As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. 

The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic.

Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift.

On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. 

I hope you'll join me! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team. 

Ever feel like your heart got drop-kicked out of nowhere? Like the rug was yanked from under you and now you’re spiraling, trying to make sense of what just happened? I see you. And if you've ever been blindsided by a breakup — truly blindsided — this episode is for you.

In today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I’m pulling back the curtain on why blindsided breakups happen, why they hurt so much, and — most importantly — how to heal the heartbreak. I’ll walk you through the hard truths, the hidden opportunities, and the steps to rebuild your self-trust, so you can stop obsessing about your ex and start reconnecting with you.

Timestamps:
00:00 – Blindside By A Breakup… Ouch.
05:06 – What REALLY Happens in a Blindside Breakup
09:31 – The Honest Truth About Why They Left
23:08 – From Pain to Power: What You Can Learn
24:47 – What Healing Actually Looks Like (and What Doesn’t)
46:09 – How to Heal From Heartbreak

Here’s the truth: Healing doesn’t just happen with time. It happens with intention. If you’re ready to stop spinning in circles, make sense of what happened, and actually feel stronger on the other side of this, I’d love to walk with you through the process.

Join me in the Heal From Heartbreak Program — I guide you step-by-step through all nine stages of healing after a breakup in my online academy and give you the structure, tools, and support to stop obsessing about your ex, rebuild your self-worth, and reclaim your future. You don’t have to do this alone.

You’re not powerless. You’re just getting started. And you can begin right now.

Learn more & enroll in the Heal From Heartbreak Program.

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. If you’re still struggling through the pain of a blindsiding breakup, I invite you to check out my breakup quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You? to find out where you really are in your healing process. It’s fast, insightful, and might just give you the clarity you didn’t know you needed.

And if someone you love is stuck in the breakup spiral? Be the friend who helps — share this podcast episode with them. I could be exactly what they need to hear today.

🌟 Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of life? You're not alone. Today, we're delving into the art of simplifying your life... by getting clear about your mission and purpose

Here's the truth: Simplifying isn't just about decluttering your space. It's about aligning your daily life with your core values, leading to a more fulfilling and less frazzled existence. How? That's what you'll learn in this episode!

🔹 Special Guest: Today, I'm thrilled to have Bonnie Wan, author of “The Life Brief: A Playbook for No Regrets Living,” sharing her insights with you, on how to create a life of clarity and purpose. 

🔸 Key Discussions:

• Clarifying Your Values: You'll discover how to identify and focus on what truly matters to you.
• Time Management Strategies: You'll learn how to make strategic choices with your time, aligning your daily activities with your core values.
• Organizing Your Space: You'll understand the impact of your physical environment on your mental well-being and how to organize it for clarity and focus.
• Evaluating Relationships: You'll gain insights into how to nurture relationships that contribute to your happiness and well-being.

🌈 Takeaway: This episode offers practical advice and deep reflections on how to streamline your life, not just in terms of tasks and belongings, but in a way that resonates with your deepest values.

💡 Explore More: Don't miss my “Moving Forward Fearlessly” collection of articles and podcasts for more advice on living with intention.

Happy New Year!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

#SimplifyYourLife #PersonalGrowth #Podcast #LifeCoaching #DesignYourLife #DrLisaMarieBobby #LoveHappinessSuccess

Are you navigating the single scene or maybe feeling a bit disheartened by relationships that just don't seem to click? You're not alone. Often, the biggest hurdle in our quest for love is the sneaky, self-limiting beliefs that quietly hold us back. These relationship myths are like invisible scripts dictating our love lives, and we've all got them.

In today's episode, we're going to uncover these hidden culprits! You'll learn how to spot them and, more importantly, how to stop them from meddling in your journey to love. To make this conversation even more exciting (and meaningful) we'll have the amazing Damona Hoffman with us. She's a true expert in the world of dating and relationships, and she's here to share her insights on why it's time to ditch those fairy-tale expectations and focus on what really matters for creating a lasting, satisfying relationship.

If one of your main life goals is to build a healthy relationship, this will be a game-changer for your love life. So tune in, get cozy, and let's dive deep into transforming your approach to love. You deserve a relationship as incredible as you are, and we're here to help you create it. Let's do this! 🌟💕

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: On the show we discussed a bunch of resources. Here's a link to a whole collection of free dating advice including a curated podcast playlist that I made for you. With love! xo

When relationships are in distress, things change. Conflict is more hurtful and less productive. Couples stop seeing each other's points of view, and stop trusting each other's good intentions. But as an experience couples counselor, I know that the biggest obstacle to healing these relationships is something else — the negative narratives that distressed couples start to believe about each other, without realizing that they're both reacting to the dynamic itself, rather than something essential about their partner. 

Understanding what a distressed relationship looks and feels like is important. It can help you get help for your relationship when you need it, and it can help you see past these negative narratives, understand where they're coming from, and bridge the divide. 

This podcast episode will show you the way! You'll learn why relationships enter the distress cycle, what it looks like, and what you can do if you and your partner are struggling. 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

Ready to meet with a relationship expert? Schedule your free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/