Trust is an essential ingredient in healthy relationships. But building trust can be easier said than done. Especially if you or your partner have been betrayed or mistreated in the past, you may have lingering trust issues that make it hard to feel secure and connected. 

I created this podcast episode to help you learn how to build trust in relationships. I'm discussing the benefits of trust, what happens when trust is missing, and how you can overcome "trust issues" and build solid, trusting relationships. 

Join me!

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you would like expert support with building or repairing trust in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Do you long for closer, more connected relationships? The key is emotional intimacy. But there are barriers to emotional intimacy that can keep you from forming the loving connections you crave. Learn how to address "intimacy issues," increate your capacity for intimacy within yourself, and build emotional intimacy in your most important relationships with others. 

All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you want expert support for improving the emotional intimacy in your relationships, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/  

Are communication issues making your relationship feel hard? Most couples who arrive in couples counseling tell me that they want to improve communication in their relationships. The tricky part is knowing what's at the root of "communication issues," which can have so many causes, from people pleasing, to emotional reactivity, to defensiveness. Usually the answer is a combination. 

If you would like a new perspective on communication challenges, this episode is for you. I hope you find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you would like support from a good couples counselor to improve communciation in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Is your partner pulling away? It can be an unnerving experience, especially when you don't know why your partner seems checked out lately. But you can use this as an opportunity to gain clarity about how your partner is feeling in your relationship and start a conversation that brings you closer today. 

Join me for a discussion all about what to do when your partner pulls away. You'll learn about some of the common reasons that people grow emotionally distant in their relationships, how to start the conversation, and how to address some of the root issues before they pose a threat to your relationship. 

I hope you'll find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you are ready to get support from a really good marriage counselor, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self couples therapist: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Having a secure attachment style allows you to feel close and connected to others, while keeping your emotional independence and sense of self firmly intact. But if you weren't lucky enough to develop a secure attachment style as a child, how can you become securely attached as an adult? 

Luckily, there are some effective strategies for "earning" secure attachment, and this episode will show you the way. I am discussing the qualities of a securely attached person and the steps you can take to address your attachment patterns and gain connection and freedom. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — If you would like support in becoming more securely attached, schedule a free consultation with an attachment-informed clinician on my team: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Do you have habitual ways of showing up in your relationships that feel hard to change? We all do! Old relationship patterns are at the root of so many struggles, from dating emotionally unavailable partners, to feeling mistreated again and again. Getting clear about what your relationship patterns are is the first step in shifting them, so you can have a better experience and create the love and connection you deserve. 

If you want to learn how to break free from old relationship patterns, this episode is for you! I hope you'll find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you are interested in doing this work with a Growing Self clinician, start by scheduling a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

There are few things worse than wishing you could stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, and not knowing how. Rumination happens when our minds aren’t at peace with not having all the answers. You’ll chew on a painful memory, a lost relationship, or an uncertain future, trying to find solve the problem or find “the answer” that will make it all make sense. 

Unfortunately, there is no benefit to rumination. It's not productive problem solving. All rumination does is add to your anxiety, drain your energy, and often, make you feel bad about yourself. 

So, how can you put an end to the obsessive, repetitive thoughts? This on "How to Stop Ruminating" will help! My guest is Dr. John Delony, a mental health expert, author, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He’s sharing some of his top tips from his own research and life experience on how to stop ruminating, once and for all. 

I hope you’ll join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

Start your journey of growth today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

What’s standing in between you and your most important goals? It might not be what you think. 

In this episode you'll learn about the hidden, inner obstacles that most of us face, and that can become barriers to our self actualization unless we know how to handle them. Today, you'll get insight into yourself, learn how to get out of your own way, and how to make the shifts that will help you create the love, happiness, and success that you deserve — with special guest, Dr. Sophie Mort. 

I hope you’ll join us! 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

PS: I have SO much more support for your growth and personal evolution: tons of free resources, articles, and podcast playlists, all for you, on the blog at GrowingSelf.com

Is low sex drive ruining your relationship? All long term couples experience sexual dry spells, whether it's due to stress, hormonal changes, emotional disconnection, or simply being too tired to get frisky at the end of a long day (pro tip: sex does not have to happen at bed time!). 

Luckily, it doesn't matter how often you're "doing it" — what matters is that you and your partner know how to navigate periods of low sex drive while keeping your relationship healthy and strong. 

It's totally possible, and this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast will show you the way! My guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, authors of "Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations that Will Transform Your Love Life." Vanessa is a sex therapist, and along with her partner Xander, she's sharing her top tips for keeping low sex drive from ruining your relationship — and for reigniting your sexual spark.

I hope you'll join us!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

https://www.growingself.com/ 

Ps: Ready to transform your relationship? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

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Is it time to have “The Talk?” Getting into couples counseling may be the best choice you ever make for your relationship… but first, you have to talk to your partner about going to couples counseling, and that can be tricky. 

This podcast is about how you can approach this conversation in a way that gives you the best shot at getting your relationship the help it needs. I hope you’ll join me!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon. After traumatic things happen to us, we don’t stay broken forever. We learn and grow from our most difficult experiences and use them to live more meaningful lives. 

But all of that can feel out of reach when you’re in the depths of a traumatic loss. This episode will help you begin to move in the direction of growth and healing, so you can reap the benefits of post traumatic growth. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

You know that infidelity is survivable… but it doesn’t always feel that way when it’s happening to you. Being cheated on by someone you love and trust is a profoundly painful experience. You need some practical tools to process what happened, heal your heart, and begin moving forward again. 

This episode is about the tools that will help you survive infidelity and come out the other side stronger than before. I hope you’ll join me. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

When you feel like you can’t connect deeply with someone you love, it’s painful. It’s common for people in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners to blame themselves, and believe that if they could just be perfect enough, then their emotionally unavailable partner would magically become responsive and available for the kind of relationship that they want to have. 

This mindset makes you feel bad about yourself, and unfortunately, it can push your emotionally unavailable partner even further away. So what should you do? That’s what we’re exploring on this episode of the podcast. I hope it helps you see where your relationship’s growth opportunities are, and make choices that are right for you. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

When you struggle to set boundaries at work, it doesn’t just intrude on your personal life, it makes it harder for you to achieve your vision of career success. Learn how to set healthy limits with coworkers, achieve work-life balance, and deal with a boss that doesn’t respect your boundaries. 

All of that and more on this episode of the podcast. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Do you feel haunted by the past? Whether you’re struggling with regret, anger, or grief, having unfinished business with the past can keep you feeling stuck. But you can let go of the past and begin moving forward, and this episode will show you how. 

I hope you join me for this one, all about how to let go of the past and start looking forward. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. 

I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Smart couples recognize that pregnancy is more than a growing-a-baby waiting game. It is a prime opportunity to work through important relationship issues and strengthen your relationship.

Having a baby can feel like it’s the Pregnant Lady Show, rather than an experience that you and your partner are working through together. But the journey of pregnancy, and the challenges it offers, are opportunities for growth — for both of you. 

Using these moments during pregnancy will help you know how to work as a team, improve your communication, increase your emotional intimacy, support your emotional wellbeing, and lay the foundation for the happy, healthy family life you want for yourselves and your child... but only if you know how.

This episode is going to teach you how to turn the pregnancy into a positive relationship growth experience, by navigating the pregnancy experience as a team. My guests D’Anthony and Rachel Ward are experts on this subject, and today they're sharing their wisdom with you.

Join us!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: I have so much more to support you and your family in my "Happy Families" content collection. Tap in to find expert advice from the marriage and family therapists and parenting coaches on my team, as well as curated podcast playlists just for you. 

There’s a sneaky relationship killer lurking in your communication… but you’ve probably never heard of it. 

Negative sentiment override happens when you get into the habit of reacting negatively to your partner because of bad past experiences, even when it’s not really called for in the present. It makes it hard to let go of the past and make positive changes for the future, and it can keep you feeling bogged down in unsatisfying relationship patterns. 

In this episode, I’m teaching you what negative sentiment override is, why it happens, and how you can break the cycle for a stronger relationship. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

You know that coworker who drives you nuts? Whether you’re dealing with a controlling coworker, a deadweight, or a bully, difficult people in the workplace can drag down your job satisfaction and performance. 

So what can you do? This episode is all about how you can deal with the difficult coworker in your life and continue to succeed at work, no matter what. 

I hope you’ll tune in!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

If you’re going through a breakup, you know that missing your Ex is one of the toughest parts of the heartbreak experience. Even if you know the relationship is ultimately not right for you, it’s normal to look back on the happy memories and feel sad that your Ex can no longer be in your life. You might even question whether breaking up was the right choice, or if you should reach out and try to be friends.

This episode will help you understand why you miss your Ex, what it means, and how you can transform those difficult moments into something that moves you forward. I hope you’ll find it helpful and healing. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

We've all been there: Your partner says something that just inflames you, and you say something you regret later. Or you instinctively defend yourself and withdraw when things get tense, rather than leaning into a healthy and productive courageous conversation.

We all know that being able to react vs. respond is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships. But that can be easier said than done in the middle of a heated conflict. 

When you’re frustrated, hurt, or stressed, you might raise your voice, say something you don’t mean, or make an impulsive decision with long-lasting consequences. All of this is bad news for you and for your relationships.

But learning the art of being responsive versus reactive leads to deeper, healthier connections, and a life that’s directed by your true values. 

That's what we're talking about on today's show. I hope you'll tune in!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, or work WAY harder than you should to make sure they're comfy (often at the expense of your own needs), my friend, you may be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship. 

In fact, over many years of experience as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I've often found that the true underlying issue behind many relationship conflicts is due to emotional enmeshment and it's sister, codependence. This creates resentment, reactivity, pursuit/withdrawal dynamics and more.

Good relationships require individuation, and a healthy self awareness of personal responsibility and healthy boundaries.

So how can you create a healthier connection? That’s what this episode is all about! I’m talking about what enmeshed relationships look like, why they’re problematic, and how you can bring your relationship back into balance if emotional enmeshment is creeping in. 

I hope you’ll join me!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Do you feel like you and your partner get stuck in a power struggle where you feel one way, they feel another, and you just cannot compromise? 

Today's episode brings real-world relationship advice to help you communicate differently, so that you can break through the gridlock and get back on the same page.

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

When someone we love, trust, and rely on betrays us, it creates a deep, painful wound that doesn’t always heal on its own.

As a couples therapist who often works with people around heartbreak recovery after a bad breakup or divorce, and helping couples heal after infidelity, and even in my work as a dating coach, I know that betrayal trauma, or “relationship trauma,” is real, and it can linger on for months or even years without the right care, just like other kinds of trauma. 

Even though relationship trauma is very common, it isn’t always recognized by our culture, or even by the people who are suffering from it. I hope this episode helps shift that for you. When you acknowledge the betrayal and how it impacted you, the door to healing and growth cracks open. 

If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, I hope listening to this episode helps you gain newfound compassion for what you’ve been through, as well as guidance and direction for how to heal and move forward.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more help around repairing trust and healing after wounding relationship experiences, check out my Heartbreak Recovery and Affair Recovery”collections of articles and podcasts.

Making a career transition can be a daunting task, especially if you’ve spent years building your expertise in a particular field only to discover you don’t love your work. 

How can you know what career would actually feel more satisfying? If you already know where you'd like to go, how can you begin getting there?

If you are ready for a career change, this episode will give you some pointers on where to begin. It’s a conversation between myself and my colleague Susan H., M.A., LPCC, a career counselor, coach, and professional development expert on our team at Growing Self. Susan’s point of view on career change is refreshing and insightful — I hope you’ll tune in! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on changing careers with confidence, check out my “Career Clarity” collection of articles and podcasts.

Getting into couples counseling is a fantastic idea... but you have to know how to engage with the process in order to have a good experience. Unfortunately, it's very easy to make one or more of the super common mistakes that can sabotage couples counseling. 

I hope this episode helps you avoid that outcome, and get the help for your relationship you need and deserve. My guest is Jenna P., a marriage counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her perspective on the seven things that can sabotage couples counseling, and how to have an experience in counseling that truly benefits you and your relationship. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on improving your relationship, check out our “Relationship Repair” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Wondering how you can help someone get help? You have the power to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, and this episode will show you how.

We all will be a concerned friend or family member at some point in our lives. And while none of us has the power to rescue others, fight their battles, or override their choices, we do have an important role to play in the lives of the people we care about: holding up a mirror that reflects what we see, with compassion and honesty. That is how you help someone get help, and today, I’m talking about the best way to do that. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — You can find more advice like this in our “personal growth” and “healthy relationships” collections of articles and podcasts. I hope you’ll check them out — they’re there for you.

Many people who are unhappy with their working lives are looking for answers. They see other people getting ahead and loving their work, and they wonder why they feel so stuck and unsatisfied. I can tell you that the missing ingredient is never some mysterious quality that makes some people shinier and more successful than others — although I know it can look that way from the outside. More often, the difference is pretty basic: Some people are skilled at professional development planning, and others aren’t yet. 

In general, most of us don’t spend enough time planning our lives. We’re too frazzled by the endless to-do list they need to get through to ever zoom out and consider the big picture: Where do I want to be in ten years, and how exactly do I plan to get there? And, most important, how do the things I’m spending my time on every day fit into that plan?

If you don’t have an answer to those questions yet, this episode is for you. I hope it inspires you to begin thinking about your own career vision and how you’ll bring it to fruition. My guest is Ronni M., a career coach and counselor on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her own career story, as well as the framework she uses to help people like you plan and create professional lives they love. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcasts on building your career, check out my “professional growth” collection of articles and podcasts.

Knowing how to deal with regret helps you build a life that is authentic, ethical, and meaningful. Without regret, you wouldn’t have good information about who you are, what you need, and where you have opportunities to grow. 

But if you don’t know how to deal with regret in a healthy way, it’s easy to become trapped in a vortex of guilt and shame that makes you feel hopeless, defeated, or irredeemably flawed. But it’s possible to create something positive out of regret, by transforming it into an opportunity to grow and evolve.

This episode of the podcast is all about how you can do that. I hope it helps you find the opportunities in your regrets, and move forward with self-compassion and new wisdom. 

Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on making friends with dark emotions like regret, check our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing? 

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know that it can be hard to spot the difference. Some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial for relationships, while others are a signal that your emotional bond is on the rocks. You can prevent a breakup or divorce and keep your connection healthy and strong by learning what a failing relationship really looks like — and what you should be doing right now if your relationship is in trouble. 

I hope this episode arms you with all the info you need to make important decisions for your relationship. Join me!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

We all hear “you have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself? 

This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.

You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.

With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU, 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.

Any kind of loss hurts, but the pain is prolonged when you don't know how to get closure and move forward.

Unfortunately, closure isn’t something that anyone else can give to you. It’s also not something that just happens. It's an active process that creates healing, and restores your wellbeing.

On this episode of the podcast, I’m talking about how you can do that. No matter what kind of loss you're currently dealing with, I hope the ideas I'm sharing today help you take the next step on your journey of healing. You deserve that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcast playlists on this and related topics I invite you to browse my “Healing After Heartbreak”,  or "Emotional Wellness" collections. 

There are few things more frustrating than trying to figure out how to deal with a defensive partner. You just want them to understand how you feel and what you need, but they’re too busy defending themselves to truly listen. 

Unfortunately, defensive reactions can make it difficult to have constructive conversations. Without good communication, the systems for resolving problems in relationships begin to break down — and that’s when your relationship gets in serious trouble.

The good news: There are so many actionable strategies that work to create positive change in this dynamic. With new skills and a different perspective, you can overcome defensiveness and restore healthy communication. That's what you'll learn in today's episode!

I hope you’ll join me. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more advice on helping each other feel seen, heard, and understood, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

If you’re like most people, you're so often in your head that you feel disconnected from your life. When our minds are racing, or we're constantly distracted by, well, everything, we miss out on the best parts of our life, and our relationships.

But: you can learn how to be more present, and it doesn't involve an hour a day on a meditation pillow. In fact, your senses are powerful tools for returning to the present moment and appreciating it fully, and this episode is all about how to use them.

My guest is Gretchen Rubin, the author of several New York Times bestselling books on happiness and human nature and host of the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast. She is here to teach your what she learned about how to be more present, so you can learn how to get out of your head, and back into your life. I hope you’ll join us!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just stop caring what people think? 

Imagine how confident you would feel if criticism bounced off your psyche like pebbles off a suit of armor. Imagine all the mental and emotional energy you could free up if other people’s opinions stopped taking up space in your head. The fear of judgment or rejection would no longer be a concern for you. You’d be an unstoppable force, ready to conquer the world! 

Of course, not caring at all about other people’s thoughts isn’t a goal you’re likely to achieve. And you wouldn’t really want to — having some sensitivity to how other people think and feel is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships. But we all need to strike a balance between concerning ourselves with what other people think, and using our own internal wisdom to tell us who we are, what’s important to us, and how we want to spend our limited time on Earth. 

To strike this balance, you need to learn how to rely less on external validation. You must know how to validate yourself, so you can feel good about who you are and confident living your life based on your own values and priorities, no matter what’s going on in other people’s minds. If you struggle to validate yourself, learning how to do so may be the most important step you ever take along your journey of personal growth. 

This is the kind of work that can take months or even years of therapy, but this podcast will give you some ideas about where to begin. I hope it helps you think about some areas where you might be relying a little too much on external validation, and how you can begin to shift that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — I’ve created a library of related content, all about how you can become the best version of you. For more podcast episodes and articles, check out our “personal growth” collection. 

Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying?

Yes, they can. But the key is through your understanding of yourself, and of your partner. When you develop true understanding and empathy for your differences, you can create profound connection, and a genuinely secure and healing relationship for both of you. 

 This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or have been in one before, I hope it helps you understand these dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For more free  advice about how to develop secure relationships (with yourself and others), check out my “healthy relationships” collection.

Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience.

Today, you'll learn about the nature of resilience, and how you can build the “protective factors” into your life that will help you manage stress, recover from difficult experiences, and adapt to change — so you can thrive no matter what life throws at you.

Here's to growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — I have a library of free content available for you on becoming more resilient. Check out my “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Many people find meaning, comfort, and connection through religion or a spiritual practice. But it’s also not uncommon to have negative religious experiences that can complicate your relationship with spirituality. 

As kids, we all need to be encouraged and affirmed as we explore our identities and develop into our true selves. Unfortunately, many of us are subjected to guilt, shame, and pressure to conform with belief systems that aren’t authentically ours. Some children receive the message that if they think or act in ways that don’t match up with these belief systems, they’re bad people, unworthy of love within their families and communities. Some even experience physical or sexual abuse at the hands of religious leaders, which is a profoundly traumatic betrayal that leaves a painful and enduring scar. 

If you’re interested in cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality in your life, especially after a negative religious experience, this episode is for you. I’m joined by my colleague Jennifer C., a therapist and life coach on our team at Growing Self. One of Jennifer’s many specialties is helping clients explore big, existential inquiries — and arrive at their own answers through a process of meaningful self-discovery. 

I hope you’ll tune in. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — For more information on building an emotionally healthy life, check out our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Do you feel like your partner shuts you down or tells you whatever you want to hear in order to stop a conversation that makes them feel [anxious / tense / criticized / fill in the blank] even though that is not your intention?

Or do you get emotionally flooded even *thinking* about having an honest conversation about something that is really bothering you because you worry will lead to upset feelings? 

My friend: No matter what side of this you're on, this episode is for you! 

If you or your partner have a tendency to  avoid conflict in your relationship, this episode will help you explore why that is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it.

This one is important: unresolved conflict can be very damaging to relationships in the long term, and learning how to have those courageous conversations is the answer to keeping your relationship healthy and strong. 

 Join me!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS — You can find more advice on building the skills to keep your relationship healthy and strong in my “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Having a child is one of the coolest, most meaningful experiences a human being can have. It’s also a mind-blowingly huge responsibility. How can you decide if you want to become a parent? And if that is your heart’s desire, how can you know when you’re ready for a baby? 

As a longtime marriage and family therapist, I know that many individuals and couples can remain stuck at this particular crossroads for years. It’s one thing to want a baby, but getting all of the pieces in order to make that dream a reality can be complicated. Not to mention all of the uncertainty and anxiety you may feel about this decision if you’re not sure whether you want kids (but you hear the ticking of the biological clock regardless). 

If you are contemplating parenthood in the near future, this episode of the podcast will help you find clarity about your next steps. It’s a conversation between myself and my fellow Growing Self marriage counselor Brittany S., M.A., LMFT. Brittany has coached and counseled many parents and prospective parents along the journey of building a family, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you. 

I hope you’ll join us. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

P.S. — I’ve created dozens of free resources that you may find helpful. You can find them in our “Happy Family” collection of articles and podcasts.

“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”

“I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.” 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong here. Something about the way we communicate, especially during important conversations with the people we love, leaves one partner feeling unheard and the other feeling confused and defensive. When you can’t get through to your partner, it can feel like there’s no path forward, leaving you both feeling stuck and dissatisfied. 

But there are some little-known principles of communication that will help you get through to your partner and overcome communication blocks in any relationship. In today’s episode, we’re sharing them with you. 

My guest is Jennifer C., a marriage and family therapist on our team at Growing Self who has helped so many couples overcome this frustrating issue. We’re discussing the reasons you don’t feel listened to in your relationship, and some tips that will help you both feel heard (spoiler: Getting progressively louder is not the solution!). 

I hope you’ll check it out. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

P.S. — If you’d like more content on strengthening your relationship through effective communication, check out our “communication that connects” collection of podcast episodes and articles.

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.” 

If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarital counselors even expect. When thoughtful, responsible people prepare to make the biggest commitment of their lives, they’re bound to feel some uncertainty and apprehension. The good news is, these thoughts and feelings probably don’t mean that you’re making a big mistake. But they’re also not something that you should ignore.

This episode of the podcast will help you get to the bottom of cold feet before your wedding, so you can gain the tools to walk forward into marriage with joy and confidence. My guest is my Growing Self colleague Brenda F., a marriage and family therapist, premarital counselor, and teacher of our “Lifetime of Love” premarital counseling class. Brenda has helped countless engaged couples address their cold feet and lay the foundation for a strong, happy marriage together. I hope our conversation will help you too. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction. 

During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing. 

Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeymoon periods that feel even more blissful because of all the terrible things that are happening the rest of the time. Unlike the calm waters of a healthy relationship, the choppy waves of a toxic relationship leave you off balance, and often deeply hooked. 

If you are addicted to a toxic relationship, I hope this episode of the podcast sheds some light on the dynamics at play. I’m sharing the true story of a client I worked with years ago (after changing the identifying details, of course) who was in the grips of a toxic relationship he could not seem to end, no matter how much pain it caused him and his family. Eventually he found his way out, back to true love and grace. I wish the same for you. 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com 

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible? 

I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship. 

Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships through services like counseling, dating coaching, and more. 

But I also know that there are many people who are searching for a partner while living with a deep anxiety about their status as a single person. Many single people tell me they’re kept up at night by worries about the possibility of never finding love. Ironically, this kind of desperation can undermine your chances of building the kind of life that would make you authentically happy — and that would invite healthy love into your life in a sustainable way. 

If you are single and worried about never finding a partner, I hope this episode of the podcast helps you find greater meaning and happiness. My guest is John Kim, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything, Find Yourself First.” He’s sharing tips on being single and happy, while also making room for real love in your life. You won’t want to miss this conversation!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life? 

It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.

Your mindset is like the lens you look through to view the world. While it’s invisible to you, it has a big impact on what you expect from life, how you respond to stress, and the goals that you set for yourself. If your mindset is unsupportive, self-critical, or disempowered, everything you do will be more difficult than it needs to be. You’ll have to work harder to create change, because you’ll expend a lot of your energy battling an internal gatekeeper who wants you to stay right where you are. 

By changing your mindset, you can break through plateaus, get unstuck, and begin to move forward on the path to your goals. But how can you change your mindset? This episode of the podcast will show you the way!

My guest is Megan Hyatt Miller, the president and CEO of Full Focus, host of the popular business podcast “Lead to Win,” and the co-author of “Mind Your Mindset: The Science that Shows Success Starts with Your Thinking.” Megan has helped countless people achieve their definition of success by changing their mindsets, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.

I hope you’ll join us!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity? 

Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultivate with intention by building our self-awareness, empathy, and understanding. It’s not always easy work (in fact, our most difficult experiences are the ones that spur the greatest emotional growth), but the benefits are endless. Best of all, this work is never finished — you always have room to become more emotionally mature, and this episode of the podcast will show you how. 

My guest is Dr. Harold P., D.Min., M.A., CCC, CPC, a marriage counselor, life coach, and therapist on our team at Growing Self. Harold not only helps clients build their emotional maturity (often through emotional intelligence coaching), he’s also someone who exudes emotional maturity himself, and today he’s sharing his secret with you. 

I hope you’ll join us for this episode, all about becoming emotionally mature. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?” 

As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself. 

In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all constantly communicating through subtle cues that we give off unintentionally, running each other’s messages through the filter of our own experiences and beliefs, then forming judgments about each other that we rarely voice out loud. 

This is what’s happening when someone gives you a “bad vibe” that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s also why two people can walk away from the same conversation with completely different interpretations of what was said. To communicate effectively and avoid the kind of miscommunication that can damage relationships, you have to consider not only the words you’re using, but the spirit behind your message and the way you’re conveying that spirit. 

The skills we’re discussing in this episode are components of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence coaching is one of the core services we offer at Growing Self. Emotional intelligence is the key to satisfying personal relationships, and emotional intelligence in the workplace is the foundation of professional success. We also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

While I know that many of the topics we’re discussing in this episode are of particular interest to career coaching clients, we also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone. 

I hope you’ll join me for this episode, all about “How do People See You?”

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship.

Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to help you feel heard, valued, and understood.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

What goals do you have for your relationship? If an answer immediately sprang to your mind, that’s fantastic. You already know what you’d like to work on with your partner, and doing that work together will help you create a stronger, happier, and more sustainable relationship. 

But if you’re like most people, you might not have clear “couple goals” that you’re working toward. Even if you’re someone who sets goals for your career, your finances, and even your hobbies, you may not yet think about your relationship as an area where you can build skills, develop yourself, and work toward mastery. 

That’s because even the most responsible, conscientious, and goal-oriented among us tend to be more reactive than proactive when it comes to our relationships. Much to the chagrin of every marriage counselor I know, many people believe that relationship growth work is only for couples who have significant problems. In reality, proactively working on your relationship a little bit every day is how you prevent significant problems from taking root in the first place. 

Setting couple goals is a way to challenge yourselves and each other, and intentionally grow together into the best possible partners you can be. I hope this episode of the podcast gives you some insight into the kind of proactive, positive, growth-oriented relationship work that you and your partner can begin doing right now — while you’re still happy and in love and having a fabulous time together. 

Joining me for this conversation is my Growing Self colleague Sara B., a couples counselor and a relationship coach on our team. Sara has helped many people create their ideal relationships, and on today’s podcast, she’s serving up some actionable advice you won’t want to miss. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com