Mon, 21 December 2015
Is "Be in a fantastic relationship" your #1 resolution for 2016?
You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life.
Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like:
1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?
Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.
How to "Find the One" in 2016: Listen Now
Direct download: How_to_Find_22The_One22_in_2016_-_122115_1.32_PM.mp3
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 1:43pm MST
Tue, 8 December 2015
Is Your Relationship Just... Off?
Have you been feeling worried about your relationship? Are you feeling resentful, or angry with your partner? Are you feeling hurt, or shut out? Do you feel like the person who should be your number one fan has recently turned into a source of pain and frustration?
If so, you're not alone. All couples go through ups and downs, and drifting apart (and then coming back together again) is what it means to be in a long term relationship. But it still feels yucky when it's happening. And if disconnection and negativity has been going on for awhile, it can begin to make you feel worried that there may be more serious problems under the surface.
Furthermore, it's hard to know how to reconnect when negativity has taken hold of your relationship. Every time you try to reach out and patch things up, it seems like a new hurt or disappointment is always bubbling up to the surface. It's enough to make you start to feel helpless.
I'm here to help, and give you advice for how to get back on track with each other.
And listen -- I don't want to scare you -- but the time to act is now. January is the most common time of year for breakups and divorces. People can grit their teeth and endure things to "get through the holidays" and then fueled by hopeful resolutions for a happier new year sweep a relationship out right along with the tinsel lint and brown pine needles.
My very first piece of advice? If you're really worried about your relationship, pay attention to your intuition. Do things now to help show your partner that it can get better. Your putting effort and energy into your relationship NOW gives you the opportunity to turn things around before one of you starts to lose hope.
Let's Talk About How To Fix Your Relationship
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm putting on my Marriage Counselor hat, and will be giving you some advice that will help you figure out whether this "rough patch" is an indication of something serious (or not) and what you can do to get things back on track.
We're discussing the most common types of relationship disconnections, and some actionable advice that you can use in each situation to begin establishing open lines of communication, repairing hurt feelings, and solving problems together.
I'll also be following up over the next few weeks with two "Communication 101" guides that will help you handle a partner who tends to withdraw and avoid talking about things, plus a tutorial on what to do with a partner who seems angry or critical.
Don't miss them: Sign up for the Love, Happiness and Success Express to get a round-up from the blog once a month! Sign up at www.growingself.com
What To Do When You're Worried About Your Relationship: Listen Now
Next week: Unconditional love -- what it means, and how to cultivate it in your life.
Direct download: What_To_Do_When_Youre_Worried_About_Your_Relationship_-_12815_3.38_PM.m4a
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 3:58pm MST
Mon, 16 November 2015
Are You Thinking of Getting Help?
Deciding to reach out for professional help is a big decision, and I know it's not one you take lightly. In fact, if you're like most people you've probably been working for a long time to NOT get involved in Marriage Counseling, Therapy or Life Coaching, and instead been doing everything you can think of to help yourself: Reading books, trying different things, seeking advice from friends.
But there comes a point where you've done everything that you know how to do on your own and you just feel stuck. The things you're trying to do just aren't working (or, not for long anyway). Or maybe you've had people encouraging you to "talk to someone." Maybe you've been inspired by someone else's successful work in counseling or coaching, and are hopeful that you could get good results too. But where to even start finding the right person? The sheer volume of options you have can be overwhelming.
So now you're cruising around therapist's websites and self-help blogs, looking for direction. Welcome. I'm glad you've found this post. I'm glad you're doing your research. Because, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone like you to be so brave, muster up your resolve, and finally reach out for help... only to connect with the wrong person.
What's Worse Than Not Getting Help? Reaching Out To The Wrong Person.
It happens. Too often, actually. And the outcomes can be worse than not getting help at all. When people muster up their courage, and finally reach out, only to have an (at best) unhelpful or (at worst) bad experience, it has negative consequences. Not just because they didn't get the help they were looking for, but because it may lead them to believe that there is no help for them. Even more tragically, many couples seek counseling from a person who isn't qualified, and then when couples counseling isn't successful think that their relationship can't be repaired (and subsequently get divorced.) Yet another reason why finding the right kind of help is extremely important.
You Don't Go To a Cardiologist For a Broken Leg, Either.
I think one reason for this is that there is a big gap between the kind of help people really need, and the kind that they think they need. I have people from all over reach out to me asking questions, and advice. (Do you have a question for me to answer on my blog or podcast? I'd love to hear from you: email me). Recently I've had several people get in touch with me asking for help in how to manage pretty major issues -- major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems. Many of these questions would end with something along the lines of, "Yeah, so I was thinking it might be time for me to see a life coach..." Life Coach! Really??
It's becoming increasingly clear to me that many people don't understand the difference between a life coach and a therapist, what kind of help is appropriate for certain issues, or how to get connected with the right person to solve a particular problem.
Knowledge Is Power
So on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm here to help you understand what your options for help are, when NOT to go to a life coach, when life coaching is a great choice, what kind of therapist can help you fix your relationship (and who can't), where to go for medication, and how to get connected with a good, caring (and qualified!) therapist in your area. I'm throwing in some emergency resources too, just for good measure.
All the best,
Is It Time To Get Help? Do It Right. Listen Now.
More questions about counseling, coaching or marriage counseling? Visit www.growingself.com, and read more on the "questions about___" pages.
Mon, 5 October 2015
Heal Your Broken Heart
It's a bit embarrassing for me to say this, as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to help you recover after your breakup. In fact, I've worked with many people as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I've walked alongside countless clients as they manage the anxiety, the depression and the obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I've even written a book on the subject of how to recover after a breakup.
I know what you're thinking: "She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever."
The truth is that many, if not most relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try. But the fact is that if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor in the world can't put it back together. In these situations the best we can often do is provide comfort, support and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy-couch, alone.
And that is exactly what I've done for many, many people over the years. Now, I'm something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be sharing with you what I've learned about why it's so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup.
Because I have a book coming out on this subject in November called, "EXaholic: Breaking Your Addiction to Your EX Love" I'll be discussing this topic over the next month or so. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter, "The Love, Happiness & Success Express" if you want to get a round-up of all the articles send to you. Sign up on my website: www.growingself.com.
All the best to you on your journey,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC
How To Recover From Your Breakup: Listen Now
Direct download: How_To_Recover_From_a_Break_Up_-_10515_7.02_PM.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 7:14pm MST
Mon, 21 September 2015
Help For Your Relationship
I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast.
Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered.
"How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)"
"What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?"
"How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?"
"How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?"
"What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?"
"What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?"
I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast!
(Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")
Direct download: Your_Relationship_Questions_Answered_-_92115_3.17_PM.m4a
Category:Relationships -- posted at: 4:14pm MST
Mon, 31 August 2015
Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
(Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)
Mon, 17 August 2015
How to Make Your Blended Family Work
Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families."
Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out.
In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be.
Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it.
So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!
Mon, 3 August 2015
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality.
Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes.
I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change:
• How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones
So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs!
Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.
Mon, 27 July 2015
SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people.
Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Direct download: The_Pursuit_of_Happiness-_Nomadic_Souls_-_72715_4.53_PM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:59pm MST
Mon, 27 April 2015
Why Is It So Hard To Change... For Long?
People start coaching or counseling eager to jump in and make new things happen. That is admirable, and enthusiasm is certainly the catalyst for great things. We must have hope in order to even try to change.
We all start out with grand plans and make sweeping, dramatic gestures to mark our transition into a better life: Buying personal productivity solutions, new workout clothes, cutting up all the credit cards, throwing away the half eaten bags of Ruffles, making solemn promises to be nicer to your partner, or flushing the cigarettes down the toilet. Things are going to be different now. These rituals of change feel like the door to a new life, and we feel very pleased with ourselves for several days.
But then.... it gets frustrating. Things get hard, get annoying, get boring, or we get upset and sure enough -- snap right back into our old patterns. It's easy to feel discouraged and get tricked into believing that you can't do it.
But you can, my friend. You most certainly can.
You can have it all. You can have better relationships, loose weight, save money, achieve your goals, be healthier, sleep better and feel happer.
Your ability to change your life is the same as everyone else's. What is the key to making lasting change? Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and find out.
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
The Secret To Changing Anything. (And Everything.) Listen Now.
Music Credits: Echo and the Bunnymen
Like this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes!
Direct download: The_Secret_To_Changing_Everything_V2.m4a
Category:Self Help, Relationships, Life Coaching, Changing Habits -- posted at: 6:33pm MST
Mon, 6 April 2015
Have you ever wondered what mistakes you might be making in your relationship? Or why new relationships seem to fizzle before they get off the ground? Relationship Expert and Dating Coach Stephan Lebossier is not afraid to tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm asking Stephan all your burning questions: What are some of the biggest mistakes men and women make in relationships? How can you become more attractive? What do you need to do to establish trust in a relationship? How can you open yourself up to love again, when you've been hurt in the past?
His answers might surprise you!
Get Ready For Love: Listen Now
Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next show? Get in touch! www.growingself.com
Wed, 25 March 2015
Perfectionism is Paralyzing
The pressure to be perfect infuses every aspect of our lives: From our homes to our jobs to our appearance to our kids we can feel driven to perform perfectly. Trying to do your best and excel is not a bad thing in itself. The problem arises when anything LESS than perfection is unacceptable.
Of course we understand intellectually that being perfect all the time is impossible. But that doesn't change the grinding feelings of anxiety, failure and fear of judgment that rear up when we don't live up to our own expectations.
If you are vulnerable to perfectionism you run yourself absolutely ragged attempting to live up to some impossible standard. But then messy, freewheeling life inevitably sideswipes your efforts. Your dinner party fails to meet your Pinterest-worthy standards, your garden is a weedy mess, your kids are grubby, or you're late again... and a black hole of guilt and shame rises up inside you, making it difficult to enjoy the beauty and goodness that also exists in your imperfect world.
Many people who struggle perfectionism are incredibly competent, thoughtful, and thorough in everything that they do. However they can put SO much time and energy over-focusing on small details, it can make even the simplest projects seem overwhelming. The result, ironically, is procrastination, which leads to not having enough time to do a good job, which leads to more imperfection and feelings of shame and failure.
If perfectionism gets too powerful it can lead to total avoidance of tasks: Piles of unfolded laundry, tons of clutter, unfinished household projects, and even serious problems at work or school are the hallmarks of a severe case of perfectionism.
3 Keys to Overcoming Perfectionism
The good news? Perfectionism CAN be overcome. I know this, because in addition to working with many people who have struggled with and conquered perfectionism, I'm a perfectionist (in recovery) myself.
This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about how to help you overcome the anxiety and self-judgment that leads to perfectionism, and start enjoying you're life again. (And being more successful, productive and effective in the process). Listen and learn the three new ideas that will help you overcome perfectionism:
Can you relate to perfectionism? Is it something that you're currently struggling with, or something that you've already overcome? Either way, I hope you share your story in the comment section of this post!
-- xo, Lisa Marie
Mon, 9 March 2015
Any Life Coach or Career Coach worth their salt will tell you that part of making great things happen in your life depends on your ability to be organized, at least to a degree. You may be blazingly talented and creative but if you can't manage your self, your possessions, your tasks and your time well enough, you are going to flounder.
Learning how to get organized and stay that way is a foundational life skill: Your ability to keep your self together is the platform from which you build great things -- occupationally, creatively, and relationally. (Don't even ask me how many marriage counseling sessions I've sat in where the focus of the entire conversation was around one person's inability to get places on time).
Furthermore, when you're disorganized it makes you feel anxious and out of control. Small tasks that should be easy start to feel hard because you can't find basic tools to accomplish them. (Like a stamp ...Or your shoes.) Little things become big things, procrastination carries you away, and all of a sudden you feel overwhelmed.
Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert professional organizer Lisa Woodruff of Organize 365. She has lots of practical tools and tips to help you get your life back together again, plus a great plan for helping you stay in a good place long term.
Hope it helps!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
More from the blog: www.drlisamariebobby.com
How to Get Organized: Listen Now. (Music Credits: James Kibbie)
Mon, 2 March 2015
We toss around the phrases like "I'm stressed out" so easily, glibly, like it's a little thing of small consequence. But, as you know if you've been living with chronic stress for a long time, or if you've ever been through serious-for-real burn-out, it's kind of a big deal.
“Burning out” is the layperson’s term for the physical, emotional, and cognitive consequences of chronic stress. Understanding what it does to you, and why it's important to change, can help motivate you to reclaim your life.
Chronic stress can affect everything in your life, from the way you think, to the way you feel physically and emotionally, to your relationships.
This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is devoted to helping you learn what chronic stress and burnout is, whether you might be suffering with it, and most importantly -- what to do to help yourself recover.
You'll learn not just stress management techniques, but a new way of thinking and taking care of yourself that will help you become more resilient... and effective. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
How to Deal With Stress and Burnout: Listen Now
Direct download: Bounce_Back_From_Stress_and_Burnout_-_3215_5.23_PM.mp3
Category:Self Help, Stress Management -- posted at: 6:34pm MST
Mon, 23 February 2015
Feeling kind of "meh" lately? Feeling unmotivated and kind of negative about everything? You're not alone. As winter drags on (and on) it's the most normal thing in the world to be feeling kind of blah... and even for the dark tendrils of depression to snake their way around you.
Help is here! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about natural remedies for depression.
If you're like lots of people, you're hopeful that there could be natural or home remedies that can help you fight back against depression. And you're right. While sometimes therapy and medication are necessary to recover from Major Depressive Disorder, there are also fast, cheap, and relatively easy things that you can start doing today to start recovering from depression (and protect yourself from having it come back in the future).
Natural Remedies For Depression: Listen Now!
Mon, 16 February 2015
Feeling happy is what it's all about. But sometimes, it can be hard to muster up good feelings. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing some simple tips that you can start using today to help you feel happier and more satisfied with your life -- as is. #Mindfulness #Gratitude #Happiness
Mon, 9 February 2015
Valentine's Day is a troublemaker. Yes, it can be fun and sweet and sexy, but it can also be a pain in the ass. Frankly, Valentine's Day can create drama coming and going -- people are anxious about how things are going to be received ahead of it, and then if someone's Valentine's Day dreams are dashed relationships need to recover in the aftermath.
So I decided to make a podcast talking about the potential pitfalls of Valentine's Day: Anxiety and Expectations, and how to negotiate them in order to have a genuinely happy day with each other this year.
Listen, and learn how to take your power back from V-Day, how to manage anxiety around gift-giving, how to create a Valentine's Experience for your honey that WILL be successful, and how to manage any hurt feelings you might harbor if your day didn't live up to your hopes.
With lots of love to you this Valentine's Day -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Mon, 12 January 2015
Life, Love, and Comedy, With Denver's Empty Girlfriend
On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the most delightful time talking with Denver comedians Hayley Driscoll and Christie Bucle about their take on life, love, and how they keep things real with their podcast Empty Girlfriend.
Listen now and get fresh insights on how to use humor to take your power back in challenging situations, how to use your voice to shine a light on subjects that might otherwise stay hidden in darkness, and how to use transparency and authenticity to create connection with others.
Mon, 5 January 2015
Is your marriage still recovering from the holidays? Have your conflicts felt especially nasty lately? Are you feeling particularly anxious or grim about the state of your marriage right now?
If so you are not alone. Right now marriage counselors everywhere are being flooded by couples in crisis. Why is there such a big uptick in who reach out for marriage counseling after the holidays?
1) We think of the holidays as being happy times for a family, but in truth they can put an enormous strain on a relationship. There are just SO many things to fight about!
2) Negative memory priming.
3) New Year's Resolutions. "I'm not living like this for one more year."
4) January is the most common month for people to file for divorce.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm talking about why this time of year is so darn hard for couples, and what you can do to put your marriage back together again and make 2015 a year of Love, Happiness and Success for both of you. .
--- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby