Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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May 2024
S M T W T F S
     
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Syndication

Do you have issues with your parents?

If so, you're normal. As a therapist, family therapist, and life coach I know that many, if not most, people in their twenties, thirties, and forties are still working through different aspects of their relationships with their parents. This doesn't mean rehashing the past, but rather letting go of old baggage so that you can move forward into the life you design.

Though this work can be challenging, it can also be absolutely necessary for you to re-define your relationships with your family of origin as you grow into your happiest, healthiest, "best self." Understanding how you relate/d to your family can also be profoundly important to understanding how you relate to your spouse and children.

Sometimes, this work involves healing, and forgiving your parents for things that happened in the past. You may need to learn how to establish healthy adult relationships with your parents, as you create your own family. Or, you might need to set new boundaries with your parents, and release the responsibility and guilt your're carrying.

It's a lot, and for many this type of work can feel very "big" and overwhelming. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be talking you through some really common "parent problems" that adults face, and give you some tips for how to resolve them successfully. This episode might be helpful to you if you have:

  1. Critical parents, judgmental parents or (shiver) narcissistic parents.
  2. Intrusive parents, controlling parents, or generous parents who give gifts with strings attached.
  3. Parents who are a mess, and emotionally or financially dependent on you.
  4. Unfinished emotional business with parents who have disappointed you, or hurt you.

Yes, these are deep topics, but ones I know that so many of you can relate to. I hope that the advice I share here can help you to not just create healthier and happier relationships with your parents, but can launch you on your own empowering journey of healing and growth.

May peace be with you,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Direct download: How_to_Deal_With_Difficult_Parents_-_51617_6.19_AM.mp3
Category:relationships, self help -- posted at: 7:07am MDT

Because You Don't Just Want to Get Married. You Want an Amazing Marriage.

As I've written about (passionately!) in previous posts, there are specific things that smart couples do -- right from the start of their relationship -- to set themselves up for a happy, healthy, successful marriages.

Step one? Relationship education. Regrettably, no one explicitly teaches you how to have good relationships. We all muddle through, learning from our mistakes, and breaking some things in the process. But your marriage is much to important to wander blindly through. The quality of your marriage is the center of the life you'll build. Don't take chances. Do it right. Believe it or not, there is actually an instruction manual!

What we know from research is that couples who engage in high-quality marriage education programs either before they get married or in the first few years of marriage have much better outcomes than couples who don't: Lower divorce rates, higher marital satisfaction, and a stronger partnership.

You can achieve this too, by investing in your relationship, and educating yourself.

Why does this help? Because proactive couples on a positive trajectory who learn ahead of time how to handle inevitable issues, how to communicate, and how to keep their love alive prevent relationship problems from happening in the first place.

Our Wedding Present to You

If you are getting married this year (or even if you jumped the broom a few years ago) I am here today, to support YOU in creating an amazing, strong, enduring marriage by providing you with loads of free information. I want you to have everything you need to be happy and successful in your relationship for years to come!

Specifically, today, I have two "marriage education" presents for you.

Free Premarital Counseling Advice

The first: I have enlisted the support of one of our resident premarital counseling experts, Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT. Meagan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an emotional intelligence and communication coach, trained by the federal reserve to do financial counseling with couples, AND she teaches our Lifetime of Love Premarital and Relationship Class.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Meagan will be SPILLING THE BEANS about the kinds of skills and strategies couples need to learn to create a lifetime of love together.

Listen to our interview and learn the kinds of things you and your sweetie can start doing now to ensure that your relationship stays strong. You'll also get some insight in to the skills and strategies she teaches her premarital couples to help them get on the same page around finances, sexuality, priorities, and more.

Ask a Wedding Expert

The second wedding present I have for you: We are co-hosting a super-fun happy hour event at our Denver office on Wednesday May the 10th called "Ask The Wedding Experts."

If you are planning a wedding, this is your big chance to mix and mingle in a casual setting with wedding professionals (like master wedding planner Laura Peterson of L Elizabeth Events) who are ready to share their wisdom around things like:

  • How to pull off amazing wedding without breaking the bank, and stretch your wedding-budget dollars.
  • "DIY dazzler or disaster?" - The projects that are worth (or not) the effort.
  • Wedding day Do's & Don'ts to keep your special day running smoothly.
  • Styling tips to help your day (and your photos) to reflect what is most authentic an beautiful about your love.
  • And of course, Growing Self premarital counselors will be on hand to help with tricky family situations, communication tips, boundary setting, and more.

This event is FREE. If you'd like to attend in person, register now so we know to save some champagne for you.

And, because so many of our online premarital counseling clients are outside of Denver, you can still get the scoop. Email me with your questions, OR leave your questions as comments in this post.

I will ask our panel of wedding experts your questions on your behalf, and I will post their answers for you in an upcoming blog post. Get your questions to me by 5/9, and then stay tuned for the answers!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

 


Breakup Advice For The Most Common Breakup Questions

The only thing worse than going through a breakup or a divorce, in my opinion, is the mental and emotional fallout that comes after. Most people dealing with a split are consumed by unanswerable questions, replaying events in their minds, and trying to make sense of what happened. They also often worry about how they'll ever get over it... and when they'll stop feeling so terrible.

Since I do so much work around breakup recovery I often have people get in touch with me with questions, and for help in dealing with a bad breakup. But I recently had a listener of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast get in touch with me in the most unique way. She had read my book, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love" but had some additional questions about how to get over some of the most common (and frankly, hardest) aspects of breakup recovery. But instead of just emailing she recorded her questions into the sweetest video, and shared it with me.

As I watched her ask her heartfelt questions it I thought of all the other people who were probably going through the exact same things. I got back in touch with her to see if it was okay to use her recording in an upcoming episode of the podcast so that my listeners (and YOU) could also benefit from hearing the answers. She was kind enough to let me share them, and today's podcast is the result.

So if you're also going through a breakup and also wondering...

  • How do I let go of the guilt and regrets I have about this relationship?
  • How do I repair my self esteem after being rejected?
  • How do I deal with seeing my Ex's friends out?
  • How do I cope with being "blindsided" by a break up?
  • Will I ever feel hopeful and excited about finding a new love?

... you'll definitely want to tune into this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

I hope our conversation helps you find your way towards growth and recovery too.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com


What's the only thing better than free dating advice??

Evidence-Based Free Dating Advice

Valentine's Day is once again upon us. If you're single and ready to meet your soul mate, I have a special present for you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Some fantastic evidence-based dating advice from relationship researcher, and Match.com scientific advisor Dr. Justin Garcia.

Dr. Garcia, along with evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher, have just released their latest batch of research from their ongoing "Singles in America" research study. They have some fascinating new data about what singles are really looking for, what's most important to them, and what some of their biggest turn-off's are. His dating advice can help you seriously "up your game" when it comes to dating.

No doubt modern dating can be challenging, but as with all things knowledge is power. If you educate yourself about the realities of the dating game, learn how to play up your most attractive qualities, and are mindful of the common dating mistakes that can turn people off you've already got a huge advantage.

Random dating research tidbits that can make or break a first date:

Did you know that 66% of all singles surveyed reported that having their date send a text while they were together was a major turn off? That number gets bumped up to 75% if you answer a call while you're out! And you won't even believe what your dates really think about your cracked phone screen...

Listen to my interview with Dr. Garcia to learn:

  • What do men really think about women who are go-getters?
  • What are modern singles really looking for in a partner?
  • What people really think about first-date s-e-x?
  • And so much more...

You'll get great love advice and learn the easy things you can do (or even more importantly -- avoid doing!) to increase the odds that next Valentine's Day you'll be snuggling with your sweetie. If you'd like even more specific advice to help you master the art of modern dating, get instant access to our new "Find The One" online dating coaching program. 

xoxo, LMB
www.growingself.com

Direct download: Singles_in_America-_Dating_Advice_-_21317_12.34_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships, Dating -- posted at: 12:47pm MDT

Free advice from a Life Coach:

Did you know that making New Year's resolutions can actually get in the way of your making real and lasting change in your life?

Today on the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast I'm putting on my Life Coach hat: I'm going to teach you a totally different way of thinking about "success" that will help you clarify your values, focus your energy on what's really important, and help you make massive progress towards the things you want most in life.

Sounds bold, I know, but this is a system I use all the time with great results -- both with my clients, and myself. Today I'm going to be teaching it to you, too. (Psst. Have you subscribed to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast yet? Subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed, and while you're there leave a review!)

New Year's Resolutions Don't Work

I felt compelled to share this to you because I know that you -- like all of us -- probably have high hopes for the coming year. And there's nothing worse than making big plans for change... only to feel like a "failure" before February even rears it's heart-spangled self.

What we know from research (click here to review the Stanford study on New Year's resolutions) is that only 8% of Americans achieve their New Years resolutions. Pretty grim. That's 92% of people feeling like they missed the mark.

So What Will Actually Help You Achieve Your Goals?

In order to understand what will work, we have to first understand what traditional New Years resolutions are lacking, and why they fizzle fast.

It's because even the most heartfelt resolutions are often disconnected from the things that will get you real results: Your values, your time, and your energy. It's one thing to set a goal. Goals are great, and give us a direction to move towards. But making things happen in your life is altogether different than "achieving goals." To hike up the tallest mountain, you have to stay on the path. The right path. If your only focus is the mountain peak, it's pretty easy to wander off into the bushes that are right in front of you.

Here's A Simple System That Will Move You Forward, Meaningfully.

This podcast is a New Year's gift to you. I'll be teaching you the system I use, and that I use with many of my clients to help them refocus, recenter, and kindle a motivational fire under them. It will help you not just start the New Year off on the right foot, but help you get on the right path for the long haul.

And - FYI - If you happen to be reading this AFTER the New Year, that is great too. This approach is a life-skill that you can use any time of the year to get re-focused, re-centered, and re-energized. Walk through the activities any time you're feeling like you need to get back on track.

Because I'm all about making things easy and effective I even made you a worksheet so that you can work along with me during the podcast, and do the activities I'll be walking you through. Get it through this link: www.growingself.com/start-strong.

Learn more about any of the other tools, free information, online classes and programs I referenced on my website: www.growingself.com.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: start-2016-strong_-_1317_3.04_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Goals, Life Coaching, Achievement -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

It's not "The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" when your heart is broken.

Even if the holiday season usually delights you, it's hard to be cheerful when you're consumed by painful memories of holidays past. The first year post-breakup, or post-divorce, can be especially traumatic. Everything reminds you of your Ex, and the fact that you are not together anymore. Thinking about the ice skating rink that you held hands at last year, how you're going to explain this to your anxious Grandma, or even the sight of sparkling lights is enough to throw you into a heavy state of sadness.

The holiday season can also feel particularly lonely if you're nursing a broken heart. Emotional pain feels isolating and difficult to share when it seems like everyone else is happy and having a good time. And of course the last thing you want to do is go to a party when 1) you need to fake cheerful "okay-ness" and / or 2) you're worried about running into your Ex or their friends. That's not even taking into consideration how challenging it is for the newly single to to negotiate high impact social situations without their usual "plus 1."

In short: this time of year makes a hard situation feel even harder. 

If you're like most people in this position you probably have lots of questions: "How should I handle myself in certain situations?" "Should I even try to go to parties this year, or should I lay low?" "How do I take care of myself?" and "Will this loneliness and pain ever end?"

Truthfully, the answers to those questions are not always easy or simple. The answers really depend on where you are in the breakup recovery process. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup, and show you how to actually use the opportunity of this challenging time of year to move your "heartbreak healing process" forward more quickly.

Not only will your "what to do" questions be answered, but you'll also get a good roadmap for the recovery process ahead. I hope that this information will help you invest in yourself, and make the coming year a fresh, positive new chapter of your life.

All the best to you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: How_To_Survive_a_Breakup_Over_the_Holidays_-_12716_7.59_AM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:36pm MDT

How to Cope With Disappointment

Having your dream crushed can leave you sitting in emotional rubble, feeling disempowered and confused.

Our disappointments have many faces: Causes, or candidates, you believe in get creamed. The most interesting first date you've had in a long time ghosts out. You realize that your partner is never actually going to change. The pink lines of the pregnancy test fade away, and the bleeding begins. Bad things happen to good people. People fail you.

If you get in the ring of life, sooner or later, you're going to take a gut punch.

So how do you keep going? We know that grit — the ability to get back up and continue plodding forward despite adversity —  is the ultimate key to success. But It’s hard to maintain your hope and motivation when reality slams the door in your face.

If you've suffered with disappointment lately, here are three ideas that can help, plus the one thing you should definitely avoid doing. 

I hope it helps you find peace, strengthen your resolve, and turn your face towards future. 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Coping_With_Disappointment_-_111516_8.14_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 8:17pm MDT

Overthinking: The Curse of the Most Creative and Intelligent

Really smart, creative, and thoughtful people have many strengths. They can plan things in advance, avoid potential pitfalls, and envision their future reality. Vividly. However one thing I have learned from my years of experience as a therapist and life coach is that all these positive attributes, when left unsupervised, can also create boatloads of anxiety.

Overthinking and Indecision = Disempowerment

When you anticipate possible problems you feel constricted. When you plan every step you often encounter roadblocks. When you want to make the "right" decision before taking action, you invest more time and energy in to thinking than into doing. At these times it's easy to become riddled with uncertainty, and decide before you even try that things aren't even worth doing.

Slam! Analysis paralysis has clamped down on your life, and stopped you from living courageously.

The result? A safe life... But a smaller life.

Authentic Happiness Requires Risk

One of the core skills of authentically happy people that I discuss at length in my online Happiness Class is the ability to take measured risks. Why is the ability to try new things related to happiness? Because when you take action to bring your life into alignment with your core values, it gets better. Another component of fearless living is being able to handle uncertainty or adversity with confidence and competence. That means your happiness is still intact, even when things go differently than you'd hoped. That's true resilience.

Being resilient and trusting yourself means that it's safe to take chances. When you're able to fearlessly try new things, your world expands. When you give yourself permission to take action, you get to learn and grow no matter what. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next adds sparkle and excitement to your life. When your life gets bigger and more interesting, so do you.

Fearless Living Nourishes Your Relationship

Furthermore, novelty and learning new things are core ingredients to having a fresh, fun long term relationship. When your life atrophies, so does your partnership. If you want to have an interesting relationship, you need to have an interesting life. Plus, there is nothing sexier than a passionate person who is enthusiastic and confident. When you set aside anxieties and allow yourself to live fearlessly, you nourish both yourself and your relationship.

5 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living Fearlessly

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm giving you the scoop on how to release worry from your life, feel more confident in your decisions, strengthen your sense of competence and resilience, and cultivate fearlessness in your own life. Listen now, and learn all about the care and feeding of your inner tiger.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Stop_Worrying_and_Start_Living_Fearlessly_-_11216_7.15_AM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:23am MDT

Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean you are depressed.

"Dark emotions" are not just normal and healthy parts of life, they are also essential to personal growth. Feeling unhappy is often the catalyst for making positive changes in your life. There is light and dark in all things. Experiencing grief, sadness, disappointment, hurt, and regret - unpleasant though they may be - are part of being a whole person.

Furthermore, listening to those hard feelings and taking guidance from them can help you understand yourself, your core needs, and your values more clearly. Even though they don't feel good in the moment, dark emotions are not just healthy... they are valuable. When you listen to those feelings instead of dismissing them as "bad," you have the chance to heal and grow.

What is Depression?

Depression is different from the pain of a "growth moment." Depression is not motivating, instructive or valuable. It's an illness.

Depression is a mood state that impacts the way you think, feel, and behave. Unlike the dark emotions that are connected to growth opportunities, depression is not productive or constructive. In fact, depression can be a serious illness that needs to be treated and relieved before meaningful personal growth is possible.

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking you inside depression, so you can understand what it is -- and what it is not. I'll help you identify the symptoms of depression in yourself or your loved one.

Depression Management Strategies

We'll also talk about what to do if you think you have depression so that you can create a practical strategy for conquering it. We'll talk about natural remedies for depressioncognitive behavioral therapy, and when medication for depression is the best idea. I'll also discuss what to do if you suspect that your partner or loved one is depressed, and how you can help them recover.

Depression exists on a spectrum from mild to serious. One thing I discuss on the podcast is that when depression becomes very serious, it can become life threatening. Here are links to get emergency help if you or your loved one are in real trouble and need help immediately:

Colorado Crisis Hotline: 1-844-493-8255

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

I hope this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps you identify what's going on in your life, and whether you're dealing with depression or a "growth opportunity." If you do believe that depression is gaining power in your life, I hope this discussion provides you with both hope (as depression is very treatable) as well as actionable steps you can start taking today.

Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: Is_it_Depression_-_101916_11.11_AM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:16am MDT

Do you have hundreds of "friends," yet still feel disconnected?

As a therapist, people share their deepest feelings and fears with me. What I've been hearing a lot lately is about is how disconnected and alone many of my clients feel, even though they may have contact with dozens upon dozens of people a day. Ironic, right?

But there is such a difference between knowing people, and truly being known. Having contacts is not the same as having authentic connection. Many people with dozens of "friends" are still craving actual friendships where they feel known, valued, and understood.

I'm a marriage counselor first, so my podcast and blog often does skew on the side of discussing your relationship with your "primary attachment" (that's shrink-speak for "significant other."). However having meaningful friendships and close connections in your life is just as important to your over all happiness and well being as the state of your marriage. In fact, having close friends that you trust and who you can be emotionally intimate with can buffer you from the rest of life's ups and downs.

But, creating and maintaining authentic connection and friendship can be challenging. This is especially true as people move out of their twenties, and into their thirties and beyond. For one thing, it's harder to meet people when you're not going out all the time. Secondly, it's challenging to spend time with the friends you have when everyone is stretched so thin between their careerstheir families, making time for their spouse, and just keeping their lives in order. It's about the best we can do to comment on each other's posts once in a while.

How to Have More Friendship in Your Life

To discuss this issue that affects so many people, and get some practical tips on how to cultivate authentic friendship in your life, I have enlisted the support of an expert: one of MY oldest and dearest friends, Amy Rocen. Amy is not a therapist or a life coach, but of all the people I have ever met - personally or professionally - she is truly an authority on making and keeping good friends.

She's graciously agreed to discuss her "friendship super power with me" on this edition of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast. We're going to be talking about the things that she and I have done to keep our friendship strong and emotionally intimate for over twenty years.

Amy is also going to be sharing her tips for how to connect with new people, as well as her perspective on how to keep a rich and full life of meaningful relationships through the ups and downs of time.

Direct download: Cultivating_Connection-_The_Art_of_Friendship_-_10316_2.51_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 3:00pm MDT

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible?

Many people show up for dating coachinglife coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it).

I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else.

And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates?

The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats.

Relationship Compatibility in Marriage

First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." 

Finding Your Soulmate

Next I'm putting on my dating coach  wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry.

For Premarital Couples

Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down.

Relationship Compatibility Test

One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her."

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Relationship_Compatibility-__Finding_Your_Soulmate.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 4:15pm MDT

Healing From Infidelity, Emotional Affairs, and Betrayal

As a Denver marriage counselor for over a decade, I've had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of infidelity. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through.

When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone's core values, commitment and good judgment, families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, and with unanswered questions blaring in their heads.

This podcast is my attempt to answer some of them:

  • Why do affairs happen?
  • Why does infidelity happen in even happy marriages?
  • Why is everyone in a love triangle profoundly damaged by the experience?
  • What are the early signs that an affair is simmering?
  • Most importantly: How do you even begin to recover, not just your relationship, but yourself in the aftermath of an affair?

Protecting Your Marriage From an Affair

Affairs, like any other type of cancer or addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for you can check yourself, and / or protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I'll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life.

Rebuilding a Marriage After the Affair

If you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible. An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor many couples are able to not just heal from infidelity, but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. I'll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again.

Healing After Betrayal

Being cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again -- both other people, and often yourself. I'll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals.

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Furthermore, hope and recovery is also possible for The Other and The Occupied -- the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. When betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you've allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself -- not to mention your trust in others. The silver lining: We'll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it.

Recovering From Infidelity

On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together, so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience.

I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing.

With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

Music Credits of this episode: PJ Harvey: Dry and To Bring You My Love (Albums)


Restore Your Sexual Connection

Feeling disconnected sexually is one of the first signs that a relationship may be heading for trouble. But it can be a difficult topic for couples to address openly, even in marriage counseling. Despite feeling sadness, rejection, pressure, or frustration around sexuality, many couples feel inhibited from discussing it with each other: It just feels too vulnerable.

So they avoid the conversation. Over time, unfortunately, they often become increasingly disconnected -- both sexually and emotionally -- as a result. Don't let this happen to your relationship. It's time to fearlessly face your sexual relationship, and start having the open conversations that will help not just restore your sex life, but restore the emotional intimacy and positivity to your relationship again.

Be honest: Is your sex life withering? Has it been weeks, months or even years since you and your partner had a meaningful, let alone erotic, sexual experience together? Does sex feel more like another obligation as opposed to a pleasurable point of connection? Are you starting to feel more like room-mates or buddies than lovers?

If so, you're not alone. Many busy, high achieving couples start to lose their sexual connection over time as the "stuff of life" starts taking priority over sexual intimacy. Keeping eroticism and passion alive in long term relationships requires effort and intention, but unfortunately it's one of the easiest things to put off. Many couples let it go for too long, and over time start to experience negative consequences in many different areas of their relationship as a result.

The good news is that intimacy and desire can be restored.

You can have a vibrant, enjoyable sexual connection again. The first step on this journey is educating yourself and learning new ideas that will help you address the core issues affecting most dissatisfying sexual relationships.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm offering my best advice on how to:

  • Stop neglecting your sexual relationship
  • Have time and energy to invest in your erotic connection
  • Increase your (and / or your partner's) sexual desire
  • Use your sexual relationship as a vehicle for personal growth

Listen, and learn how to banish "sexual apathy" from taking over your marriage, and what new research on sexuality and desire shows about how to bring sexual energy back to life -- both in yourself, and in your partnership.

I hope this information helps you start to find your way back together again.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Sexless_Marriage_Revive_Sexual_Intimacy_-_81016_10.20_AM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 8:56am MDT

Getting Married is a Big Deal. Do it Right.

Are you ready for fancy dresses, impromptu family reunions, teary toasts, and inebriated aunts doing embarrassing things on the dance floor? Yes, it's wedding season, y'all. While most of the time on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we talk about how to have a great relationship, today, in honor of wedding season, we're talking about the art and craft of weddings themselves.

Why? For the last few months we've had droves of young couples at Growing Self preparing themselves to have fantastic marriages, through either our "I Do!" premarital counseling program, or our Denver premarital counseling class, "A Lifetime of Love." It's inspiring to see so many smart couples who are heading off potential problems by doing premarital counseling so I decided to make you all a little wedding present.

If you're not getting married yourself this year, it's highly likely that you'll be a guest at a wedding. And that comes with it's own set of challenges. Anytime far-flung extended family and friends come together for an alcohol infused weekend, drama can ensue. How do you support your loved one who is getting married while setting healthy boundaries, and still have a good time in the process?

Whether you are gearing up for a large scale traditional wedding, an intimate gathering to formalize your partnership, weddings are a big deal. A marriage is an incredibly meaningful and important day, and it can be uniquely stressful to plan and prepare for. On this episode of the podcast I've invited Laura Pearson, founder of L Elizabeth Events, to share some of the things she's learned from her 10 years of experience as a Denver wedding planner. Some of the questions I've asked her on your behalf:

  • What are some of the biggest mistakes engaged couples make?
  • What's the secret to enjoying your wedding, instead of being a stress-case?
  • How do you handle intrusive parents?
  • What can you do to make your wedding more enjoyable and meaningful for your guests?
  • As a guest, what do you need to do to support your friend or family member on their big day?

Listen Now!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: How_to_Have_a_Happy_Wedding.m4a
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

Becoming a Family: The Greatest Adventure of All

Nothing can quite prepare you for the realities of parenthood. Life with babies and small children is, for most couples, a total shock to the system. As joyful and meaningful as this stage of life is, it can be very difficult. If you aren't thoughtful and intentional about what you're doing, parenthood can quickly become a chaotic, frustrating experience -- and take a huge toll on your marriage.

As a marriage counselor, I'm always thrilled when smart, proactive couples show up for premarital counseling. My only wish is that more would show up for "pre-baby counseling." Because having a baby is a much bigger deal, emotionally and relationally, than getting hitched. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. Do a quick google search and about the only thing you find about "preparing for a baby" has to do with fitness, nutrition, and the ocean of baby-gear that you could acquire. 

Having kids changes everything, but it's hard to imagine what those changes will be until you actually do it. Most couples experience challenges that never occurred to them were even possible, while they were spending leisurely days shopping for baby furniture and talking about how much fun family fishing trips will be. (Or were consumed with riding the rollercoaster of protracted infertility). 

From the first day that little bundle is home, they are both faced with needing to make major changes around everything from they way they communicate, to expectations about what should be happening, to a higher need for teamwork, to establishing new systems so everything runs smoothly, to what role they each take with each other and as parents. Sprinkle in some anxiety, post part depression, sleep deprivation, no game plan, and a screaming baby and it can get tense pretty fast.

It's a major life transition, and a lot to deal with. And if you just let it go, and hope for the best it's quite possible to become a statistical average and not enjoy the experience that that much. Research on marital satisfaction over the family life cycle has shown that there is a trend towards lower enjoyment of married life after having kids. 

Here's the depressing graph: www.growingself.com/parenting-without-losing-your-mind-yourself-or-your-marriage 

Parenting Together CAN Be Joyful

That graph does not have to be YOUR reality. You are not a statistical average. You are a person with free will, choices, and you're already taking control over the situation by educating yourself. You get to be in charge of your life, and your family experience. 

I'm here as a wife, mom, and marriage and family therapist to tell you that life with kids doesn't have to be difficult, and it does not need to negatively impact your marriage. In fact, if you put even half as much time into figuring out your post-baby game plan (and your own personal growth opportunities) as you do into childbirth preparation classes you can avoid many of the most common pitfalls of new parents. 

Embracing the opportunities to grow that this phase of life offers will expand you. Parenthood is truly a vehicle to personal evolution. Even more importantly, when you intentionally grow skills in a few key areas you can cultivate a stronger marriage than you had pre-baby: You can have better communication, stronger agreement, more teamwork, and more fun than ever before. Except that it can be even more meaningful, important, and love drenched -- and probably messier -- that you ever imagined.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing some tips about where to where to start if you want to have a peaceful home, a strong marriage, great communication, easy kids, be on the same page with your partner, and have a shared vision for your family that is rooted in your core values.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


Sometimes Leaping ForwardRequires Letting Go...

As a Life Coach and Executive Coach I talk to a lot of drivengo-getters. My clients often have an insatiable appetite forconstant-and-never-ending growth, achievement, andself-improvement. They are truly amazing, talented, and incrediblysuccessful people with an unquenchable thirst for forward progressand success. Does this sound like you, too? First of all: Thankyou. The world as we know it exists because of peoplelike you. Your motivation, your drive, your vision, and youroptimism are the psychic fuel that runs the engines of ourcivilization. Thank you for being you.

And... If you are like most strong,naturally driven and forward-focused people there are also not-funtimes when your motivation leaves the building, your energyflags, your focus becomes diffuse, and your wheels spin. And spin.And spin. And for naturally focused, driven, achievement orientedpeople that "down time" can be a very anxiety provoking experience.In fact, many of my Life Coaching and Executive Coaching clients show up for help when theyhave this experience, because they feel like something is wrong.They've lost their sparkle, and their clear sense ofpurpose. 

There is a novel solution torecharge your passion, restore your creativity, and usher in a newphase of productivity and purpose. But the paradoxical remedy mightsurprise you.

What to Do When YourGet-Up-And-Go Has Got-Up-And-Went:Listen now...

 

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Music Credits: I Live inThe Springtime, by The Lemon Drops

Direct download: How_to_Move_Forward_By_Stopping..mp3
Category:Self Help, Productivity -- posted at: 1:15pm MDT

Breakup Advice: Your Questions, Answered

I've been a marriage counselor for a long time. My experience has taught me that when both people in a relationship are committed to doing what it takes to improve it, relationships can nearly always be made whole. Even better, most couples can use their troubles as a launching pad for amazing new growth. At the end of the process, believe it or not, they often describe feeling grateful for the problems that brought them into marriage counseling because their transformation would not have been possible without them. That's the happy ending.

And. Not all relationships can be saved. Not all relationships should be saved. When one or both partners have simply stopped believing that the other person can be who they want or need them to be, and the costs of staying outweigh the benefits, relationships end. Often, in the aftermath, one partner will be left alone on my therapy-couch. Then we do the work of recovery together.

That's how I accidentally became a break up expert. (And a dating coach, incidentally).

What I learned through this work is that people can suffer for a very long time; stuck on an Ex who will never love them the way they need to be loved. I also learned that attachments don't just turn off like a switch. Breaking your bond to another person is very hard work, and it must be intentional. Time does not heal. Time + intentional effort + self awareness sure can though.

When I realized how many people are suffering, and feeling so helpless to extract themselves from unhealthy emotional attachments, I became a passionate advocate for people on the path of recovery from failed relationships. So much so that I wrote a book on the subject, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love," and I developed my online breakup recovery program, "Heal Your Broken Heart." Since then I've been getting lots of questions from readers and listeners. Today, I decided to devote a podcast to answering them.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking all about breakups -- particularly how to deal with the hardest parts, and serious dilemmas like:

  • How do you know when a relationship is really over, or whether it's worth trying again?
  • How to handle  friends and family who may be getting frustrated with you in an on-again, off-again type situation? Or how to set boundaries with well-meaning people who have very definite ideas about how you should handle things, when you feel differently?
  • How to deal with the enormous emotional pain of a breakup?
  • How to cope with regret over the mistakes you made that may have led to the ending of your relationship?

So if you've been stuck on your Ex for too long, and wondering how to let go, listen to this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to get some new ideas and guidance for how to let go and move on --- for good.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Direct download: Getting_Over_a_Breakup_2-_2617_1.19_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 1:31pm MDT

Lonely Valentine's Days aren't just for singles...

Valentine's Day can be a fun, romantic day. But it can also leave people feeling exquisitely lonely -- especially, believe it or not, if they are in long-term relationships. We've all heard the arguments that Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday, designed to manipulate people into spending their money. But what I have found to be more true is that people love to love. They love to celebrate their love. They love to feel cherished and appreciated. And they really want to feel loved, celebrated, cherished, and appreciated on Valentine's Day -- by the person who means more to them than anyone else in the world.

Particularly when relationships have been feeling challenging, many people hope that Valentine's Day can be a day for recognition, reconnection, and reunion. That the love that launched their life together can be breathed back into a cozy fire by a little effort and specialness. (And it certainly can).

And... many married people have hopes that do not come to fruition on Valentine's Day. Instead of feeling like they day was a celebration of their love for each other:

They don't feel loved and cherished.

Or

They don't feel valued and respected.

Or

They don't feel known, or understood.

Or

They are frustrated by radically different ideas of what would be fun / meaningful to do on Valentine's Day.

Or

They try to have a good time, but old friction points, conflicts, and resentments bubble up to spoil it.

Ick.

When these things happen couples can feel very, very lonely on THE DAY that it seems like everyone else in the world is celebrating their love. Even if things are "good-enough" most of the time, and longing for connection is lost in the day-to-day flurry of must-do activities and chores, a lonely Valentine's Day can still feel like a real blow.

It's hard to live through this, but here is the good news: Being dissatisfied with the way things are is the definition of motivation. All couples have ups and downs. Being more aware of your feelings is the first step towards making positive changes in your life, and in your relationship.

Are YOU feeling ready to make changes? Do you want to feel connected, and in-love again? Help is here: On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my top 10 tips to help you re-establish your romantic connection.

Feeling Lonely In Your Marriage? 10 Tips To Reconnect. Listen Now.

Music Credits: "Valentine," by The Losers

Direct download: Lonely_Marriage_10_Tips_To_Reconnection_-_21516_6.10_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 6:17pm MDT

Are "money issues" a problem in your relationship?

If so, you're not alone. Fights about money -- how to spend it, how to save it, and how to make it -- are common battlegrounds in a marriage. Why so much drama? Money is emotionally laden for most people. Money is ultimately a symbol that can mean security, freedom, pleasure, power, love, and more. When it means different things to two people in a relationship -- look out. The sparks fly when couples have different values around money.

"He's a cheapskate." (Translation: I don't feel loved.)
"She spends every dime." (Translation: Doesn't she care about our security? Or how hard I work?)
"All he/she does is work." (Translation: I don't feel important.)
"I can't believe you spent so much on _____." (Translation: I don't understand you.)
"Where did it all go??" (Translation: This is scary. I feel alone in this.)

When left unchecked, "money issues" can bloom into very ugly emotional dynamics: Power struggles. Hiding spending, or debt. Negative beliefs about each other's character. Increasing hostility and emotional distance. Money problems must be resolved.

Get on The Same Page About Finances

The good news is that creating agreement and teamwork around finances is a solvable problem. All couples have to work through differences around money as part of growing together. This doesn't have to be stressful or conflictual. It's just a matter of learning new skills -- together.

In fact, the most successful couples have developed a set of skills about how to manage money together. (Just like they have learned about other critical relationship skills). Learning how to talk about money, make a plan for money, and support each other's financial hopes and dreams is one of the cornerstones of a happy healthy marriage.

Financial Counseling For Couples

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm so pleased to be speaking with expert couples financial counselor Jeff Motske on this subject. Jeff is the author of Couples Guide to Financial Compatibility, and the host of the "Declare Your Financial Freedom" radio show. Listen to our interview to learn how to:

  • How to use Jeff's free online quiz: War of the Wallets to learn more about each other's "money personality"
  • Have productive conversations about money
  • How to create a workable budget
  • How to develop a "solid financial house" together
  • And how to set yourself financially free, as a couple.

Financial Counseling For Couples: Listen Now


It's Not Just You: Online Dating Can Be Brutal

Profiles that don't get any attention.
Endless texting that doesn't go anywhere.
First dates that fizzle.

It's hard to avoid all the potential pitfalls on your own. It's anxiety provoking to put yourself out there and either hear chirping crickets, or endure a series disappointing experiences. There is a reason why dating coaching has become a multi-million dollar industry in the last few years -- NOBODY knows what they are doing when it comes to online dating. That's why so many people are turning to dating coaching experts to help them figure it out.

As we've discussed on previous podcasts, for successful online dating you need to have CLARITY, INTENTION, and a darn good STRATEGY. There's no better person to take online dating advice from my guest on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: The world-famous online dating coach Julie Spira.

For over 20 years, Julie Spira has been helping singles find love online. She teaches singles how to shorten their search, so they can ride into the digital sunset together. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie is a frequent guest in the media for online and mobile dating advice. She’s appeared in over 650 stories including ABC, BBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, NPR, Good Morning America, Elle, Glamour, Men’s Health, New York Times, Washington Post, and USAToday. Follow her on Twitter, @JulieSpira, where she tweets about dating and love.

She’s here as our guest today to talk about the hot topic of online dating and mobile dating apps and the new audio book version of her bestseller.

Listen to our interview and hear Julie's top tips about how to make your online profile irresistible, convert first texts into first dates, and connect with the love you're looking for. Want more of Julie's tips? Links to her website are in our show notes for this episode: www.growingself.com/the-secret-to-finding-love-online-with-julie-spira

The Secret to Finding Love Online, with Julie Spira: Listen Now

Direct download: The_Secret_To_Finding_Love_Online_with_Julie_Spira.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 4:13pm MDT

Harness The Power of Your Mind

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself for not doing the things you know you should do? Of course! We all know how incredibly hard it can be to stay motivated, and stay on track for the long haul.

You only need to look at what a huge industry Life Coaching has become to see how many hundreds of thousands of people are enlisting the support of a coach to help them stay motivated, stay accountable, and make things happen. There is a reason why people reach out to life coaches: It can be tough to stay on track and follow through when you're going it alone.

However, there are things that you can do on your own to take charge of your life, and achieve your goals. In particular, when you get in control of your mind you can transcend limitations and overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable before.

Your Mind + Body connection is undeniably powerful. Research consistently shows the impact that your physical health, diet, exercise and sleep habits has on your mood and on the way you think. But it works the other way too -- cognitive approaches to therapy have been found by research to be the most consistently effective way of improving your mood, feeling better, sleeping better, and getting better results.

[Tweet "When you get in control of your thoughts, you get in control of your life. "]

Learn How to Get In Control Of Your Mind

Being able to harness the power of your mind isn't about luck or magic. Just like happiness is learned you can also learn how to use simple skills and strategies to build your motivation, resist the temptations that will lure you off track, and achieve your goals.

My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Sir John Hargrave, is here to teach you how. Sir John is the author of Mindhacking: How to Change Your Mind For Good in 21 Days. I spoke with Sir John a few months ago before he released his book. In our "Mindhacking: Reprogram Your Brain" podcast he discussed tools and tips you can use to "debug" your brain and straighten out your thinking process.

Today, he's back to share his latest adventures and advice with us. To prove how powerful his mind control techniques are, Sir John just undertook a 21 day fast. He's here today to speak with us about the mental ju-jitsu he used on himself to accomplish this goal. He's sharing his insights with you, so YOU can use similar strategies to make things happen in your own life.

Listen to Sir John's great, specific advice and learn how to increase your motivation, your focus, and your sense of control. Learn more about Sir John and his book, his program, and his latest adventures in mind control at www.mindhacki.ng

Take Control of Your Life: Listen Now

(Was this helpful? If so please be sure to review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast on iTunes. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on upcoming episodes!)

Direct download: Mind_Control-_Take_Charge_of_Your_Life.mp3
Category:Mindfulness, Self Help, Achievement -- posted at: 4:20pm MDT

Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?

Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.

One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).

If you're like most people, it's a challenge to stay motivated for the long term. Even though we logically know what needs to happen, it's like there's this imp that pulls us off track. "The Imp" loves being comfy. It wants to do whatever feels good right now. It whispers excuses in your ears like, "Just watch one more episode" when you know you need to go to bed. It promises, "We'll exercise tomorrow!" when know you need to get your butt to the gym instead of tapping-to-snooze nine more times.

And -- as you know -- it is very, very powerful.

If you're like most people you started the new year with some firm plans in place. You were ready for a fresh start. You were hopeful about making positive changes this year. And, if you're like most people, since then you've had time to notice the war inside of you that happens when you are trying to stay motivated: Your head pulling you in one direction, and "The Imp" pulling you in another. If you're like most people, "The Imp" has had a few wins since New Year's Eve... and may even be well on it's way to throttling your motivation back into apathetic acceptance of the status quo.

In other words: You're already in the danger zone.

Developing a new kind of relationship with the forces inside of you and learning how to keep your motivation strong (and your "Imp" in it's place) is absolutely crucial if you want to make things happen in your life. It's the core of the work you do in Love, Life or Career Coaching. (Read: What's the difference between Life Coaching and Therapy?)

We started this year off by reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments, connecting with your core values, and thinking about what kinds of positive action would actually move the needle for you this year. (Missed it? Listen to the "Start 2016 Strong" podcast, and don't forget to sign up for your self-study worksheet.)

Now it's time to work on building the motivation that will actually get you there. On episode 64 of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm discussing how to get a handle on instant gratification, and how to keep your motivation firmly in charge.

How to Stay Motivated: Listen Now

While you're on iTunes listening, don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. Also, if you like the it would mean the world to me if you left a review saying so -- YOUR support is what helps this show grow!

Now, let's talk: Self awareness is key to mastering motivation. What's your first clue that Instant Gratification is taking over? How do YOU get motivation back in charge? Discussion time is in the comments! www.growingself.com/how-to-stay-motivated

(Music Credits: Ray Rude, "Transform")

Direct download: How_To_Stay_Motivated_-_11516_3.53_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Coaching, Motivation -- posted at: 8:29am MDT

Is social media giving you social anxiety?

You're not alone. Many people feel worse about themselves and their lives after logging into Facebook or Instagram.

Engagement rings, new babies, new houses, envious vacations, and tales of spouses doing eye-mistingly touching things scroll up endlessly. You should be happy for your friends, right? That their lives are so wonderful and amazing is a glorious thing, right? But it still makes your stomach tighten into a fist as you think of your own diamond-less, baby-less life. You can't help but comparing your house to theirs, your vacation to theirs, and... worst of all... your partner to theirs.

  • Like how he surprised her with five hundred cheerios arranged on the table to say, "I love you!" and a serenade of "You Are My Sunshine" by their three young children when she walked in for breakfast -- just because!
  • Like how she orchestrated a multi-day treasure hunt involving GPS, clues handed by anonymous "strangers" and a midnight trip on a crosstown bus cumulating in the discovery of front row concert tickets for him to see his idol live on stage, only to be met there by the two best friends she'd arranged to fly in from each coast for the event.
  • Like how your partner can't even be bothered to pick up a cheerio off the floor and couldn't pick your best friend out of a line up -- even if you could tear him away from the Xbox.

In short: More people than you'd expect feel like taking a Xanax and / or fire-bombing their lives after a ten minute Facebook session.

How do I know this? Because I am a therapist and life coach, and people tell me their secrets. My clients are some of the most poised, socially savvy, outwardly successful, wealthy, and gorgeous people you'll ever meet. But they don't feel that way when they are looking at Facebook. They feel like they are failing at life, and it makes them anxious as hell. (And that's not just my opinion: Research links the use of Facebook to increased feelings of depression).

Even worse, their social media and the assumptions they make about others because of it can actually create more distance and separation in their lives. Feeling anxious and self-conscious about their own life and achievements pressures people into image management. Increasingly careful about what they share they start to feel more isolated instead of more connected.

The net result? They feel anxious, dissatisfied with their lives, and lonely. (And like there is something terribly wrong with them because of this). As Brene Brown so beautifully outlined for the world in her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability" shame leads us to hide, and disconnect in efforts to protect ourselves. The anxiety generating machine of Facebook then, ironically, becomes the antitheses of the connection it was intended to create.

How to Feel More Connected, and Less Anxious About Social Media

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing some insights with you that will help ease your anxiety over social media and restore the connection in your life. We'll be talking about a marvelous theory posed by Tim Urban in his blog "Wait But Why" about why social media makes people unhappy, as well as how the culture of curation is eroding authenticity and vulnerability. 

I'll be sharing a cautionary tale from my own life about the potential for tragedy from taking Facebook at face value. Lastly, I'll be sharing some actionable ideas that will help you stop judging your own life, and restore your bond to the people you care about.

Ready to change your relationship with social media? You might also enjoy this article from the Huffington Post : 7 Types Of People You Should Unfriend On Facebook ASAP

Listen now: Is Social Media Making You Sad? (Episode 64 of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast)

Music Credits: Public Image, LTD, "Public Image"

(And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review -- your support means the world to me!)

 
Now, let's get real. In the podcast, in the spirit of "radical authenticity" I shared a story about how a close friend and I became disconnected from each other during a time that we really needed each other because of the pitfalls of social media. Has there been a time in your life that social media got in the way of your connection, or made you feel "less than?" If so please share in the comments at this link: http://www.growingself.com/is-social-media-making-you-sad/

It will help others feel less alone. xo, Lisa

http://www.growingself.com


Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces

Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.

Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.

People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.

As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.

Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.

And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.

Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis

Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

  • Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.
  • Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.

Happy New Year!

-- Lisa

Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"

Direct download: January_Relationship_Crisis_2016.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 8:06pm MDT

Is "Be in a fantastic relationship" your #1 resolution for 2016?

You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life.

Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like:

1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?


2) What are things you can do to make it a great first date... that leaves them wanting more of you?


3) How can putting a priority on "chemistry" distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?


4) What's going on with people who just "disappear" after the first date?

 

Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.


Learn more about Jessica on our website: www.growingself.comInterested in Jessica's dating coaching class? Learn more about "Let Love In" -- it starts on January 11th!

How to "Find the One" in 2016: Listen Now

 

Music Credits: Shocking Blue, "Send Me a Postcard"

Direct download: How_to_Find_22The_One22_in_2016_-_122115_1.32_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 1:43pm MDT

Is Your Relationship Just... Off?

Have you been feeling worried about your relationship? Are you feeling resentful, or angry with your partner? Are you feeling hurt, or shut out? Do you feel like the person who should be your number one fan has recently turned into a source of pain and frustration?

If so, you're not alone. All couples go through ups and downs, and drifting apart (and then coming back together again) is what it means to be in a long term relationship. But it still feels yucky when it's happening. And if disconnection and negativity has been going on for awhile, it can begin to make you feel worried that there may be more serious problems under the surface.

Furthermore, it's hard to know how to reconnect when negativity has taken hold of your relationship. Every time you try to reach out and patch things up, it seems like a new hurt or disappointment is always bubbling up to the surface. It's enough to make you start to feel helpless.

I'm here to help, and give you advice for how to get back on track with each other.

And listen -- I don't want to scare you -- but the time to act is now. January is the most common time of year for breakups and divorces. People can grit their teeth and endure things to "get through the holidays" and then fueled by hopeful resolutions for a happier new year sweep a relationship out right along with the tinsel lint and brown pine needles.

My very first piece of advice? If you're really worried about your relationship, pay attention to your intuition. Do things now to help show your partner that it can get better. Your putting effort and energy into your relationship NOW gives you the opportunity to turn things around before one of you starts to lose hope.

Let's Talk About How To Fix Your Relationship

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm putting on my Marriage Counselor hat, and will be giving you some advice that will help you figure out whether this "rough patch" is an indication of something serious (or not) and what you can do to get things back on track.

We're discussing the most common types of relationship disconnections, and some actionable advice that you can use in each situation to begin establishing open lines of communication, repairing hurt feelings, and solving problems together.

I'll also be following up over the next few weeks with two "Communication 101" guides that will help you handle a partner who tends to withdraw and avoid talking about things, plus a tutorial on what to do with a partner who seems angry or critical.

Don't miss them: Sign up for the Love, Happiness and Success Express to get a round-up from the blog once a month! Sign up at www.growingself.com

What To Do When You're Worried About Your Relationship: Listen Now

Next week: Unconditional love -- what it means, and how to cultivate it in your life.


Are You Thinking of Getting Help?

Deciding to reach out for professional help is a big decision, and I know it's not one you take lightly. In fact, if you're like most people you've probably  been working for a long time to NOT get involved in Marriage Counseling, Therapy or Life Coaching, and instead been doing everything you can think of to help yourself: Reading books, trying different things, seeking advice from friends.

But there comes a point where you've done everything that you know how to do on your own and you just feel stuck. The things you're trying to do just aren't working (or, not for long anyway). Or maybe you've had people encouraging you to "talk to someone." Maybe you've been inspired by someone else's successful work in counseling or coaching, and are hopeful that you could get good results too. But where to even start finding the right person? The sheer volume of options you have can be overwhelming.

So now you're cruising around therapist's websites and self-help blogs, looking for direction. Welcome. I'm glad you've found this post. I'm glad you're doing your research. Because, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone like you to be so brave, muster up your resolve, and finally reach out for help... only to connect with the wrong person.

What's Worse Than Not Getting Help? Reaching Out To The Wrong Person.

It happens. Too often, actually. And the outcomes can be worse than not getting help at all. When people muster up their courage, and finally reach out, only to have an (at best) unhelpful or (at worst) bad experience, it has negative consequences. Not just because they didn't get the help they were looking for, but because it may lead them to believe that there is no help for them. Even more tragically, many couples seek counseling from a person who isn't qualified, and then when couples counseling isn't successful think that their relationship can't be repaired (and subsequently get divorced.) Yet another reason why finding the right kind of help is extremely important.

You Don't Go To a Cardiologist For a Broken Leg, Either.

I think one reason for this is that there is a big gap between the kind of help people really need, and the kind that they think they need. I have people from all over reach out to me asking questions, and advice. (Do you have a question for me to answer on my blog or podcast? I'd love to hear from you: email me). Recently I've had several people get in touch with me asking for help in how to manage pretty major issues -- major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems. Many of these questions would end with something along the lines of, "Yeah, so I was thinking it might be time for me to see a life coach..." Life Coach! Really??

It's becoming increasingly clear to me that many people don't understand the difference between a life coach and a therapist, what kind of help is appropriate for certain issues, or how to get connected with the right person to solve a particular problem.

Knowledge Is Power

So on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm here to help you understand what your options for help are, when NOT to go to a life coach, when life coaching is a great choice, what kind of therapist can help you fix your relationship (and who can't), where to go for medication, and how to get connected with a good, caring (and qualified!) therapist in your area. I'm throwing in some emergency resources too, just for good measure.

All the best, 

Lisa Marie Bobby

Is It Time To Get Help? Do It Right. Listen Now.

More questions about counseling, coaching or marriage counseling? Visit www.growingself.com, and read more on the "questions about___" pages.

 

Direct download: Is_It_Time_To_Get_Help_.m4a
Category:Depression, Anxiety, Positive Thinking -- posted at: 6:46pm MDT

Heal Your Broken Heart

It's a bit embarrassing for me to say this, as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to help you recover after your breakup. In fact, I've worked with many people as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I've walked alongside countless clients as they manage the anxiety, the depression and the obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I've even written a book on the subject of how to recover after a breakup.

I know what you're thinking: "She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever."

The truth is that many, if not most relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try. But the fact is that if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor in the world can't put it back together. In these situations the best we can often do is provide comfort, support and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy-couch, alone.

And that is exactly what I've done for many, many people over the years. Now, I'm something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be sharing with you what I've learned about why it's so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup.

Because I have a book coming out on this subject in November called, "EXaholic: Breaking Your Addiction to Your EX Love" I'll be discussing this topic over the next month or so. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter, "The Love, Happiness & Success Express" if you want to get a round-up of all the articles send to you. Sign up on my website: www.growingself.com.

All the best to you on your journey, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC

www.growingself.com

How To Recover From Your Breakup: Listen Now

 

Direct download: How_To_Recover_From_a_Break_Up_-_10515_7.02_PM.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 7:14pm MDT

Help For Your Relationship

I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast.

Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

"How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)"

"What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?"

"How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?"

"How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?"

"What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?"

"What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?"

I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast!

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen Now.

(Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")

Direct download: Your_Relationship_Questions_Answered_-_92115_3.17_PM.m4a
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 4:14pm MDT

Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you.

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

(Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)

Direct download: Finding_Forgiveness.m4a
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 3:36pm MDT

How to Make Your Blended Family Work

Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families."

Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out.

In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be. 

Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it.

So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!

 

 

Direct download: Blended_Family_Problems.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 5:45pm MDT

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality.

Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes.

I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change:

• How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones
• How essential mindfulness skills are to feeling happy and well
• And how learning how to shift your thoughts allows you to create healthy new feelings AND behaviors.

So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs!

Learn more about Sir John Hargrave and Mindhacking on his website: www.mindhacki.ng
Click here to pre-order your copy of Mindhacking (Due out in January)

Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.

 

Direct download: How_to_Reprogram_Your_Brain-_Mindhacking.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 10:46am MDT

SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people. 

Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too. 

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road. 

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

 

Direct download: The_Pursuit_of_Happiness-_Nomadic_Souls_-_72715_4.53_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:59pm MDT

Why Is It So Hard To Change... For Long?

People start coaching or counseling eager to jump in and make new things happen. That is admirable, and enthusiasm is certainly the catalyst for great things. We must have hope in order to even try to change. 

We all start out with grand plans and make sweeping, dramatic gestures to mark our transition into a better life: Buying personal productivity solutions, new workout clothes, cutting up all the credit cards, throwing away the half eaten bags of Ruffles, making solemn promises to be nicer to your partner, or flushing the cigarettes down the toilet.  Things are going to be different now. These rituals of change feel like the door to a new life, and we feel very pleased with ourselves for several days.

But then.... it gets frustrating. Things get hard, get annoying, get boring, or we get upset and sure enough -- snap right back into our old patterns. It's easy to feel discouraged and get tricked into believing that you can't do it.

But you can, my friend. You most certainly can.

You can have it all. You can have better relationships, loose weight, save money, achieve your goals, be healthier, sleep better and feel happer. 

Your ability to change your life is the same as everyone else's. What is the key to making lasting change? Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and find out.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

The Secret To Changing Anything. (And Everything.) Listen Now.

Music Credits: Echo and the Bunnymen

Like this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes!

 

 


Have you ever wondered what mistakes you might be making in your relationship? Or why new relationships seem to fizzle before they get off the ground? Relationship Expert and Dating Coach Stephan Lebossier is not afraid to tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm asking Stephan all your burning questions: What are some of the biggest mistakes men and women make in relationships? How can you become more attractive? What do you need to do to establish trust in a relationship? How can you open yourself up to love again, when you've been hurt in the past?

His answers might surprise you!

Get Ready For Love: Listen Now

Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next show? Get in touch! www.growingself.com


Perfectionism is Paralyzing

The pressure to be perfect infuses every aspect of our lives: From our homes to our jobs to our appearance to our kids we can feel driven to perform perfectly. Trying to do your best and excel is not a bad thing in itself. The problem arises when anything LESS than perfection is unacceptable.

Of course we understand intellectually that being perfect all the time is impossible. But that doesn't change the grinding feelings of anxiety, failure and fear of judgment that rear up when we don't live up to our own expectations.

If you are vulnerable to perfectionism you run yourself absolutely ragged attempting to live up to some impossible standard. But then messy, freewheeling life inevitably sideswipes your efforts. Your dinner party fails to meet your Pinterest-worthy standards, your garden is a weedy mess, your kids are grubby, or you're late again... and a black hole of guilt and shame rises up inside you, making it difficult to enjoy the beauty and goodness that also exists in your imperfect world.

Many people who struggle perfectionism are incredibly competent, thoughtful, and thorough in everything that they do. However they can put SO much time and energy over-focusing on small details, it can make even the simplest projects seem overwhelming. The result, ironically, is procrastination, which leads to not having enough time to do a good job, which leads to more imperfection and feelings of shame and failure.

If perfectionism gets too powerful it can lead to total avoidance of tasks: Piles of unfolded laundry, tons of clutter, unfinished household projects, and even serious problems at work or school are the hallmarks of a severe case of perfectionism.

3 Keys to Overcoming Perfectionism

The good news? Perfectionism CAN be overcome. I know this, because in addition to working with many people who have struggled with and conquered perfectionism, I'm a perfectionist (in recovery) myself.

This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about how to help you overcome the anxiety and self-judgment that leads to perfectionism, and start enjoying you're life again. (And being more successful, productive and effective in the process). Listen and learn the three new ideas that will help you overcome perfectionism:

Can you relate to perfectionism? Is it something that you're currently struggling with, or something that you've already overcome? Either way, I hope you share your story in the comment section of this post!

 http://www.growingself.com/overcoming-perfectionism/

-- xo, Lisa Marie

Direct download: Overcoming_Perfectionsim_.mp3
Category:Self Help, Productivity -- posted at: 11:04am MDT

Any Life Coach or Career Coach worth their salt will tell you that part of making great things happen in your life depends on your ability to be organized, at least to a degree. You may be blazingly talented and creative but if you can't manage your self, your possessions, your tasks and your time well enough, you are going to flounder. 

Learning how to get organized and stay that way is a foundational life skill: Your ability to keep your self together is the platform from which you build great things -- occupationally, creatively, and relationally. (Don't even ask me how many marriage counseling sessions I've sat in where the focus of the entire conversation was around one person's inability to get places on time). 

Furthermore, when you're disorganized it makes you feel anxious and out of control. Small tasks that should be easy start to feel hard because you can't find basic tools to accomplish them. (Like a stamp ...Or your shoes.) Little things become big things, procrastination carries you away, and all of a sudden you feel overwhelmed.

Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert professional organizer Lisa Woodruff of Organize 365. She has lots of practical tools and tips to help you get your life back together again, plus a great plan for helping you stay in a good place long term. 

Hope it helps!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

More from the blog: www.drlisamariebobby.com

How to Get Organized: Listen Now. (Music Credits: James Kibbie)

Direct download: How_to_Get_Organized_.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:23pm MDT

We toss around the phrases like "I'm stressed out" so easily, glibly, like it's a little thing of small consequence. But, as you know if you've been living with chronic stress for a long time, or if you've ever been through serious-for-real burn-out, it's kind of a big deal.

“Burning out” is the layperson’s term for the physical, emotional, and cognitive consequences of chronic stress. Understanding what it does to you, and why it's important to change, can help motivate you to reclaim your life.

Chronic stress can affect everything in your life, from the way you think, to the way you feel physically and emotionally, to your relationships. 

This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is devoted to helping you learn what chronic stress and burnout is, whether you might be suffering with it, and most importantly -- what to do to help yourself recover. 

You'll learn not just stress management techniques, but a new way of thinking and taking care of yourself that will help you become  more resilient... and effective. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How to Deal With Stress and Burnout: Listen Now 


Feeling kind of "meh" lately? Feeling unmotivated and kind of negative about everything? You're not alone. As winter drags on (and on) it's the most normal thing in the world to be feeling kind of blah... and even for the dark tendrils of depression to snake their way around you. 

Help is here! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about natural remedies for depression.

If you're like lots of people, you're hopeful that there could be natural or home remedies that can help you fight back against depression. And you're right. While sometimes therapy and medication are necessary to recover from Major Depressive Disorder, there are also fast, cheap, and relatively easy things that you can start doing today to start recovering from depression (and protect yourself from having it come back in the future). 

Natural Remedies For Depression: Listen Now!

Direct download: Natural_Remedies_For_Depression.mp3
Category:Self Help, Depression -- posted at: 4:47pm MDT

Feeling happy is what it's all about. But sometimes, it can be hard to muster up good feelings. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing some simple tips that you can start using today to help you feel happier and more satisfied with your life -- as is. #Mindfulness #Gratitude #Happiness

Direct download: How_to_Create_Authentic_Happiness.band
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 5:45pm MDT

Valentine's Day is a troublemaker. Yes, it can be fun and sweet and sexy, but it can also be a pain in the ass. Frankly, Valentine's Day can create drama coming and going -- people are anxious about how things are going to be received ahead of it, and then if someone's Valentine's Day dreams are dashed relationships need to recover in the aftermath.

So I decided to make a podcast talking about the potential pitfalls of Valentine's Day: Anxiety and Expectations, and how to negotiate them in order to have a genuinely happy day with each other this year.

Listen, and learn how to take your power back from V-Day, how to manage anxiety around gift-giving, how to create a Valentine's Experience for your honey that WILL be successful, and how to manage any hurt feelings you might harbor if your day didn't live up to your hopes.

 

With lots of love to you this Valentine's Day -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: Have_a_Genuinely_Happy_Valentines_Day.mp3
Category:Self Help Relationships -- posted at: 4:50pm MDT

Life, Love, and Comedy, With Denver's Empty Girlfriend

On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the most delightful time talking with Denver comedians Hayley Driscoll and Christie Bucle about their take on life, love, and how they keep things real with their podcast Empty Girlfriend. 

Listen now and get fresh insights on how to use humor to take your power back in challenging situations, how to use your voice to shine a light on subjects that might otherwise stay hidden in darkness, and how to use transparency and authenticity to create connection with others.

Direct download: Keepin_It_Real_in_Denver.mp3
Category:Love, Happiness and Success -- posted at: 5:02pm MDT

Is your marriage still recovering from the holidays? Have your conflicts felt especially nasty lately? Are you feeling particularly anxious or grim about the state of your marriage right now?

If so you are not alone. Right now marriage counselors everywhere are being flooded by couples in crisis. Why is there such a big uptick in who reach out for marriage counseling after the holidays?

1) We think of the holidays as being happy times for a family, but in truth they can put an enormous strain on a relationship. There are just SO many things to fight about!

2) Negative memory priming.

3) New Year's Resolutions. "I'm not living like this for one more year."

4) January is the most common month for people to file for divorce.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm talking about why this time of year is so darn hard for couples, and what you can do to put your marriage back together again and make 2015 a year of Love, Happiness and Success for both of you. .

--- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Direct download: January_Relationship_Crisis_Youre_Not_Alone..mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:16pm MDT

Happy New Year! This is a wonderful, introspective time and a beautful opportunity for reflecting on what you've learned from the last year. Just like you clean your house and clear out old stuff at the end of the year in order to have a fresh start, now is a great time for doing a little mental and emotional house-cleaning too. 

So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing a strategy that I teach my private Life Coaching clients about how to uncover the things that they learned from this past year.

This simple exercise will help you gain awareness on what it is that you need to say goodbye to, in order to say hello to the Love, Happiness and Success you're resolving for in 2015. 

Listen now.

Direct download: What_Did_You_Learn_From_2014_-_122914_4.31_PM.mp3
Category:Life Coaching -- posted at: 4:44pm MDT

Mindfulness: The ability to stay grounded in the current moment, and simply be present with whatever is happening.  So simple, yet so hard. What's easy? Getting swept away by distractions, thoughts, feelings, daydreams, and worries about things that might happen.  When we live in our heads, which most of us do most of the time, we're not really here. And that's too bad, because the world is a beautiful place.

Our ambient stress and future-focus is even more pronounced in the weeks leading up to the holiday season, so I thought that this would be a good time to revisit some simple mindfulness skills that will help you be able to slow down, breathe, and enjoy this special time of year.

My guest on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast today is Dr. Peggy Sheehan. She's a Denver-based physician who teaches John Kabat Zinn's Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program through Kaiser Permanente, as well as a spiritual director of the Zen Center of Denver. She knows a lot about mindfulness: The benefits of the practice, and everyday practices that will help you to slow down, and be more peaceful and present with your life. Today, she's sharing her wisdom with you.

 

 

Direct download: Everyday_Mindfulness_With_Dr._Peggy_Sheehan_-_12814_2.39_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:04pm MDT

The holidays are upon us! Time for turkey, presents, and LOTS of time with your family. The counseling and coaching sessions I'm having with my Denver clients recently have focused on how to handle "family time." 

The truth is that everyone wants to have a happy holiday with their family. It's also true that many people look forward to time with their parents with a mixture of excitement... and apprehension. Particularly during the holidays, with all the forced together-time, it's easy for tensions to flare and wreck a nice day pretty fast.

So today I'm re-issuing the "How to Deal With Difficult Parents" edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, in order to remind you of the mindset to cultivate in order to genuinely appreciate your parents for who they are, and have a good time together.

I hope these ideas help you have a happy holiday. And Happy Thanksgiving! xo, Lisa

======================================================

Do your parents make you crazy? You're not alone! Even as adults, our parents can have a unique ability to trigger familiar old frustrations, hurts and resentments. Or maybe they're just annoying. Maybe, as in my own case, you're still a little upset with your mother for not being Hillary Clinton.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I talk about how to deal with your parents, as an adult. Listen, and learn why you get so triggered by your parents, and the steps to create a healthy, peaceful and reality-based relationship with the parents you have.

We'll talk about the stages that we all move through on the path of "individuation" including disillusionment, distance, healing / growing, and reclaiming. You'll learn how to shift from being a child in relation to your parents, to an adult. Finally, you'll learn how to appreciate your parents for who they are, forgive past mistakes, set healthy boundaries, and start actually enjoying your relationship with them. Listen now....

 

Direct download: How-to-Deal-With-Difficult-Parents.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 10:00am MDT

"Follow your feelings" is the punchline of countless self-help books, and the focus of many therapy sessions. We can spend years in therapy or counseling learning how to respect and obey our emotional guidance system, which will often lead you in the right direction. But the truth is that not all feelings are the same. Sometimes, listening to your emotions will absolutely wreck your life. How do you tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings?

Healthy emotions are like your sense of smell. They provide you with information about the world, about yourselves, and other peoeple. Your feelings help you make decisions, and know when to move closer to something (or protect yourself). 

At the same time, we're all vulnerable to unhealthy feelings: Feelings that are rooted in depression, anxiety, low self esteem, trauma or impulsivity. And if we listen to those feelings we will almost invariably experience negative consequences. 

But the big problem is that our feelings always feel true, no matter if they are "healthy" or "unhealthy." It's therefore very difficult to differentiate between feelings that we should respect and obey, or feelings that we should over-ride. 

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking all about feelings - and how you can determine which ones to listen to and which ones to let go of. 

 

Direct download: When_to_NOT_Listen_to_Your_Feelings.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:13pm MDT

It is 1:19am. You have to be up and at ‘em at 5:30am. I don’t have to remind you of this. I’m sure you are very, very well aware that you are awake, as the minutes drip by.  As a matter of fact, I’m sure it’s all you can think about.

And this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you, my dear insomniac.

Sleep. It’s so important. It is quite literally a foundational building block for a healthy and happy life. And yet when we need it most is when it is most rebellious and oppositional. When we're lying awake at night we're like anxious parents of teenagers waiting up in a dark living room, thinking "Where the hell is Sleep? It needs to get it's butt home so we can both get some rest."

I don’t know exactly where your Sleep has run off to. It might be careening around with a carload friends playing mailbox baseball in the middle of the night, or hanging out in someone’s smokey rec room listening to ancient Black Sabbath records in the dark, but figuring out where it’s gone is not why we’re here today.

What we're here to talk about how to create the ideal conditions in both your body and mind to make it want to come back home again. And turn out the lights. And carry you both into dreamland. Listen now, to this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast -- and get some rest.

 

Direct download: Why_Cant_I_Sleep.mp3
Category:Sleep, Self-Help, Insomnia, CBT -- posted at: 10:00pm MDT

Can you have a passionate marriage? Or is it the eventual fate of all couples to be as bored and put off by each other as they are attached? Many couples arrive in marriage counseling really worried that the fact they’re feeling “meh” about each other is a sign that something is very wrong in their relationship. They think that they’ve "Fallen Out of Love," and that this is a reason to end their relationship.

In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: This moment is when real growth, passion and intimacy can begin.

 

And my purpose for making this particular podcast today is to help you understand what’s going on in the "falling out of love" phenomena.  I'll also give you some strategies about how to bring the sparkle back that may surprise you. (I can promise you that the punchline of this podcast is not going to be to have a date night and buy some lingerie.) We go deeper than that on the love, happiness and success podcast. I’m going to talk to you about what you need to do, and really, who you need to become, in order to wantto have a date night and go buy some lingerie.

Listen now, to "How To Rekindle The Passion" on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Direct download: Can_You_Get_The_Butterflies_Back.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 1:53pm MDT

Is there hope for your relationship, or is it time to cut your losses?

To have some ambivalence about a relationship can be normal, depending on what's going on. If you've been going through a rough patch (as all couples sometimes do) it can be easy to ruminate about all the aspects of your partner that you don’t like, and fantasize about what your life would be like without them. And then when you two repair the wound caused by the fight and you can let it go and start appreciating them again, and feel just as sure about things as ever.

But when you have repeated negative interactions over a period of time it starts to chip away at your commitment, and your trust. If problems keep coming up it can be easy to feel hopeless that things will ever improve. You may start to wonder if what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a solvable problem, or if it’s just the way that things are. (And if it's the latter, that it's a long-term reality you may unwilling to accept).

That pushes you into a space of indecision: Do you break up, or do you stay together?

Not knowing whether to stay or to go is absolutely agonizing. On the one hand you can look at your relationship and see all the positive aspects of it. You look at your partner sometime and still see how attractive they are to you, or you have a few good days or weeks together it feels like things are getting better again. But then something crappy happens again and you wonder if the negative aspects of your relationship are deal breakers. It's exhausting -- for both of you.

On todays episode of the love, happiness and success podcast I’ll be talking about different common relationship situations and whether they are "solvable problems" or not. I'll share with you what I see, as a marriage counselor, as being deal breakers for a couple versus "growth moments" for a couple -- plus some direction about what to do with each.

Listen Now:

Direct download: Should_You_Break_Up_Or_Stay_Together.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:04pm MDT

Every one likes to toss around the phrase, "Get Over It." If you've been going through the pain of a loss you may desperately want to "Get Over It." But how does one actually accomplish such a thing?

I've been a therapist in Denver for a long time, and have done my share of grief counseling. I know that wishing and praying to feel better, or anesthetizing yourself with booze or busy-ness does not work -- for long, anyway. Unfortunately the only way to the other side is through the process of grieving.

I also know from my years as a therapist that there are many different kinds of losses that deserve the respect of grieving. Whether you are dealing with the a death, or a more subtle, hidden loss like the of a cherished relationship, a miscarriage, a pet’s death, a move, the loss of a dream, or the end of an era in your life: You need to grieve. It’s necessary in order to heal and move on.

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to teach you about the step-by-step process of grieving. Listen, and learn how to help yourself "Get Over It" in a healthy, and authentic way.

The only way out is through. Listen now to learn how to "Get Over It," and move on to the next chapter of your life.

Direct download: How_to_22Get_Over_It22__.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:52pm MDT

Could there be a "magic bullet" to creating the positive outcomes you desire? Well, kind of... 

 

We all want the good stuff: Health, happiness, secure relationships, a meaningful career and money in the bank. The billion-dollar self help industry is evidence enough that we’re seeking solutions to make things happen. But — what if we’ve been wasting our energy chasing after "tools?" What if by focusing our efforts on only one or two core skills: Grit and Self Control, we can create the life we want? 

 

That’s what new research is suggesting. About ten years ago, Dr. Angela Duckworth started with one simple question: Why do some kids do better than others in school? Her subsequent research blew the top off our traditional understanding about why some kids succeed while others fail. To sum up the findings, it’s not about intelligence, socio-economic status, or environment. Kids who did well academically did so because they persevered through adversity, and were able to control short term impulses in favor of long term goals. 

 

In recent years, Dr. Duckworth and her fellow researchers have been extending her original research, and seeking to understand the relationships between Grit, Self-Control, and a host of positive outcomes. It seems that everything from stable marriages, to feeling happy to financial security can be mediated by these variables. 

 

Kind of a big deal.

 

So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m so honored to be speaking with David Meketon a former teacher and school administrator who works with Dr. Duckworth. He’s going to be talking more about the research behind Grit and Self Control, and also provide us with some practical strategies that we can use to develop these qualities in ourselves.

 

Direct download: How_To_Cultivate_Grit.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:08pm MDT

Believe it or not, most relationships are actually pretty resilient -- as long as we're getting a few very basic emotional needs met. If not... look out. And what it takes to have a great relationship may surprise you: It's almost certainly not what you've been fighting about. At least, not on the surface anyway.

The strength of your marriage isn't measured by whether or not you have conflict or even big noisy fights. The health of your relationship isn't determined by "communication skills" or whether or not you say please and thank you, or use a pleasant "tone." It doesn't matter how similar you are, whether you want the same things out of life, have sex often enough, or have an equitable household chore plan worked out.

The health, strength and sustainability depend on whether or not you are making The 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes:

1) Empathic Failure

2) Not asking for authentic needs to be met in a way that your partner can hear them

3) Not being responsive

4) Being self-focused

5) Not getting help if any of the above are missing

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll walk you through each of these "Big 5" relationship mistakes and give you some real world examples of how to do things differently. If you can shift your behaviors in these five areas, you'll be well on your way to repairing your love and bringing peace back to your home.

Direct download: 5_Biggest_Realtionship_Mistakes_You_can_Make_-_9814_1.07_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:44pm MDT

Are you really worried about someone in your life? Are you being negatively impacted by the consequences of someone else's behavior? Few things are more frustrating than seeing someone you love suffering, spinning out of control, and unable or unwilling to get help. What to do?

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to avoid the biggest mistake you can make in this situation, and the surprising way to not just help-- but get your inner peace back.

We'll talk about what it really means to "help" someone versus accidentally enable them to persist in their problems. You'll learn about how to avoid damaging your relationship with your loved one, and how to avoid the power struggle of co-dependency.

By shifting your definition of what it means to help, you'll learn how to regain control of the situation. Getting clear about your boundaries, your values, and the one thing you really have power over (you) you'll start helping your loved one develop the authentic, inner motivation they need to make lasting change.

The road to recovery is hard, but when you learn how to stop controlling, stop being upset, and start giving people the kind of help they really need you can change from being an accidental obstacle to recovery, to a catalyst for their growth.

Lastly, I'll be giving you some practical steps for how to help yourself during your loved one's change process. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 


The songs that Kurt taught us: You have more power than you know to help others, heal yourself, and generally make the world a better place. Everything you need to do this is inside of you right now: Peace, Love & Empathy. 

Your personal experience of the world is the doorway to connecting with others. Through understanding yourself, you can understand others. And that kind of compassion has the power to change everything. Compassion is the force that can bring connection to conflict, bring peace to pain, and bring meaning to suffering.

This is not a new idea. Teachers, Civil Activists, Saints and Prophets have been pointing their flashlights in this direction since the beginning of time. But today I'd like to share with you some personal insight into the life of a person who some people consider a modern-day prophet -- Kurt Cobain -- in order to teach you how to apply these ideas in your own life. 

Listen, and learn how the power of empathy and compassion creates connection and meaning that transcends even a life... and the simple ideas you can practice that will help you shine your own light of love out into the world.

 

Direct download: Change_Your_World-_Peace_Love_Empathy_-_81114_3.50_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:07pm MDT

If you are looking for love, you have a better chance of finding the right person through an app on your iPhone than you do loitering around local watering holes. There are tens of thousands of eligible singles in Denver alone, and they have thoughtfully curated themselves to show you who they are before you even talk. You can flip through possibilities like you were flipping radio channels, until you find the perfect one. So easy, right?

Well, theoretically. But the truth is that even the process of setting up a profile can be anxiety provoking. What picture do you use? What do you say? How do you set yourself apart without being weird? What if no-one gets in touch? What if they do but you don't like them? Agh! It's enough to make you scrap it all and just go back to standing around bars on Saturday nights.

Help has arrived. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with the wonderful Bela Ghandi -- dating coach and online image consultant, and founder of Smart Dating Academy. You may have caught snippets of her dating wisdom from her appearances on the Steve Harvey Show. But if you missed it, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and learn how to WIN online dating!

 

Direct download: How_to_WIN_Online_Dating.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:59am MDT

We all want to have good relationships -- our connections with others are central to authentic happiness.

But the dark side of having a vibrant life with lots of people in it is that sometimes we feel imposed upon, hassled, crowded and disappointed by the people we’re trying to have relationships with. And thats where boundaries come in.

As important as it is to be generous, and empathic, and loving towards others, if we aren’t mindful of our own boundaries and healthy limits we can give too much. The truth is that not everyone is a safe person for us to be emotionally close to, and to sacrifice for. But how to you figure out where to draw that line?

Setting and maintaining boundaries is a complex process, with many aspects to it. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm teaching you the first step in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries: Getting to know who you're dealing with. Only then can you figure out what boundaries are appropriate.

This is a technique I teach my private clients all the time. It will help you figure out what stage of relationship you are in, when you should keep your guard up, and when to feel okay about relaxing your boundaries.

Direct download: How_to_Have_Healthy_Boundaries_.mp3
Category:Boundaries, Relationships -- posted at: 1:04pm MDT

I'm a big fan of feelings. Feelings carry important information. Feelings help us understand ourselves and other people, and feelings can help guide our lives. However, some kinds of feelings are more complicated than others. Sometimes we need to figure out if our feelings are worth listening to and taking guidance from, or if we need to override them order to be our best selves.

Guilt is one of those potentially confusing feelings. Some "flavors" of guilt are good; they help us be better people. Some flavors of guilt can trap us in bad situations; stealing our voices and our power. How can you tell which guilt you should listen to, and which you should push away?

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast you'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, as well as a practical, powerful strategy you can use to say goodbye to unhealthy guilt for good.

Direct download: Say_Goodbye_to_Unhealthy_Guilt_.mp3
Category:Guilt, Self-Help -- posted at: 1:08pm MDT

Feeling connected to other people is one of the most important factors in how happy people feel. Humans are social animals, and that’s true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We need each other.

And social media relationships don’t count, from a happiness perspective. While actual, real world lets-hang-out relationships are strongly associated with happiness and perceived wellbeing, the opposite is true for Facebook relationships. People who spend more time on Facebook tend to be less happy, more lonely, and generally sadder than people who spent less time on it. A phone call will do much more for your mood than a scroll through your news-feed.

But the truth is that connecting with others can feel challenging sometimes, especially in adulthood. Even for people who made friends effortlessly as kids or young adults can struggle to find new relationships as life evolves. I talk to people all the time who are attractive, smart and interesting — and who still feel really lonely and isolated sometimes.

So on this edition of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast we're going to tackle this problem (and lick it's face until it giggles): How to make more (real) friends.


As a marriage counselor, I've learned through the years that there are fundamental differences between relationships that end, and ones that are reparable. And as sad as it is to work with couples who ultimately decide to split, in many cases it's really a good thing for both partners. 

Of course break-ups are sad, and hard. There is loss, and grieving to do when your heart is broken. It's especially difficult if you're not the one who called things off. You have the right to be sad and hurt. And, I'd also like to offer you some perspective on why this break up may actually have been a good thing.

Key points:

1) There was an unsolvable problem.

2) Your break-up saved you from a life of misery.

3) Your failed relationship changed your life for the better.

Do you enjoy the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please say so in the reviews and subscribe! Also, don't forget to check out my website, www.drlisabobby.com for more Love, Happiness and Success articles and advice, and to take my free online "Happiness Class." -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby


Direct download: Progressive_Relaxation_0414_-_61814_12.56_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:12pm MDT

#42 - Stop Anxiety. Right Now.

Ahhh Anxiety. The sleepless nights. The pit in your stomach. The worries, ever swirling. Anxiety is the experience of being traumatized by bad things happening… before they actually happen.On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to teach you how to stop mentally time traveling into DOOM, and restore your sense of inner peace.

First, I'll help you understand what anxiety is, and the mind-body connection that keeps you trapped in it's clutches. Then, I'll be teaching you my four favorite techniques for stopping it. They're all mindfulness based, and in my experience very effective. They work for my clients, and they work for me. I have every confidence that they'll help you, too.

Key Points:

1) Anxiety = A Time Traveling Mind

2) The Mind-Body Connection, and Cycle of Fear

3) Anchor Yourself in The Present

4) Define the Explosion

5) Solve Solvable Problems

6) Relax Your Body, to Relax Your Mind

Direct download: Stop_Anxiety._Right_Now..mp3
Category:Self Help, Anxiety, Emotions -- posted at: 9:11am MDT

#41 - 3 Essential Ingredients For a Great Marriage

Getting married is not about the ring or the clothes or the party. All that fades away. I can barely remember my own wedding. But the connection, love, and friendship I have with my husband is priceless beyond measure. My marriage is the foundation of my entire life. You deserve to have this too.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll be sharing the three essential ingredients you need to create a lifetime of happiness together. 

Listen now...


Call it a funk, a rut, a rough-patch — there are just times when you just don’t feel like yourself. We all go through it.

Maybe you’re more tired than usual, or crankier. Maybe you’re buzzing through your days with a low-grade ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, or feeling more negative and down on yourself than usual. Maybe you’re feeling more sensitive to slights, or feeling lonely — even when you're around people.

You're not "Depressed with a capital D" but you just don't feel great. 

What to do? How do you start to shake off the “Yuck” and reconnect with your sense of wellbeing?

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to "Loose the Blues."

Listen Now: 

 

Direct download: How_to_Get_Yourself_Out_of_a_Funk.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:35am MDT

Having ambivalence about your relationship sometimes is completely normal. 

You have a fight. Maybe a few fights. You go through a period where you both feel disconnected. Kids, jobs, cleaning bathrooms, the dandelions in the front lawn -- virtually everything seems like it's more of a priority than your marriage. 

All relationships have ebbs and flows. Disconnection and reconnection is simply the experience of being in a long term relationship. But sometimes ... it is hard to reconnect. Particularly if toxic negativity begins to color your interactions.

When attachment stretches thin and you can't remember the last time you laughed together, it's normal to wonder if you ever will again. When negative experiences with your partner start to outnumber the good ones, it's normal to wonder if you've arrived at the "end of the line." 

Is Divorce the Solution? 

Not necessarily. Feeling upset and scared about your marriage are exactly the feelings that prompt couples to start marriage counseling. Being unhappy with the situation creates the motivation that you need to do the difficult work of growing back together again. And in my experience, when couples have a will to repair the relationship there is always a way.

But sometimes, people begin to fantasize about divorce. They don't know how to resolve their relationship problems, and divorcing feels like the only solution. When divorce starts to feel like the glowing, open door to freedom and happiness -- your relationship is in trouble.

And of course, I understand there are situations where you may not have a choice: Your partner unilaterally moves towards the door, or perhaps there are such unhealthy and toxic things going on in a marriage that divorcing is genuinely the only reasonable option. 

Let's Get Real.

If you are toeing up to the edge of this precipice, or perhaps already starting to go through the searing process of taking a marriage apart: This podcast is for you. 

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Pro Divorce Mediator Denisa Tova about things to think about if you're on the fence about divorcing, and also practical strategies for creating the best possible outcomes if you decide to move forward with divorce.

Main Points:

1) How to tell the difference between "solvable problems" between you and your partner, and situations where divorce is really the best choice.

2) The mindset you need to foster to create a healthy divorce experience.

3) Practical strategies for how to have a civilized, collaborative divorce instead of an ugly, angry one. 

Listen Now: 

Direct download: How_to_Have_a_Healthy_Divorce.mp3
Category:self help, divorce, marriage -- posted at: 11:29am MDT

Are you a superstar in the eyes of others? Do you work hard, do amazing things, and seem to have it all? 

And yet.... walk daily with this gnawing sense that you are failing? 

You just want to be happy. You hope that the "next thing" will bring happiness. But it always feels like you’re not doing enough, you’ve missed an opportunity, or that you're not achieving your goals. All your successes are not enough to prop up your self-esteem. You may even worry that these "failures" are due to your own short comings. 

Here's the deal: Ambition is widely regarded as being a positive force in our lives. But ambition becomes a problem when it is rooted in fear, and a belief that links happiness to achievement.

On today's edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll help you understand how to get off the never-ending treadmill of "More" -- and start appreciating how amazing you actually are.

Listen Now.

(Music Credits: “The Gummi Bears of Failure," by Paneye.)


Do you hate to meditate? Does the idea of sitting on a little pillow with your eyes shut, sweeping stray thoughts out of your head over and over again, make you feel antsy? 

Me too. 

And yet, Mindfulness - the art of being present -- is the key to a happy and healthy life. 

You don't have to meditate in order to practice mindfulness. 

In fact, you can be more connected with the present moment all of the time. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm teaching you how!

You'll learn easy, concrete tools to be more mindful. You'll also learn how to use the skill of mindfulness to feel more calm, happier, more productive, and have better relationships with others.

And if your busy mind is keeping you awake, be sure to download the Free Bonus Sleeping Meditations I mentioned on the show, at www.drlisabobby.com/sleep.

----

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Psychologist. Learn more about her private practice at www.growingself.com, and follow her blog at www.drlisabobby.com.

 

Direct download: Mindfulness_For_People_Who_Hate_To_Meditate.mp3
Category:Self Help -- posted at: 12:43pm MDT

Few things are more frustrating than being exhausted, but unable to sleep. And it's hard to be happy when sleep is a stranger. Not getting enough sleep makes it hard to  think straight. It makes us irritable and more prone to anxiety and depression. Sleep is kind of a big deal.

So on this this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going to tackle insomnia and wrestle it into unconsciousness. You'll learn everything you need to know about how to get more sleep and better sleep. I'll teach you easy Cognitive-Behavioral tricks you can use to fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go. 

I've even created some special bonus items for you. Once you're done learning about how to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep, you can go to my website: www.drlisabobby.com/sleep to download some free relaxation recordings I made just for you. Think of them as an "auditory sleeping pill." Just don't listen while operating heavy machinery! :) -- Lisa

Direct download: Fall_Asleep_Stay_Asleep.m4a
Category:Sleep, Self-Help, Insomnia, CBT -- posted at: 12:43pm MDT

#35 - Finding Common Ground

Have you ever worried that you and your partner are just too different? 

If so, you're not alone. In fact, all couples need to find common ground around their differences. It's simply the relationship experience: We're not married to ourselves. We're with someone who is a unique individual with their own needs, feelings, hopes and dreams -- many of which may be different from our own. 

That's not just okay, it's completely normal. Where couples run into trouble is when they get "polarized," or entrenched in extreme positions on an issue. Things become black and white, and power struggles or arguments ensue. 

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be showing you the way back to connection.

Direct download: Are_We_Too_Different_2.m4a
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 1:45pm MDT

#34 - Conquer Depression in Three Simple Steps

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you a sequence of three simple steps that will help you fight Depression and lift your mood.

If you've been feeling down, stressed or worried lately this podcast will help you shift your perspective, and start feeling better fast. But even if you are in a good place today I hope you still listen. Learning these key skills – particularly when you're already feeling solid – will help you stay even keeled no matter what life throws at you. 


#33 - What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

Do you have too much on your plate? Are you struggling to figure out how in the world you're going to get everything done? On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby addresses the common experience of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed by life. Dr. Bobby will teach you five practical, real-world strategies that you can start using today to feel more peaceful and productive. 


#32 - Have a Happy Relationship: Learn to Transform Conflict into Connection

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Therapist, will teach you an easy formula to turn any conflict with your partner into a "bonding moment" that will strengthen your marriage. You can stop fighting, improve your communication skills, and start understanding each other. Improve your relationship today. Listen now!