fearlessly in your career, your life and your relationships.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about:

  • How to organize your life around what brings you the most energy and fulfillment
  • Identifying the self limiting beliefs that may be holding you back
  • Avoiding the common, self-sabotaging traps of perfectionism and negative self-talk
  • Resources to help you to get clear about your values and your goals
  • Key skills to making good decisions about where to go next with your life
  • How to transform your personal and professional relationships

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Miscarriage or infertility can be very hard to talk about, and the lack of support for women and couples going through it can make it even harder to know where to go for help. For this reason, I've invited Growing Self marriage counselor, therapist, women's health and fertility expert Sonya J to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. We're talking about:

  • What women who are grieving after pregnancy loss need from their partners, family and friends.
  • How the healthcare system fails to support the emotional needs of women and couples going through the experience of miscarriage or infertility.

  • How couples are impacted by infertility and pregnancy loss, and how they can support each other through it.
  • How couples can protect their sexual relationship as they are dealing with infertility.
  • The difference between simple and complex grief, and how to heal emotionally after a loss.

If you've been dealing with this extremely difficult life experience, we hope that you join us and listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Sincerely,

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

www.growingself.com


Any good marriage counselor or couples therapist will tell you that sex isn't the ONLY thing in a great relationship. Friendship, teamwork, communication, emotional safety, respect, and appreciation are all fundamentally important too. And yet, even when all those strengths are present, if you're not connecting sexually over a long period of time... eventually lack of physical intimacy can erode even the best relationship.

To help us understand the most common sexual problems that couples encounter, and how to resolve them, I've invited expert sex therapist Dori Bagi to speak with us on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

We'll be discussing:

  • Why couples often have differences in sexual desire (meaning one person wants to have sex more than the other) and what you can do about it.
  • The role that pornography can play in a relationship —  both positive, and negative.
  • Why body image and self-esteem issues are so often at the root of sexual problems, and how you can work together as a couple to resolve them.
  • Differences in the sexual response cycle between men and women, and how understanding arousal can help you both develop a stronger sexual connection.
  • How to talk about your sexual relationship in a healthy and constructive way.

Hope this conversation helps you find your way back together again...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Restore_Sexual_Intimacy_in_Your_Relationship.mp3
Category:Self Help, Relationships -- posted at: 2:45pm MDT

 

Anger Management Help

"Anger issues" are a common problem for many people, and in many relationships. So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I've enlisted the support of my colleague Dr. Georgiana, to share her expertise about anger. Dr. Georgiana is, among other things, an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Life Coach too. She specializes in helping angry people learn how to get to a better place, helps couples communicate and reduce the anger and frustration in their relationships, and I'm so pleased to have her share her "anger advice" with you today too.

We'll be talking about:

  • What anger really is
  • The different ways that "anger issues" can show up
  • "Anger Styles:" The differences in the ways that people perceive and express anger
  • Anger management strategies, and anger management techniques
  • How to control anger in relationships
  • How to manage your anger personally and in different situations
  • How to deal with anger in other people

I hope that listening to this podcast helps you learn how to manage anger, and find inner peace — both for yourself, and in your relationship.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Direct download: Anger_Management_-_Managing_Anger_in_Relationships_-_61118_2.25_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 12:35pm MDT

Everyone has the right to growth, and to feel safe, comfortable, welcome, and understood in what should be the most healing environment of all: Therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling.

However, for African Americans, people of color, and other minority groups in the U.S., that has not always been the case. Particularly for black people, getting involved in meaningful growth work can be fraught with obstacles. The time to change that is now.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I've invited my colleagues Anastacia Sams, Teresa Thomas, and Zachary Gaiter to talk about their perspective as black therapists and black marriage counselors. We're discussing:

  • The historical influences that have created feelings of stigma or unease for black people to get involved in therapy.
  • How the idea of using personal growth for self improvement has not been part of black culture... And why that needs to change.
  • How the legacy of racism has led to a culture of concealment about vulnerable topics among African Americans, and how this impacts both individuals and couples.
  • "Black Love," the "Superwoman Syndrome," and the impact of prejudice on self-esteem, intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment.
  • How affirming and healing it can be for black people to connect with a supportive black therapist, black life coach, or black marriage counselor who really understands them, where they come from, and how to help them grow.

We hope you join us today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Zachary Gaiter, M.A., LPCC, Teresa Thomas, M.A., Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT

www.growingself.com


Have you been considering a career change? Sometimes, the first, hardest step is getting clear about what it is that you want to do. But even with that clarity, there can be other obstacles that need to be worked through before you can find a career that you love. Questions like:

  • Should I go back to school?
  • How will changing careers impact my family?
  • What career is congruent with who I really am?
  • What am I really good at? (And can I get paid for that?)
  • Should I take a leap, or should I make an incremental change?
  • Should I just focus on improving the career I'm currently in?

How — Or If — To Change Careers

Today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have the great pleasure of speaking with a master career coach, an executive coach, and a life coach. She's sharing her wisdom and experience to help you figure out if it's time to make a career change, and if so, find your ideal career and transition into a job you love.

Today, we're talking about:

  • How to figure out if you're having "escape fantasies" and if so, how to avoid making mistakes in your career.
  • The myth of the perfect career, vs what a realistic "career experience" should be.
  • Escape fantasies vs making slight shifts
  • Differences around career changes between men and women
  • The utility of taking a career assessment test, or career placement test
  • How to use your dark emotions to illuminate your career truth
  • How to manage career challenges unique to different stages of life

No matter if you're a recent graduate looking to get clarity about what you want to do with your life, if you're in an established career that you're feeling dissatisfied and discouraged with, or if you're getting back into the workforce after taking a break, you'll definitely want to hear this great career advice.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Do you know what's standing between you and the life you want? Really?

As a life coach and therapist I regularly meet with clients who show up for counseling or coaching, certain that they know what their problem is, and what needs to be done to fix it.

Aaannnddd.... the next phase of the work in counseling or coaching is often helping people go further, and dig deeper to understand what the true source of "the problem" really is. (Hint: It is almost never what you think it is). Once that is revealed, we can then move to creating action-oriented strategies that will create meaningful and lasting change.

They go from feeling stuck, and like they're just spinning their wheels as they ineffectively chasing after what they think is the solution to the problem, to feeling like they are actually making progress.

But the first step is truly self-awareness. If you don't know what's really getting in your way, you can't possibly fix it.

Can you relate? If so, you're in luck: Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm walking you through an activity that will raise your self-awareness, and help you "get under the hood" of your inner experience.

You'll learn some new things about yourself AND get direction for how to start making changes. 

Here's to growth!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: Uncover_Your_Hidden_Obstacles_-_5818_9.14_AM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 4:51pm MDT

 

Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

Today, we're answering your relationship questions in order to give you real help for your relationship. Here are some of the relationship questions I'm answering today:

Ms M asks, "How do I know whether my relationship is worth saving, or if I should let this go and move on?"

Lisa asks: "Should I stay friends with my Ex?"

Mr. T asks: "I'm shutting down with my partner. How do I stop?"

Ms. K asks: "I'm afraid that my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to his own issues. What do I do?"

I mentioned many resources and links in this episode. Get access to all of them on the post for this show: https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-dmt

Do you have relationship advice for these questioners or personal experiences that you can relate? Perhaps you have your own relationship questions, self-improvement questions, breakup questions, or career questions for an upcoming episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please leave them in the comments!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 


How To Improve Self Esteem

How do you feel about yourself?

Are you confident in your power to make good things happen in your life?
Do you believe that you are just as good as anyone else?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you feel like you are a good person, who is worthy of love and respect?

Too many people go through periods in their lives where self-confidence feels elusive. They doubt themselves. They may feel "less than" others around them. Perhaps they don't ask for what they deserve or don't feel able to take the risks that will move them forward.

And as a result, they may settle for less in their relationships, their careers, and their lives. Self-esteem matters.

Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-Worth

Feeling good about yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but rather in a healthy, self-accepting way) is key to having a good life. Yet many people struggle with this, and it is something that we routinely address with our therapy and life coaching clients.

So, to help you cultivate healthy confidence in your own life, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm joined by two of my colleagues, Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPCC, both of whom are experts in helping people heal, grow, and restore their optimism about themselves.

We're talking about how to improve your self-esteem, how to create self-confidence, how to cultivate healthy self-worth, and most importantly, how to use the healing power of self-acceptance to (paradoxically) create real and lasting change in your life.

We hope this exploration helps YOU on your path of growth and healing, too.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: How_to_Improve_Your_Self_Esteem.mp3
Category:Self Improvement -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Dating Coaches Get Real.

Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who's a good match for you. Whether you've been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting.

And... I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love

But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what's the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results?

So Why Am I Still Single?

To get to the bottom of this, I've asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate.

All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection.

Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship.... or lead them into the arms of "the one."

Listen to his expert advice, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Direct download: Why_Are_You_Still_Single_-_32718_12.40_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships, Dating -- posted at: 1:09pm MDT

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

Oh yes. In fact, long-distance relationships can have strengths over in-person relationships, and be a wonderful experience for everyone involved. However, to have a successful long-distance relationship, you need to be mindful of a few key factors in order to help you both feel loved, secure and connected although the miles keep you apart.

To talk all about how to make long distance relationships work, I've enlisted the support of long-distance relationship expert Brogan Crosby, M.S., LMFTC.

We're talking about:

  • Why long-distance couples can actually have strengths and advantages over other couples, especially when one or both partners are ambitious and career-focused.
  • Some of the unique challenges that long-distance couples face and how to overcome them.
  • What the most important factors in making long distance relationships work are, and how you can mindfully incorporate certain strategies to keep your connection strong.
  • Strategies to use during the transitional period when you shift from a long-distance relationship to living together (or nearby).

Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and learn how to make your long-distance relationship thrive.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: How_to_Make_Long_Distance_Work_-_31218_7.00_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 7:08pm MDT

 

There are false myths about men that are unhelpful to everyone; themselves, the people who love them, and their relationships. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, our mission is to understand men and "the male experience," especially when it comes to self-development. To this end, I've enlisted the support of my fellow couples counselors, therapists and life coaches, Zachary Gaiter, and Seth Bender

Here are just some of the questions about men we're discussing:

  • Why can it be so hard to get men to open up?
  • Is it true that men are less likely to get involved in personal growth work, or want to pursue couples counseling?
  • How can women help the men in their lives get help if they're worried about them?
  • What are some things that men need to figure out, that women never even think about?
  • What are some of the things that men really need their partners to know, but might not know how to say?
  • What is the difference between a "guy" and a "man," in terms of male identity development?
  • And what are some of the unique situations that men may be struggling with, but that never even get discussed?

All here for you, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com 

 

Direct download: Understanding_Men.mp3
Category:Mental Health, Self Improvement, Relationships -- posted at: 4:04pm MDT

Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs, Oh My!

If you've been on the modern dating scene for any time at all, you've probably become aware that the way people connect with each other is changing. Old "rules of dating" that we could once take for granted are no longer the norm. In fact, dating advice from just a few years ago might now steer you in the wrong direction if you're looking for love.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by Match.com's lead researcher and scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, as well as Denver dating coach Markie Keelan, to talk about their latest dating advice and how you can make it work for you.

Here are just some of the dating questions we're discussing:

  • What does it mean when someone you like disappears, only to show up again weeks or months later?
  • How do a significant percentage of long-term relationships start these days? (Hint: Not  with a first date!)
  • How can you tell if you're in a "situationship" that's going to turn into a real relationship? (Or not).
  • Why does keeping your options open sometimes reduce the chance of finding authentic intimacy?
  • How is the evolving political landscape impacting the way people behave when they're dating?
  • Why are some parts of the country notorious for "Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs" - and what you can do to avoid this trap?

All for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: New_Rules_For_Dating_-_Dr_Helen_Fisher_-_21218_5.39_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 12:57pm MDT

How Do You Get Over An Affair?

I know it sounds hard to believe, but you can heal after infidelity, and stay together. You may not ever "get over" an affair, but you can certainly heal your relationship. It is also possible to rebuild the trust after infidelity.

However.... getting past infidelity is an active process, for both partners. Time alone does not heal an affair. You cannot just "get over" infidelity. After you've been betrayed, you can't just flip a switch and put the past in the past, and trust your partner again. But you can heal, and you can trust again... when you're both doing the work of recovery, together.

Real Advice For Rebuilding Trust and Security, After An Affair

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing the ten crucial steps that every couple must take in order to repair their relationship after infidelity. I hope that this discussion creates a road-map for you to follow, as you work to reclaim your relationship, your trust, and your sense of security after an affair.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Recovering_From_Infidelity.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:22pm MDT

Getting Over Heartbreak

For years now, it's been a personal passion of mine to help people recover from heartbreak. I know that when you're going through a bad breakup or divorce, it can be absolutely overwhelming emotionally. Most people describe feeling "obsessed" with matters related to their breakup: Thinking about their Ex, or plagued with incessant thoughts about what went wrong in their relationship, why the breakup happened, what it means about them, and — most importantly — when they'll ever feel better.

For many people dealing with heartbreak, the unanswered questions, or confusion about what to do in different situations, are on their minds constantly. I get many questions from people in the process of trying to get over heartbreak, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some of them today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

We'll be talking through the following breakup questions:

  1. "I was blindsided by my breakup, and feel totally confused about what happened. Should I try to have a 'closure talk' with my Ex?"
  2. "I was getting past my breakup, but then learned my Ex started dating someone else. Now I feel devastated all over again. Why do I feel so upset by my Ex's new relationship, and how do I move on?"
  3. "My Ex moved on quickly. Now I'm struggling with low self esteem after my breakup, and I can't stop thinking about my Ex. How do I move past this?"
  4. "I have to work with my Ex, and see him flirting with his new love interest who is also a co-worker. I have been feeling anxious and depressed as a result. How do I cope with this terrible breakup situation?"

Listen now to get some advice for how to cope with a breakup, get your confidence and self esteem back, start feeling like yourself again. If YOU have a question for an upcoming episode of the podcast, you can leave it in the comments section of this post, or call 720-433-1110 to leave me a voicemail that I may use on an upcoming episode.

In the meantime, take care...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Did you know that I host a free, online breakup support group on Facebook? This is not a therapy group, but simply a space for you to connect with other people going through a painful breakup. Breakups can be so isolating, but you don't have to go through this alone. This group is a secret, private group, so no one can see that you're a member except other members, and your posts will only be viewable to the group. If you'd like to join, please message me via Facebook, and we'll add you to the group.


How to Stop Self-Sabotage From Derailing Your Goals.

Do you ever feel like your own worst enemy? Or feel frustrated that, despite having the best of intentions, you can't seem to actualize your goals? 

What I've learned from many years as a life coach and therapist is that when people fail it is NOT because of lack of motivation, or determination, or willpower. Most of the time it is because people are unintentionally sabotaging their own success... from day one.The worst part is that they usually have no idea that they're even doing it.

The antidote is having awareness about the subtle forces that will pull you off track every time, and the practices that will help you stay on course. 

Using the six strategies I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast will help you stop unintentionally sabotaging your success, and set you up to achieve your most important goals in 2018.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Are_You_Sabotaging_Your_Success_-_1118_12.56_PM.mp3
Category:Sel-Help -- posted at: 1:32pm MDT

It's Time To Stretch Your Soul

This is a sacred time of year, no matter what your beliefs. Spiritual traditions of every flavor honor this special season. Even if you have no spiritual belief system it's still a time for reflection, generosity and new resolutions. It's a time of year for gratitude, showing others how much you love them, and thinking about who you want to grow into as the next year spins into focus -- for everyone.

It's also the perfect time to cultivate the practice of unconditional love.

In the near future, you will likely have fork-in-the-road moments with friends, family, your kids, siblings, and your partner, in all their disappointing, annoying, frustrating, and hurtful humanity. At these moments you can choose judgment or empathy; contempt or compassion; anger or acceptance; grudge-holding or forgiveness.

Its easy to love when your ego is stroked, when you feel gratified, and when you're awash in pleasurable "loving" feelings. But the heart of every religion teaches us that our purpose here is something else: To love when it’s hard.

It can be challenging to stay compassionate and understanding with people who behave badly. The grand, beautiful paradox of this time of year is that -- with all it's unique stressors -- you will have many opportunities to practice staying soft and loving in the face of challenging relational moments.

Accept the Challenge of Unconditional Love

Choosing love even when it's hard feels selfless, but truthfully, you're the one who wins. Choosing love expands your soul, softens your spirit, and makes you a happier person. In giving love, you receive it -- whether or not anyone else participates.

Learning how to do this will not only help others, make you feel good, improve your relationships, and contribute to world peace... it will help you grow into the self-actualized, "best self" that you were meant to be.

With love to you

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

The Season For Unconditional Love: Listen Now

Music Credits: The Kronos Quartet, Black Angels: "Spem in Alium"

 

P.S. Are you on the Love, Happiness and Success Express? Sign up on my website and I'll send you a monthly roundup with the latest from the blog. 

Direct download: The_Season_For_Unconditional_Love_.mp3
Category:relationships, self help -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

What to Do, When The Dark Season Brings Dark Emotions

In the months leading up to the holidays, and in the months after, many people struggle with "dark emotions" such as depression, grief, and sadness. There are many reasons for this, including the reality of Seasonal Affective Disorder, changes to many people's health and nutrition habits in the wintertime, and the fact that for many people the holiday season often brings with it unique stressors and emotional triggers. Many people dealing with hard life transitions like a breakup or divorce struggle during their first holiday alone. For others, bittersweet memories of years past and lost loved ones infuse the season with feelings of grief and loss.

All these experiences are normal, and natural. Many, many people are dealing with these feelings privately as they go through the motions of making merry. However, because these extremely common feelings are not often discussed publicly, many people experiencing them can feel isolated as a result.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're breaking the silence and talking openly about this common experience, and how to move past it. We'll be discussing how to deal with dark emotions in a healthy way: when to lean into painful feelings, and how to work through them productively. We'll talk about the difference between situational depression and the symptoms of major depressive disorder, how to get a handle on seasonal affective disorder, how to work through the stages of grief, and the natural remedies for depression that can help you feel healthier and happier.

Wishing you all the best on your journey of growth and healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Dealing_With_Dark_Emotions_-_121117_6.49_AM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 6:59am MDT

Start the New Year Strong, and Inspired

As a life coach who specializes in helping people grow and make positive changes in their lives, I'm well aware that every new year brings with it a wonderful opportunity to take stock of your life, get connected with your core values, get re-focused on your goals, and craft a plan to achieve them. Most people have a renewed sense of hope and motivation around their New Year's resolutions, which — when given the right tools — increases their chances of being successful in achieving big, positive changes.

But it can be hard to set (much less achieve) your New Year's goals. Many times people make New Year's resolution lists that are not tied to their deepest values, meaning they list the things they think they should want — or that other people want them to do. These are never successful, because they're not tied to your authentic wants and needs. Other times, people do have clarity about what they want to achieve, but their "grand plans" fall apart because their aspirations are not tied to a concrete, doable action plan.

But neither of those sad fates will happen to you.

Because today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about supporting you in your New Year's resolutions success. I'll be walking you through my "Start Your New Year Strong" free mini life coaching session so that YOU can get clarity about what you want for yourself over this next year, and also make a concrete plan for how to create it.

Note: This is an "active" podcast meaning that I'll be walking you through some exercises to gain self awareness and make specific plans. Before you start listening, please click on this link to download the free pdf worksheet so that you can do these exercises with me today. 

You Have The Power to Make Amazing Things Happen in Your Life

I'm excited to share this activity with you. My hope is that you'll leave our time together feeling inspired, energized, and with some tools and concrete new strategies to help you make great things happen for yourself in 2018.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 


How To Handle Challenging Relationships Over the Holidays

Ahoy there! As I'm sure you're well aware, the holidays are fast approaching. If you're like many (most?) of our life coaching, therapy, and marriage counseling clients, over the past few weeks you've probably had lots of questions on your mind about how to handle this time of year - especially when it comes to managing your most important family relationships.

While family holidays have the potential to be fun and meaningful opportunities for connection, they can also be fraught with delicate and/or infuriating interpersonal dilemmas for many people. You want to have close relationships with your family or in-laws, and at the same time, it can feel very challenging to navigate the high-intensity holiday season without your family pushing your buttons, and firing off your emotional triggers.

Because of having had bad experiences in holidays past, many people can spend weeks, if not months, leading up to the holidays in a state of "holiday anxiety." We have had a number of thoughtful and heartfelt questions come in recently from our listeners, readers, and clients about how to handle various relationship situations over the holidays.

As a little holiday "care package" for them and for you, I'll be putting on my family therapist hat and addressing them on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Here are some of the questions our listeners (and clients) have been asking lately. I chose these questions in particular because I think that so many people can relate to them...

Grandparents Not Respecting Parents

"Dr. Lisa, I love my husband's family. They are so kind, and generous with us. At the same time, I feel that they do not respect our (especially my) authority as parents. In our home we have expectations for our kid's behavior, and also set limits around things like junk food. I feel that my husband's parents disregard these completely, even when we directly ask them to. The grandparents are overstepping boundaries. In particular, my mother in law is controlling and overbearing. It doesn't matter what I say or how I feel. My husband tells me that it's just the way she is and to go along with it. But I am so frustrated when I'm around her. I need him to set boundaries with his family and he won't. I need to be setting boundaries for grandparents. We are going to be staying with them for a week. Help!"

How Do I Deal With My Judgmental Family

"How do I deal with nosy questions? Even if they are well-meaning, I feel like my family does not get me at all, and like they're always judging me and my choices."

Spending Christmas Alone After Divorce

"This is my first holiday after my divorce, and I feel really sad. All I can think about are holidays I had with my Ex. My friends are busy with their families. I feel lonely. I think I am starting to get "holiday depression" over it. What do I do?"

Toxic Parents: Do I Avoid My Family Over the Holidays?

"I want to have a good relationship with my family, but over the years I have become aware that I have toxic parents. I believe they may even be narcissistic parents. Both of my parents are critical and judgmental of me. My mother can literally be abusive towards me. She is also completely codependent. I have dealt with it in the past by avoiding family gatherings, and avoiding my family during the holidays. My friends have told me I should cut off family entirely, and honestly I have considered cutting family out of my life. I don't want to do that, but I don't know what else to do to protect myself from my toxic family."

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

"My parents are the nicest people ever but they drive me crazy. My mom is constantly complaining about her health, and then I watch her sit on her butt all day and eat junk food. She is seriously overweight, has high blood pressure, is pre-diabetic, and will not do anything about it. My father constantly interrupts people. He drinks too much. He talks with his mouth full. My parents are not in a great place financially, and spend way too much money on our kids during the holidays and they make bad financial choices in general. I am literally embarassed by my parents. I want to help them but when I say anything they shut me down. All my "holiday stress" is tied to my frustrating family. How do I deal with this?"

I answer all these questions on today's podcast. Listen, and get some advice for how to manage all of these challenging family situations with love, compassion, tolerance and strength. Do you have follow up questions for me? Or comments? Please share them on the blog!

All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Here's a link if you want to check out one of the resources discussed on today's show. Crucial Conversations; Tools For Talking When the Stakes Are High, by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler


Single During the Holidays?

As a breakup expert and dating coach, I know all too well that many single people — particularly newly single people — often dread the holiday season, envisioning themselves enduring the upcoming string of holiday celebrations without a +1. But truly, there is no need to worry about feeling lonely during the holidays. If you're single, and want to be in a new relationship, the holiday season is actually a fantastic, highly advantageous time for you to connect with a new love.

Why is dating during the holidays such a great time to launch a beautiful new relationship? Three main reasons:

1. You have the opportunity to meet more people in person, because of all the holiday gatherings and events happening at this time of year.

2. Many, many other singles (fun, beautiful, desirable, successful singles just like you) are also feeling motivated to connect right now and are putting themselves out there too. But there's more: Match.com consistently finds that the Sunday after New Year's is the single most popular day for people to create new online dating profiles. They see a 30-40% increase in their membership on that one day alone. If you get your act together now, you'll have the pick of the litter come January.

3. Possibly most importantly, you have a legitimate reason to wear sequins, sparkles, and / or hilariously ugly holiday sweaters. (All of which are fantastic conversation starters, making it extremely easy for anyone to start up a conversation with you.)

online-dating-over-the-holidays-single-during-holidays

You could totally walk up to this guy and talk to him about his bells and puff-balls. Or maybe just give him a hug.

In short: If you've been sitting on the sidelines, feeling discouraged about the dating game, now's the time to get off the bench and take another swing at finding love. And today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is going to help you do just that.

Free Advice From a Dating Coach

There are just a few keys to successful dating: Clarity, Chemistry, Connection, and Evaluation. We're going to be talking about each of these today to get you prepared to be your best self as you head into this sparkling season, ripe with potential for new love.

I'll be putting on my "dating coach" hat to give you some advice on how to get clear about who you want to meet, and how to attract them. We'll also be discussing the all-important "chemistry factor" and what YOU need to be thinking about and doing to wow all the attractive new people you're about to meet, and leave them wanting more of you.

Additionally, we'll be talking about how to make the most of all your opportunities for connection. You'll have natural "IRL" opportunties this season, in the form of parties and holiday events, as well as the chance to freshen up your online dating profile. Because your photos will make-or-break your success with online dating, I've invited professional portrait photographer Kelly Weaver (who specializes in online dating profile photos) to give you her top tips for getting some fantastic new photos for your profile.

After that, we'll also be discussing the downsides of being so gorgeous and irresistible, which is how to competently handle all the attention you're getting — not to mention the sheer volume of messages and invitations you might be flooded with. No really, having a solid plan in place to manage all the back-and-forth without acquiring a bunch of pen-pals, and quickly figure out who's a good fit for you and who's not will help you focus your energy on the people who are a match for you.

Lot's to learn about dating during the holidays, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen now...

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Ps: Do you have a follow up question or comment related to this podcast? Join the conversation! 


How to Cope, in a World Where Bad Things Happen

Like so many of you, I too was shocked and horrified by the events of last week when so many innocent lives were taken in the Las Vegas shooting. Among other things, it led me to scrap last Monday's podcast plans and create this one for you instead: Some advice for how to deal mentally and emotionally when terrible things happen.

I hate it that we live in a world where this even needs to be addressed, but it does. Together, over the past years, we've been through so much. Shootings. Natural disasters. Terrorist Attacks. War. Human Suffering. In our day-to-day lives we're all under assault; choking down an endless barrage of information about all the latest horrors ... but with no guidance for how to cope with it all, emotionally.

Death is the only wise advisor that we have. -- Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

Our counseling and coaching clients here at Growing Self have the luxury of being able to process all of it, and get actionable advice for how to manage the grief, the fear, and the anger. And most importantly, our clients have support in channeling all those dark feelings into something positive and empowering.

I believe that you deserve the same. So today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I thought I'd offer you some of the same ideas we've been teaching our private clients lately about how to cope, during these dark times.

Listen now, and learn:

  • Strategies for dealing with grief and horror in the days after a tragedy
  • Ways to regain your sense of empowerment, safety, and control
  • How to use difficult times to get clarity about your core values
  • Anxiety management tips to ground yourself
  • Inspiration for how to be a force of good in the world

Theses ideas help me personally, they help our clients, and I sincerely hope that they help you, too.

With love and respect,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: How_to_Feel_Safe_in_a_Scary_World_-_10917_3.18_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Anxiety, Emotions -- posted at: 3:48pm MDT

Do you attract the wrong people? Do you keep having toxic relationships?

If so, you're not alone.

You'd be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual therapy, or dating coaching hoping to achieve one goal: Having a healthy relationship. (And how to stop getting involved in unhealthy ones).

They show up to therapy or life coaching because they have, over time (or after the latest heartbreaking breakup) become aware that they are engaging in "non-ideal relationship patterns," over and over again. They keep getting involved with narcissists, or people who treat them badly. They keep choosing emotionally unavailable men, or aggressive / controlling women. Whatever the sad pattern is, they want it to stop.

Above all else, they want to work on themselves to heal, grow, and ensure that NEXT time they get involved with someone they can love and be loved in a healthy relationship with a good person. And so we dig in.

Identifying Your Blind Spots

The first stop in figuring out why you keep choosing the wrong man or wrong woman is uncovering what unconscious motivations are driving your choices. Getting outside help in understanding your toxic relationship patterns can be a wise move, because of the entirely subconscious nature of the problem.  You don't consciously choose bad relationships -- no one does. You choose what feel  in the moment, are good relationships.... and then wind up having bad experiences. (That are often mysteriously, eerily similar to the past experiences you thought you were trying to avoid).

Unhealthy relationship patterns can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it's old, unfinished emotional business from the past. Other times, your self-esteem or feelings of self-worth can get in the way. Yet other times, the root of the problem is imbedded in way you communicate or set boundaries with others. Because you are a complex, unique, individual, your truth will not be exactly the same as everyone else's.

Avoiding Toxic Relationships

However, there is one very common thing that most people have done at least once, and which will almost always lead to heartbreak: Falling victim to "Black Hat Love." Learning how to spot the one fatal factor that makes you most vulnerable to getting involved in toxic relationships can help you stop the madness, and finally create the happy, healthy relationship you're longing for.

And that's what I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Have follow up questions for me? Leave them in the comments @ https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-92A

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


"And the greatest of these is love."

Did you know that opposites really do attract - but only sometimes? Do you know what love has in common with addiction? Or how anti-depressants can interfere with your relationships? Or the difference between love and attachment? How about the kinds of personality combinations that create lasting love, versus lots of conflict?

I didn't either, until I discovered the research of Dr. Helen Fisher.

Through decades of research as a biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has uncovered the ancient secrets of love. Her groundbreaking work has revealed just how old, powerful, and biologically-based romantic love is through brain-image scanning.

For example, the drive for love lives in the same part of your brain as the drive for water and warmth. You know how, when you've been in love, it's totally consumed you? You're not imagining it: She's shown that your brain is actually wired that way.

There's more: Through her work with Match.com and Chemistry.com Dr. Fisher has collected data from literally millions of people, and shown how your biologically based personality style determines your ideal lover. She has also helped us understand the biological basis of sex and love addiction, and the mechanisms at work in love, lust, and attachment.

She's given TED talks, written books, published articles in peer-reviewed journals: And now she's here talking to you, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Listen now, and learn the truth about love from the expert: Dr. Helen Fisher.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


It's Time to Grow. 

Many people think that the most natural time to make big changes to their lives is around the New Year. Many people flock to life coaching around then, to help them actualize their resolutions. But, as a life coach, I'm going to let you in on a little-known secret: While the turn of the year is certainly a poetic time for transitions, there's actually one that's more powerful and effective if you really want to make change in your life.

And that time is now.

Why? Think about it: For all of your formative years, your life had a natural rhythm built around the school year. Summer was a time of self discovery and expansion. You got to step out of the daily grind for a little while, have new experiences, focus on relationships, and generally relax.

Then as every new school year began, you had a new opportunity, and a new beginning. Your clothing and school supplies were freshened. Plans were made. Intentions were set. And you got clean slate on which to reinvent yourself, define your new identity, and create a different reality with each passing year.

And most years, you succeeded, didn't you? You moved forward. You grew and changed. You were able to manifest a new incarnation of yourself. Every year was a chapter in the ever-evolving story of you.

This cycle was repeated over and over and over from the time you were a small child, until well into your twenties and beyond. Our work and vacation seasons still follow this natural order. If you're a parent, you're reliving something similar with your children now. This natural cycle of growth and regeneration is now pretty much hard-wired into your system -- even if you're not in school anymore.

However, many adults are no longer consciously aware of the ebb and flow of this seasonal growth energy in their lives. They just move from season to season without thinking too much about it. Sadly, they miss the opportunity for reflection transformation that this time of year affords.

But today I'm here to help you learn how to through fully and intentionally harness the power of this special time, and take advantage of it. By deliberately using the psychological and emotional forces that become available to you during this unique time of year, you can make important and lasting change in your life.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be walking you through some new ideas and activities that will help you give your entire life a makeover. To start, you'll learn how to begin the process of shedding the old, and embracing the new. We'll cover how to de-clutter and re-organize your relationships, your habits, the way you're managing your time, your energy, and yourself.

You'll learn how to take stock of different areas of your life to figure out what's working for you, what's worth building on, and what it's time to release. I'll give you some strategies to help you reflect and gain self awareness around the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that need to be released.

Then we'll talk about how to craft a plan for this chapter of your life, that includes setting the goals and making the daily changes that will help you create the life you want.

You deserve all the love, happiness and success in the world, and I sincerely hope that these ideas help you create it.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Makeover_your_life_-_8117_4.03_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Self Esteem, Productivity -- posted at: 5:00pm MDT

Looking for free relationship advice from a marriage counselor? Here it is...

Everyone needs relationship advice sometimes, and it can be hard to know where to go for trustworthy advice that will help you repair your relationship. (Sadly, much of what you find online is not evidence-based). One of the most meaningful things I do in my role here as a marriage counselor and relationship coach is putting lots of free information out into the world, in hopes that it connects with you at your time of need. Today, I'm making a show of it. Literally.

I have people from all over the world get in touch with me, asking fantastic (and heartfelt) relationship questions. I want you to know and I get all these questions. I've been listening to you, and hearing what you're looking for help with.

Today, I'm here with answers. I've picked a handful of a few of the most frequent types of relationship questions I commonly hear, and am addressing them personally on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

On today's show I'm dishing out some real relationship advice that answers listener questions, like:

  • "How to I manage my own 'baggage' in such a way as to not negatively impact my relationship?"
  • "Should I let a relationship go, or give it another try?"
  • "My husband is totally withdrawing and won't talk to me -- what do I do?"
  • "We are fighting about everything: Kids, communication, finances, and more. How do we even start repairing this?"

I bet you can relate to some of these, and if so I hope that my perspective finds the two of you help you find your way back together again.

Do you have a question for an upcoming episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? Leave it in the comments of this episode -- I might use them on a "Relationship Questions, Round 2" podcast soon! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Relationship_Questions_Answered_-_71817_4.41_PM.mp3
Category:Relationship Advice -- posted at: 4:50pm MDT

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people?

In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision.

Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.)

But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth.

What Happens When You Lose Yourself

Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems.

For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy.

Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.)

Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast:

"Dear Dr. Lisa,

Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.]

[Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it.

Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.)

Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times.

I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier.

I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic."

Sincerely,
- H

How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself

Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually.

In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives.

No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression.

Not fun.

So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead.

We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you.

Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free...

Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck.

If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now.

Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward.

Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.)

As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise.

Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing.

This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself.

Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free.

How to Cultivate Self Awareness:

Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you!

Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life.

Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action.

Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first).

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

http://www.growingself.com