Harness The Power of Your Mind

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself for not doing the things you know you should do? Of course! We all know how incredibly hard it can be to stay motivated, and stay on track for the long haul.

You only need to look at what a huge industry Life Coaching has become to see how many hundreds of thousands of people are enlisting the support of a coach to help them stay motivated, stay accountable, and make things happen. There is a reason why people reach out to life coaches: It can be tough to stay on track and follow through when you're going it alone.

However, there are things that you can do on your own to take charge of your life, and achieve your goals. In particular, when you get in control of your mind you can transcend limitations and overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable before.

Your Mind + Body connection is undeniably powerful. Research consistently shows the impact that your physical health, diet, exercise and sleep habits has on your mood and on the way you think. But it works the other way too -- cognitive approaches to therapy have been found by research to be the most consistently effective way of improving your mood, feeling better, sleeping better, and getting better results.

[Tweet "When you get in control of your thoughts, you get in control of your life. "]

Learn How to Get In Control Of Your Mind

Being able to harness the power of your mind isn't about luck or magic. Just like happiness is learned you can also learn how to use simple skills and strategies to build your motivation, resist the temptations that will lure you off track, and achieve your goals.

My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Sir John Hargrave, is here to teach you how. Sir John is the author of Mindhacking: How to Change Your Mind For Good in 21 Days. I spoke with Sir John a few months ago before he released his book. In our "Mindhacking: Reprogram Your Brain" podcast he discussed tools and tips you can use to "debug" your brain and straighten out your thinking process.

Today, he's back to share his latest adventures and advice with us. To prove how powerful his mind control techniques are, Sir John just undertook a 21 day fast. He's here today to speak with us about the mental ju-jitsu he used on himself to accomplish this goal. He's sharing his insights with you, so YOU can use similar strategies to make things happen in your own life.

Listen to Sir John's great, specific advice and learn how to increase your motivation, your focus, and your sense of control. Learn more about Sir John and his book, his program, and his latest adventures in mind control at www.mindhacki.ng

Take Control of Your Life: Listen Now

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Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?

Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.

One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).

If you're like most people, it's a challenge to stay motivated for the long term. Even though we logically know what needs to happen, it's like there's this imp that pulls us off track. "The Imp" loves being comfy. It wants to do whatever feels good right now. It whispers excuses in your ears like, "Just watch one more episode" when you know you need to go to bed. It promises, "We'll exercise tomorrow!" when know you need to get your butt to the gym instead of tapping-to-snooze nine more times.

And -- as you know -- it is very, very powerful.

If you're like most people you started the new year with some firm plans in place. You were ready for a fresh start. You were hopeful about making positive changes this year. And, if you're like most people, since then you've had time to notice the war inside of you that happens when you are trying to stay motivated: Your head pulling you in one direction, and "The Imp" pulling you in another. If you're like most people, "The Imp" has had a few wins since New Year's Eve... and may even be well on it's way to throttling your motivation back into apathetic acceptance of the status quo.

In other words: You're already in the danger zone.

Developing a new kind of relationship with the forces inside of you and learning how to keep your motivation strong (and your "Imp" in it's place) is absolutely crucial if you want to make things happen in your life. It's the core of the work you do in Love, Life or Career Coaching. (Read: What's the difference between Life Coaching and Therapy?)

We started this year off by reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments, connecting with your core values, and thinking about what kinds of positive action would actually move the needle for you this year. (Missed it? Listen to the "Start 2016 Strong" podcast, and don't forget to sign up for your self-study worksheet.)

Now it's time to work on building the motivation that will actually get you there. On episode 64 of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm discussing how to get a handle on instant gratification, and how to keep your motivation firmly in charge.

How to Stay Motivated: Listen Now

While you're on iTunes listening, don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. Also, if you like the it would mean the world to me if you left a review saying so -- YOUR support is what helps this show grow!

Now, let's talk: Self awareness is key to mastering motivation. What's your first clue that Instant Gratification is taking over? How do YOU get motivation back in charge? Discussion time is in the comments! www.growingself.com/how-to-stay-motivated

(Music Credits: Ray Rude, "Transform")

Is social media giving you social anxiety?

You're not alone. Many people feel worse about themselves and their lives after logging into Facebook or Instagram.

Engagement rings, new babies, new houses, envious vacations, and tales of spouses doing eye-mistingly touching things scroll up endlessly. You should be happy for your friends, right? That their lives are so wonderful and amazing is a glorious thing, right? But it still makes your stomach tighten into a fist as you think of your own diamond-less, baby-less life. You can't help but comparing your house to theirs, your vacation to theirs, and... worst of all... your partner to theirs.

• Like how he surprised her with five hundred cheerios arranged on the table to say, "I love you!" and a serenade of "You Are My Sunshine" by their three young children when she walked in for breakfast -- just because!
• Like how she orchestrated a multi-day treasure hunt involving GPS, clues handed by anonymous "strangers" and a midnight trip on a crosstown bus cumulating in the discovery of front row concert tickets for him to see his idol live on stage, only to be met there by the two best friends she'd arranged to fly in from each coast for the event.
• Like how your partner can't even be bothered to pick up a cheerio off the floor and couldn't pick your best friend out of a line up -- even if you could tear him away from the Xbox.

In short: More people than you'd expect feel like taking a Xanax and / or fire-bombing their lives after a ten minute Facebook session.

How do I know this? Because I am a therapist and life coach, and people tell me their secrets. My clients are some of the most poised, socially savvy, outwardly successful, wealthy, and gorgeous people you'll ever meet. But they don't feel that way when they are looking at Facebook. They feel like they are failing at life, and it makes them anxious as hell. (And that's not just my opinion: Research links the use of Facebook to increased feelings of depression).

Even worse, their social media and the assumptions they make about others because of it can actually create more distance and separation in their lives. Feeling anxious and self-conscious about their own life and achievements pressures people into image management. Increasingly careful about what they share they start to feel more isolated instead of more connected.

The net result? They feel anxious, dissatisfied with their lives, and lonely. (And like there is something terribly wrong with them because of this). As Brene Brown so beautifully outlined for the world in her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability" shame leads us to hide, and disconnect in efforts to protect ourselves. The anxiety generating machine of Facebook then, ironically, becomes the antitheses of the connection it was intended to create.

How to Feel More Connected, and Less Anxious About Social Media

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing some insights with you that will help ease your anxiety over social media and restore the connection in your life. We'll be talking about a marvelous theory posed by Tim Urban in his blog "Wait But Why" about why social media makes people unhappy, as well as how the culture of curation is eroding authenticity and vulnerability. 

I'll be sharing a cautionary tale from my own life about the potential for tragedy from taking Facebook at face value. Lastly, I'll be sharing some actionable ideas that will help you stop judging your own life, and restore your bond to the people you care about.

Ready to change your relationship with social media? You might also enjoy this article from the Huffington Post : 7 Types Of People You Should Unfriend On Facebook ASAP

Listen now: Is Social Media Making You Sad? (Episode 64 of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast)

Music Credits: Public Image, LTD, "Public Image"

(And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review -- your support means the world to me!)

 
Now, let's get real. In the podcast, in the spirit of "radical authenticity" I shared a story about how a close friend and I became disconnected from each other during a time that we really needed each other because of the pitfalls of social media. Has there been a time in your life that social media got in the way of your connection, or made you feel "less than?" If so please share in the comments at this link: http://www.growingself.com/is-social-media-making-you-sad/

It will help others feel less alone. xo, Lisa

http://www.growingself.com

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces

Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.

Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.

People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.

As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.

Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.

And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.

Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis

Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

• Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.

• Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively.

• Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

• Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!)
• Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month).

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.

Happy New Year!

-- Lisa

Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"